[Dark Energy]

i have reached to the day 189 free of gambling then I relapsed.
the relapse period was 4 days i have convinced my self to stop in the 3rd day and i have stopped but in the 4th day i start over chasing my losses.

day one was a win: doubled my account, i withdraw the capital and a small profit on the top of it, and kept 500$ which is a profit to trade with,
day#2 as usual, lost the 500$, and re-deposited my capital and lost it, and add more on the top of that and i lost it as well.
it was a relief ( yes it was), for two days i was not able to focus at all i was monitoring the market on the laptop on the smart phone all the time and every where at work while driving, in the meetings.., i was anxtious during that period, so it was a relief that this is over and i will back to my life again ( I really think this is a mechanisem that the mind is using to release the stress, i was doing a rational trades in the first day, but starting from day 2 it went wrong) i have noticed this before in previous relapses.

day#3 was off
day#4 I squeezed my budget and find a 135$ that i can trade with , i putted in the trading account ( it went up and down ) the end i lost another 80 $.

today the market is off for two days it is a chance to recover, to close every thing and rebuild the road blockers.

the relapse didn’t hearts me much like the previous relapse, becasue it was a controlled ( the control was the extra money that i kept with me 1000$) i went and 80$ beyound that.

as a conclusion
1: it seems this addiction is like a permanent illness i have to live with it for the rest of my life ( some people have high plod pressure , or diabetes , and i have this addiction) so i have to deal with it.
2: i should not reduce the road blockers, i have reduced the road blockers to let my self to feel normal again ( but the reality is that I am not normal) this part of me is broken i can’t control my self. so i will not reduce the road blockers this time.

this a new start, it is part of recovery.

[Dark Energy]

Dag #1 Nogmaals

[Dark Energy]

Giorno#1 di nuovo

[Dark Energy]

ਦਿਨ#1 ਦੁਬਾਰਾ

[Dark Energy]

Day#1 Again

[Dark Energy]

na al deze periode wordt het gemakkelijker om het argument tegen de gokker in je te winnen. de gedachten om te gokken worden gemakkelijk verslagen, ze komen nog steeds van tijd tot tijd, het wordt gemakkelijker om deze ideeën te verslaan naarmate de tijd verstrijkt. Nou, na de 6 maanden marker is het volgende doel de 200 dagen (nog 13 dagen te gaan). nog steeds ben ik mezelf aan het opbouwen, ik heb nog 1 tot 2 jaar nodig om een goed stadium te bereiken in elk aspect van mijn leven. ik graaf al 6 jaar een gat en het is niet realistisch om binnen 6 maanden weer aan de oppervlakte te komen.

[Dark Energy]

dopo tutto questo periodo diventa più facile vincere la discussione contro il giocatore dentro di te. i pensieri da scommettere sono facilmente sconfitti, continuano a venire di tanto in tanto, diventa più facile sconfiggere queste idee con il passare del tempo. bene, dopo il marker di 6 mesi, il prossimo obiettivo sono i 200 giorni (13 giorni in più per andare). ancora sto ricostruendo me stesso, ho bisogno di altri 1 o 2 anni, per raggiungere un buon livello in ogni aspetto della mia vita. ho scavato una buca per 6 anni e non è realistico tornare in superficie in 6 mesi.

[Dark Energy]

ਇਸ ਸਾਰੇ ਸਮੇਂ ਦੇ ਬਾਅਦ ਤੁਹਾਡੇ ਅੰਦਰਲੇ ਜੁਆਰੀ ਦੇ ਵਿਰੁੱਧ ਦਲੀਲ ਜਿੱਤਣਾ ਸੌਖਾ ਹੋ ਜਾਂਦਾ ਹੈ. ਜੂਆ ਖੇਡਣ ਦੇ ਵਿਚਾਰ ਅਸਾਨੀ ਨਾਲ ਹਾਰੇ ਜਾਂਦੇ ਹਨ, ਉਹ ਅਜੇ ਵੀ ਸਮੇਂ ਸਮੇਂ ਤੇ ਆ ਰਹੇ ਹਨ, ਸਮੇਂ ਦੇ ਨਾਲ ਇਨ੍ਹਾਂ ਵਿਚਾਰਾਂ ਨੂੰ ਹਰਾਉਣਾ ਵਧੇਰੇ ਸੌਖਾ ਹੋ ਜਾਂਦਾ ਹੈ. ਖੈਰ, 6 ਮਹੀਨਿਆਂ ਦੇ ਮਾਰਕਰ ਤੋਂ ਬਾਅਦ, ਅਗਲਾ ਟੀਚਾ 200 ਦਿਨ (13 ਹੋਰ ਦਿਨ ਬਾਕੀ) ਹੈ. ਫਿਰ ਵੀ ਮੈਂ ਆਪਣੇ ਆਪ ਨੂੰ ਦੁਬਾਰਾ ਬਣਾ ਰਿਹਾ ਹਾਂ, ਮੈਨੂੰ ਆਪਣੀ ਜ਼ਿੰਦਗੀ ਦੇ ਹਰ ਪਹਿਲੂ ਵਿੱਚ ਇੱਕ ਚੰਗੇ ਪੜਾਅ 'ਤੇ ਪਹੁੰਚਣ ਲਈ 1 ਤੋਂ 2 ਸਾਲਾਂ ਦੀ ਜ਼ਰੂਰਤ ਹੈ. ਮੈਂ 6 ਸਾਲਾਂ ਤੋਂ ਇੱਕ ਮੋਰੀ ਖੋਦ ਰਿਹਾ ਹਾਂ, ਅਤੇ 6 ਮਹੀਨਿਆਂ ਵਿੱਚ ਸਤਹ ਤੇ ਵਾਪਸ ਆਉਣਾ ਯਥਾਰਥਵਾਦੀ ਨਹੀਂ ਹੈ.

