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Peacegirl it is wonderful that your mother is visiting and that you are getting to do enjoy having her with you. WTG on not gambling, and yes it is amazing how just out of the blue we have thoughts of gambling. We have to be aware of the thoughts/urges and not act on them. I would say to you to be on your guard when your Mum leaves to go home as it may be a trigger for you. We really have to take it day by day and that is one thing that I have learned… it is one day at a time!!!

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P and Liza thank you for your supportive posts. I think we all go through different things in our life’s. It is interesting, that if we as a child lived with a parent with an addiction it could impact you in different ways. My mum did not drink and did not like drinking as she lived through having an alcoholic father. I can remember when I was a child, probably around 10 years or so, she locked my Dad out the house when he came home and had been drinking. My Dad did not drink very often, but she just had such a strong feeling against drinking that she would not put up with her husband drinking. The sad part is my brother is an alcoholic and I know that it caused her years of worry. Sadly she has passed away and my brother is still an alcoholic. He is a very happy drunk though, but I am sure my sister-in-law, who does not drink now, would prefer he did not drink. My Dad was a gambling addict though, it was the horses and sometimes the dogs, and he spent his time at the betting shop. I know that I hated gambling because of my Dad, and I was always so careful about going to the Casino and gambling because I did not want to become addicted. Well for some reason I did end up addicted, even though I was aware to be careful. I now forgive my Dad for all the hurt he caused because of his gambling. I don’t know if that was one of the lessons I had to learn so that I could forgive my Dad.
I was never too concerned about drinking as I was not in a situation as a kid where drinking was a problem. I now know that drinking and alcoholism is a problem. I actually said to my hubby the other evening that I was not retiring until he had stopped drinking for six months. I will see how it goes. I also know that I do need to go to Al Anon and I don’t know why I don’t go. I think it is because I like to pretend to the outside world that my life is wonderful. I also know that it is not a healthy way to live. I need to do what is right for me and my emotional health. I am so grateful to have the support of people who understand and have gone through similar situations. I will keep working away at myself, it is taking me a while, but I will get to Al Anon eventually.
I am busy slowly working on going through boxes and “stuff” in the basement. I don’t know why it seems like such a monumental task, but it is. I am making progress though and have gotten rid of lots of “stuff” and organized things I am keeping and packed them away in labeled plastic tubs. I just have to keep the momentum going. We also have the bathroom in the basement ripped out and we have bought a new bath and hubby will be plumbing it in. We had a shower in before so it will be a bit more complicated for him. We will need to buy a new sink and toilet as we are totally renovating it. We also got a new window installed in the basement bedroom, which means it’s a legal bedroom. We are really renovating it and doing the work ourselves. It’s interesting as hubby said when we did this 25 years ago it was done in no time. Also the boys were teenagers and helped with a lot of the stuff with him. As you get older the stamina is not there.
Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

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Liz thank God she is okay. I sometimes feel that they should take everyone with an addiction to gambling, drugs and/or alcohol and put us all on an island where we can’t have access to any of these things and leave us there until we are clean. It sounds a bit excessive and would not cure any of us because as soon as we were back to our old life with access to our addiction we would then be able to start again. I hope and pray that your daughter will find strength and guidance to get help with her addiction. We know it is not easy and that it has to come from within herself. No matter the addiction and having family or friends wanting us to stop we have to want it ourselves. I am sure you will sleep better now Liz knowing that she is okay.
Liz, thanks for your post on my thread I have read it a few times and I will answer it there.

