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WTG R2c on your gamble free time.  Also thank you for telling Vera about the counseling as I am sure that it will be a help to her.  Vera has been such a help to so many of us on this site that it is wonderful to see her getting some support!!!!  Your post about cgs changing their minds a lot does make sense to me.  I some***** think the reason I gambled was money as it would have been such a help to me, then other ***** I was running away from my emotions and not dealing with things, then other ***** I wanted some fun and excitement in my life.  It did not matter the reason that I gambled the one thing that never changed was losing money, chasing money and walking out with no money.  The number of ***** I prayed to God to let me get my money back.  I finally accepted that I was never getting my money back, it was there money now.  I hated how I felt after I lost money.. the feeling of self loathing, hating myself.  Only another cg can know the feeling of hate towards ourselves because of how we had **** to those we loved.  How our gambling was all we could think about. It was all about being able to escape to gamble.  It sounds sad when our sane mind is there, but when the addiction mind is working we are not thinking clearly.  We have to continue to take it ODAAT as that is the only way we can achieve a gamble free life.  Keep going R2c you are doing awesome!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Thanks everyone for the posts.  I just checked back and the last time I posted here was April 8, which is nearly a month ago.  I have been posting on the monthly page and pages of others.  I don’t know why but I am having a tough time lately with thoughts of gambling.  I am wondering if it is because I am at 6 months without putting money in those slots/vlts.  I know that the last time I got to 6 months that I had to fight every day to stay away and then I got to 7 moths and then gambled. I don’t know if it is fear that I will do the same or is it the addiction and I need a fix.  I know the last time I started gambling after 7 months it was September 30 that I first went and it continued to November 1 so it tough to get back to ******** days.  I was not ******** days for a while I was focusing on a gamble free life, but there is something about beating the longest gamble free time you have.  I know if I keep thinking like this then I will be back gambling and I don’t want that.  I have to remember that I am still paying gambling debt and the feeling of despair and hating myself when I gamble.  I know that I will not win as I will continue gambling until I lose every last cent and keep running to get more and more cash.  I don’t carry the credit card with me any more where I got the cash to gamble.  I remember the last time I felt like this I did not take any money with me so I could not gamble.  It is good that I am aware of it though as it keeps me on my toes and realize that I cant be complacent.  I am so aware now though that gamble free time does not mean anything as it is so easy to be back to Day 1.  I will not gamble today and that is all that I will focus on!!!!  Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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I did not gamble yesterday and I do not plan on gambling today!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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P, it is so great to see you posting and acknowledging your struggles.  I am so glad you are contacting someone from GA before you go rather than afterwards.  It isn’t easy some days when we get those thoughts and urges.  I know that I am having more thoughts lately…  I just have to take it one day at a time the same as everyone else here.  Take care!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Hi Bettie, so glad that you were able to get a visit with Debbie.  I truly believe it is important for us to have something to look forward to.  I am going on a trip in two weeks to see my grandsons and I know that it really makes a difference to me.  I cant wait to see them.  It sounds as if you are getting better health wise as well.  Thanks for your posts and support when I needed them.  Take care Bettie!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Vera, so wonderful that you have started your own thread.  How is your counseling going?  I know that you said on a post that all you did was talk.  I know that is what I do as well, but it surprised me how some things came up as I was talking.  The counselors tend to pick up on things and give you suggestions and help you deal with them.  I have not been for a while, but it really did help me.  I hope your health is doing okay. One day at a time my sweet lord…

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I did not gamble yesterday and do not plan on gambling today!!!!  Hubby and son just left and will not be back until supper time, and when I was gambling I would have been at the Casino by now so excited that I could spend the day there without having to *** and sneak around. I am glad that I am not doing that anymore that all I could think about was gambling.  My plan today is to change the bedding and catch up with laundry and tidy up around the house. Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Sherry, you sound as if you are so busy with your new home and feeding all your baby calf’s.  Do you have any *****?  If so I am coming to visit you at lambing time as I want a pet lamb!!!!  It is wonderful to see you so focused on something and not gambling.  WTG Sherry!!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…

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(((Liz))) I am so delighted that you have a new car and it sounds awesome!!!  Also, thrilled that Carole is there visiting you as she is one special lady.  I am sure that you will be a wonderful support for each other being able to chat away.  A road trip sounds like so much fun!!!  Have a great visit!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…

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(((P))) those urges are awful, but hang in there as you are doing great!!!!  How about a quick post to let us know how you are doing.  Keep posting P, you can do this!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Vera, I don’t know that I enjoyed every gamble free day as I had to fight to stay away from gambling on many of the days.  I so wanted to go and see my "friend" the vlt/slots just to escape from all my emotional turmoil, and I also wanted to go for some excitement in my life.  There are days I have to fight to stay away, but I know if I put one cent/penny in those slots/vlts then I am finished!!!!  I can’t stop once I start feeding the addiction.  I wish that I could be a responsible gambler, but I am slowly accepting that I will never be a responsible gambler.  I do miss my "friend" and I yearn to go and see the vlt/slots, but I know anyone who takes all your time and money is not a real friend.  I have days that I feel so depressed and down and think if only I could go for a "wee while", but I have to accept I can’t.  I know that many people here have said they feel that they would not be the people they are today if they had not gambled.  I don’t know if I feel that way.  I wish to **** that I had never started with those bloody machines, but I can’t change the past, and I think of the saying…"don’t look back, your not going that way".  I will continue to plod day by day to get through.  I know that I am scared about things when I think about retiring as then I would have all that time on my hands.  I know that I am a bit of a workaholic so I have to think and do some planning for when I quit working.  I also know that I could very easily end up back playing those vlt/slots in a split second, so I have to continue to be on my guard no matter how much gamble free time I have.  The longest I have gone gamble free since I joined GT is 7 months so Vera I have never achieved what you did with a year of gamble free time!!!!  I will continue to take it one day at a time and work towards a gamble free life.  I know that there are a number of people on this site who have achieved a number of years so it can be done, but they all got there the same way by taking it one day at a time.  I did not gamble yesterday and do not plan on gambling today.  Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Hi P, just a quick post as I need to get a shower and get to work.  You are doing great and I loved your post about how you are dealing with the urges and phoning someone.  I really do see such growth in you and your posts… you have come a long way since I have joined GT.  I have so much admiration for you as you never give up.  You really are a fighter who is battling this addiction and you know what girl, you will win the war against it!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

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I did not gamble yesterday and I do not plan on gambling today.  It is now 6 months since I put money in those slots/vlts and I did it ODAAT.  I know that I am the same distance away from everyone in placing my next bet.  I have been here before so I know how easy it is to be back to Day 1…One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Why oh why would people do these horrible things – why would anyone hurt innocent people at the Boston People Marathon – I am so fed up with all this violence – I heard there were 3 people killed and one of them was a little 8 year old. There are hundred of people hurt and some of them are in critical condition.  I just don’t understand the reason for this.  May God bless those who have been killed and all those who are hurt and help their families. 
I thank God that I did not gamble today as it would seem terrible to have been sitting in front of a machine when this tragedy happened. One day at a time my sweet lord…

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Liz, sometimes it is hard to find the words and that is how I feel right now.  I am so happy that Carole is coming to visit as she is a wonderful person and it will be great to have her there with you to talk to.  I wonder if it would help you to get some anti-depressants or something for a while to help you through.  I don’t know how all the things work with probate and your hubbies daughter.  I hope and pray that it all goes smoothly for you. One day at a time dear (((((Liz))))). One day at a time my sweet lord…

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