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Ican WTG that you have all those green $$$ signs on your calendar for June!!!! You have been having a challenging time with your husband and his job and yet you managed to achieve a month free of gambling. I am not saying that you will gamble, but it’s important to keep putting the green $$$ on every gamble free day. I know for me it was a visual thing. I know I had black X’s on some months, but I started to focus more on the green signs. So super excited and proud of you!!!

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Carole you were in a no win situation, as your friend was not being treated properly by her husband and you knew what he was doing. Therefore, do you ignore it and not be her friend and eventually when he leaves her think you should have told her. Her husband was annoyed at you because he had already left the marriage, and to say that you had done anything to ruin the trust his wife of 25 years had. I think he needs to look in the mirror and see who it is that has ruined her trust. How would your friend have felt if she found out later that you knew about her husband and his carrying on and you did not tell her. I can see why you would want to go gambling after this drama, but so proud of you for not gambling. Looking forward to your call to go for breakfast, lunch or supper whatever works for you!!! One day at a time, that is all we have to focus on.

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(((Bettie))) you really are dealing with too much right now. Your life just seems to go from one thing to another. I don’t know how many times you have had to deal with your bank changing owners, new bosses, new rules causing you stress!!! You have been dealing with family worries as well with your brother and his daughter. Your health issues, and now Jen moving away it is just too much to be dealing with. You will get through all this by just taking it one day at a time!!! Why does life always have to be so complicated? Why can we not just have some nice stress free time to deal with. You are getting through all these challenges without gambling WTG girl!!! I just want you to do something nice for you. It was probably good that your client took both donuts as she helped your sugar levels. Chin up and keep going one day at a time. Cyber hugs to you (((Bettie)))

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(((Carole))) It would be so awesome to be able to get together and have a good chin wag or blether as I call it . I know you have my number so we will touch base and set-up a date and time. The last time I saw you was when I was dropping you off after your very generous stem cell donation – you amazing brave person that you are!!!

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Bettie it seems that you just get things under control at your work and then they sell it. The stress you are under with all these changes is terrible. I am with Vera and I will pray for a Prince Charming to whisk you away to live close to Jenn. In the meantime look after yourself and make sure you eat to keep your sugar levels where they should be. One day at a time B!!!!

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I don’t know why, but I have this feeling that if we all got together we could have a fun time, and I don’t mean gambling!!! I think sometimes I fear telling people about my private challenges and it does not help with the gambling, but I am open here and say what is bothering me. I don’t feel the same pretense or superficial way that I am at times in person. I am not sure if I am explaining myself very well.

I have been on vacation last week, along with hubby or as they call it now staycation when you don’t go anywhere LOL I will be glad to get back to work for a rest as I have been doing physical work, packing and lugging boxes. I am too heavy and out of shape that I really notice that I cant do things like I used to. I don’t think it’s my age that is the problem, it’s being out of shape. When I see people who are 80 and over running marathons and weight lifting I think it shows us that we can do things if we put our mind to it. I need to work on pushing food away from my mouth and not into it!!!
I feel as if I achieved something this week and that is the first time I have been feeling that way for a while. Also hubby achieved lots as well. The new bathroom is taking shape. The bath is installed with shower and plumbing is all working. I think the bathroom will be finished in two weeks. Our son who lives in town has been here helping one day a week for the last three weekends. Our daughter who has moved back in is helping with the painting, ripping out carpet and whatever else. We got a new bedroom window installed, thank goodness we had someone else do that. The bedroom carpet is now out the walls painted and virtually just about ready for new carpet. Our daughter will be starting with the next room ripping out the carpet soon. I have been going through all our stuff in the basement and getting rid of stuff, shredding old paperwork, packing and organizing things in large plastic containers. It definitely gives me a feeling of accomplishment. Our son, his wife and our grandkids will be here in just under two months so we still have a lot to do. We had completed the laundry room and storage area earlier. And we have decided if we get the bathroom and two bedrooms finished, then we can leave the living room area until after they have been, if we run out of time to complete it.
It is all carpeted and painted, but we just want to paint and put new carpet in. I am so focused on this it is helping keep the thoughts of gambling away. I have also been seeing a “new counsellor” again. The last one moved to another province, just as well that I don’t have abandonment issues LOL I really like the new counsellor so I am happy about that. I was having a really tough time as the anniversary of our grandbabies second heavenly birthday is coming up, but going to the counsellor is helping me. I know before that I would have ended up gambling.
I enjoy being busy and motivated, but sometimes I just cant get going. I am still looking into researching loneliness, retirement etc.
Carole, I believe that you are right in your comment about my identity and work as it is a huge part of who I am as a person. I have to go and get started doing some more stuff around here before I go to work this afternoon.
I appreciate so much all your comments and suggestions as it makes me think. Wishing each of you a wonderful gamble free day.

