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Everyone always tries to tough it out before anyone finds out, but all that happens is we get further into trouble and people will end up finding out anyway.
I would be deeply upset if I thought my daughter was suffering in silence and couldn’t speak to either myself or her mother. Your mother may well be upset at first, but maternal instincts will kick in and she’ll want to help you anyway she can.
Also, when I say talk to people, I didn’t mean talk to people that don’t offer constructive help. Being called an idiot is not my idea of constructive help. Use the helpline on here when it opens tomorrow and they’ll help you and give you some pointers.
There’s nothing you can do this evening, so try to have a good nights sleep if you can (wont be easy!), and come out fighting tomorrow.
Take care,
Charlster.
I’ve done everything in your original post and everything in your post above.
It took me years to learn my lesson, but there’s only one way out of your predicament and that is to kiss goodbye to all that you have lost thus far and stop chasing. The hardest thing to do is to admit that the house has won, but it’s exactly what you need to do. It gets personal between you and the house, but even though you may win the odd battle, the house always, always wins the war.
It wont be what you want to hear, but unless you can come to terms with the fact that all that money has gone forever, you wont be able to move forward. You’ll keep chasing and chasing and chasing and no matter how much you win next time, it will never be enough. The result will always be the same long term, the house will win and you’ll sink deeper and deeper into trouble.
Before you start getting yourself into debt, why don’t you talk to people. Talk to your letting agent or landlord. You need to buy yourself some time otherwise you’ll start taking out all sorts of loans and may get deeper into the mire. I took out numerous loans to try and solve my problems, but all that did was supply me with more funds to gamble with. I then had to deal with everything I had lost originally and the fact that I had put myself in debt through loans. Only my opinion, but loans only compound your problems, they don’t solve them.
It will seem like the end of the World right now and you will be in despair, but all is not lost. You’ve taken a massive step just coming and posting here.
Talking to people will be the most effective action you can take right now. Use the helpline on this site, talk to your letting agent or landlord in an attempt to work something out. Talk to anybody that you think can help you. DON’T suffer in silence and DON’T keep everything a secret, otherwise you will trap yourself in the World of gambling indefinitely.
There are many solutions out there, even though you wont be able to see them right now, so keep strong and don’t despair.
Charlster.
How are you doing? I’ve not seen a post on here for a few days, hope you’re ok. If you’re not, this is a good place to get things off your chest.
Take care,
Charlster.
That would have been a great game to go to. He’ll get a fantastic send off and a well deserved one too. I’ve followed football for 40+ years and there have been few players like Stevie G that could literally pull a team up single handedly from a losing position to a winning one. I don’t support Liverpool, but he’s been one of my favourite Premier League players.
You don’t need someone continuously telling you what you did wrong. I felt your frustration just reading it. I think you need to cut him short next time or just change the subject when he starts. We do sometimes have to learn the hard way and £19-20K is a huge amount to lose. However Adam, and it’ll be small consolation to you at the moment, but losing that amount may have just saved you from losing 100k+ over a lifetime of gambling.
On that positive note, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, well done for how you’ve bounced back.
With sites like this, YNWA!
See what I did there? :o)
Take care,
Charlster
You’ve had a tough, tough life and with the right help better times will lie ahead. You are right of course, you do have to be ready and willing to receive help.
Have you thought about going to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting? They are nationwide and you can look them up on the internet, they will be able to offer you face to face help and guidance.
I’m sure other ideas will be posted on your thread by other members of this site. I hope you find the help you need.
Take care,
Charlster.
Hi LostitallAgain,
If you want to end all the pain and suffering long term you will need to lock yourself out for much longer than 4 weeks. You really need to block every possible path you have to all gaming.
You are right, mood swings can be a trigger to gambling, though I didn’t need too many excuses to gamble. Have you thought of maybe jumping on to the helpline here when you next get the urge to gamble? I’m learning from my own errors as it’s something I wish I had done a few weeks ago and will be something I’ll do in the future should I get tempted.
You can get out of this mess, but you’ll have to make tough decisions first. Decisions that the gambling side of your character will not want you to do. I suppose you’ll have to decide for yourself which is worse, having to suffer the pain of the withdrawal symptoms you’ll have to endure by not having access to gambling sites or the pain of constantly losing your wages and having no money coupled with the pain of never ending despair.
