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Everyone here understands the challenges that we face with this gambling addiction or compulsive gambling. I don’t think it matters what we call it as it means the same. I know that once I enter a Casino and play those machines (slots/vlts) then I can’t stop. I never walk out with money as if I win it goes back in the machine.
How did you manage to quit gambling for a year, and what motivated you to stop? Did you go to GA or get support from anywhere? I am asking these questions because did you do anything to protect yourself from having money. If we have no money we cant gamble. I know that I had to put barriers up so that I did not have access to cash when I first started recovery. No money = no gambling. I know that even when we have gamble free time we cant get complacent, as just like that we end up gambling again. Keep coming back and posting as I know for me it was a life-saver and the help and support you get here is really a big help.

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Thanks Vera, I have been thinking lots about retiring lately and our plan is that we will retire in 2015. I am finding work a bit of a challenge right now. My patience is not what it used to be. I know that if I was a nurse like you that I could not handle the physical aspect of the job. It is tough as we get older as sometimes our mind is not there yet, but our bodies and physical stamina is away ahead of our minds. LOL I say that and then I think of the people who are in their 70s and 80s and are running marathons. I wonder if our mind makes us old. It’s interesting as I was listening to the Radio yesterday, it’s talk Radio and the on-air person was talking about using your mind. How we have to keep interested in things, whether it is politics or things that are happening in the world. He said if we did not use the mind we would get bored and sit in front of the TV and then die. What a lovely thought, but I believe I understand what he is saying. I know that at present I have things that I want to do, but I keep saying that I will do it when I retire. Our daughter is moving home so it is good as we are renovating the basement, and I think this is the third time since we moved in the house. It is actually good as it is making me and hubby do stuff that we were putting off. Our daughter is helping us, but boy I wish I had the stamina she has. It is amazing the difference it makes when you are 30+ years older or younger. There is a reason for everything so I just need to get the enthusiasm and start running those marathons LOL:):)

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I did not gamble yesterday and do not plan on gambling today!!! It is interesting how I can say that I did not gamble yesterday, but there is something else that happened yesterday and it is in my mind and I can’t let it go. I need to “Let Go Let God” I cant change the past. I have not been going to Church lately, it’s time to get back to going. I wonder why I don’t do things that make me feel better. For example, I know that I feel better “spiritually” when I go to Church, but yet I have not been going. I know I feel better when I eat healthy, yet I don’t eat healthy. I know I feel better when I am not carrying extra weight, but yet I don’t do something about it. All these things that I could/should be doing to help myself. I will be thankful for my blessings today. I am human and I will forgive myself for how I handled something yesterday. I cant change it. I will not allow yesterday to use up to much of today!!! Wishing everyone a happy gamble free day!!!

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I hope that you are sitting enjoying your coffee and reading posts. It is horrible when we go through those “yucky” times. I was going to use another word rather than yucky, but was not sure it was appropriate “sh–y” times. I think it describes it better. I think we are a work in progress “sweet pea” and we just have to keep working at it. I don’t handle stress so well now and also suffer from depression, but I know if I started to go for a walk or some other exercise that it would help me, but still I don’t do it!!! Enjoy your coffee and try to sit and let your mind go to some happy place. I believe I need to try this for myself. What a difference in your recovery P, as before you would have stayed away for so long, but you are getting more and more determined about your recovery. Have an awesome day!!!!

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Debs I don’t know why, but when I am feeling blah now I keep thinking about your comment about turning up the music. I know that I would do that in the car sometimes I would just have the music blaring and it does help the mood. I just have to stop thinking that I am old. I am also becoming more aware of emotions, as tonight I had a meeting at work and I was just upset about some stuff, and I noticed that after I got home I just kept eating!!! I now have to find a way to deal with things, but not by eating!!!! I also was thinking all the time I was eating, this is not good, you are hurting yourself more than anyone else…. Unfortunately, it did not stop me. I would probably have gone gambling before, but I need to do something like get on the treadmill or the exercise bike, or pick up the knitting. I am at least thinking about how to handle it in the future, now that is positive!!!!
You really have come a long way girl!!!! It is awesome to read your posts and see how far you have come and how your self respect has grown!!!!

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Liz you really are just going like the “energizer bunny”. I don’t know how you are managing everything that you have on your plate right now!!! I have been going through boxes that we have in our basement, as we are trying to purge and get rid of stuff. It is unbelievable how much work it is going through everything, then repacking what we are keeping. My daughter has been over helping me, thank goodness. It really makes me appreciate just how much work it must be for you!!! With working full time we are only doing it one day a week, and I am wondering if I will ever get it finished. I know that it will be worth it when it’s finished. My hubby is a hoarder with his stuff, but not like the ones on TV. It’s funny really as he is always telling me that I need to get rid of my stuff, but he has empty containers and he wants to keep them, but I should get rid of everything LOL I am glad that our daughter is helping as she is the voice of reason. We are renovating the basement for the third time as our daughter is going to move back home next year. I am actually glad as it is making us do something that we have been putting off. It will also help if we decide to sell in a few years.
Liz, sorry to be going on about what we are doing. I think you saying about moving got me thinking how much work you are facing. You really are doing awesome, and I so admire the strength and courage that you have to move forward to a brand new home!!! You really are an inspiring lady!!!!

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I hope that the thoughts/urges have gone!!! I hate this disease/addiction and what it does to us. Hang in there even if it is minute by minute… just remember the break-up with those machines and that you are “never ever ever getting back together” You are doing amazing and give yourself credit for how far you have come. You are not a quitter and you will get there (((P))) one day at a time!!!