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Velvet thank you for your post and I do appreciate that you took the time to post. I have been dealing with hubby’s drinking for years and I think to some extent it may have been part of the reason that I ended up going to the Casino. In the evening he comes home from work and drinks. He has stopped drinking hard liquor and now it is just beer. He limits himself by only buying 8 or 10 cans a night. He would call me some evenings on my way home from work if I had been at a meeting asking me to pick up more beer. I told him that I will no longer pick up beer for him which he now accepts. I thought it was an interesting question you asked.. did I ever have a drink with him. The answer is NO. I am a social drinker and it is few and far between that I drink a glass of wine. He was not really a drinker either, sure when we were younger we would go out at weekends, but then we had kids and we would go out sometimes, but drinking was not the main focus. I realize now that I let him treat me very badly when he was drunk, meaning he was verbally abusive when he drank hard liquor. We had a bit of a blow out about 5 years ago. We were at a cabin for the weekend and he was totally drunk. His sister and her husband were there as well. After that I told him that I was not going to be around if this is what life was going to be like with him. We were talking about retiring and I think I just panicked that this was going to be my life in retirement. He stopped drinking hard liquor and went to beer. I think the long and the short of it is that I am angry at him for the way he treated me, which I allowed for years, when he was drunk. I now wish that I had done something sooner, but I cant change the past. We are getting closer to retiring and I do find myself not looking forward to it with his drinking. He is a functioning alcoholic as he works full time and also does renovations around the house.
I have for years been saying that I want to go to Al Anon, but have not done anything about it. I have suggested that he go to AA but he said he could not do that. I suppose to some degree I am burying my head in the sand and not dealing with it. It is unusual for me to even post all this so that is progress. I know that gambling is not the answer, but I now understand that going to the Casino and playing slots was like a numbing feeling for me to escape his drinking and any stress that I had in my life. I know gambling is not the answer, but I still have to be aware that I do want to run and play slots to escape. One day at a time. I do not plan on gambling today!!!

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Liz I am thinking of you and praying that you hear something soon. It must be like torture what you are going through right now. This is one of those time when I think why, why, why. We also know that when we are in thrones of our gambling addiction our minds are not clear and so it is with your daughter. She is not doing this to hurt you or anyone as it her addiction that is in control of her right now. God help her. Liz keep posting as you need the support of your friends here at this time.

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All I can say is that my heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Liz it really makes me wonder how much can one person take as you have been through so much. I just pray that you hear from your daughter soon. I wish we could wave a magic wand and cure everyone with addictions. I am so glad that your grandson is going home with you as it will keep you busy and I know that just him being with you is a comfort.

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Thanks Bettie you are as sweet as always!!!

After I read Liz’s post it is really hitting me that I need to change my attitude towards my husband’s addiction and try and encourage him to get help. I am angry at him because of his drinking, and I am pulling away from him emotionally, which is not healthy for him or me. I know that he has to be the one to stop, but my pulling away from him is not the best way to deal with it. I have this anger towards him inside me though about his drinking and I am not communicating with him like I should be. God help me find the strength and courage to deal with this in a healthy way for him and me.

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I will pray for the safe return of your daughter, and you and your family as you are going through this terrible time. I just can’t imagine what it is like for you right now. The more I get to know so many wonderful people here and the challenges that we face with this gambling addiction, and then to hear about their family members who also have addictions they are dealing with. I am realizing more and more what addictions do to everyone when I read your post.

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(((P))) don’t worry about getting all the stuff out by posting it here as it really does help. It is one day at a time P and you will get up that hill like the little engine that could, just by saying I can do it, I can do it, I can do it… I hate the feeling after a gambling binge, it is pure hell trying to get back on track and yet you are here doing it. WTG for coming back and fighting for your gamble free life. I am going to give you a suggestion and that is to have something in place so that you don’t have access to money to gamble. I don’t know what you can do to achieve this, but give it some thought P!!!! I know I could not have access to money as I did not trust myself, and even when I had some gamble free time behind me I had days that I would not take money with me. It just helped to get the temptation out of my way. I know you can do it (((P))) Cyber hugs and keep posting and getting all the pain out!!!! It does not matter if it is depressing or not, it is important to blurt it all out as it makes you feel better!!!!

