[C2k]

I know this is an old thread, but I feel compelled to respond for anyone else who comes across this. I also have mental health issues (bipolar, mostly depression), I’m more or less okay right now. My comments and suggestions aren’t directly aimed at you, silhouette, but rather for anyone reading this who could maybe take something away from them.

My girlfriend has a gambling addiction, and though it’s still a problem, I’m at a different place than you at the moment; she has admitted to the problem and we have done some things to mitigate damage. I think one of the first things someone in your position should do is decrease access to your money. An easy way is opening an account with just your name on it, and do what you can to limit her access: hide your card, maybe don’t even get a card! Nowadays you can pay for a lot of things online or with your phone- Google wallet, Samsung pay, Apple pay, etc. Although there might be backlash if she finds out, it’s important to stop funding them and covering for their losses.

I agree with everyone else, first, you need to find a way to get yourself to a better place emotionally. I take care of my dad with dementia, and something I’ve learned is that my health is more important than his. If I have poor emotional or physical health, I can’t properly take care of him. I read in another gambling forum it’s similar to oxygen masks in airplanes- put yours on first before helping someone else or both of you are going to pass out.

It can be really extremely difficult to talk to them about it, especially if you’re fighting to keep your relationship, but you need to say something to them and it doesn’t have to be an ultimatum. Just remember, they’re lost in the depths of their addiction and you won’t be able to reason with them. Choose words carefully; neutral words like “concerned” and “worried” don’t place blame on them. Talk about how you feel, because the moment you say something negative about them, they get defensive and nothing positive will come from the discussion. Don’t escalate the situation, either. If you need to take a break until emotions calm down a bit, do it. A rule I have in my relationship is no serious talks when someone is hungry, tired, or already frustrated about something else. If I want to talk to my girlfriend, I’ll make her food and coffee then wait an hour.

The last thing I want say is that the relationship already has a certain dynamic. For instance, someone who is really passive may not make ground if they go straight from passive to ultimatums. Deciding a plan of attack may take time and you may need help. Here in the US, there are numerous hotlines where you can call and talk to a professional who has experience with gambling addiction. I plan to call later today, the GF had a serious relapse earlier this week. So there are some easy things you can do immediately, and you have to be very conscious about how you move forward. Make sure you set goals for yourself as well as her, because knowing what you want and need is a big part of the battle. I really hope someone reading this finds it useful, and good luck to everyone. Stay strong!

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