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Hi Leo, another familiar post.
You’ll probably find that your family hate the gambler in you, not the non-gambling you. I’ve lost many people in my life, not because they hate me, but because I’ve frustrated the hell out of them and hurt them of course. We always want everyone to understand our plight, but I realise now that it’s extremely hard for non-gamblers to understand our addiction and because it is so hard to understand, they get frustrated and distance themselves from us. Can you imagine how blasé we must seem to them. If you’re anything like me, I gambled on regardless of any help I received from loved ones and ignored everything that was important in my life, the next bet was all that mattered to me. From an outsiders view point, It’s not a pretty image is it? I’m certain if you can address your problem, bridges may be able to be rebuilt with regards to your family. I hope so anyway.
You’ve taken a massive step just posting on this site, so people around you will eventually see that you are serious about turning your life around and may change their stance.
Honesty’s probably the best policy here. Leading a double life, gambling behind your wife’s back will make matters much, much worse. I know, I’ve been there and bought the T-Shirt more than once! Try and muster the courage to tell her, remember a problem shared is a problem halved. It will also make it more difficult for you to gamble as she will be looking for the signs and take preventative measures.
Good luck and keep posting, there’s plenty of fantastic support and advice on here.
Charlster.
No I haven’t had a date yet, so in the meantime I’m trying to prepare as best I can. I’d rather go to GM on a positive note so that I’ve got some sort of foundation to build on.
About your situation and prioritising what you need to concentrate on rather than be overwhelmed by everything facing you at the moment, I think you need to focus on fulfilling any outstanding work that you’ve been paid for.
It will be hard to get motivated, because you’ll feel that you’ll be working for nothing because you’ve already been paid and spent the funds, but the last thing you need is grief from unhappy customers/clients on top of everything else. If you can fulfil those contracts asap, it will be a major problem dealt with and then you can move on to the next issue on your priority list.
Take care,
Charlster.
That’s great news G.
The whole tone of your post just exudes positivity. I have found that by just doing the simple things has brought a degree of normality back into my life this past week or so. I suppose simply cutting the grass has had a similar effect on you.
It’s was uplifting reading your post so keep the positivity going.
Take care,
Charlster.
You need to get the ball rolling. Depression has prevented me from dealing with many issues in the past. It has a way of making you completely give up at times.
However, I have found in the past that once you deal with one issue, the momentum can build and positivity takes over. The longer you leave your problems without giving them your attention, they more they tend to snowball. You must approach everything in a structured way though and use your time on the issues that really need dealing with now and park the least important. Depression tends to magnify all things negative in your life, even if a problem is relatively small, depression will try and convince you that the problem is insurmountable when actually it isn’t.
11 days ago, I felt like I had just gone 1000 rounds with Mike Tyson and I’ve felt that way on a daily basis for years now, physically and mentally. I still face the same challenges everyday that I faced 12 days ago, but I really can’t take anymore of feeling that way. If I appear like I’m coping, it’s because I am and the reason I am, is because I have no choice, it’s sink or swim for me now. I have truly had enough.
I have opened up my life on here to some extent, but I’ve held many things back until I get to my therapy sessions. It’s a shame that I had to get to the stage I’m at now before actually taking action, but on the positive side of things, I thank my lucky stars that I have the strength to do something about it now. Long may it continue.
As mentioned earlier Mav, it may be beneficial for you to speak to the Citizens Advice Bureau regarding any debts or money issues. They will help you structure things and you will feel like you’ve achieved something.
Be good and be strong.
Charlster.
Hi Mav,
You mention that you are in serious debt? Have you thought about going to the Citizens Advice Bureau and working on that side of things with them. I did that some years ago and it was a great help.
The reason why I say this is that you seem to be swamping yourself with all sorts of worries and from my view point you don’t seem to have any structure. It’s as if you’re in a position whereby everything negative is coming at you from all directions and you don’t know which way to turn next.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but just by reading your posts, everything seems very chaotic in your life at the moment. It seems to me like you’re constantly trying to spin dozens and dozens of plates all at once.
You really need to sit down and work out a structure on how you’re going to deal with what faces you right now. Make a list of things that need dealing with in descending order, starting with the absolute priorities in your life working down to the things that don’t need your immediate attention. That way you don’t have to focus on everything all at once. This will relieve the pressure, I know, because I’ve done it in the past.
It’s very dangerous trying to deal with everything in an ad hoc way, you end up not using your time economically, you waste time and energy of things that could be parked for the time being and the absolute priorities could get neglected.
One thing you don’t want is for unnecessary pressure to build, because you could end up making rash decisions and they could be the wrong decisions.
You’re doing better than you think, keep going.
Charlster.
Hi Adam,
Scroll a little way up your thread for the answer. Fritz pretty much answered your question. When in recovery, abstaining from any form of gambling is the best option. Fritz included the Football Pools, The lottery, even Fantasy Football as being dangerous ground, so I assume he would also advise you to NOT partake in your Tote Double Night at work. The fact it is only a £1 makes absolutely no difference in my opinion.
