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“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
― Maya Angelou

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Liz I read your post last night and I was just thinking about how you posted about going to Church on Sunday. I don’t know why but for a while I was going most Sundays and then I stopped again. I feel so much better when I go, but sometimes I just seem to get reclusive, which really is not my normal self. I need to get our more and socialize not just through work. I do a lot of networking at work and I find that sometimes when I get home I don’t want to talk to anyone. I wonder if that is the reason. I have to say that is one of the things that scares me about retiring is missing the social interaction. I know that there are lots of opportunities out there though, but sometimes it’s getting the head round making the commitment.
I think it will be good for you to go out and meet people who understand what it is like to lose a spouse.
I have to say that I admire how well you are dealing with your daughters. I cant imagine how challenging that is for you. I know that when I was younger and my brother who had a drinking problem got into trouble, it was nothing serious, but there was always something. I saw the stress it caused my Mum and I saw her heart was breaking. I dealt with it by putting a barrier around myself as I could not deal with it. I wish I had shown my Mum more compassion to help her deal with it. We always teased her about my brother, her first born and we would say “blue eyes” cant do anything wrong!!! I do have some good memories from childhood, but like all families we were far from perfect. Thanks for letting me share these with you Liz. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!! Do something nice just for you Liz as you do deserve it!!!

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(((Ican))) you can’t change what happened, it’s in the past. Don’t look back unless it is to learn from the past, but also don’t beat yourself up as it does not help you moving forward. Happy Birthday and that is so wonderful that your husband has organized such a wonderful birthday for you. I wish I was a young as you LOL I turned 62 last month and I am still working. I do enjoy my job though and I am concerned about not working and not being challenged. I am a bit of a workaholic and it is amazing how our identity can all be intertwined with our jobs. I know that I will have to be really careful when I retire as I know that having too much time on my hands is not a good thing. I will take it one day at a time though and not worry about it as that does not achieve anything. I will just bury my head in the sand LOL
Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy yourself!!!!

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Liz when I heard about Ken losing his son it made me think of you and how your daughter had been missing. I hope and pray that she finds the strength to face her addiction soon and do something about it. I hate to think of the pain that she must be going through with her addiction, as we know when we are in the thrown of our gambling addiction that we are hurting inside, but don’t want to deal with it, so we keep going and feeding it. We also know that no matter how much we want someone else to stop drinking, doing drugs, gambling or whatever that it does not matter as it has to come from the person who has the addiction. My hubby has said he will stop drinking on Monday, it’s always Monday he has to quit. I should try and be positive about it, but he has told me this so many times and he may stop for two days or so and then he is back to it. He will not go and get support, but I can’t control him so I have to let him do it his own way.
I love when you write about your grandson and I got a chuckle out of his 98% better!!! I love the innocence of kids. That was wonderful that he was able to go to the final game of the play offs for his baseball team, and then for his team to win!!!!
I hope that you see your younger daughter soon and give her that hug and tell her you love her. It is so true when we are in the thrown of our addiction we did not think clearly and ended up hurting people, although it was never intentional. I know that I carry guilt with some of the things I did when I gambled, but I can’t change the past and I have to look forward. Here I am rambling away on your page!!! Have a wonderful gamble free day Liz!!!

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(((Carole))) thanks for letting me know about Ken. I truly believe to lose a child, no matter their age, for a parent is one of the most difficult things they will ever have to face. I can’t imagine what Ken and his family are going through right now.
You take care of yourself and take it one day at a time!!!

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Hi (((P))) cyber hugs to you. I know you are hurting right now, but I want you to know that you are still in my thoughts even if you are not posting. I hope you get your coffee and check in and this post gives you a little lift to brighten your day. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…. get through today without gambling!!! If you try just for today then it is amazing how much you can achieve. We are all human and we continue to fight this addiction day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. It is not easy P after you have poked the bear as the addiction consumes you. It is the only thing you can think of. You just want to give in as you cant stand it, but you know it will get easier the longer the bear lies sleeping. Wishing you a gamble free day (((P))) Miss you

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I am sending you a Happy Face Ican to remember to put on your Calendar :):) I would have a little ritual at the beginning of the day, where I would get my Calendar and put my bright green colour on the previous day and say I did not gamble. I loved to see the bright green days shining in my calendar. I would then make a commitment that I did not plan on gambling that day. It is one day at a time. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!

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Ken it is difficult to find the words to express how my heart aches for you and your family. It is devastating to lose a loved one, but when it is your child it is not the natural progression of life, and one of the most difficult losses to deal with. May you find comfort in your precious memories of your son. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Liz thanks for your post and anytime you post to my thread you are never taking up my post. It is challenging when the person we want to be there for us the most is not there. It is a difficult thing to deal with. We sometimes just need someone to lean on and provide emotional support to us and I know that for me my mother was always there for me in that way. It would not matter what I did she would always be there for me. I realize now that I am older that my Dad loved me in his own way, but it has taken years for me to realize that. He was the strict disciplinarian and had a gambling addiction and his was betting on the horses. I hated him for years because of it. There were times we could not get things as he had to have his gambling money. I believe that I was given this addiction so that I could forgive my Dad. Life is strange at times.
I am finding it interesting how the negative thought pattern impacts us and I am not just talking about with gambling. I have done quite a bit with sorting my boxes and organizing things in the basement, but I don’t take time to say a positive word to myself in my head. It’s still negative thinking about I need to get off my but and go through the stuff still to be done and get it finished. I have probably done about 60% of it, but I don’t look at that, I look at what I still have to do. I know that I will get it done. I also need to get out this weekend and do some weeding and plant some flowers. I know that I will feel so much better if I do it. I love to have it looking nice, but I don’t like the work associated with it, even though the exercise is good for me. It is two fold I am getting older and I don’t have the stamina to keep going as I did when I was 30 and also being overweight and out of shape does not help. I work full time plus and I am wanting the basement finished. Well, I can only do what I can do, so I will take it one day at a time and I will get there. I do not plan on gambling today. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!

