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I don’t feel qualified to try and work out what’s going in your mind, but I can give you my humble opinion based on my experience.
I gambled and gambled and gambled while I still had something to lose. I have hit rock bottom and I am a rizla papers width away from having to sleep on the streets if I continue.
The way I see it, your mind is still telling you that you have lives in credit and therefore the urge to push your luck further and further is trying to control you.
You still have a lot to lose and gamblers do have self destruct buttons that they press and some don’t stop pressing them until they have absolutely nothing left to lose, i.e. people like me.
Don’t lose faith, all you’ve lost thus far is money and time, yes it’s not ideal losing anything, but if you carry on, you’ll lose your family eventually and then your resistance to the gambling demons will be greatly reduced. Now remember, I’m speaking from my experiences, but this is a realistic worse case scenario that may await you should you not stop gambling.
You have to stay positive, replace those negative thoughts and try not to let them dominate your life. Easier said than done, but it’s what you have to do.
You need a hobby, maybe something you and your wife can do together. Some distraction. We are in the early days regards our attempts to stop gambling so don’t beat yourself up because you still think about it. I’ve thought about nothing else for nearly 10 years solid, how on Earth can I expect to shut it out completely within one week. I know I can’t, but what I can do is focus on my goals, make them realistic and achievable and take baby steps on that road to recovery. Don’t try to run before you can walk. Remember every step taken away from gambling, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. These don’t have to be giant strides.
Keep strong and get those negative thoughts out of your mind and stay positive. Every time you think negative thoughts, look at a picture of your son, if he’s in reach, pick him up…
Keep the fight going, you can do this.
Charlster2
Hi Tom,
I am also on the waiting list for residential treatment. Did you do the full 12 weeks and how different do you feel now compared to the day you first went in?
Be great to get an insight from your perspective.
I wish you all the best in your recovery, take care,
Charlster2
How about joining a gym? Most gyms have so many different classes and activities to suit most needs. Great way to lose oneself for a few hours at a time and will give you a welcome distraction. It’s just a thought.
It’s something I’ve been thinking of doing for a while. I used to be a member myself, but relocated a few months ago and haven’t got round to joining a club where I live now. Great way to not only gain physical health but also a good way to gain a healthy mind and feel good factor. I’ve missed that side of it in particular.
Just a suggestion.
Keep the fight going and take care.
Charlster2
Hi Mav,
I think you are right when you say you don’t think you can judge how bad a gambler is by how much they gamble.
The way I read it is that we are all here because we are all in despair and have been to dark, dark places. I honestly don’t believe you can grade a compulsive gambler based on the amount of money they gamble.
I’ve gone from gambling tens of thousands of pounds, probably 2-3 hundred thousand pounds over 30 years in total, to gambling £300 on average every two weeks. I gamble less now in monetary terms than I did years ago, yet I feel my problem and addiction has seriously escalated and is far worse now than it has ever been.
Let me quantify this. When I was gambling away tens of thousands of pounds I was still eating and I was not leaving myself penniless on a regular basis, I still had a slight element of control. Now that my income is vastly reduced at present, I gamble in the region of £300 every two weeks, a sum far far less than I used to gamble away, but now I leave myself without any food or rent money and literally penniless. I now play a dangerous game of brinkmanship with my very existence and regularly put my health and home at risk. Whether I eat or pay my bills is now very much dependent on whether I win gambling. That is a clear escalation in my addiction, even though in real terms I’m gambling less money.
No addiction should be underestimated, we are all here because most of us have nowhere else to turn, are at the end of our tether and have really deep rooted fears for our very existence. We are all in the same boat regardless of what we do for a living or how much we each spend gambling. We all have to pay the same price for our addictions even though the amounts we gamble may be different. It’s all relative.
Onwards and upwards, we’re all with you mate.
Take care,
Charlster2
I’ve found it therapeutic documenting my thoughts and experiences on this site. I’ve always been economical with the truth about my gambling, both to myself and to other people, so it’s a relief to be so open and honest knowing that everyone here can relate to your problem and more importantly understand and help you.
Speak soon.
Charlster2
Hi Mav,
Really sorry to hear of your gambling relapse last night/this morning. Again, I seem to have said it a thousand times, but I could have written that post. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve stayed up all night gambling. I don’t think it’s anything that we haven’t all done at some point and is something that we all could do in a moment of weakness.
You didn’t lose any money which on it’s own is a blessing, but what you have probably done is lost another bit of trust from your loved ones.
You know what you have done, you know the ramifications of your actions last night, if not you wouldn’t be here seeking help. We wouldn’t be addicts if we didn’t have these mad destructive urges, so don’t beat yourself up too much, I don’t see what good that would do you.
As someone who is in desperate need of help myself, I am limited as to the advice I can give you, as I need guidance as much as you do. What is plain to see is that you still have access to large sums of money which is potentially dangerous. I think you need to cut off the supply that feeds your habit and ensure that you can’t get to your cards and cash etc.