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Vera thanks for the post, and I am so delighted that you have a brand new “our” car. It made me think that you made a big step doing that. I know that I like my own car and my independence and the thought of having and “our” car again with hubby would be challenging. Although, you are right in that the expense of having two cars does not make sense when you retire. I think I will keep working longer now so I can keep my car LOL I was so ready to retire in the winter time, but now I don’t think I am ready yet. It is a scary thought for me to retire. I think we had such a long freezing cold winter last year that I just wanted to be able to get our of here, but now the sun is shining and I am feeling better the doubts of retiring come back. I keep saying a couple of years, and now it is getting close to saying one year I don’t think I am ready for that now. It is so confusing. I know that I do find my job stressful at times so I may need to retire from that, and then I could do a part-time job at something, then of course I would still need a car LOL. I will take it one day at a time and see how I feel this winter. I am rambling away here as usual, but sometimes it is good to ramble, as it helps to get your thoughts out and what is bothering you.
Vera I continue to remember you in my prayers. One day at time is all we can do. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!!! I notice that the Serenity Prayer is in my thoughts lots lately. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

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(((Carole))) WTG on not gambling. I understand what you mean about loneliness as I feel that way as well at times. I think sometimes for me it is not sharing with anyone how I really feel. I have a hubby and a few close friends, but it’s as if I don’t want to share my inner thoughts with them. My counsellor told me one time that it is difficult to admit to anyone that you are lonely. I don’t understand why we feel lonely at times. I think I am going to do some research on that and try to understand it. I also know that when I have those lonely feelings that I just want to hide away and be reclusive. Thanks for posting about it Carole as it shows there are others who feel the same way. I think that one of the reasons I fear retirement is that I will not have as much social interaction and that will be a big thing for me. I wonder if we are at the between age LOL Where we are getting older, but not yet old!!!
Please let me know if you have to come to see your mother as we could get together. I am still so very proud of you for what you did in donating your stem cells. You really amazed me, as here you are a person who does not like pain and you put yourself through all that for someone you don’t know. What an amazing person you are. Enjoy your granddaughters and the beach.

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Lorraine so glad to see that you enjoyed GA and that you are having better thoughts. It is tough as we would all like to go back and change our past, but we cant, so no use dwelling on it. Let it go as it will just drag you down. You do have a choice though for moving forward and you are doing something about it by going to GA. I know that you have so much to deal with in your personal life with your husband being sick, your daughter just having surgery. You are doing great and you are on the right track. Keep posting and getting those stinking thinking thoughts out on your posts. I find it helps just to type it out and somehow it helps to move on. Wishing you a gamble free day!!!

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Kathryn WTG on standing up for yourself and not allowing yourself to be mistreated by some arrogant person. The posts you made and seeing your gamble free time was an inspiration to me when I started recovery. There is always a reason for things happening and you have decided that there is something better out there for you. I am so proud of you for having the guts to say enough is enough!!! Yes, it will be scary for you without a job, and if you don’t get another job right away you may get scared, but it all happened for a reason, and if I was a betting person (LOL) I would say that there is something better just waiting for you. Keep posting and happy job hunting!!! Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!!

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Thanks for the post Vera. I am thrilled to hear that you have not been gambling. I always remember you in my prayers. Did you really sell your car? If you did and it is helping keep you away from gambling then it is worth it. I am sure that you miss your car and the independence it gave you, although is going to the Casino really independence. It is better to have no car and not gamble!!! I know that I have to be careful right now in regards to playing machines I just feel it and know it. It is not because hubby had a few beers it’s just stress, emotions and wanting to run away from everything right now. I know though that this will pass!!! Gambling would make it worse!!!

