[charles]

Hi Severusx, well done on looking for help.

It sounds like you have gotten yourself out of situations like this before and will do again. This time though you have acknowledged the problems and can continue to use support so that you don’t then just create another problem

Read the other stories here, you will see a lot of stories simialr to your own. You will also see the success stories, what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Keep posting and let us know the positive steps you are taking.

[charles]

Hi Micky,

Well done on not gambling. Stay strong, one day at a time.

[charles]

Hi Casper,

I haven’t had a bet in a long enough time to turn my life around really. I couldn’t do it on my own though and however long someone has been gamble free, days, weeks, months or years tehy ahve all done it the same way – one day at a time.

Keep posting and let us know how you get on at the gym.

[charles]

Hi Casper, well done on your two gamble free days.

Read soem of the other stories here, you will see a lot of stories similar to your own. You will also read the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Well doen on getting excluded from that online site. Did you know you can get a blocker for your PC that will stop you visiting other sites? http://www.gamblock.com is one though there are others.

There is a lot of support around these days, here and sites like this, places like Gamblers Anonymous, counselling and more. Keep coming here and check out what other support is in your area.

It sounds like you have other things that will need addressing; stopping gambling will put you in a position to be able to do that.

Maybe talk to your husband and try to plan some non gambling, non X box things to do together.

I would recommend finding a way to come clean about the debts. Trying to keep things hidden can in itself send someone gambling.

You thread is called “Will I ever be free of my gambling addiction.” Well you will always be an addict but by using the support that is avaialble you can move forward and have a great gamble free future, one day at a time.

Keep posting.

[charles]

Hi Seri, well done on not gambling.

I would argue that having a major urge to gamble and not acting on it is far from a blip, it’s a success.
You can learn from today though, if you had decided to gamble how would you ahve funded it? How can you reduce that access?

Keep posting and again well done on not gambling.

[charles]

Nice one Mav. Just for today I won’t have a bet either. One day at a time, a small achieveable thing. It can achieve great things though, well done.

[charles]

Hi Jay,

If there is a possibility that Uni stress has lead you to this point then that sounds like another good reason to talk to the support that will be there.

Whatever the cause of this addiction the important thing is to find a way to stop gambling. Then it’s possible to start to look at/deal with anything else that needs addressing.

One thing I have found though is that whatever the cause there is no “reverse gear”. Once we cross the line into compulsive gambling then there is no return to “normal” socail/recreational gambling.

Find other things to fill your time, other, healthier ways to cope with stress.

Keep posting and let us know how you are moving forward.

[charles]

Hi Tristin and welcome to the forum.

I am sure you will be reading a lot of things you can relate to on the other threads here. You will also be reading the success stories, what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation.

You realise it’s an addiction. It is a gambling addiction though, you will find it extremely hard to stop the Balck Jack etc if you also try to continue with the sports betting.

You can get a blocker for your PC, you can put financial barriers in place. Does your wife/family know about your gambling? Or that it is a problem? Who could help you with that accountability?

It’s also important to keep using support; if we could do it on our own then we wouldn’t have a problem i9n the first place.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[charles]

Hi Nervemitten and welcome to the Forum. Well done on looking for help. We are actually lucky these dyas – there is a lot of help available to us, sites like this, places like gamblers Anonymous, counselling and more.

I am sure you will be reading a lot that you relate to on the other threads here. You will also be reading the success stories, what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Where do you normally gamble? Get yourself banned.

Accountability for your money would be a good idea as well. Is there anyone who could help you with that?I know you have siad that the one thing you won’t do it tell family. You also write though that you are “drowning in secrecy” and that “…. anything’s worth a shot.”

If you can find the courage to tell someone then the best way to do it is to not just present the problem. You can show them by your actions how you are going to deal with the addiction.

Regarding the finances if the debts/bills are unmanageable then get some proper advice. As you are using £ I am guessing you are in the UK. You can get great free advcie for either the Citizens Advice Bureau or for StepChange. Try not to keep debts hidden as that in itself can send people gambling as they try and clear them.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[charles]

Hi Jay and welcome.

I hope you are reading the other stories here. You will already have read some fo the things that will ehlp.

Things like putting barriers in place. If you gambel online then you can get a blocker for your PC, exclude from sites. if you gamble in bookies or casinos then again you can self exclude.

How do you fund your gambling? Who could look after your money and credit cards etc so that you can’t access it to gamble with?

Who can you talk to at that university? The student services there are bound to have a mentoring service and/or be able to recommend local support.

The most important thing you need to do is to use support. Keep posting here, talk to the Uni, maybe check out your local GA meeting.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[charles]

I can relate to that Kin.

I tried it “My way” for years without success.

Whilst God doesn’t play a part in my own recovery I have found success in doing it someone elses way, a way that has helped many for years.

[charles]

Thanks to those who joined me. It was a good discussion.

There were many forms of enabling mentioned. Obvious ones like lending money, bailing our of trouble etc. Things like putting up with unacceptable behaviour. Less obvious things as well, like reassurance, saying things will be ok, when unless something changes then they clearly wont be. Saying “It’s not your fault, it’s the addiction.” Things like keeping secrets for a gambler.

Also enabling isn’t only done by friends and family, it can equally be done by other gamblers lending each other money, covering each others tracks etc

One thing that was agreed on though, whatever enabling may have taken place we are all responsible for our own actions. However much my mum might have bailed me out it was ME who accepted it. It was ME who manipulated etc to get what I wanted. It was me who avoided taking responsibility for my own actions.

I always say that I was an a***hole who gambled. Was it the addiction that made me that a***hole? Maybe but that didn’t change the fact that I was one. Nor did I turn into a saint the day i stopped gambling, recovery takes work.

Whatever the addiction did to me I was still responsible for my own actions, then when I was gambling and now as I work recovery.

Anyway, again thanks for those that were there and hopefully see some of you soon. Don’t worry, recovery means i’m not that ****** any more 🙂

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time courage.

[charles]

Hi Izzy,

If that casino is lame then there is certainly no reason to not get banned from it. After all read your own previous threads – you like me have had “no plans to compulsively gamble” many times in the past.

Good moves on not carrying cash etc but remember moving forward it’s not the “CG places” that are the problem, it’s the person who compulsively gambles. That means you and me.

So use the opportunity, now while you are not planning to gamble and not in a place where you currently feel tempted, to work on recovery. Address anything that needs addressing, find other interests etc etc

Barriers and the physical inability to gamble are important of course, particularly in the early days. Their main benefit though is that they give us breathing space to work on things, put things in place so that we are less likely to either find a way around those barriers or gamble when circumstances change and you aren’t in such an isolated position.

It’s addressing those thigns that will make you less likely to gamble and an improved person. By doing that you will be in a better place for those future relationships you mentioned.

Keep posting.

[charles]

Hi Magclin,

It sounds like your wife is in a similar situation to where my family were in the end. The was no reason for them to believe a word I said. They had heard all my lies and broken promises before. Even when I meant those promises the addiction was too strong so I broke them anyway.

That’s why actions are important. The actions that will help you stop gambling, like getting banned, posting here, going to GA meetings etc are the same actions that might give your wife cause to think “Hey, maybe he means it this time”

Have you shown your wife this site? She can get support and advice for herself in the Friends and Family forum. She would also see soem of the success stories here and see that there is light at the end of the tunnel with those positive actions.

Keep posting and let us know what actions you are taking.

[Author]

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