[CD Husband US]

Thanks Lily

You hit the nail on the head in terms of what my questions are at this point .. “is there enough to hold onto” … “is a relationship with him when he is NOT actively gambling something I even want” … “am I willing to take the risks associated with the roller coaster that may precede long-term recovery, if it ever comes?”.

I think one thing I am becoming aware of is that despite my denial over the last several years, on some level I was definitely aware. I have a decent amount of experience in recovery and al-anon myself, and I think that, subconsciously, I have already been detaching for awhile. I’ve developed my own coping strategies that don’t involve him, that get me out of the house, and may tend towards the obsessive in their own right. For instance, spending 90-120 minutes at the gym daily. Is it a healthy habit ? Sure. Can I take it a bit too far ? Absolutely, I’m an addict myself.

So I think what I am now faced with is coming to accept the very real possibility that a part of me already started the process of getting over him, since he was actively absorbed in gaming/gambling 8+ hours per day to begin with.

So now the question is more ” do we want to re-start a relationship” than “if the gambling stops, everything will go back”

Does that resonate with anyone ?

[Author]

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