[committedtoquit]

Originally posted by steve268
Hi, my name is Steve.  I am a life of a sports gambler please help me.
I am so thankful to have found this site as I have found a place where I can share my real feelings that I cannot share with any of my family members or friends.  I have read through alot of topics and all I see is reflection of myself.  I’m hoping that somebody would understand what I’m going through and I seriously need some help.
I am 26.  Everyday seems like a struggle to me filled with anxiety and with insomnia and continuous thoughts of suicidal.  Please allow me to share my story.
I have been gambling since I was 16.  These 10 years I have been going through **** haunted by gambling.  Ever since I was 10 years old, I had alot of interest in professional sports and I got hooked up on watching it.  I developed a hobby in watching sports and develop an interest in knowing about sports (NHL, NBA, MLB, NFL). 
I started gambling when I was 15 betting on hockey starting with $5.  The the amount started increasing to $100 and the amount got bigger and bigger. 
Luckily for me I have never given up on my education and my jobs.  I think it’s a miracle that I can hang in there on that part as I have successfully graduated from university and medical school. 
I was consistently winning $$ on sports gambling (winning thousands a month) and I thought I could do this in a consistent basis and make a living off this.  I am so skilled at this (that I be***ve) that I got recruited to get paid to be a sports handicapper to have people pay me to offer my picks.  The problem is I lack discipline and I get hooked on to all the games on tv 24/7.  I got to a point that I can’t live an hour without putting a wager on something.  And whenever I lose a game, I would go on to online casino to play online blackjack and I have thrown away thousands and thousands of money.  It had gotten so bad that I had blown all my money away and maxed out all my creditcards and resources.  Whenever I lose on a sports game, I would try to immediate make it back by playing online blackjack and blow away all my bankroll within half an hour. 
When I was 19-22 year old (I don’t remember) I knew I needed help as I went to counselling.  They suggested me to not have access to $ and join sports team and find another hobby.  Inside my heart I was so stubborn (I still am) that I don’t want to give up on gambling because 1) it’s my hobby to watch sports 2) I like the thrill of gambling and winning because there are always unknown variables and every game is different 3) I am lazy, I just want to sit on a couch and enjoy life and make money within seconds which I am capable of (if I had the discipline).  I know I am not a sports fan because without wagering on a game, I have zero interest in watching the game, all I cheer for is the opposite of things that I would have bet on.
I find myself so pathetic that in these 11 years.  I have never given up on sports gambling and online casino.   24/7 all I have in my mind is what game is on and my head is full of stats of the teams and players.  I feel that I got to a point that I feel so hopeless and I really want to end this but I don’t want to be selfish and hurt the ones that love me especially my family as I know if I commit suicide they will be hurt eternally but at the same time, I am struggling day by day wanting to end it all. 
In this 10 years, it doesn’t matter how much I make from work because I will just blow it all on gambling.  I am constantly going through anxiety and depression.  It’s gotten so bad that I have isolated myself from alot of my friends and I would just gamble. 
I need help as I can’t share this with any of my friends because it is a sign of weakness and I want to save my face.  Gambling councelling was no help to me as I was not willing to give up gambling inside my heart.  It was so scary that when I was talking to the councellor my mind would be thinking about logging on to my account to wager.  I would *** to them because my mind won’t allow me to give up on gambling.  I know it sounds like contradiction that I want to quit gambling but at the same time my mind is not letting me because I feel that I can make $ at will off sports gambling but the problem is at the end I will find a way to blow up the bankroll.
I have lost over $100,000 and as I am typing this I am thinking of way to reload my sports account to gamble again as I just stayed up to bet on a game that was on being a degenerate gambler and of course I lost the bet.
I don’t know how to live any longer as I am struggling to live life.  Gambling has basically taken away my whole life as it has taken away my integrity, my mind, my sole, my time, my spirit, my energy, my everything.  In alot of people’s mind, they think I am successful as I drive decent car and have decent education but deep down inside I am dying.  Please help me.  Thanks for reading.
Hi Steve,
Your post resonated with me especially about the chasing the losses or trying to round up the cash to $33,000 and then BLOWING the lot.
I have done so many a time…
If you ever want to make contact etc, would be great to brainstorm and quit together. Let me know!
Ash

[Author]

Posts