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Thanks for your posts (((Vera))) and (((peacegirl))) I played the free slots a few weeks ago and I stopped as all it did was make me want the real thing. I know that I am not cured and there are days when I would love to play those machines, but I am a compulsive gambler and once I start I can’t stop. Do I like the fact that I am a compulsive gambler, NO, do I wish I could be a normal gambler, YES, but no amount of wishing and dreaming will ever make me a normal gambler where those machines are concerned. It is what it is and I have no choice, but to accept it, the other consequences don’t even bear thinking about. I continue to have a fear of ending up playing those slots again, which is helping to keep me away. I know as someone who quit smoking for over 14 years and started again that you are never cured from an addiction. I now have to work on quitting smoking again. I wish I could get addicted to healthy eating and exercising LOL Although, I should not laugh as for some people that is a real addiction. It is just when you are overweight and don’t exercise you think it would be wonderful.
I am proud to say that I started on my boxes in the basement on the weekend and have been busy discarding and organizing them. I have still lots more to do, but I feel as if I have got some interest in doing it. I am focusing on my home just now and it is helping me have a more positive outlook with the boxes. I am also seeing progress in the renovations we are doing in the basement, so one step at a time. I find that I do need to have a focus as it does help to keep the mind away from my “friend the slots” NOT my friend, but the mind plays tricks on us. When the thoughts and urges come to gamble it is difficult to get our mind onto other things. We just want to go one more time, but alas it is never ever one more time. How do I know this, because for me I have gone back one more time again and again and again, and the results never changed as I ended back in a gambling binge fighting to stay away. I have to write that down so that I continue to remember that part of this addiction. It is just like an alcoholic taking one drink, a smoker taking one puff it never ever stops there. I am a compulsive gambler and I am powerless over those machines once I put one dollar in. I do not plan on gambling today!!!

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I hope you don’t mind, but I am leaving this message for (((Pumpkin))) as with the post it tells me that she is still reading your posts. I do think of you often Pumpkin and wonder how you are doing. I remember you in my prayers. I will never forget you and P as your support and caring for me helped me so much in my recovery. I do miss those chats and laughs and if every I can support you I want you to know that I will in any way that I can. Pumpkin never give up on yourself. I don’t know if you still have your cats, but if so, give them hugs from me and a big cyber hug to you (((Pumpkin)))

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(((Sweet Pea))) cyber hugs as I know you need them. It is so hard to pretend sometimes P!!! We feel so unhappy, sad, devastated, unworthy and the list goes on as to how we feel in the inside, and yet we put on this brave face to the outside world that everything is fine. It is so much easier to tell someone else that they are an awesome person than to say it to ourselves. I want you to repeat after me…Sweet Pea is a caring, smart, intelligent, lovable person. Yes, she is a compulsive gambler that does not mean that she is not a good person, who has a terrible disease/addiction. You are so worth working on and I have Faith that you will do this, and I for one am very proud of how far you have come. One day at a time, one hour, one minute, one second whatever it takes you will get there (((P)))

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Congratulations Carole on cutting up your debit card. It shows that you are doing all that you can to put those barriers in place. It sounds as if you are really busy with your work on the rental property. We are all different, however, for me I seem to do better with some structure in my life, even if I don’t always like what I have to do LOL
Your time with your Granddaughters sounded like so much fun. It is wonderful memories that you are creating for them. I hope that your mother is doing alright Carole, and please remember if I can do anything please let me know. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!

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(((P))) I am sorry that you are going through this hell right now, as to me it is the only way to describe the despair, self loathing that a compulsive gambler goes through after a gambling binge. Keep posting how you feel and just get it out. Go to your counsellor and let it all out. You will start to feel better day by day. You cant change the past, but it is in the past, it’s time to look forward. WTG on 10 days gamble free, that is you moving forward. Keep thinking about all the days you would have gambled if you had not been here working recovery. I wish I could give you a big hug and sit and have coffee with you and tell you that you are a wonderful and awesome person. You look after your little family by yourself. I want you to write down what you would say to someone else who was going through what you are going through right now, and then read it back to yourself. Show compassion and caring to yourself Sweet Pea as that is what you deserve. You don’t deserve the horrible things you are saying to yourself. I know you will get there (((P)))

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Sweet Pea would you have had as much gamble free time over the last 5 years if you had not been working recovery. You have achieved more than you know. You never give up and although you have had relapses you fight tooth and nail to get back into recovery. It is not easy to get back on the right track after we have gambled. It’s the worst possible thing to go through those urges and all you want to do is give in to them and gamble. You are an inspiration to so many of us so never give up trying. I hate this addiction and what it does to us. You will do it (((P))) one day at a time!!! Grab all the support you can and hold on tight!!!!

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