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Larry, so nice to see your post and have the opportunity to thank you for all the support you gave me when I joined GT and had my many slips. I know when I joined GT you were an inspiration to me as you were living a gamble free life one day at a time. I also know that my heart ached for you when you gambled, but I also appreciated that you shared it with us. As you know we all learn from each other and in my eyes you had it beat, but it showed me that we had to always be aware, as we are all the same time away from placing our next bet. I don’t know if that is exactly how you said it. I am thinking back and it is June, 2011 when I joined GT and started recovery. The last time I put money in a vlt/slot was November 1, 2012, but I know if I put one dollar in, it would be the same story. I tried so many times to be able to play those machines as a responsible gambler. It never worked for me. I accepted that I am a compulsive gambler and powerless over those machines. It will always be one day at a time!!! God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Keep looking after yourself Larry and God Bless.
Hi Liz I have not been posting much as I have been so busy, but I have been reading posts to see how everyone is doing. You sound as if you need a cyber hug (((Liz))) right now. I think we all have feelings of fear and rejection at times, and we just want to stay in our own safe cocoon. You are one brave lady to do all that you have done over the last 15 months. You have lost your husband, moved homes (sold your condo, and bought a house), let go of being responsible for your Grandson (I know that you are still very much involved in his life, but it is at a different level). I would say that to have achieved all this you are one remarkable lady.
Do you like to read Liz, if so, then why not get involved in a book club in your town, as that would be a way of meeting new people. I know that you have mentioned finding a Church as well.
You are still dealing with the house you are looking at buying for your daughter and grandson, and that is stressful. I was very happy to see that you are letting your daughter be more responsible in the move and not packing everything for her. It is difficult to sometimes stand back and let them do things themselves as we want things done a certain way, and they do it their own way.
Remember life is about the journey, not the destination!!!!Ican in some ways you remind me of me. It sounds as if you are missing your kids and being part of their life. I think that my kids were the main focus of my life and it is hard to all of a sudden make a life for myself. My life was never about what I wanted, it was what my kids and hubby wanted. I would never make a decision based on what I wanted, it was what everyone else wanted. I am working on making decisions based on what I want and not feeling guilty. I can tell you it is a challenge for me. It was almost as if I did not count. Why don’t you put away any amount that you can, especially if you are thinking of gambling, put the money somewhere you cant touch it. Why don’t you think about what Vera asked, can you take a trip to England? Can you imagine the fun you would have planning to do something like that. That would be your focus to keep you away from gambling. You would be thinking of your trip. You deserve to have something like that to focus on. I hope that we have planted a seed that grows into a trip of a life-time for you Ican. Our son, dil and grandkids are coming in August for a visit and I am super excited, but I know that I will be so down when they leave. I know that I will need to focus on our next visit to them to get me through. Ican is going to London to visit the Queen!!!! You can do it and you deserve it. It’s much better to spend your money on a trip than gamble it away. One day at a time Ican!!!!
Liz I pray that everything goes through okay for you with the house. I think that the gambling thoughts come when we are feeling stressed and overloaded, like you were today with everything about the house. I think as we recognize these things it helps us understand why we are getting urges. It’s interesting as I am writing that to you, as yesterday I was so stressed at work, but I did not have gambling thoughts. I had thoughts of having a massage!!! I wonder if that is progress. I just decided that I am going to book a massage for myself, as I do have a GC for a spa. Now that sounds luxurious pampering for myself. Anyway, enough about me. I am so glad that your mother has talked to you about the gambling, as admitting it to you is a big step for her. You have to remember though that she will have times she will not listen as you know first hand this will happen, so just think back to your own recovery. It may be that some of her moods and anger is her way of dealing with the gambling. She is angry at herself, but takes it out on someone else. I can remember being angry at myself about gambling, and would probably take it out on hubby after I gambled. I hate addictions and what they do to people!!! Have a wonderful day and look after yourself!!!!
Welcome SB and congratulations on seeking help in your recovery. Our compulsive gambling, gambling addiction or whatever we want to call it is something that fellow cg’s understand. Our loved ones don’t understand the grip that this addiction has on us as, thank God, they are not cg’s like us. It took me a while to understand that I have to take it one day at a time, and all we have to focus on is today. We don’t need to worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, all we need to go is focus on today!!!! It is going to take time for your loved ones to trust you again, as they have probably been hurt by your addiction. You have a father that loves you unconditionally and is there to help you. I don’t know if you have started going to GA or any other group to get help and support. Grab all the help and support that you can to help you in recovery. Another cg understands like no one else, as they have walked the walk!!!! WTG on joining GT!!!!