I’m hoping someone who’s been through a recovery programme and come out the other end will post on here for you. Fresh ideas are what we need and someone on the outside looking in at our problems will be able to see things a lot clearer than we can.
You probably don’t feel angry because you didn’t lose and came out even. I very rarely feel angry if I haven’t lost. What I do feel is fear, because I know that my next destructive moment of madness is just around the corner and inevitable unless steps are taken to stem my problem. I can honestly feel my blood running cold through my veins when I play online roulette. I gamble with such fear and trepidation, yet I have very little control to stop myself doing it, you’re not alone.
We are both not that far away from receiving the help we urgently need, so all I can say to you is make every attempt to put restrictive measures in place, i.e. put all of your funds out of your reach, until you receive that help. Make sure you have absolutely no access to all cards and cash. Keep your loved ones on board, the fight and struggle that lies ahead will be a lot easier with their support. I know I’m stating the obvious, but if you’re anything like me, I find it hard to see the obvious at most times.
The only certain thing here is that you will do what you did last night again and probably quite soon if you don’t restrict your access to your funds and that of your business. Next time you wont be so lucky as to come out of it not losing.
Don’t expect to win this fight without outside help, what you can do now is to limit the damage before you embark on the GMA programme which is a positive step in itself.
I’m rooting for you, I know what you’re going through and most of us on here do. You’re not alone, focus on convincing your loved ones that you want to stop gambling and that you want to put this nightmare behind you, without their support you’ll just compound the problem.
I’ll keep in touch, stay strong
Charlster2
You’ve done fantastically well. You’re surrounded by other people that gamble and you have money that you could use to gamble with if you wish, yet with all that temptation, you’ve not gambled for over a week and self excluded yourself!
Stay strong and keep it going and always remember, you’re NOT worthless, you’re Priceless and you deserve happiness!!
Take care,
Charlster2
I don’t think I’m the only one here that can relate to a large part of your story.
Your last post is the very kind of setback that provides me with an excuse or reason to gamble. I’m new to this site so it gives me great hope that you are remaining gambling free in the face of adversity, the very challenge that lies ahead for me.
These things are sent to test us and as gamblers, past and present, the test to us is far greater than to most.
I just wanted to wish you all the best really, especially with what appears a testing week ahead. Reading journals such as yours does give people like me hope.
Charlster2
You are working incredibly hard at beating this, I’m loving your determination. You mention that you’ve just got back from a GamCare session can I just ask what that entails? Are GamCare sessions similar to GA meetings?
Regards,
Charlster2
Hi Butchugly,
So many posts that I’ve read on here could easily have been written by me. This is only my second day on here and it appears that most of us think and act in exactly the same way. I go online knowing that even if I’m winning I wont withdraw the winnings. It defies logic as to why we play really. There’s an urge inside us that seems to have control of our thought process and makes us act in a way that defies logic and common sense, with no thought or consideration of the consequences when we lose.
It has been a complaint of mine for a while, that even if you self exclude yourself, some gaming sites still allow you to open new accounts, gamble and then complete their checks later before realising that you are self excluded. By then of course the damage is often already done. It has happened to me a few times. I have complained to a few big gaming sites that no one should be allowed to place a bet until their identity and age is fully checked out and verified and then cross referenced for self exclusion. Everything and I mean everything is biased in favour of the gaming operator. We just need to realise that we are all going to lose, if not in the short term, then certainly in the long term. The house always wins, that is a plain and simple fact. I for one am intrigued as to the methods used to change our thought process and habits, so keep posting and keep reading about other peoples experiences on here, it will be invaluable I’m sure.
There is plenty of advice, help and guidance on this site and I’m just beginning to tap into it. Ultimately, whether we stop gambling or not will be down to us, but this site should teach us ways and methods to change our way of thinking and hopefully give us the tools that will equip us to best face our daily challenges.
It’s a vicious cycle, we gamble, we lose, we get depressed, our self esteem hits the floor, we shut out the people close to us because gambling completely consumes us and so on and so on. I think everyone on here has reached a point where we all want to help ourselves and are seeking help and guidance in how to best do this, so you may not realise this now, but just being here and posting is a giant step, it is for me anyway.
Best of luck and stay strong.
Charlster2
Hi Adam,
I can relate to what you’re saying. There are many times when I could have cashed out and won thousands, but because I had won large amounts in the past and because of how much I’ve lost over the years it was never enough. I always push my luck to the brink until I eventually lose everything.
Not long ago I was £12000 up playing online roulette and all I did was increase my stake so I was spinning £200+ a spin, and in no time I lost the lot. That has happened to me on many occasions, I very rarely cash out when I’m winning. I gamble with trepidation and fear now, there’s no fun factor in it. I know I can’t afford to gamble a penny, yet I gamble every last penny I have on an all too regular basis!
