[Dark Energy]

hi Jvr,
thank you for the encouraging words, I have to do this step it is the last step, I have done everything I can do on my own and I failed. I need support from outside.

[Dark Energy]

Hi Losingitslowly,
thank you for the reply, I have focused on paying debt and I paid it then I piled it up again. without money no urges with money the urges come.
this is the problem, I am living abroad I need money as a backup, you need to save money for a car for a better future, for emergency for marriage..etc and I can’t do it. I can’t save money because once I save some amount then at the first relapse I will lose it all, I have done this many times.
I don’t know what to do I am really in a miss, 2 years ago I got myself to 6 months free of gambling I was focused on paying debt then but once I start saving money I relapsed 12 times or more and piled debt again.
the problem is how to control money because, to be frank, we can work hard and get money but once we have it how to save it from the gamblers inside us.

I have tried to buy a good car as a protection for my money, end up selling it after six months, I have tried to invest, I cash it out, recently I have tried to buy gold better than keeping it as cash on my account it ends up now I have to sell it to continue this month.

it is a money control problem no money no urges but on the other hand no money no progress in life.
I manage millions in my work but I can’t manage hundreds in personal money.

[Dark Energy]

Day#2
I had money, I had a long 5 days holiday, and I was sick in bed so nothing I can do. and it took 10 min to break my barriers
time+money+ access to broker = relapse.
and this is what happens.

[Dark Energy]

Day#1
I have to inform someone. I can’t do it alone.

[Dark Energy]

Day#0
I can’t do it alone…

[Dark Energy]

Day#21,
3 weeks passed,

[Dark Energy]

Day#20,
glad to reach this number, and I am very happy that I am breaking the cycle this time.

[Dark Energy]

I have a technical issue and I don’t know where to raise it so I will raise it here and I hope one of the Admins can direct it to the concerned team.

my journal is showing 84 pages, but the last page here is 23,
so if someone clicked on page 84 it will show him an empty page, I have to go to page 1 then I will see the correct number of pages which is 23 then move to that page.

I hope this can be fixed,

[Dark Energy]

[Dark Energy]

thanks Velvet for your support, and as you wrote the only way is fowrward.

today is Day#19, still motivated to change,

I have just registered in the GYM, this will kill some of my free time and will help my weight loss plan and overall health, my last visit to the GYM was in December 2021.

the relapse disrupts everything in my life including my weight, two years ago when I had a 6 months period free of gambling I managed to reduce 20+ kg and I almost reached my perfect weight, 2 years later and after a series of relapses ( I relapsed more than 11 ), I gained all that weight back.

anyhow, it is a new day free of gambling with new steps in the right direction.

hope you all the best.

[Dark Energy]

Day#18

[Dark Energy]

I have this panic about the amount of debt that I have, and how long I need to pay it back. this addiction put me in a very deep hole.
there is nothing I can do now or in the next few weeks, to make the situation better, I have just to stay free of gambling and focused on work and I hope the snowball effect of positive things will bring some solutions to me in the future. but as I can see it now I am in a very dark tunnel with no light and I don’t know should I Walk to the front or to the back.

[Dark Energy]

Day#17,
all going well so far, happy and motivated to change, and I am dealing with everyday challenges at work with a clear mind, I can imagine how worse the thing could be if I am in a relapse.

[Dark Energy]

Hi Jvr,
thank you for the support, the recovery is going fine so far, the depression is gone, I am fully engaged with work,
this time I have applied new barriers and methods to protect my money and it is working so far.
after passing the first true test to my recovery in the past 3 days, I am quite optimistic at this stage that this recovery will last more than the previous trials.
I hope you are doing well in your recovery, wish you all the best.

And Today is Day#16, a day without addiction, I don’t care if it is a happy or a bad day but in both cases, I can enjoy it or handle it better without the burden of gambling.

[Dark Energy]

Day#15,
I was about to relapse in the last two days, but the barriers saved me,
very glad that I didn’t relapse, today could have been the 1st day again and the cycle could have been continued.

I find a new way of saving money and protecting it from my gambling, so I am having extra saved and protected money for the rainy days. the barriers are working fine, I bought a good laptop, and a new comfortable mattress, happy for spending and happy for the saving. and happy to starve my addiction until it dies.

[Author]

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