[C_Noel]

I made it to day 10 and then decided to make a short pit stop at the casino. I took a limited amount of money, no atm or bank cards. What I lost, was gone. Left, feeling like I’ll never do this again (as I always say) and right now I am feeling the urge again. But why? I am fighting it. I have been fighting the feeling for about an hour now. I am 3 days gamble free now.

[C_Noel]

Today is hard. Day 10 gamble-free. Things are much better in life. Relationship is healing, I’m setting new goals. Career opportunities are up! So why is it that I’m wanting to gamble with all this positivity? Typically, my triggers are negative feelings and I want that escape. Now, am I just feeling a strange euphoria and thinking, why not? I know why not, because with all these good feelings, placing one bet can make me get back into the dumps, the depressive state, and the whys and how do I get out of it. I’m in a good place now. CasiNO. I think I will go to the gym instead and perhaps the bookstore and start my own book of possibilities in life!

[C_Noel]

I am 9 days without gambling. How do I feel? I feel okay, like there is hope. Pay day hit this past Friday which has always been my day to gamble. I didn’t have access to any money so that helped and I also tried to fill my time by going to the gym and hanging with friends. I’ve had one urge to gamble a couple of times but it passes in about 20 minutes. I’m planning to still attend GA to aid in my recovery. It’s tough. I’ve been in a low place, mentally, which is a trigger and gambling is the “escape”, to take my mind of things, just me and the machine. Thankfully, I am fully aware that I need a mindset change and I DO have the will to quit.

[C_Noel]

Believe in yourself that you CAN stop. I am struggling with that now. I am afraid that I will have the urge to gamble and be unable to control myself once that urge hits. I have self-excluded from two casinos. I was able to get into them. Unfortunately, it isn’t that strict. I think self-exclusion is a great tool but for some, it may just mean being sneaky. There are probably 6 more casinos which I need to self-exclude and take the time to do, and yes I feel shame and embarrassment but I want to get better. I’ll do whatever it takes to kick this addiction or else I will dig so deep that my problems will be even worse.

Recently, I gambled my last money. It’s gone and quite frankly, I don’t know how I will survive the upcoming 10 days. I handed over my finances (yet again) to my sister and decided to make a list of goals I need to accomplish. I feel good about this. It’s time. I hope you find the strength you need as I hope I do as well!

[C_Noel]

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you are stepping in the right direction. I’ve had a lot of thoughts as to why I am a compulsive gambler and what prompts me to start gambling. Not taking your bank card is great! I’ve recently handed over my banking to my sister, card, online account and I must provide receipts once I have any cash in hand. Supposedly it will get easier. I have yet to find relief but I am hopeful, you should be too!

[C_Noel]

Although I am hardly able to make ends meet, I feel confident. I went to sleep with high hopes and positivity after handing over my finances to my sister. I am making a list of short, medium, and long-term goals. I will succeed. Please let me have that strength and push myself!

[C_Noel]

Like we all will say, this is a step in the right direction. Seeking help. I can relate to the rollercoaster of emotions and then realizing once we’ve self-destructed, why in the world do we think it was worth it? I guess it’s all part of the addiction. We know what it takes to kick the habit but why can’t we just do it? I’ve recently handed over my finances for someone to manage. I would highly suggest it. Where there is no access to money to gamble, we can hope to feel better eventually.

I will say from personal experience that I have taken a step forward and two steps back for years now. I’m sinking further and further but now I’ve got to see the light. We are all in this together.

[C_Noel]

I just handed over my debit card and online account info to my sister. I let her know to never give me my debit card no matter why I am asking for it and that I should only get an allowance each day or week and provide receipts to her in return. This is probably the third time I have handed over my finances but third time is a charm, right? This time HAS to be different if I am going to change and have things get better.

I also found that my boyfriend has triggered my gambling. He doesn’t understand addiction and calls me weak, saying it’s tough love and I should be stronger and that it is stupidity to gamble away my money. We’ve since broken up because I need to better myself and his lack of support and understanding only leads to more self-pity and destruction.

I am feeling very sad and disappointed in myself and my situation but I am trying so hard to have a positive outlook on these steps. I’m only hesitant because I have tried this before and snuck my way back into my bad habits. I want to kick this so bad and be successful.

[C_Noel]

Thank you for sharing your story and your insights. They are inspirational. I am a compulsive gambler which I cannot control my habit. It’s bad and I punish myself by getting down on myself and repeatedly thinking how stupid can I be? I agree with you in giving it to a higher power. It sounds as if you’ve had the strength.

How is GA? I have yet to attend but I know I desperately need to find that place.

[C_Noel]

Thank you so much, Vera! Your words are very wise and I appreciate your response.

I absolutely believe that I am powerless and I need to take personal responsibility. I have the thoughts in my head to just turn around and don’t place a bet. I must become stronger each day to say no. Thoughts that lead up to my addiction range from feeling sorry for myself and thinking that I’m already in a hole, what difference does it make if I lose again? I’m used to the pain and lifestyle but I know there is so much more and if I can put a plan into action, I can do it.

I’m glad to find support, once again.

[C_Noel]

Thanks for sharing with me. I also find it hard to resist the urge, even when I am driving, I try to talk myself out of it but once that part of my brain kicks in there is no stopping it. My therapist said it is a chemical in the brain that kicks in and once we have it in our head that we are going to gamble, we will. We have to find something to overcome that. My triggers can be anything from a bad day to even a great day and I want to celebrate by gambling. It’s a lose-lose situation for me. We can only try to steer clear of the path we know is destructive.

Definitely easier said than done but you’re right, we should never give up trying.

[C_Noel]

I can relate. We fall asleep after a gambling binge and loss. Waking up, hoping it was all a dream. When we realize what we have actually done, the shame and depression sinks in. I’m trying to deal with this as well. Mind over matter. Make this effort stronger than the last and look at each day as a day to recover and become better.

[C_Noel]

Here I am, again. I’m still gambling. I have had MULTIPLE opportunities to correct my mistakes and move forward without gambling. I even saw an addiction counselor who specialized in gambling addictions. It did not help. I’ve since been laid off from my job (no relation to gambling issues) but this is horrible in terms of my financial situation.
Now what? I get a little bit of money and gamble it away. $800 to be exact. Just this past weekend and now I have 2 weeks with $10. Can anyone relate?

Payday loans past due, collections on my credit. My option is bankruptcy if I can save the funds instead of giving it to the casinos! It is depressing. I want so badly to begin a new life again without this addiction but I feel as though I’ve ruined every opportunity given to me. Here I am, 30 years old, broke and with this disgusting addiction.

Today I will look towards the future.

[C_Noel]

Stay strong! We are all dealing with the constant fear that our addiction will grab hold of us once again. It’s best to come clean sometimes and get professional help. I must do this myself. I plan to attend GA for the first time this Saturday evening. If we really want to be helped, we have to help ourselves first. This is advice I have heard but never taken seriously until now, until losing every penny.

[C_Noel]

Hi kpat, thanks for posting on my journal. It sounds like you are taking each day as a new day for accomplishment and fighting the urge. It’s so nice to have physical items in hand versus an empty wallet due to gambling! Congrats to you and your husband on moving towards a better life.

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