[Dark Energy]

normally I like to be positive, but really I have some bad days now, overwhelmed with life, everything falls apart, and I need to fix everything.
it is like going out of jail after 8 years, or waking up from a coma that lasted 8 years. and now you have to face life. and it is even worst. because I lost my self-confidence, I lost my trust that I can get things right, I am getting older, and everything is urgent and needs to be fixed. and I piled up debt that I need 3 years to pay back if I paid every extra penny after paying my bills.

I know I can’t fix everything at once, and I know it will take a long time to fix it all. but I am really not motivated, I have tried to take one aspect at a time, I thought this could motivate me, I started with weight and physical health, and last week I followed a diet and I start losing weight. but I am not happy or motivated about it. or about anything else.

I have tried to focus on living one day at a time and focus on what I can do on that day, but I am bad at it. I can’t take the full mess out of my mind and focus on the day. my issues are popping up on my mind from time to time to screw my day.

I guess I should try some medication for depression it could help me to pass the days until the thing gets better with time.

[Dark Energy]

thanks for the advice in the link Charles.

after crossing the one-month mark, the fog is cleared and now I am dealing with my terrible life situation with a clear mind. “which is really bad”, but I have to face it and work on it and not escape back to gambling nor to think the trading\investing is the solution.
I know it will be better with time as long as I am away from gambling.
focus on the day that I am living is the best that can be done, it is really a very hard and long way to reach where I need to be, =
but I can cross it one step one day at a time.
anyhow, wish you all a good recovery.

[Dark Energy]

Hi Don,
“I over spend and I should perhaps not be Gambling” no need to include the word PERHAPS in this statement, you should not gamble.
it looks like you are in the pre-contemplation stage of change. you should decide not to gamble this is the first step then all the work will still be ahead of you on how to defeat this addiction. but using ” perhaps ” gives me the impression that you still gambling and you need a way to control it.
there is no control it is either to stop or not and once you decide to stop then your fight against this addiction will start.

you have to ask yourself what benefits you get from gambling, list it down, and be absolutely honest with yourself because there is a benefit from gambling or to be accurate “the illusional benefits”,
then write down the harm, the cost the suffering that this activity is causing to you.
then compare both lists and do a cost-benefit analysis and ask yourself does it is worth it to continue this activity? does it?
I hope your answer is no, because then you can move on to plan how to fight this addiction.

[Dark Energy]

Hi Don,
In the first week, it is hard to deal with withdrawal symptoms. but it will fade with time, after 4 weeks I normally feel much better, but then from time to time, I will have these strikes of depression that will not last long normally 1-2 days in my case. I had one in the last two days but today I am back to normal motivated and my mood is good. this is called post-acute withdrawal symptoms, it is something we need 1 to 2 years to get rid of. and this will fade with time.
so in short don’t act on your urge and it will fade with time. I found sleeping and walking help, and just distract yourself by doing anything else whether it is meaningful or meaningless just do something and your attention will go to that thing that you are doing.

I don’t have a sponsor, it will not fit my personality, try it may be it will work for you, no harm from trying.

regarding the online sites you need to install blockers, I am using coldturkey but you have to enter the websites that you are gambling on manually, so this will block your access to the gambling site, but the main part is the access to money you have to do something about it, you should find a way to keep your money protected from you if you relapsed.

start a new post and tell your story and update it, you will get a lot of support and advice from the members, we all had the same issue and we are learning from each other.
also, I find it helpful to record my success & failures and to read the old post that I wrote before and after any relapse and learn from them.

finally, it is hard addiction but it is not impossible to recover from it, many have done it and we can too.

wish you all the best in your journey toward a gambling-free life.

[Dark Energy]

another day free of gambling.
it is no surprise that what comes to my mind now is “what 8 years of addiction had done to me can’t be fixed in days or weeks”.
I need to be motivated to change and fix my life, but frankly, I am not, I am depressed and unmotivated.
taking small steps every day could help me in the long run, so today I forced myself to start dieting, no plan or target goal just diet. it is enough as a start. I hope I will force myself in the coming days to start walking daily and exercising 4 times a week, but now I am not in that mood yet. I have gained 20kg in two years of relapse I need like 5 months to lose all that additional weight.

I will not dream of a big change in my life in a short time, just I will force myself to fix what can be fixed, regardless of how small it is, but I hope small positive steps will accumulate into a big change with time.

I think “just do it” is my new slogan in life, if I will wait to my mood is better or until the time when I am motivated then think I will wait for a long time.

[Dark Energy]

today was one of the bad days, where I have no motivation to do anything, I found it hard to do the smallest tasks at work, and at home I just browsed youtube aimlessly for hrs, overwhelmed by thinking about my financial issues and all the other issues that caused by gambling.

I have a bad track record of 20+ relapses in just 2 years, this keeps me unmotivated, I am GF for a month now, normally by then I would have plans, and goals, I would have started dieting again, and I would have joined the GYM, and my focus at work would have been better. but this time I have no motivations to put any plans or to do anything really I am just passing time.
I really don’t think I can survive another relapse, so I have to get it right this time.

