[chubbycat]

Hi again
Still having urges. Still they are whispering to me. it is hard today, really hard. The lure is strong. I cannot gamble i know what will happen, it will start the cycle going again. Once i start i cant stop, once i go once i will go till i have nothing. I will be insane. Not that im not now but it will be worse. I will be miserable and guilty and ashamed and sick. I will go mad if i go so i need to just work through these urges, i need to accept i cant go.. i feel like going , but the part i feel like is the part sitting in front of a machine, its the only part my head is focusing on today so i am trying to remind myself of the misery but my head has a strange way of just pushing that part aside. I have come along way, i dont want to go back now. I dont want to go back to struggling to get through each day and if i think its tough fighting urges today then it will be ten ***** as hard fighting them again if i go. My obsessive nature will take over and i might not even come back. i dont think i can do another relapse. Im here reminding me today that this is one day, i can get through the rest of this day and be safe, its all i have to do, i just have to get through till i go to sleep tonight. Then i can wake up and do it again tomorrow.
I will start working on myself again today, i will look at the things creeping back in that i need to change because this is what has worked for me before. I have hope, i see others making it here, i see others in GA making it, i am making it today and its taken a lot of effort to get to where i am today.. i will not ruin this again. i will not sabotage my recovery. I will listen to others. i will not listen to me today.
Chubby

[chubbycat]

Well i am having really really strong urges.. after all the i just have to do this for today and i am in recovery i am having massive urges that are driving me crazy.. as long as they stay an urge and i put no action behind them i will be ok, i need strength they have come thick and fast and just happened. Have not happened like this, this strong in a long long time
Chubby
arrrrghhhhhhh

[chubbycat]

Hi Larry I just wanted to say i hope you have a good happy new day as they say opposed to happy new year.. i like what you say that recovery takes no holidays and that is true.. sometimes it is easy for our heads to use excuses to look to gamble and holiday times are often harder for some.
I am happy to read that you havent banned. not happy because you didnt do it, happy because i cannot here and it gives me hope that we can still live in recovery without it if necessary. There was a stage i thought i was doomed to gamble because i could not but have found out otherwise.
Congrats on your recovery Larry you have done much here over the years, think you do an awesome job of it and offer many here great advice and inspiration. Chink chink goes the coffee cup to you from across the seas
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

[chubbycat]

Hi again well I post a lot these days because I am scared of ever going back out there.. giving it my all today to not be focused on that gambling madness as recently i have had some tough *****, i was so close to gambling recently and it really scared the **** out of me.. It makes me realize that at any minute as i have in the past i can just relapse but this time the difference is the space i get in my thinking before i go and do it. Before there was no space, i just went and didnt have a thought process, just the lure of the **** of those machines would pull me in like from some magnetic force.
Luckily i am learning that while in that addictive thinking and it does grab hold every now and then very strongly.. it is hard to think clearly which is exactly why i cant rely on my own thinking and must rely on someone elses to help me see straight.. have a good day all
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

[chubbycat]

***** Cat.. i hope you are going well. Its a strange time in recovery i find. Holidays bring up lots of emotions and out of normal routine.. here is to a good day for you today
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

[chubbycat]

Hi not so stupid girl
Sorry but i dont think your name suits you because you dont come across as stupid, in fact you come across as smart because anyone who tries to better themselves and enters recovery is smart. Congrats on your days and keep them going one day at a time.
I hope you love your GA meeting
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

[chubbycat]

Hi ican
I love your posts.. you are one strong person.. i love the things you say
Chubby

[chubbycat]

So sorry to hear of your mum K.. i can see you are doing all you can for her right now and i am sure she appreciates the support. You should be so proud of yourself clearing up your debt this year. That is super fantastic for you. What a great accomplishment. How is your new job going? Do you like it? I hope you have some nice co workers.
Anyway glad you were going to your sisters for new years. I am sure you had a hoot!!! Have a great first day to the year K
Chubby

[chubbycat]

Hi Razzabelle
You are not alone.. thats what i want to say to you.. I think all the advice has been given and i just want to say we are here on this journey with you and we all know how you feel because we have all been there before.. me not so long ago.. you can do it Razzabelle, you can.. hang in there and keep posting and reading. Find what works for you
Chubby

[chubbycat]

Oh nelly that is no good i hope the situation improves very quickly for you
Happy birthday
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

[chubbycat]

Good on you Hetty… way to go.. yep i’m with you.. just one day at a time
Chubby

[chubbycat]

Oh thank you Sherry we must be posting around the same time, it was good to see a post pop up before my eyes..thank you. The sugar high is still with me. I must say i feel a little sick but oh it was so so yum. I ate coconut ice which is something that i really love as a little treat and of course chocolate.
looking forward to getting to a GA meeting some time soon, i need a little wee dose of sanity and it is time just for me. I actually love the meetings i feel i relax as soon as i walk in those rooms
Chubby

[chubbycat]

Hi there Izzi
I am so pleased to see that you are back.. that is fantastic. I often wonder how you are doing. Congrats on the 20+days could have been none.. So many dont come back at all. Really good to see you here. Happy new year
Chubby

[chubbycat]

Hi Vera
I know you will come back when you are ready, doesn’t necessarily mean you have been gambling either, there could be any reason and even if you have you know we are always here.. Happy New Year to you if you havent already had it yet, i find it hard to keep up with who is in what year right now
Chubby

[chubbycat]

*****, i think i am in a chocolate coma… I have over indulged and i am sleep deprived, hit a giggly crazy stage where anything seems funny right now.. Not much sleep but lots of sugar, what a combination. hehe
Chubby
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

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