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I read your posts and could hear the despair in them. You have made an important first step by posting here and reaching out to others. I think most of us here understand the despair you describe. I would encourage you log on to the Live help line as I know for me that was my first step on my recovery journey. I am so proud of you for coming here and reaching out for support. It is not easy to admit that our life is in turmoil with gambling and that we have become this person we don’t recognize. You can do it Tara one day at a time!!! You deserve the life you want. Keep posting your thoughts and feelings as that helps so much.
I always find it so uplifting to read your posts and I wish that I was more positive like you. It is awesome, it’s as if you are in love with life!!! That is an incredible way to be. So happy for you and you have come a long way girl!!!!!!!
(((Carole))) that is awesome that you have applied for a few jobs today. I wonder if the house sale not going through, and with you not wanting to go back to the country to live it may have been the motivation you needed to make a decision and try for the inner city area. As you say just getting your foot in the door is a start. I am sure that you would be able to move from the inner city as well. It is awesome that you are doing well with your weight loss. I wish I could get through one day, but just can’t seem to get there yet. I know I will one of these days, and I hope it’s soon as if I eat healthy it usually makes me feel better and I have more energy!!!
I am hoping that if I start doing more around the house that it will help me with the weight as well. I know that it is going to be a long slow process in getting the basement done. It will also be the same with the weight… a long slow process. I always want instant gratification when it comes to weight loss. I decide I want to lose weight and I want it NOW. I know that I have to change my thinking process with that. Have an awesome day!!!!You sound a bit down and lonely right now. I know that the changing of the season can have that impact on me. I love fall, however, it does not seem to be lasting long here and it feels as if winter is just around the corner. The forecast is to be around -4 all week. We have started working on going through “stuff” in the storage room in the basement. It is amazing how much stuff you hold on to. We are going to empty it all out then paint the walls and put new flooring in the storage and laundry area. We are also putting an egress window in the bedroom down there. We are also going to update the bathroom with new shower, toilet sink, paint and new flooring. Once that is done then we will paint the rec room/den and office area and then we will pull the carpet out from the bedroom and everywhere and get new carpet. I am exhausted thinking about it. It is our winter project. I don’t know where I am going to get the energy to do it all. I don’t know why but I always feel better if we have a project that we are working on, or a trip to look forward to. I think it is better to spend our money on this than on gambling.
Carole, how do you feel about moving back to the Country? What do you really want to do? Did you join or go to any of the groups that you were going to go to in the evening? It may be good for you to go to the gambling group as you will meet new people who understand the compulsive gambling. I would say keep an open mind and meet some new people who understand what you are going through. Why don’t you try and get a part-time job to see how you enjoy it as you have so much to offer. Take care!!!Liz I am glad that you had a wonderful time on your San Diego trip and were able to spread your husband’s ashes at a place he enjoyed. It is amazing that everyone was able to find a sand dollar intact. I am so happy that you are moving forward and making a new life for yourself. I can’t Imagine packing up in three and a half weeks. OM Gosh you are going to be busy, but it is also exciting as well!!!!
So sorry that you are having the “sads”. It is horrible when you feel like that and you try and try to get out of it, but it is tough to do. It is strange how we can wake up one day so full of the joys, and other days the feeling of sadness will not go away. It depends how bad they are with me, but sometimes if I get out for a while and do something they lift, and then other times they stay with me. I don’t know what to say Sweet Pea, but you are doing great and your tenacity to say gamble free shows how strong your will is to have a life free of gambling!!! I am glad that you have decided that “we are never ever ever getting back together” with gambling. I hope that you get that song in your head and it gives you a smile :):)
I have figured out at last how to get into chat. It is so easy once you know, but it took me a wee while. If I am honest it has taken actually taken a while to figure it out. There was no one in the weekend chat, but at least I know how to do it now!!!!
(((Carole))) it sounds as if you are feeling a bit down right now. It is strange how we go through all of these different emotions and sometimes we don’t know why. I wonder if adrenaline has been keeping you going as you were just all systems ahead with moving to the City and then after you got moved you are just a little burned out. You have to think of all the things you have been through recently. You left Danny, you had to part with your dogs, you moved homes to the city and I am sure there are other things I have missed. Those are all major stressful and emotional things to do at the same time. I believe with some of your posts that Danny is still around so you are still dealing with some of his issues. You are also looking for a job. There are now questions if the sale of the house in the country will go through. I think you are still going through some stressful times. I think you need to be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time. Congratulations on achieving two weeks of eating healthier. I know that is something I need to work on. I forgot to mention that you hurt your foot as well. Chin up (((Carole))) and you will get there one day at a time. I am working on getting more done myself and I am finding my “30 minute timer” seems to help. When I don’t want to do anything I say okay I will do 30 minutes and start the timer and before I know it I hear the beep, and by then I am usually into doing something. I then set it for another 30 mins or so. We are going to be doing some renos around the house and you know whenever I think of paint I always think of “mushroom oyster” or it could be oyster mushroom!!!! ((((Carole)))) take care
Liz, firstly congratulations on your new home. You really don’t sit around once you make up your mind about something. You are moving forward to a new life. I am excited for you as you start a new phase of your life in “your home”.
I am sure that the trip this weekend will be emotional for you, but I am so glad that you are doing this as it is another stage in the grieving process, and your family will be with you.
You are doing great and getting there one day at a time.Bettie I am so happy that you had Debbie visiting you and that you had such a great time!!! I have been following you on fb and I think I would have put on weight if I had been there with all the awesome “eating places” you visited. I think my favourite would have been the “Cheesecake Factory”. I always find after I have visitor’s staying and they leave that the house is so quiet and I can get a big down in the dumps missing them. I hope that the insulin pump makes it easier on you and help to keep your diabetes under control more. It is true there are some positives from being a cg and that is the wonderful people that you meet in recovery. I have decided that all cg’s are just such caring people and that is our problem. Wishing you a wonderful day free of gambling!!!