It’s a big life changing decision and we’ve all had to suffer terribly before making the right choice. I just hope you see the light now rather than have to endure another 10, 20, 30, 40 years of suffering. Take it from me, keep on gambling and all that will lie ahead is a path of destruction and misery. Harsh, but true.
I hope you find the strength to tackle this full on with 100% commitment. There is so much help on this site, so don’t think you’re alone for a minute. We all need outside help, we can’t do this alone.
You’re only 2 years older than my daughter and should be carving out a happy life for yourself and having fun. It’s saddening to see anybody, never mind someone of your age plunging themselves into the darkness of the gambling World.
Wishing you all the best. You can do it.
Charlster.
It’s been quite a haul getting to this point, but you’ve done brilliantly getting to GMA, I know it wasn’t easy.
It may be months before we’re able to chat again, but I look forward to sharing experiences with you on the other side of therapy.
A bright happy future starts for you today and you’ll really deserve everything good that comes your way from here on in.
Take care,
Charlster.
Tomorrow is your scheduled first day at the GMA therapy isn’t it?
Just wanted to wish you all the best.
Charlster.
Your story sounds all too familiar.
have you thought about making an appointment with the Citizens Advice Bureau? They have debt counsellors that will work through your debts and finances with you. They will help you make manageable repayments with your creditors. I’ve used them in the past and they can take a lot of stress away. Less stress could = less need to gamble. It’s just another measure you can take in tackling this problem.
Take care,
Charlster.
Welcome to the site.
Before I came to this site, I thought I was quite unique, but I now realise we all do exactly the same things, feel the same way and have to deal with the same consequences. I thought I was reading one of my posts for a split second.
You haven’t stated what type of gambling you do. If it’s online gambling you can download and install blocking software that prevents you from accessing gaming sites. For your information, I downloaded the K9 blocking software which is free. It doesn’t solve the root cause of the problem, but will prevent you doing further damage while you seek real help. Self exclusion is something else you can do, but beware there are 100’s of online gaming sites and you’ll be able to find another if determined enough.
Unfortunately it’s a vicious cycle. Gambling gets us into serious financial problems and to try to get out of these serious financial problems we see gambling as a quick fix.
There are helplines and groups you can use on this site if your gambling urges kick in.
Best of luck, keep posting, it’s helped me so I hope it helps you.
Charlster.
You may think that you have nothing to say, but I like reading your posts. Saying nothing sometimes speaks volumes, because it means you’ve had another gamble free day which makes me chipper and I’m sure others on here follow your progress closely.
Frightening how much those machines turnover every year. When you think of how much you’ve put in there alone, it must be a gold mine to the company you work for. Others that play it will probably have put £1000’s into it themselves, though you’ll only ever hear them talk about their winnings.
You’re trying to ride this out bearing the full burden of what you’ve done on your own shoulders, so I personally would always use this site or a similar site as some sort of outlet and release. It will help to keep you on your guard and will hopefully prevent a moment of complacency.
Keep it going mate, you’re doing brilliantly.
Charlster.
Hi Mav,
Just checking in to see how you are. I know you have a lot on your plate, but if you can find the time to post a couple of lines to let me know things are that would be great.
Take care mate,
Charlster.
You’ve got a week to gear yourself up for the next meeting. The way your mind is at the moment coupled with lack of sleep, it probably wouldn’t have been a good idea to drive those distances tonight.
Be great if you could use this week to get your head around the fact that you’ll be opening up to people and focus on the benefits you’ll reap from doing that.
It will make you feel so much lighter unloading all the clutter in your head. I’m not an expert, but I feel it’s exactly what you need.
You’ll know yourself better than anyone else and I’m sure you know this anyway.
One day at a time. We can’t be with you in person, but we can give you moral support and we’re all pulling for you.
We have to get Happy, happy!!! :o)
Charlster.
I wish you all the best tonight. If you can’t make it, there’s always the next one. Safety is the best policy.
Driving 60 miles shows commitment and determination to beat this. You really need support and having a good cry wouldn’t be a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of.
You shouldn’t have to keep everything bottled up inside you all of the time, that can’t be good.
The drive back will be a lot less intense than the drive there, just be safe.
I’m thinking of you,
Charlster.
How are you feeling this morning? You sounded a bit more chipper in your last post, but I know all too well how mood swings change in a heartbeat.
Hope you have a good day
Charlster