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You seem to be dealing with a lot of upheaval in your life at the moment, but you are handling everything with a presence of mind that wasn’t always apparent a few months ago. You are a survivor Mav and you will get to where you want to get to.
Living in your car so that you can accomplish what you need to do, going to numerous GA and NA meetings every week, seeking help from the National Problem Gambling Clinic and utilising this site, are all indicators that prove how hell bent on survival you are and how determined you are to get through your challenges.
Adversity can be a major trigger to gambling addicts, so you deserve a huge pat on the back for how you’re handling your life during these challenging times.
Keep doing what you’re doing, stay strong and that light at the end of that tunnel will get ever closer. You deserve to find that stability and happiness in your life and we’re all rooting for you.
Take care,
Charlster.
Hi Hannar,
Regardless of how you may be feeling right now, being honest about your gambling is the best thing you could do. What your husband does with that honesty is a reflection on him and not you. What you need to do is reassure yourself that you have done the right thing and learn to own your own emotions. Continue to be open and honest and your problems will start to ease.
As compulsive gamblers we find any excuse to gamble and blaming others is a common trait of people with this addiction. Using your husband’s behaviour or what he says as a reason to gamble is a classic example of this. Owning your own emotions will mean that you start to take back control of your own life and not let anyone else have that control through what they may do or say to you.
Being a gambling addict will impact adversely on any relationship and will impact negatively on any couples financial situation, that is a fact. Taking responsibility for your gambling and being open and honest about your gambling are giant steps towards tackling this addiction, so you deserve huge credit for that. Keep doing the right things and focus on seeking help. In an ideal world it would be fantastic if your husband helps you through this, as it’s far easier with a support network. However, if that help is not forthcoming, it’s vital that you stay focussed and strong for the sake of you first and foremost. If you can find the strength and determination to tackle this addiction, every area of your life will start to improve. Don’t be derailed by negative comments or the negative actions of others. Learn to bat them away, this is your recovery, this is your life.
Best wishes and never give up.
Charlster.
Name raised a smile.
How’s things? Drop me an email when you can and I’ll pass my new mobile number to you, if not I’ll get it to you another way.
I’ve just come out of GMA, but will be going back for the relapse programme. I’ll be sharing with The Coach again!
Be good to hear how your new life’s going,
Best wishes & take care,
Charlster aka (The Cyclone)
Long time no speak! Hope you are well.
I notice you haven’t posted for a while, maybe it’s because you’re unable to.
Be good to have an update on you and the family etc.
Take care,
Charlster.
Just catching up on a few posts. Great to see you are still gamble free. A monumental achievement.
Take care,
Charlster.
Well done you!! That’s a huge step. We normally try to kid ourselves that we are closing all the doors to gambling, but sneakily always leave one or two ajar so that we have that avenue back in if we want it.
Have a great day,
Charlster
This is exactly where you need to be. You haven’t got everything on top of you and the pressure has eased. The road ahead wont be easy, but at least you can plan and have a strategy without having all of the other burdens you had only 3 weeks ago.
I used to visualise you in this position without all the clutter bogging you down.
Things do happen for a reason, I strongly believe that and you’re not devoid of a support network which is vital. Whether you use GA, GT, family and friends or a combination of all of them, you’ll be fine and you’re in a good place to rebuild your life.
Take it easy mate, I’ll post again before I go to GMA.
Charlster.
What Vera mentioned in her last post was actually the point I was trying to make. If your boyfriend does find out, he needs to here it from you, not from any other source.
Take care,
Charlster
Reading your post totally scrambled my head!! I forgot to say that I was looking forward to meeting you, I didn’t think for one minute that I was replacing you on the programme.
Well done for posting. It will be a great release for you and you’ll find a lot of much needed support here. It’s so great being able to communicate with people that understand us, something which is hard to find in our everyday lives.
It’s difficult to know what to do for the best, but it might be a good idea to sit your boyfriend down and explain things to him. I would hate for him to find out about your gambling from someone else or in some other way as you may have some serious trust issues develop as a consequence. It will also take a lot of pressure off you if he knew. As you know, relationships are built on trust and are a lot weaker without it. You’ve got a family and friends section on this site which will help anyone connected to you understand what we go through and why we do what we do. Something for you to bear in mind anyway.
