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As an update to the above, my employer has arranged for an advance on my wages and it will be with me tomorrow. My short term problems are solved, I may continue to post here as it is cathartic and I have seen that it is beneficial for others 🙂

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Hi Laura,
Thank you so much for replying. When I have opened up about this over the years previously I have attended maybe 3 or 4 GA meetings (but these are 15 miles away) before resolving to treat myself because “I would never ever do it again”. I then stay away for a length of time before somehow slipping back into the same habit of finding a new online bookies to sign up with. The software may be my best option. I have many typical tales to tell. I had around 7000 won up until very recently and that would have covered everything. I am sick of lieing to everyone but also don’t want my world to come crashing down on me. I don’t want to be homeless. I don’t want to lose the love of my life. My employers seem to be receptive to my request for a wage advance. Obviously I have deeper seated issues to address. I don’t really want to die though. I found the person I want kids with. Want a life with. I am so regretful of not stopping myself before It got too late. I keep doing my university degree coursework so I can’t really want to die. I was finally happy and somehow it wasn’t enough to stop me gambling. I was referred to the problem gambling clinic a couple of years ago but it would have meant travelling to London every week. My girlfriend knows that I used to have a problem, but would never dream that I would compromise everything we have and lie to her saying everything is fine. She thought it was all over before I met her. I thought so too but it’s like I block out ever being conscious of it until I have literally no money and I am at rock bottom once again. A familiar tale to many I am sure.

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