[CraigMac6]

Hello,

Here i am checking in on day 3. I have spent a lot of time this morning posting on others threads. Maybe I should keep to myself until I get a few months under my belt of being free from my addiction. However, I am familiar with addiction as I battled my dip (chewing) addiction of 16 years and have been clean for 8 years this coming August 3.
Reading others post has been very helpful to me. It’s very ironic how most of our stories are very similar. The addiction takes control of our lives in the same way. We struggle with the same things and we find success through the same methods (for the most part). It’s very interesting and yet healing at the same time.
Have a great day all!

[CraigMac6]

Yoyo,

I have to admit until your words of “Hope this could be the last time” turn into “this WILL be the last time” you (most likely) will continue to relapse. I’m not saying I have it all figured out because I don’t but “hope” allows for a landing pad when you fail, “will” doesn’t. Don’t give yourself that out of gambling because you only “hope” to get better. Either you are going to stop gambling or you are not; and that is not done through “hope” it’s done through “doing” or this “will” be my last bet. I believe a change in mindset would help tremendously. You are at the right place, hope to hear from you soon.

Be well.

Craig

[CraigMac6]

Hi Marcus,

Thanks for taking the time to respond back. You spoke a lot of truths. I completely agree with living with the scar. For myself, I just know my family would be so much better off had I never started or stopped many years ago. I have caused my family so much, mostly not allowing us to live a better life (nice house, car for my 16 year old, maybe even some vacations) because I am constantly losing every penny I have on gambling. I do believe the toughest of times can also be the greatest times for self growth. When one is knocked down and they get back up fighting and stay the course; the bounce back will be greater than ever imagined. Maybe if we lived a life without gambling we would just life a moderate life; but now with the addiction impacting us so greatly we want the best life possible; a motivator per say.
A few more thoughts I’d like to share. The daily mantras: one of my favorites is “I will not gamble today as it impacts my life negatively.” Which it absolutely does. If we continue to gamble our lives will continue to have the same bad things happen, you are absolutely correct. Personally, I know my sick mind will tell me; I can just place a few bets that I’m very confident on, win and cash out. That is so far from the truth. Some people can do that. Those people are much more disciplined and don’t have an addiction like I do. Thus, that is not me and it will never be me. There was a time many years ago I had a sports parlay bet that netted me over 10K on 3 games. It was a miracle night and bet; but from that 10k I saw not a penny because I just played reckless. I played reckless and it soon became my life. Reckless!
The second thought I had while reading your post is the future and looking back on this time of our lives. I know one of my motivations is when its all said and done and its time for me to leave this earth, I know I will had a bunch of regret if I spent nearly all my adult life as a gambling addict because (as you said) it doesn’t allow us to live our lives to our full potential. I know I would have a life full of regrets if I allow this addiction to control my every move and control my every relationship. For that, I will stay gamble free today.
Sorry for the rant. I do enjoy your post! Stay blessed!

[CraigMac6]

Muchas gracias por tus palabras de aliento. Tienes razón, hay muchas cosas por las que estar agradecido. Permanecer libre de juegos de azar es mi objetivo para hoy. Ser una mejor persona hoy también es importante.
Gracias por pasar. ¡Se bendecido!

[CraigMac6]

Thank you for posting. I have read all of your post and so much of your thoughts/beliefs/actions ring true with me as well. You said, “Gambling is not living, it is more the opposite, it sucks life out of you” – which is completely true with all of us addicts I’m sure. I’ve been struggling with sports wagering for many years, actually a decade easily. Gambling does such the life out of me. It changes who I am as a person. It impacts my relationships and it impacts what I do with my life each and every day. I’m so much more positive and willing to live life without gambling. When I place a sports wager, is not just 1 wager. Its 1 wager after another after another. My life feel so hectic because anything other than placing that wager is impacting me feeding my addiction.

You stated “Thoughts still torment me that I should be so much better off if I had never gambled.” This really is a tough pill for me to swallow as well. How do you manage? This is one thing that hunts me daily. I’m ashamed of where I am at in my life (no its not all terrible but it should be much better) and I understand I am the only one to blame because my addiction created the mess I am in. But how do you get over this? Is it as simple as not being so hard on yourself?
Thank you for posting. You have definitely helped me today. Stay strong and I look forward to your next post!

NO gambling today. One day at a time!

[CraigMac6]

Hello all,

Here I am on day 2. Yesterday was a payday for me and it felt really good to just focus on paying my bills. A lot of my bills are piling up and they are way behind because of my addiction. But while paying the bills I took a moment and said to myself; as bad as it is now, most likely (unless some unforeseen incident occurs) this will be the worse I am off financially. It will not get any worse. If it does get worse, it will not be because of my OWN actions. While the finances are always a big reason for me to stop gambling, as I’ve said before, the biggest reason I want to stop; my why, is I want myself back. I’m not a person who is selfish but gambling created that person; I’m not a person who doesn’t value relationships but with gambling I’d much rather isolate myself and wager than create meaningful relationships with others. Needless to say, I’m a better person without this addiction in my life. I know that can be said for all of us. As we continue to take our journeys through battling this addiction lets make sure we always remember our why. Our reason for wanting to quit.
Have a great day all!

Be blessed!