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I just want you to get up and have your coffee and know that I am sending cyber hugs to you. You are not alone Sweet Pea as I am always sending warm telepathy thoughts your way. I know it is tough for you right now, but I know it will get easier, and you know this as well. All we can do is take it one day at a time and remember that any gamble free day is a good day!!! I want you to think of all the gamble free days that you have had because you come here or go to GA or counselling. Also reach out and get all the support that you can to help you. Have a wonderful gamble free day Sweet Pea!!!!

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(((Ican))) I am not going to sugar coat it as I know I hated Day 1 and God knows I had enough of them. I am going to suggest that rather than count days that you just focus on today. It does not matter what day you are on as long as it is a gamble free day!!! I want you to get a calendar and every day you do not gamble then put a nice bright tick on it, or a happy face. If you do gamble put an Black X on it. It was Carole that suggested this to me, and you know it helped me so much as when I was struggling and I would look at how many gamble free days I had in comparison to gamble days, it helped give me incentive to keep going. Don’t look back ICan you are not going that way, you are moving forward one day at a time!!! I did the Calendar thing for over a year and I still have it. At first there was no months without some black X’s on it. I found it tough to get through a month without gambling, but slowly one day at a time I got through a month. I also used it as a way of saying to myself, look how many days you did not gamble!!! We have a tendency to only think about the days we gambled so put the focus on the days you did not gamble. I know that I was near the end of the month once and I fought so hard not to gamble so I could have no black Xs on that month. There were other months that I had a black X on the 2nd of the month, but at the end of the month I would count my gamble free days and give myself a pat on the back!!!
Please repeat after me I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!!! Have a wonderful gamble free day and be kind to yourself!!!

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Carole you are busy with all the renters you have and all the cleaning and housework to do because of that. Cleaning out sheds and taking stuff to the dump. Not to mention weeding. I don’t know where you get the energy to do all that. I find that I am okay with work as it is in an office, but when it comes to physical stuff I am so out of shape that I am exhausted in no time. I am making progress with the basement and my boxes. I looked at the flower beds at the front of the house and it exhausts me just thinking about getting it weeded. Maybe if you do come to town you could drop by and weed it for me LOL I hope that your mother gets a place soon as it will put your mind at rest to know that she is somewhere that there will be people around to make sure that if she falls or anything that she is in a safer environment. I chuckled when I read that you have two dogs. You really have such a soft heart when it comes to less fortunate animals. You are one remarkable lady!!!!
Post when you get time as I love to hear how you are doing. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!

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Liz I am glad that your Grandson is starting to feel better as it is tough when kids are sick. I hope that he is back to his normal self real soon. It is true when we are home we do get a bit stir crazy, well at least I do. It is interesting that your mother would mention gambling in front of you when she know that you have a problem. I know that when people do mention playing slots/vlts it can cause me to get thoughts and urges so I know to be aware of it. I had to laugh as my sister-in-law, who knows that I don’t play machines as I have a problem, tells me that she and her husband went to the States with one of the gambling specials. One time she handed me a scratch ticket and I said no thanks. I am extremely scared of anything that is an instant winner. I know that when I went to the Addictions counsellor she said that quite often people can have trouble with machines and scratch tickets because it is instant results. I suppose the same could be said for playing card, roulette etc. etc. Anyway, my point is that people just don’t think. I certainly would not talk about alcohol around an alcoholic or give them a drink!!!! I made an appointment to go see a counsellor again as I find that sometimes I just need to go and talk and let it all out!!!! It really seems to help me, and I never know what I am going to talk about before I go in, but all this stuff comes out!!!
I hope that you get nice neighbours as it makes a difference. I am glad that you are going to have your grandson around for the summer as you always seem happier when he is around. I think it is because we enjoy seeing things through the eyes of a child and it is good for us.
Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!

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Liz I did not feel that you did came off as preachy to me, you came off as very supportive and helpful, sharing information that may help me, and I really appreciate that you did. It is true I do love my husband as you did with your husband. Thank you for sharing what you have been through Liz, and I know you have gone through so much. Life can be challenging, but we have to keep working at it. I think for me my problem is that sometimes I keep things inside and don’t share with others. I know that I am a work in progress and I will continue working on improving myself and how I deal with things. I know I have to take it one day at a time.

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(((Sweet Pea))) you are probably tired as you could not sleep and everything seems worse when we are sleep deprived. It is tough to push ourselves to do things sometimes, and I am the best procrastinator in the world, except when I should procrastinate and not play machines. I think it was either Larry or Geordie that made a comment to me after I had posted about being a procrastinator that I should use that for placing my next bet. I do have times that I want to gamble. In fact just yesterday when I was out driving my mind went to the machines. I had money in my wallet and I visualized putting money in a machine and I could feel the excitement, and I thought I could may be go once. How we lie to ourselves as I know going once is not an option for me. I thought I may win some money, again I know I would not be a winner as I would feed it all back in. I thank God that I got my mind thinking differently and did not go. It is something we have to be on our guard for at all times. It hurts so much after we have some gamble free time behind us and we have a relapse. The gambling hangover is awful and our mind is continually wanting to take us back to gamble. You are going through a terrible time P, but you are getting through it. Keep your head up and look forward not backwards because you are not going that way!!!! I wish I could take some of the hurt away from you, but you know it will get easier!!!! One day at a time (((P)))

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