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(((Carole))) so glad to read your post as I was concerned when you had not posted for a few days. I am glad that you have went to the country with Danny and everything is fine. It is one day at a time for everything in our life. If you think back about the last few months and what you have gone through. I am still in awe of you for donating the stem cells, but dealing with your mother falling and having to stay and organize everything to make her apartment safe. I am glad that you have not gambled and stopped playing the free machines. I know that sometimes I want to play the free machines, but all it does is want the real thing, and I know how that ends!!!
Ican come and post and let us know how you are doing. What can we do to support and help you. What can you do to help and support yourself.
Ican don’t give up and don’t think you can’t. If you think you can or think you cant you are right!!! We do the self talk in our mind like the little engine that could. If you are telling yourself you cant then you are convincing yourself that way, if you are telling yourself you can then you are convincing yourself you can. I wonder if I have totally confused you and myself with all that!!! Ican keep going don’t focus on counting days just commit to not gambling today. I know I could never think about not playing those machines again, but I just focus on not playing them today!!! Plan something special for yourself to do, to give your brain a different focus. Yes you can!!!
Liz I am so happy that your daughter, grandson and ex-son-in-law are coming to spend time with you at Easter. In reading Vera’s post it made me think that it does seem that when you have a problem with your daughter or mother you seem to flip flop to the other. I wonder if it is more that you need to be “needed” if that makes sense. I don’t mean that in a bad way, and I can understand it. It gives you a purpose to be helping out with your grandson or your mother. I also think with your daughter etc. coming for Easter it gives you something to look forward to. I believe we all need something to look forward to, no matter whether it is going for lunch with a friend.
Your garden will be your sanctuary where you can sit and relax. You can tend to your flowers etc. and see the fruits of your labour. It must be difficult for you as well Liz as you are still grieving and adapting to being on your own. You have been Liz and husband for so many years and now you don’t have your husband to share things with. You are doing great and should be so proud of yourself. I think I have changed my way of thinking with my daughter and that is that we will not have a “perfect” relationship. We will say or do things and upset each other, but I also know that as a mother my love for her is unconditional and I will forgive her no matter what. I know that I will have hurt feelings at times, but I will continue to try and communicate this to her without raising my voice. I am putting all this down for my benefit Liz as I know there will be challenges when she moves back in our home. It is so much easier when we are calm to say these things, but when we are in the midst of a disagreement it is not as easy LOL Have a serene and gamble free day!!!!Liz you have been busy as always. I love to read your posts and hear how you are doing. It is wonderful that your daughter apologized to you. Our daughter is moving home for a while so I know that it will be a challenge for her and me as we do have a tendency to disagree, however, we seem to be able to communicate a bit better now and explain to each other why something upset us. It is difficult as our children become adults and have their own opinions etc., but to us they are always our kids. It will probably be me posting here in a few months annoyed at my daughter. It is one of the most challenging things to do and that is have a disagreement in a healthy way. We tend to get defensive so right away we are not thinking straight. I know it is something that I have to work on. Communication – first listen to understand – so much easier said than done!!!! Have a great day Liz!!!
(((Carole))) one part of your post stood out to me as I could relate to it, as you said that Danny’s way of helping you was treating you as a child. I know that my husband has a tendency to do that to me as well. I don’t respond to it well at all. I am working on barriers as to what is acceptable and I would suggest that you do the same. It is okay for Danny to help you, but it does not mean that he can control you. You are your own person and don’t let anyone take it away from you. You have to look at your time living in the city as something you wanted to do. It may not have worked out exactly how you wanted, but you tried it.
I don’t believe there is such a thing as controlled gambling for a compulsive gambler. I know that I can’t do that as if I go once then I want more and more. I am not an alcoholic, but I think most people relate to the fact that an alcoholic can’t have one drink. I can also tell you it is the same as smoking as I quite for over 14 years and started having a few puffs and then ended up smoking again. I am trying to stop smoking again!!! It also tells me that no matter how much gamble free, smoke free, drink free time we have that the first bet, smoke or drink is all it takes.
I know that you can do it Carole!!! We all have to do it the same way ODAAT!!!!
The sun is shining this morning and it is supposed to go to +7 today and +14 on Wednesday. They are forecasting the snow will be gone by Easter. I am starting to feel better and I think a lot of my feeling blah has been related to this long winter.