Bettie I hope you get to spend a bit more time with Debbie, but I suppose now that she is with a new bf that it is different than when you were visiting with her when she was single and foot lose and fancy free!!! I don’t know if that is a Scottish saying LOL Anyway, I am glad that you have a friend with you as then you can do things with her. I know that it is difficult for me sometimes as I would love to do things with friends, but as hubby is here it does not work out. Life and men can be so complicated at times. I just want you to have fun and when you are there just check out some of the Canadian men!!! I would love to meet with you again and just hang out. One day at a time!!!!
Liz have not posted for a while, but have been following your posts, which I always enjoy reading as they are so positive. I know you occasionally have a blah day, but for the most part you sound like a really positive person whose glass if half full!!! I pray that everything works out for you with the house. It will be wonderful for your grandson to be in a home in a more permanent basis and not moving all the time. It will provide him with more stability with his mother. I often wonder about your mother, why she is as she is, and think, could it be depression with her. Depression has so many different aspects to it, and one of them is anger. I believe that my hubby suffers from depression. We have been working together lately on the basement, and we do laugh and have fun together at times. We went out for supper last night, which was nice for a change. Life is so complicated sometimes. I really don’t know where you get all your energy from in regards to everything that you do. The packing, unpacking, doing laundry, running around etc. I think it may make a difference to me when I am not working full time, then I will have more energy for other things, or losing weight would make a big difference. Have a wonderful day, and I do hope everything works out with the house today!!!
I have not posted, but have been thinking about you and hoping that you are okay after your colonoscopy. Personally I find the prep for it, taking that horrible medication, was worse than the actual procedure. Post soon to let us know that you are okay!!!
ICan – can you see how many more dollar signs there are in comparison to “X’s” You have done great. It took me a while to start to look on the positive, but I got there eventually, and then it helped to keep me from giving in to my thoughts/urges.
You sound as if you are going through empty nest syndrome, and it’s not easy, as I know that I did. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for some of us. I think because our kids always came first in our lives so we did not think about ourselves, and then they are gone and we feel lost. I think we need to change our thinking and think it is okay to put “me” first!!!! Ican, it’s one day at a time!!! Good days, bad days we can get through one day. I am feeling a bit blah myself so I am sorry that I am not cheerier for you. You are doing awesome with all those $ signs!!! It made me go look at my calendar and one month I had 7 “X’s” on and the next I had none. Keep fighting those urges Ican, you can do it :):)I so enjoyed our visit, it was great to see you and meet your daughter and adorable granddaughters. I just wish you lived closer as then we could get together and chit chat and support each other. I really appreciated being able to talk to you and share with you how I was feeling. I am glad that you have your mother all moved into her new place, and at least you know she has 24/7 care. I spent the rest of the weekend working on the basement, with hubby, who got over me telling him where to go!!!! It is a long, slow job especially when you get older. We now have the bath, sink and toilet all working, but no door into it LOL Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!!
Bettie I don’t know how you deal with everything and stay positive. You have been on a roller coaster of ups and downs, more downs, and yet you continue to get through all this without gambling. I am so proud of you Bettie. I am happy for you that you are going to Debs for a vacation. As you say, as much as your would like to visit Jen and other family, it is not the same as “escaping” (I don’t know if I should be using that as a description) on a vacation where it is about what you want to do. I know you will have fun with Deb and it is nice to spend time with people who understand our gambling problem. Have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do LOL
Carole, I would prefer day time, how about brunch/lunch on Saturday, if that works for you. We can make it an early as you are having an early supper. You can let me know. I am so looking forward to seeing you and having a chit chat!!! Yeah
Liz you amaze me!!! You truly are an inspiration on how you handle controversy and find it in your heart to forgive. It is actually easier on us though if we can forgive others as then it does not eat us up. I see such a difference in your posts when you have the little grandson with you. It’s like you are more content when he is around. I have not been posting as I have been busy working on our basement, but I have been reading and keeping up, but just wanted to let you know I truly appreciate your posts as I learn so much from them, and they are inspiring. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!
(((Carole))) I know you are going to be busy when you are here, but I hope we have time to get together for an hour and coffee at the least. I understand though if you don’t have time. I would love to see you though. You really are doing awesome. I feel as if I need to get away for a break as well, but we will not be going anywhere for the next few months. Take care and have a great gamble free day!!!!