I am thinking about what I have to do to solve my issues and start enjoying life again, it is short and meaningless in the long term but at least I need to live to the max before I die. it is depressing that I have wasted all these years on this addiction and it is more depressing that I need another few years to recover from it and from its impact on my life.

I usually give an example to my friends about life, it is like you are playing a cards game, each one will have his set of cards ( say wealth, health, …etc), and we all playing this life game, the game itself is meaningless and whether you are the winner or the loser is meaningless also, what is meaningful is to enjoy the game.
life is about playing the game and enjoying it,
yes I am forced to play it but I am so far from enjoying it.

I need to accept my situation as bad as it is and start enjoying life again, yes I got a very bad hand, and I played it wrongly, but this is the game I have to continue playing and I have to enjoy it too.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Dark Energy.

[Dark Energy]

Hi JVR,
actually, you are more patient than me when I get a call from a forex broker or an online trading company I start shouting at them. a lot of people have lost their life savings because of such companies, they can put limits on trading leverage and that alone will reduce its addictive nature, but no!! some of them offer insane leverage reach to 1:888.

congrats on your recovery as you mentioned you reached almost 6 months free of gambling. try to protect your money, consider the worst-case scenario if you relapsed you will back to zero so keep part of your saving as a safety net protected away from your access.
wish you all the best.

[Dark Energy]

congrats Risingphoenix,
you are really up to the name that you chose “Risingphoenix”, you raised from the ashes of your addiction, keep it up my friend 200 days is a very good achievement.
keep your road blockers, be careful, and don’t start to take the addiction loosely even after this period.. wish you all the best.

[Dark Energy]

today is payday, I was tempted to put a small amount and trade again, but thankfully I get rid of all the extra money, and paid my bills. and now I am safe for another month.

it seems I should defeat these two thoughts “put a small amount to trade”.or “only trade for two days and then stop” those two thoughts cost me a lot of money in the past because you know I will never stop until I lose every penny I have access to.

On the other hand, my mood is better, my self-esteem starts to recover.

[Dark Energy]

hi risingphoenix,
thanks for checking on me, I am doing fine so far. just busy with the work I have a lot of delayed work after all these relapses.

hope you all the best in your recovery

[Dark Energy]

Day#14,
for the last 2 days, I was watching the charts, I has an urge to “invest” but this urge is gone now, I know it is my addictive brain trying to find a way to gamble, and investing is just a trojan horse that will lead me to day trade and gamble again.

I have added the site that I was following the charts on to my web-blocker software, so no more charts checking.
it is worth notice even though I didn’t relapse, I was not in my normal mental state during this period, I was quite occupied by that thoughts, and I didn’t do the tasks that I planned to do during these days, this could be related to urges or maybe it is just laziness.
anyhow two weeks passed so far and I hope this recovery will continue.

[Dark Energy]

hi Losingitslowly,
sorry for your relapse, stay strong and start over this is what we can do, we learn from our relapses and finally, we will win, and even if we didn’t win at least we are trying to win and this is enough for me. we should not feel defeated and stop trying to recover we have to continue trying.

regarding the emails, you can add them to the block list in your email, so any email you receive from that email address will be blocked automatically this could help you. if you don’t know how to do it I will guide you it is simple.

[Dark Energy]

Day#12,

hi raisingphoenix,
thanks for your support, and I really agree with your advice to stop watching the charts and news, but it is quite hard to do so, everyone around me at work and with friends this subject is being discussed, about the markets, crypto, and the opportunity that we are in a down market and it is the good entry point “which it is true from my perspective”, but I am an addict and I know once I start investing on my own, there is no issue with investing but in my case, I can’t hold it as an investment it is a matter of weeks before I start doing day trading then leveraged trading which is gaming,
I have to do something to avoid such temptations, but it is quite hard to avoid even if I didn’t open the charts or watched the news, this is a topic that will be opened many times across the day by my colleagues and friends, I have to find a way to avoid such discussions.

@ nkalei79, you wrote awaiting moderation? there is no moderation, we are beyond this point, it is either to stop completely or not.

@ Kin,
so you think there is an issue with getting rich!! please inlight me. and please don’t refer to some book written 2000 years ago or 1400 years ago.

[Dark Energy]

Day#11,
I am motivated and my mood is good, the withdrawal symptoms are gone.
I need to work more on my recovery, I had some thoughts about investing in the market the last two days, but what I learned is investing will lead me to do day trading so I am not going to take this risk.

[Dark Energy]

Hi Maverick,
it is sad to hear about your health issue I hope you recover soon, and I agree with you about the health impact of gambling, for me because I am addicted to leveraged trading so the relapse is not a day period that lasts some times to 2 or 3 weeks, during that I barely slept for a 1 or 2 hrs every day, and a lot of gambling stress in addition to the normal life stress that will be elevated because I will be fully occupied by following the charts, I recall that I had a car accident because I was following the charts on my mobile while I am driving, and I can recall two or 3 other cases where I managed to avoid accidents at the last moments because of the same thing. also, the lack of sleep is really impacting my health, I remember many times after a few weeks of trading I reach a degree where it looks like my brain is forcing me to lose everything as this is the only way to rest (it looks like a survival mechanism that will be triggered at a certain point).

I hope you all the best.
keep posting.

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