The choice is obviously yours, but we all know, any sort of bet, no matter how harmless or small, will lead on to bigger things. What’s more it keeps you in the gambling, risk mentality, which I think you should avoid at all costs.
You’ve done brilliantly by the way. I’m on Day 10 too.
Keep fighting.
Charlster.
Great to read that you’re still gambling free on day 8.
You’ve done brilliantly to get through Friday, which historically has been your main gambling night.
One thing I have learned on here this past week is to not think too far ahead. Concentrate on resisting the urges here and now, take one step at a time or one day at a time. We can overload by worrying about tomorrow or even beyond that.
Like you, I’m still looking for answers and trying to fully educate myself on this addiction, but from reading posts on here, there’s absolutely no doubt that we can control this addiction. Speaking personally, I think I will always be a compulsive gambler or have the potential to be compulsive gambler and I think if I maintain that mind set, it will help prevent me from being complacent.
Keep it going Gee and take care.
Charlster.
Interesting post Fritz,
I have wondered to myself whether it would be dangerous to play things like the lottery and the like when in recovery. I think I guessed what the answer was, but it’s good to have it confirmed by you.
We can’t have enough education on this addiction and the do’s and don’ts while in recovery. A full understanding is so vital to success. What could seem an innocent activity, really could send us on a downward spiral.
Many thanks for your post.
Charlster
That’s fantastic, a long, overdue, deserved treat or shall we say treats!! A bit of retail therapy, never a bad thing.
Great to read that you had a good day, here’s to Saturday being just as good if not better. :o)
Take care,
Charlster
Hope you’ve had a good day today.
You’re right, I do have a clearer picture of what lies ahead for me now. I also want to believe I have the strength and determination to take a long hard run at this. If I’m honest, I don’t have a choice, it’s either sink or swim for me now!
Picking up on another one of your points, most of us do have low opinions of ourselves and someone pointing out anything positive can act as such a pick me up. Part of the recovery process I guess, is learning to love ourselves again.
Hopefully you’ll find the tools here to aid you in the challenges that lie ahead.
Stay strong and be happy,
Charlster.
Depression comes with the territory Mav. I find it hard to remember the last time depression wasn’t a part of my life.
If I were in your shoes I probably wouldn’t be able to see the wood for the trees either. I’m sure other people reading my posts see things clearer than I do too.
It’s only a short post, but you’ve just crammed in so many reasons why you should be ambitious, probably without even realising it.
It’s time to move on and focus on today. You’re looking back and all that’s going to do is plunge you to the depths of despair, it does me anyway. You should have ambition because of your gambling. Surely wanting to be gambling free is an ambition, isn’t it? Wanting to be happy is an ambition isn’t it? Surely everything on the list I posted on my journal are ambitions, aren’t they? If you sit down and think about it, it’s not ambition you lack, it’s the inability to look at the here and now. It’s impossible to look forward if all you’re doing is looking back, we can’t change the past Mav, it’s gone, the damage is done. Accepting that appears to be the one thing we need to do before we can move forward. We can determine the present and the future, but we can’t alter the past. Stop cluttering up your mind with negativity, I know it’s easier said than done, but negative thoughts will wear you out and achieve nothing.
Now all I have to do is go away and apply what I’ve just preached to you, to my situation!! :0)
Have a great day, keep fighting.
Charlster
Many thanks for your feedback Tom, it’s very helpful.
I think most of us will have bridges to build when the dust settles and the time is right.
Interesting point about opening up as there’s usually a combination of factors as to why we act the way we do. Sometimes we may not even realise it’s related, so should be enlightening. It sounds as if the treatment will be quite cleansing amongst other things. It will be good practice opening up on this site as I’ve not really analysed the situation in detail before.
Keep posting Tom, I look forward to following your progress and the very best of luck in your recovery.
Charlster
Welcome to this site Ladycopper, there are great people here to lend you invaluable support.
You really have been through the mill. You’re so right when you say that gambling is a way of escaping. What makes it such a demonic addition, is that we use it to escape other problems in our life and end up creating a multitude of others, including as you so rightly say, ill health.
I’ve only been here a week and I have already found it extremely helpful. Like you, I find it quite hard to lay my life bare, but this site allows you to unload and share experiences, it helps to declutter the mind.
I wish you all the best in your efforts facing this addiction, stay strong.
Charlster2
I’m still looking for answers myself and still need help seriously, so I’ll stop short of trying to analyse your problem, it may only muddy waters and be a case of the blind leading the blind.
A member of the admin staff will hop onto this thread soon I’m sure and the GMA will help you in that department.
I’ll say it again, baby steps, make your immediate goals achievable and realistic and stay positive.
Take care of yourself and your family and I’ll speak soon.
Charlster2
From what I can see you’re taking all sorts of steps to stop, so feel good about your efforts. You’re working incredibly hard to stop, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Speak soon,
Charlster.