I think you should start posting a bit more and we can all support each other more. Take care my friend!!!I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. I hope that you are doing okay and able to stay away from those machines. You know they are not the answer to anything (((Carole))) Although I do understand how it is nice to escape and play machines rather than deal with what is really bothering us. I was actually visualising walking into the Casino this weekend and how I would feel to play those machines. Today when I even post that I can feel my body tensing up from fear. Does the two months you have before you have to move out give you enough time to really focus on finding a job that would provide enough money to live on? Is it possible to get a month to month extension until they sell the place? Please do a post to let us know that you are okay.
You are dealing with something stressful and that is moving back to the country when it is not really what you want. Is there any way that you could stay in the city? I would suggest that you see your GP as your medication may need adjusting. Also, if you need to take medication for anxiety there is nothing wrong with that. In fact the anti-depressant that I take also really helps with the anxiety aspect. You may need to change the anti-depressant that you are taking. It would be good to talk to your doctor about all of this.
If you decide that you do have to move back to the country then I would set some ground rules with Danny before you do it. For example if you don’t want to be cleaning out the renter’s place then don’t do it and just continue with what is in place right now. Also, write down any other things you want Danny to agree on before you move back and get him to sign it and tell him you are not moving back if he does not agree to them. I just want you to be okay. Please go see your GP first and foremost though!!!Laura, first of all WTG on 4 years gamble free!!!! I am so glad that you are not going to go gambling though, but it shows how no matter we have gamble free we still have to be aware and on guard. This “never ending winter” is getting to me as well and I can relate to the no umph to deal with anything. I have been checking out multivitamins, but don’t know what one to get so I don’t get one. I have so much “catching up” to do, but I never get it done. I have a number of boxes to go through in the basement and they have been sitting there for months. We are renovating the basement again, and the way it is going it will take us 10 years LOL It’s interesting as my husband just said the other day that 25 years ago he would have had it finished by now. This getting “mature” really slows you down. I find by the time I work full time then come home I just have no energy and veg out in front of the TV. I have no motivation to do anything!!! Sorry for the pity party on your page.
Great plan to go to work rather than gambling. I do know how you feel though as in my mind it would be like a special treat and day for myself. I think I will book a massage or something special for me rather than gambling. It’s interesting as it is 17 months since I last played the slots and it seems as if money means more to me again. I like the way Liz says it… she says she has more respect for money now. I am thinking that if I was to go gambling I would find the money to gamble, but to spend it on a massage seems extravagant. The gambling brain is strange when it comes to money!!! Chin up and have a good day. I will now go look again at the multivitamins for the mature woman over 60 LOLI am sorry that you are feeling so out of control with your gambling. Is there any barriers that you can put in place to stop you having cash available to gamble. I was thinking the same as Liz and wondering if it is the thought of going back to the country that is causing some of the problem. (((Carole))) why don’t you go to the group that is offered through the addictions foundation.
Liz it sounds as if the situation has been a role reversal with your Grandson where you have been the parent and your daughter is the Grandmother. It is our job as Grandparents to spoil our grandchildren and their parents to tell us not to. I remember when my kids were young saying to my mother that my kids could not have or do something, I cant remember exact details, but she said I am their Granny and it’s my job to spoil them. LOL I know we can spoil our Grandchildren while at the same time letting them know what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. It is good the way things have turned out that you are not living as close to your daughter as it makes it easier to not be right there when she calls. It is difficult to know what your daughter is going through as well. You mentioned that she had a drug problem and was not their for her son, so I am sure that she is carrying some guilt with that and it could be part of the reason that she does not discipline him. I know that I have had a weight problem all my life and if my mother mentioned that I should try and lose weight I would get defensive even though I knew it was true. I notice that my daughter, who is also overweight is the same if I mention losing weight to her. There is the old saying about hurting the ones we love. I believe that we know those who love us will forgive us. It is not right to treat our loved ones like that, but quite often that is what happens. I am not condoning how your daughter has treated you as it is not acceptable. I know that working on barriers has really helped me understand what is acceptable to me and the way I will be treated. Also going to a counsellor and learning why certain things upset me as they are against my value or morals. I never like to see a child used as a pawn in a relationship and that is what your daughter is doing when she is saying that you will see your grandson on her terms. However, that may just be her speaking in anger and she probably does not mean it. One of my sons always says two wrongs don’t make a right. I am sorry that you are hurting right now. I know that there are times when I have been angry that I have said things I regret, and who knows your daughter may be feeling that way. I think there are always challenges in relationships when it comes to families. I know that I sometimes keep my mouth shut when I would love to say something, but later when things have cooled down I do let them know that they hurt me.