[Dark Energy]

after all this period it become easier to win the argument against the gambler inside you. the thoughts to gamble are easily defeated, they are still coming from time to time, it become more easier to defeat these ideas as time pass.
well, after the 6 months marker , the next target is the 200 days (13 more days to go).
still i am re-building my self, I need another 1 to 2 years, to reach a good stage in each aspect of my life. i have been digging a hole for 6 years, and it is not realistic to back to surface in 6 months.

[Dark Energy]

sono trascorsi sei mesi senza scambi (gioco d'azzardo).

[Dark Energy]

ਬਿਨਾ ਵਪਾਰ (ਜੂਏ) ਦੇ ਛੇ ਮਹੀਨੇ ਲੰਘ ਗਏ.

[Dark Energy]

six months passed without trading (gambling).

[Dark Energy]

zes maanden verstreken zonder handel (gokken).

[Dark Energy]

$550 !! and I know you were chasing a loss maybe a 100 or so , or you were chasing a profit that you lost and end up loosing more. stop and think. have you notice that you have been in the same conditon many times, read through the forum we all passed through the same condition.  and again $ 550 really!! ( i understand your frastrution becuase of this losses but read the other story in this foroum, and see how chasing a $ 550 will led you to lose $5,000 , $50,000 …. you can add zeros as you like but the limit is all the money that you have and that you will have access to (loan, stealing …etc). it is very small amount considering what you will lose if you continue in the same way. not adding the other kind of losses ( time, job, family …. ). 

since you are trading online, just for a real new start cutt all your debit caeds credit cards pre-paid card  and close all the elctronics accounts like skrill ..etc and any way that you can use to transfer money to the gambling websites. i wonder why it goes wrong i thought this part is already done with your partner? however find wher e the gap is and close it. ensure this part is done before moving to point two.
 
if you are not willing to do it then you still think that you can win money gambling, and  then i can sugest you to read more stories from this forum. don’t think you are different,  there a lot of well aducated persons with good jobs engineers, lawyers, doctors..etc  this has nothing to do with how educated you are or how smart you are. it is an addiction.
and you have to deal with it as an addiction.

[Dark Energy]

you quite miss what i was trying to explaining, i am not saying online trading is not a gambling it is but under certain conditions. i am saying there is a point at which a normal activity like trading moves up in the scale from 1 to 100.

I can’t say putting part of my money in index fund is considered gambling( it is investing). also I can’t say buying a house and sell it once it is price goes up is a gambling (it is a trading). you can say it metaphoricly for the risk that is involved if you are in a country where it is market expected to collapse and you are putting all your money on that single investment or trade …etc.

saying trading is gambling is not correct, I think to judge if a trading activity is gambling or not two factors should be considered:
1: risk: are you trading with part of your money, are you using a leverage? if yes what it is 1:2 or 1:500 ? are you trading for your self or for a company that monitor your activity. if the risk is too high it is a gambling regardless to the reppetion.
2: the repetition : is it once for an open period of years “investing” , is it for a period of one year or two, a month or few months, this clould be consider trading if the risk is low.  but if the repetion goes up to trade each few minute or seconds then regardless how small the risk is, it is a gambling.

finally there is a big scale of different combinations between the risk and repetition in trading ( whether it is done physically or through an electronic way) but at which level we can consider it gambling frankly i don’t know, and here i think my best guess is to monitor the feelings and emotional effects that this activite provoke if it has real noticiable impact then it is gambling.

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