Just to pick up on something you said at the end of your latest post about you not deserving help, believe me, asking for help now and coming clean is the best thing you can do. You’re £17000 down at the moment, when do you think you’ll qualify for help and understanding, when you’re £50000 down, £100000 down? Now is the time to gather those close to you and meet this problem as a collective rather than face it in silence alone.
Others may have a different view point, but from my experience, I can only say it as I see it. At the moment £17000 seems a ridiculously large amount to lose, but in hindsight, if I had come clean when my losses were only £17000, I would still have my house, still probably have my long term relationship in tact and wouldn’t be the complete wreck I am today.
Use your family, girlfriend and friends for support sooner rather than later, don’t try to sort this out on your own.
I obviously wish you all the best and hope that you stay strong day to day. Keep it going, you’re doing great.
Take care,
Charlster2
Hi Adam,
As hard as it is, it’s better for you to come clean and tell your parents and girlfriend what you’ve done. The initial shock and upset it will cause will eventually lead to what they can do constructively to help you repair the damage. In my experience, if you keep it a secret and exist in this secret world of gambling, you’ll only continue to chase losses and compound the problem further.
I’ve self excluded myself form many online gaming sites and now can’t access most of them for 5 years. You can also set daily gaming limits to reduce losses. Again, it’s not a perfect solution because it’s best that you don’t gamble at all, but added to other measures it helps.
I have still found ways to gamble, that is why I’m on this forum and seeking outside help, but you still have family and people close to you that can support you, care for you and guide you through this, so don’t shut them out. I let things escalate so far that I’ve pushed everyone close to me away, so I speak from experience. This fight is hard enough with the help of loved ones, but it’s far, far more difficult if you stand alone in isolation like I do.
You may think that you have the ability to win all your losses back before anyone finds out, but even if you do, you’ll think that you can go again and next time win big. I have won tens of thousands of pounds over the years and hardly ever quit while I was winning. I always pushed my luck further and further until I eventually lost everything. There’s never a happy ending to gambling, it always ends in misery.
I wish you all the best and hope you find the strength to confide in loved ones.
Take care,
Charlster2
Hi Mav,
Glad I could offer some support.
You’re in a great position as your son is still very young, so you’ve got many fantastic years ahead watching him grow and develop a massive positive you can cling to during your low moments and times when your self control is tested.
Great conversing with you and I’ll keep in touch.
Stay strong and have a great weekend.
Charlster2
Hi Mav,
You have taken a massive stride in addressing your gambling issue, you don’t need me to tell you that gambling is the root cause of most of the negative stuff in your life right now, it certainly is in mine. Prioritising what is most important to you and your health is the important thing now. If you focus on everything that is negative in your life then you will get completely swamped, you’ll get into a depressive state and who knows where that road will take you. One thing is certain, it will be counter-productive.
If you address your gambling issues and focus on that, a lot of other things will fall into place in your life.
If you fail to save your current business, you can always start another one, and if your gambling issues are behind you, any new business will thrive as a result. If your health suffers, that may be irreversible and if you lose the people that are most important in your life, you may not be able to get them back. In the whole scheme of things, your business, as important as it is, it is not the most important thing in your life.
I am a master of letting everything that is negative in my life bog me down. It’s never done me any good, in fact it’s given me an excuse to gamble, which has just compounded my problems. Honestly, your business issues may seem massive to you at the moment and yes, they will need to be addressed, but try not to get completely swamped and awash in negative thoughts, focus on the great strides you’ve taken in addressing the root cause of your problems.
If you’re gambling free, your state of mind improves, your health improves and people will want to be around you, so that is where your energies need to be at the moment. That is how I see it from the outside looking in and from personal experience.
I have loved and lost twice, one a wife and another a long term partner and I’ll never get them back. I missed out on my daughter growing up, she’s 22 now, I lost my house and I am now in rented accommodation. Gambling was the root cause of all of this, but wallowing in self-pity and being awash with feelings of what could have been, feelings of failure, having regrets, always looking back instead of looking forward, also played a major part too.
It prevented me from focussing on the here and now and I totally lost sight of everything that was good in my life. If I carry on like this I’ll just keep repeating the cycle and I’ll never find peace and happiness.
Your business is so secondary in the whole scheme of things, even if you can’t see that now. Your health and your family and staying gambling free is what matters now, so feel good about what you are doing to address your gambling issues, don’t feel bad because your business may fail because of it.
If your family had to make a choice, have you back in their lives happy, spending quality time with them and creating cherished memories or having a successful business, they will choose the former. In an ideal World we would all like to have everything, but sometimes we have to settle for the things that truly matter, so please, don’t get bogged down in business worries, make a list of everything that is essential to keeping you happy and your family unit together and focus on those.I truly wish you all the best
Charlster2