[Caroline]

Thank you so much for your replies. It’s really nice to know that there are people who understand what you’re going through..although sometimes it’s quite painful when you rtealise people you don’t know are more nicer, carrying and understanding than your own partner which you chose to spend whole life with.
For me it’s very hard to start writing about myself, my feelings and things I want in my life. To be honest I don’t think I know anymore what I want. I struggle to answer with simple questions, maybe cuz of instant quilt I feel for my husband to gamble so much and maybe cuz he stopped value me as his wife and told me so many painful things..my husband is very intelligent and he has a dream to have his own business, he sometimes says he wishes he didn’t messed his life up..he knows he’s doing wrong things by gambling But guess it’s stronger than him.and I don’t really know how to help him. If in time when he doesn’t gamble he comes and makes plans that we will do this and that, should I agree and be there for him and support him or should I just think of myself and let him know that not when he wants to be good I follow him?
I know he tries, he fights with his addiction but when he is overtaken all the good plans go into the bin..the times of hate and anger are always there when gambling is in the way, he forgets all his manners, becomes a person I wish was dead. And when he’s back to real world he expect I am normal and forgot his behaviour.
I have to say very sorry that I’ve been writing so mumbled jumbled.
My husband has a big family, his mum and dad live two doors away. All his sisters and parents know of his addiction. They very tired too of non stop fights and begging to stop. And what can I say, they all have their own lives, own problems. His dad keeps his money for us. I couldn’t as I am too easy target and I couldn’t not let him take money when he wanted too. He gambles online from home, his mobile usually in day time and nights on computer. He would never go casinos or bookies as he would not risk his reputations as we live in small town. .Thank you for the advice of looking after yourself. I will try to do that.
As for my family, my mum passed away and my dad lives in other country and hasn’t got a clue about . Oh well he’s over 60 and I don’t think he would have any impact on my husband.rather he would just worry and stress. I do have two friends recently, but not close enough to tell them anything. For now I just still hope one day it will stop..
Quite lots I wrote, maybe it’s not so hard to write about yourself;)

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