I wish you all the best in your recovery and keep posting.
Charlster.
To say I’m shocked to see you posting on here is an understatement! I’m not an expert, but I would have thought you were a prime candidate for therapy, still, what do I know.
I feel quite nervous and anxious now. I’ve sacrificed a lot to put myself in a position to go to GMA, I just hope I’m right for therapy and vice versa. Not sure where I’d go from here if I wasn’t.
Normally I would be glad to hear from you, but I feel a bit disappointed that the programme didn’t fit your needs. You sound quite chipper though and you appear to have quite a bit of support around you which will be crucial.
Hopefully you’ll be able to find some work soon, so onwards and upwards as they say.
Take care,
Charlster.
You’re doing great, but from the outside looking in you appear to be overdoing it.
You are taking a lot on both mentally and physically. You are taking the burden of what you’ve done all on your own shoulders, you are trying to get back all that you have lost at pace, you are working all the hours god sends, all this with a health concern.
It might pay for you to pace yourself a little better. Sometimes when you make what you’re trying to achieve a hardship and a struggle so much so that it becomes a laborious chore you stand the risk of falling short. It’s a bit like a marathon runner trying to sprint his way around a marathon course, he’ll never get to the finish. Whereas the guy who paces himself and plots his way around the course will get to the finish comfortably.
Just a few words of caution, we all sometimes need gentle reminders to step back a little.
Anyway, take care.
Charlster.
I could listen to veterans from WW2 talk all day, though not often had the opportunity to do so. So much respect for them. So many came back from the war and had to suffer in silence. They had to put on a brave face and had nothing resembling the counselling network that we see available today, yet they got on with everyday life. They don’t make them like that anymore. The Grandfather of a friend of mine fought in WW2 and he would never speak about it. He was obviously harbouring some terrible experiences, so would never speak about his time as a serving soldier, sad really.
Back to gambling. We beat ourselves up so much and I think we all see ourselves as weak. I’ve had so much time to analyse my situation and I think the last thing we are is weak. We as addicts have to endure so much more than a “mere mortal”. The ups and downs of our mood swings, daily despair and everything else destructive that comes with being a compulsive gambler. We have to put on a brave face at work, try to carry on as normal sometimes harbouring desperate situations behind our outward smiling façade. I like to think that we are actually strong people even though we do all have an Achilles heel. The saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” is so true and I think it applies to us.
I’ve read many times on here that we will be better people for our past experiences when in recovery. We have to learn to like ourselves again. We’re not bad people and making peace with our inner selves is a vital part of the healing process.
Don’t beat yourself up. I’ve learned over time that beating ourselves up all the time is incredibly counter-productive. We are people that need outside help with our situation and we need to realise that relying on help from time to time makes us human, it doesn’t make us weak.
You’re doing brilliantly, keep it going and make your recovery manageable. Don’t set unachievable goals, keep it simple and you’ll get there. You’re doing exactly the right thing in asking for help and so long as we condition ourselves to share the burden of our addiction by utilising all the help available to us, then we’ll get to our desired destination.
Take care,
Charlster.
If you can, jump on the helpline. You’ll find it on your log in page/home page in green.
Charlster
You’ve done the right thing by being honest and open.
When we try to keep our gambling a secret we end up weaving a web of deceit which just puts us under more pressure. All the constant questions about why we never have any money to do anything or go anywhere just pushes us deeper into the gambling World. I used to panic if I had a social event on the horizon and didn’t have the funds to go. I always saw gambling as a way out of every problem I had.
Being open is painful and the initial reaction is to feel shame, but long term everyone will know your problem so the questions will stop and with it the need to lie to everyone. You’ll also get the support you need if you look for it in the right places. It really will be a weight off your mind.
Your story and journey is all too familiar. It was only 2-3 months ago when I thought I was unique and the only person to have been on this journey. This site has really opened my eyes and though I don’t wish what I went through on anyone else, it is comforting to know that I’m not alone. I can talk to people for the first time in my life that can actually relate to my experiences. Being misunderstood in everyday life can be the most frustrating experience and really used to send me to dark places.
Keep posting, you’ll get no end of support here and I wish you all the very best.
Charlster.