There is an event that I am meant to go to on Friday for work and it is being held in a function room at a Casino. I went last year, but I have decided that I am not going this year. You have to walk through the area will all those machines to get to the meeting room area!!!! I don’t feel strong enough right now so I will have a couple of staff go. I am getting better at delegating LOL I am also getting better at realizing that I am at a point where I have to be careful.
I went shopping after work last night and boy was that depressing. I tried on some outfits for work, but did not buy a thing. Would you believe that I looked terrible in everyone of them. Why can I not go shopping and buy clothes that make me look 50lb lighter LOL It is a reality check when you go shopping and you need the bigger size and you look in the mirror and you can’t believe what you are seeing. I know that I am the only one that can do something about it. Why could I not be a procrastinator about eating…. funny how that works where we procrastinate about doing things we need to do, but not about the things we don’t need to do, like eating the lovely desserts.
I am rambling away here, but it is just one of those days where I need to change my attitude. I think I need to go back to bed and get out of the other side LOL
I need to change my outlook today and remember to count my blessings and think of the many things that I have to be grateful for.
I will take it one day at a time. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can (losing weight) and the wisdom to know the difference. Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!!

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Thanks for your post Liz and we never know what challenges people are facing. I find that I appreciate the support that I receive at GT. I went for my counselling appointment on Friday and I am glad that I went. I am going back next week and I am looking forward to going. I found it interesting when I started talking that what came up was the fact that next month it is two years since my grandson was stillborn. I did not realize how it was on my mind. I have been having lots of thoughts about gambling lately and I am sure that is part of the reason. I was driving home from work today and I started thinking it would be wonderful to go to the casino to have some fun, to relax and just escape from everything. I got my mind away from it, but the longing of being able to go somewhere and spend the day and hide from everything keeps coming. I know that playing those machines is not the answer, but it does not stop me wanting it. It makes me aware that I have to be very careful right now when I am having those thoughts and urges. I know that for me if I went once then it would be the same old story having to fight tooth and nail to stay away, the gambling hangover, losing money, the guilt, the remorse, hating myself. It is one day at a time. I just thank God that I did not act on my thoughts and urges. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Liz I feel for you and it must be hell for you right now that your daughter decided to go back to the city. I will pray that she is shown the way to a life without drugs. I wonder if it would have helped if she had been in a residential place for addictions. I think the fact that she came to you to asking your help shows she knows that you are there for her. It must have been heart breaking to drop her at her friends when all you wanted to do was hold her and take her home and protect her from the drug addiction. I believe the fact that she tried shows that it is something she wants to do, but as we know addictions have a strong hold on us. I pray that she will not give up on herself and will try again soon. I so hate addictions and what they do to the person and their loved ones.
My husband went 5 days without drinking then he had beer on Saturday and Sunday. I don’t know how to handle it as I was annoyed that he drank again. This morning I asked him if he was going to try again (he always has to start on a Monday) and he said yes. We will see what happens though. It is interesting how my addiction has helped me in some ways though. He told me that he was not planning to drink on Sunday, but I had annoyed him. I told him not to put it on my shoulders. I would have accepted that before that I had caused it, but I am a bit smarter now. He is a functioning alcoholic and he works and is at home in the evening drinking. It is so much more difficult for you as your daughter is not at home so it is more stressful what you are going through. I pray to God that she will find the path to recovery and until she does that she is kept safe. I believe we can never give up hope. (((Liz)))

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Congratulations on deciding to go to Gordon House residential and I am sure that you will learn so much about dealing with this gambling addiction there. I would be careful about not taking your anti-depressants though as I am sure they have been prescribed by your doctor. To come here every day and post before you go to Gordon House will help you in your recovery. We are all the same here suffering from a gambling addiction. It is one day at a time we live by. Wishing you a gamble free day!!!

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Liz, I cried when I read your last post as it is a step in the right direction. She is trying and we all know that it is hard to find the strength and courage to fight an addiction. I pray with all my heart that she will find the strength to get through this. We know that it is only the person with the addiction that can change things. I am glad that she is not giving up trying as one time she will get it right.
My hubby is trying to fight his addiction right now and I know it is not easy for him. I don’t mention drinking to him as that is how he deals with it best. It is not the way I would deal with it, but I have to leave him to do it his own way. I understand what you say about not trying to put any expectations on it as I am the same with my hubby. I pray that he can do it this time. He has tried a number of times before, but I think this is the longest he has gone for a long time- 4 days. I am holding my breath as the weekend is coming up, but all I can do is pray for him to find the strength.

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