[bill1032]

Yeah I’m pushing for the blacklists a lot and I gave in to putting the $130 in the account as my dad needs it for bills. I made sure it was deposited and I told my mom this is it, I will never ever give her money for anything nor will I bail her out. She has been saying that what she did was a mistake and she only recently started going. Honestly a lot of this happened I believe due to her losing her job a few years ago and she’s simply bored. I told her this is it and I”m only doing this because of my dad, but if it happens again tough luck. I also discussed with my dad changing the bank account to his name only and I’ll be setting up a system to notify him of any withdrawals from the account.

I no I shouldn’t have given in this time but I live under the same roof and it’s a last straw type of deal. I warned her that I won’t be living here soon enough and if it ever got bad with the gambling that I’d also take my younger brother with me who only has a couple of years left in high school. I also brought up GA to her and this forum board as well, she was in tears tonight after the talk I had with her and I did like you guys said to just talk and no yelling/arguing and taking a step back to listen. I can tell part of her doesn’t want to let go yet part of her does. What bothers me the most is this is my mom who raised me and I’ve lived with and respected my whole life. It just tears me apart seeing this and realizing that I will have to tell her no next time she messes up. Part of me looks back at the stupid stuff I did when I was younger and how she bailed me out of things, but in the end this is it in terms of money being lent and she knows where I stand with money after this.

[bill1032]

Hi Velvet

Thanks for the good response, I’ve been spending a lot of my time at work researching it more and more. I mean when we found out initially a year or so ago there was yelling for a few days. My dad was extremely disappointed and broken in a way, but after a while he came around. At that point I lent $800 to her after she was found out because she took money out of their bank account and my dad needed it for bills so I deposited it back in and she ended up paying me back over time from the part time work she was doing for my Uncle.

Until recently I noticed her behavior changed again and she was taking longer than normal with simple errands and I had a feeling she was back at it. This time it’s $130 she wants to borrow and for me to deposit it back into the bank account and she said she’d pay me back. Then I responded with what I post previously. She messaged me back ~30 minutes ago or so and this was her response: “I know your father is going to be mad, but not as mad if I already put the money back in the bank, that’s why I’m asking you for the $130. I would put it back into your account in a week. I know I screwed up and can’t keep going down there, I’m not gonna even look at their offers anymore.” That’s what she responded back with. To me she ignored the blacklists and tried to guilt me into feeling sorry for her and my father.

I mean part of me wants to just deposit the $130 as it really isn’t the end of the world and I might get it back. But my other side is telling me not to, she should life up to her mistake and deal with it herself. Truth be told I work in IT and I do a lot of programming in my free time, I’ve always been a logical person and I love math and well logic. When it comes to gambling I see no logic in it, I can’t find the pattern to stop it or to understand it, it seems as simple as just not doing it. But I know the human brain is more complicated than that, and for awhile now I thought she had stopped and was getting better but I see that isn’t the case.

But here I am at work spending most of my day reading this forum board, GA.org and doing research, if it’s 1 thing I pride myself in it’s solving problems whether it’s a math problem or fixing a car or redoing a whole basement and fixing an insulation issue(house had a bad design and heat escaped a lot in the winter). To me this is a complex problem that has an answer but I’ve yet to arrive at how to fix it, and I know part of that fix is my mom wanting to stop her addiction and it’s something I don’t have control over. Thanks again to you and worried for taking the time to read this!

Bill

[bill1032]

Just wanted to update the thread again, I’m at work right now but my mother texted me saying I didn’t give her a direct enough answer. I responded with saying this: “I’m worried about you and dad now, he’s going to know either way and I can’t just give extra money. I just paid $5500 in bills this month paying off monthly bills and a no interest credit card so I’m caught up on everything to buy a house and I have my quarterly car insurance that I owe. Even if I lent you money dad would know and at this rate you’re going to give him a heart attack. You need to get help and get back to working to help keep you busy and if you want to prove you’re ready for change you’ll go on the casino blacklists. ”

This is what I responded with, I didn’t know what else to say and I’m honestly worried how my dad is going react as he’s older now and him getting angry isn’t good for him.

[bill1032]

Hi Velvet,

Thanks for taking the time to write that post, last night I was angry as you could see and tired. I just woke up and have let things go there course as I slept. I won’t be bailing my mother out this time. As for my father we are both close and he knows about all the money that was taken last year from there retirement but not about the money she asked me for last night. Problem is if I tell him I know how he’ll react and he generally responds with anger when it comes to this. He’s older and comes from a family that had addiction issues but none of them “thought of them as addictions” so to say. Luckily he didn’t fall victim to it. I will bring up to him what I find out here though and I told my mom this morning that she needs to face him and deal with the consequences of her actions as they are in a bad financial spot and she made it worse.

It wasn’t a large sum of money withdrawn this time luckily it was only a couple hundred dollars, but I’m at a point in my life where I’m saving for a downpayment on my own house and I told her I will not support an addiction. She played the sorrow game but I told her no and if she needs help finding help I’ll help her.

It’s a good thing that I recently in the past year or so learned that when I’m angry to just go lay down and sleep, a good nights rest allowed me to clear my head and think things through a bit. I also have a cousin who’s dealing with a heroin addiction and I talk to his mother(my Aunt) about what to do as well.

Thanks,

Bill

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