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I did not gamble yesterday, and I do not plan on gambling today. I will not worry about tomorrow, but focus on today!!!

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Ican sorry to hear about your daughter. It is interesting that no matter their age our kids are always our kids. We want to take away their pain, but it’s not like when they were little and we could put a Band-Aid on something. If our kids are hurting we hurt for them. I know that my daughter has gone through break-ups and all you can do is be there for them as they deal with it. My daughter does not have a boyfriend and I really wish that she would meet someone who would cherish her, but we don’t know what the plan is.
Your post got me to thinking Ican that it was after my son, his gf at the time, now his wife moved away with our first grandson that I felt really lost. I think it was not long after that when I started my gambling. It took me a long time to adjust to it. I think when we have kids that we sometimes envision the future as they are growing up and it does not seem to work out that way.
I am proud of all my kids and I know that they have to lead their own life, but I do miss my grandkids. I now realize what it must have been like for my parents when we moved to Canada from Scotland. As we get older I think we look back at something in a different manner.
Vera, I loved your story.
I am sorry to be rambling on your page Ican, but I feel for you. I think after a wedding or big event there is always a bit of a downer, and then to have this happen to your daughter. All I can do is say a prayer for you and your family.

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Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Do not be afraid of the ego. It depends on your mind, and as you made it by believing in it, so you can dispel it by withdrawing belief from it.
–A Course in Miracles

Some of us are fond of saying “the devil made me do it” when we’ve done something we’re not too proud of. We might as well say “the ego made me do it” because the ego is our own personal “devil.”

Sometimes we like to claim that we weren’t in complete control of our actions, that we were overcome by an irresistible urge. We can’t, however, say that with a clear conscience. At one time in our addictive past, maybe, but not now. Now, we can be responsible. An urge can overcome us only to the extent that we let it – only as we give it the power of believing in it.

We have a choice. We can listen to the voice of our ego or the voice of God. How can we tell the difference? By how we feel. The ego’s urgings always leave us with some misgivings. God’s guidance assures us.

I choose to listen to the voice of assurance.

You are reading from the book:

In God’s Care by Karen Casey

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(((Carole))) so glad that you did not gamble yesterday. I am suggesting that you post every day so that I know you are okay. I know that you are a smart lady and will figure out what you are going to do to protect yourself from this addiction. It does not matter what anyone else advises or suggests, we as individuals have to make our own choices.
Wishing you a day free of gambling!!!!

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Lizbeth it is wonderful that you have a new home and that all is going ahead. I don’t know the story between your step daughter and her father, but I would imagine that it will come as a shock to her, and she may have regrets. I know from your posts that you are a caring person and will treat this situation with dignity. It is a very difficult situation for you and I hope and pray that you are okay with everything. In reading your posts it is as if the path is mapped out for you to move as if it was all meant to be.
I am excited for you as it will be wonderful to have your new home to work on and make it your own comfortable haven!!!

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Thanks (((Carole))) for your caring post. I have so much to be thankful for and yet I get caught up in self pity at times. I read in a post that Deb did somewhere about turning up the music and dancing or something like that. I used to do things like that, but not so much now a days. It is amazing if you put on a nice upbeat song it can brighten your mood. We all have choices and it is up to us what we do with them. I have chosen to stay with my hubby of 41 years although he has a drinking problem/addiction. I am working on living with this, but putting up barriers as to what is acceptable to how I am treated. I am reading a book about barriers and it talks about treasuring myself and for me that is such a new way of looking at things. As I am more mature (getting older) LOL I understand the saying “I wish I knew then what I know now”. I cant change the past, it is what it is, and what is the point of looking back as that is not the way I am going. I am thankful for all that that I have been blessed with and the most important is my kids and grandkids. I know that I need to work on myself more with barriers and learning to treasure myself and look after myself. It is a work in progress and I have come a long way, but know there is still work to be done. I will look at this as an opportunity to work on myself one day at a time, and try to rewire the brain that I am a treasure worth working on. Wow, does this every sound deep this morning. I will continue to do this because I am worth it and I deserve it. Now, I have to remember this when I want to eat the wrong things… chocolate, fries, ice cream LOL and also when I cant get started on exercising. I am just thinking if I was not a compulsive gambler I would not have started on all this barrier setting etc., and would not have met so many wonderful people on GT so there is always a positive side to everything. We sometimes just have to remember that!!!!

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I am understanding more and more about focusing on today when it comes to gambling. Wishing everyone a happy gamble free day!!!!

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I am sorry that you gambled, but I am glad that you posted that you did it as it’s important that you are being honest and open about it. I believe that is progress for you as you would not have done that before. I am glad that you did not gamble yesterday. Did you make changes to the barriers that you had in place so that you could not get cash to gamble? Is it possible to do something else so to protect yourself from having money to gamble.? I wonder Carole if you know that you are going to gamble before it happens. I remember I would get this feeling that I just knew it was coming. I can’t explain it properly but I somehow knew. I think there is a group called better’s anonymous and they don’t say the last date they gambled. Is there one of those groups where you are? Reach out Carole and get all the support that you can. It may also help you to find new friends that you can have coffee with who understand what you are going through. These are all suggestions as only you know what is right for you. (((Carole))) I want what is best for you and I don’t think gambling is the answer. You have come a long way girl with all the changes that you have made.

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