[charles]

Irritated and bored? That’s not me
I’m just here choosing recovery

No ulitimatums and no bans
All can come here whenever they can

And when they come here I can set them a task
To honestly answer questions I ask

The one I asked I hope you will answer
The Vera I know is not just a chancer

And Vera, while you’re such a good poet
I pose hard questions, and you know it

So read your poem and see what you wrote
If you miss it then maybe I’ll quote

Is your recovery only a “guise?”
I really hope it’s not a disguise

Is this the right place for you?
Well if not here what would you do?

Reading the forum I see you’ve been busy
Posting all over the place, it’s making me dizzy

The one thing I hope you get in your head
Is posting helps more when on your own thread

Posting there makes it harder to duck
Or justify gambling and trying our luck

The groups now open you can see that
So see you shortly, come in for a chat.

[charles]

Hi Jack

“At least now, I know that I would like to stop.”

The most important word there is NOW. At this moment, now, you don’t want to gamble, at this moment, now, you want to stop.

We both know though that the pain will fade, the urges will return. So NOW is also the time you need to put things in place, barriers, support, accountability. What things can you do, now?

[charles]

Hi Sam, good to see you posting. Hopefully see you back in a group again soon.

Keep posting.

[charles]

Hi Carole,

What things could you put in place to make your next bet harder to place?

I’m in the groups for the next 3 hours so if you are about maybe pop in and talk about it?

[charles]

I read it lorraine and I found it good to read.

You have a lot of chit going on around you and you still haven’t gambled so a BIG well done.

It sounds like you have a son to be proud of as well.

Maybe see you in a group later.

[charles]

It was good to see you SJ,

What you are doing now is an important part of recovery. Once we get the finances to a manageable position then that takes away the pressure of trying to find money and pay unsustainable debts/bills etc

[charles]

Thanks both.

Had a great time. It was what it said on the tin – cheap and hot!!

Anyway I’m back in the groups here right now, come and join me, the more the merrier.

[charles]

A good idea Ed, I know people who do that as well. Or, if they are a weekend gambler, they might leave their credit cards in their office at work. They can pick them up on Monday when they are too busy to gamble.

[charles]

Hi SB and welcome to the forum. I see that you are already getting great support from others.

Don’t be impatient with either your own recovery or that of your family, take things one day at a time.

You can’t change the way your family feel; you can only address your own actions.

“…..yet my family see it as just another stunt, to win them back……”

Is that any suprise? Your wife certainly will have heard it all before. It was the same with my family – htere was absolutely no reason for them to trust me by the time I actually decided to stop.

They had heard it all before, words and promises hadn’t help me stop gambling in the past, even on the rare occasion I meant those promies! The addiction was too strong.

The thing that both helped me stop gambling and helped start rebuild trust with my family wasn’t my words, it wasn’t any promises, it wasn’t me knowing that I meant it this time. It was my actions. Taking actions that made it harder for me to gamble, taking actions that I didn’t particularly want to take, actively seeking support byt going to GA meetings etc Now those were the actions that helped me stop and at the same time gave my family reason to think “Hey, maybe he means it this time.”

So keep posting and let us know what actions you are taking. I see you said you gambled another 10k even after being kicked out by your wife? Ok, no one can change that but you can learn from it. What barriers would have stopped you gambling that money? What barriers would stop you doing the same thing again? Accountability? Restricting your access to funds with which to gamble? Self exclusion? A blocker on your PC? I look forward to hearing about the positive actions you are taking.

[charles]

I’d say it’s up to you whether there is a silver lining here. If you use this latest binge and the pain you feel now as a motivator to take some actions then that would be a silver lining.

What actions can you take?

Cancel that online account?
Make yourself truly accountable for your money?
Restrict your access to gambling funds?
Get to a GA meeting?

Something I either heard at a meeting or read here in the past – the advice we don’t want to hear is often the best advice. That’s because our addiction will give us lots of “reasons” why we shouldn’t do something,; it doesn’t want us to take the actiosn that might make it ahrder for it to get it’s fix.

“I can’t go to GA in fear that someone might recognize me. I can’t talk to anyone in my life because no one knows about my problems. ”

Who do you know who goes to GA? My guess is no one. That’s because it is what’s said on the tin – anonymous. Besides, anyone you did see there would be in the same boat as you are.

No one knows you have a problem? Well maybe that’s partly because you haven’t spoken to them? Bit of a revolving argument there maybe? Also here is a thought for you:

“I’ve been agitated. I’ve been a complete a-hole. ”

Given that statement do you really think people around you don’t know there is a problem of some kind?

It’s an old statement – actions speak louder than words. it’s certainly true with this addiction. None of us can change the date of our next bet, what actions are you prepared to take to make your next one less likely?

keep posting and hopefully I will see you in a group again soon.

[charles]

I’d echo what Velvet has said. I’m not involved in the residential program but I would have thought that the fact that someone is doing all they can in the run up to entering the program would be something that they would want to see 🙂

Hopefully see you in a group here soon as well.

[charles]

Hello lorraine
Well done on getting back to your meeting, hopefully speak to you in a group here again soon.

[charles]

Bump

[charles]

Hi Steph,

“Forever” is a very scary word. Try and take things one day at a time.

Well done on the steps you are already taking. Knowledge is a powerful thing and when we think about it we usually know a lot. Our triggers, our danger times etc Use that knowledge and keep planning your weekends with other activities.

keep posting and hopefully I will see you again in a group soon.

[charles]

Hi Jack.

Kathryn is right of course; you are trying to stop gambling so why keep a gambling account open?

Forget “the rest of your life” do what ever you can to make it harder for you to act on an urge today.

Closing that account would be a good first step. In fact NO don’t just close it, ask them to close it AND to ban you. That way you can’t get tempted to reopen it. Maybe even get a blocker for your PC, that way you can’t open another gambling account with another online site.

Keep posting and hopefully I will see you in a group again soon.

[Author]

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