[CraigMac6]

Hello all,

Down but not out! That’s my moto for today. Obviously, I haven’t been here in a few days and it is because I went back to gambling. I decided to place a “$100” into my account and it turned into losing thousands. I cannot continue this erratically behavior. Thankfully, my wife caught wind of my gambling and called me out on it because my bank account kept going negative by hundreds of dollars. This has been happening for months now and I never have the money to pay the bills. I say thankfully because the truth came out. She thought I was not gambling and hadn’t gambled for 4 months. Whereas the truth is; I haven’t went more than 13 days without feeding the addiction. I will admit, throughout the repeated relapses, my wife has always stuck by myside and supported me. It really breaks my heart to know the undeserving hurt I have placed on her due to my addiction. Thats really not fair; nor is it was she signed up for when we made our vows to each other.
While I cannot change the past, I can make better choices for my future. As I’ve said a lot, gambling changes me entirely. It changes my outlook, it changes my motivation and it changes my financial situation (just to name a few)…and all those changes are not for the better. When I spoke with my wife I told her of the biggest struggle I have. I will stay gambling free to 3 day, maybe 4 days; then all of a sudden I will get this voice in my head telling me how I can control my wagers and how if I just bet the games I feel comfortable on; I can win and control my addiction. That voice is a complete lie. One moment of weakness can ruin everything. It’s not easy and I guess after 12 years of gambling its not going to be easy to change in just a few days. It will take work and dedication to staying free of the addiction. One thing I have done for myself to help me handle those moments of weakness is I have downloaded gamstop on my phone. It’s an app that blocks gambling websites. It will renew in 30 days; but for the next 30 days I cannot even log into my sportsbook account from my phone. I realistically have no way to gamble for the next 30 days. Does that mean I cant find a way? I’m not sure. I’m not focused on that right now. Instead I’m focused on picking up the pieces of my life that I have shattered.
I thank you for listening and I really pray this is my last “down but not out” moment due to my gambling addiction.
Get busy living!

[CraigMac6]

Thank you so much for your words, Kin. I truly appreciate it. While sometimes reality is tough, it is necessary for growth. I need to work on letting go of the past because I cannot and will not let that self destructive behavior continue to control my life. I have been quit nearly 3 day and these last three days have been better than any 3 consecutive days of gambling. I say consecutive because there were many days of gambling that were great. The big win! The days were all the bets are spot on and I’m a genius. Only to wake up the next day, thinking I cannot lose and sure enough everything from the day prior is wiped out. What a deflating feeling; and guess who gets that taken out on them? That’s right, my family. People that need me and count on me are only getting the “worst of me” due to my addiction. Those good days are so far and few between.
Wile these past 3 days have been very good, I have kept myself busy and tried to keep my mind on the moment. Soaking in every second and not allowing my brain to wonder off into that dark place. While I agree with most everything you said, Kin, I don’t think my gambling is triggered by money. I think my gambling is trigger by action. There were plenty of times I won 2,000 but couldn’t stop. It wasn’t about the money. It was about the action. It was about the thrill, the highs and the lows. Needless to say, it’s a rollercoaster ride I don’t want to be on any longer.
Today will be another busy day without placing that next wager. That’s my focus. Not the past, not the “what coulda been” but the moment, right not, not reopening that account and making a wager which will in turn change my life and who I really am. NOPE! Not TODAY!

[CraigMac6]

Hello all,

Thank you all for the words of encouragement and support. Today was a very blessed day without placing any wager. I have found through my relapses that my true test comes when I get paid. It’s easy to not place a sports wager when I’m broke. But that voice will say “it’s only $120” I can afford it…that’s when the test really comes. My focus this round is to control what I can and embrace those moments because those will give me the strength to persevere throughout this journey.
A question I have for you all that have multiple relapses; do you often times regret or think about; if I would have stayed gamble free last year when I quit, I’d be so much better off. It’s hard for me to let that go. Is that true with you? And how do you get through those thoughts?
Thanks for reading and I will not gamble today!

[CraigMac6]

I am here for another day of refraining from making any wagers or partaking in any gambling of any sorts. I am extremely rushed with time today so I will make it short but I needed to hold myself accountable with my daily post. I hope all of you find the strength, courage, wisdom and motivation to continue on this journey for a better life. I know I will do so today!

Have a great day!

[CraigMac6]

It was great to get through yesterday without placing a wager. I usually always bet on college football games but yesterday I just kept busy. I’m grateful for another day, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes today to remain free from gambling!

Lets go!

[CraigMac6]

Day 2. A little late tonight but I made it through today without gambling. Not a bad day. Not a lot of thinking of gambling and not a lot of “fog.” I know it’s coming though. I’m just trying to stay busy. I’ll see y’all tomorrow!
Lets do this!

[CraigMac6]

Pete,

I hope you are still around. Trust me, if you don’t stop, it will only get worse. The addiction never gets better only worse.
Be thankful you’re not in a terrible financial bind because of gambling but now is the time!
Best of luck.

[CraigMac6]

Hello Sinus,
I hope your quit is going well. Your story is one I have enjoyed reading because it’s similar to mine.
I don’t have all the answers but I do think you need to come completely clean to your wife. I know it’s easier said than done, but you will be able to completely focus on your quit once you have nothing left to hide. The truth will set you free.
Good luck and I will be following your story. Just make it one you are comfortable with writing! Be well sir

Craig

[CraigMac6]

You can overcome your gambling addiction. Just take it one day at a time. Worry about getting through today. No matter how bad your finances are they will get better over time, but gambling today would just prolong the journey to financial freedom. Basically gambling will make it worse! Make it through today!

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