[compulsiveme]

Kudos Kathryn for reigning in those thoughts and redirecting them to something constructive! I get the thoughts all the time, my answer to them is always, "Shut up, devil!" It works for me.  
Angel, like Kathryn, there are some gambling activities that I have never been interested in. I dare not even contemplate them as an alternative activity, because with my addiction, I know very well I could get interested pretty fast. Betting is betting even if it’s betting on an activity out of my scope of interest. It will certainly lead to disaster.Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

[compulsiveme]

Kathryn, I completely understand what you’re saying, agree whole heartedly, and commend you for recognizing the destructiveness of guilt. Blame, shame, condemnation, guilt, intimidation, manipulation and all those negative intangibles we’ve all been brought up to own, cultivate and utilize on ourselves and others is the reason why most people begin peddling backwards early in life. Ever notice how small children are at peace with the world around them until their thinking gets sullied by the negativity projected onto them by their elders? Until I became a born again Christian, I had no real understanding of how those things control our actions and reactions. Some would say that it’s important to feel shame for our bad behavior. I disagree. I think it’s important to have a conscience about the things we’ve done, and conviction to change the negative to a positive. Beating up on ourselves is counterproductive and can  cause us to freeze up, lose motivation and become depressed. You are correct that regret and guilt are not the same thing. We all have our regrets, but it serves no good purpose to allow regret to boil into guilt. At some point in healing, we must forgive ourselves or else we forever be the devil’s whipping post.
Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.– 7/2/2009 4:23:55 PM: post edited by compulsiveme.

[compulsiveme]

kathryn, I am so glad I read your post. I hadn’t even thought about self excluding! That is the best idea I have ever heard! I called my local casino just now to find out the particulars. They said I will have to go down there and fill out the paperwork in person. I’m a little embarrassed by the idea of having myself 86ed, but I will do it any way because I know there is so much more to be gained. After 20+ years of systematically destroying all my confidence and self esteem by compulsively gambling, a tad more humiliation is just a drop in the bucket. At least I’ll finally win something. Thank you, and God bless.
Originally posted by kathryn

Im taking a big step in my recovery tomorrow.  Im going to the venue i have spent half my life in and im going to self exclude.  Im going to call in the morning and find out what i have to do then im going to do it.  Its time to get serious people… i have to prove to myself im doing everything possible to aid my recovery.  Im looking towards the future now, i have too much to live for, and i dont want to miss out anymore.
Sorry this was so long, i needed to get it out.  Thank you to everyone for your support… its helping me more than you know, i thank god for this site everyday.  Kathryn
 
Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

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