[bettie]

They are ordering a part for the car, I did get to pick it up so I am not stranded.
Back is getting better but I have a pain in the butt, really! My right cheek hurts. I think the therapist did that!
Kittys upset, storming outside.
Bed soon!
Hope to catch u all on the chat.
bettie

[bettie]

Car still in the shop, they didn’t even look at it today! Why did I have to be there at 11:00 am? I went back to my PT job then had to take two busses to get home. Waited 1 hour for the 2nd bus! My back was screaming! My so call "friend" couldn’t be bothered picking me up. That B*st*rd! I remember picking him up on my lunch hour and bringing him food to boot! How stupid am I??????
My girlfriend did pick me up from home and we went to dinner. Went to my brothers and picked up my old realible 1997 saturn, 170,000, miles, no major repairs, that he uses as a work car. Daughter came over and we went for a swim. AHHHHH! The water was warm and felt good!
Back is setteling down, Thank u God!
Gonna get to bed early. Tomorrow is another day!
bettie  (aka Scarlet O’Harra)

[bettie]

Kwb, Vera, lol!
I got up a 4am to take a pill. I should be in bed but didn’t want to take a pill and lay down. Back is stiff but i am moving. Chrio always makes it worse before it is better. I go back for more torture today but nothing has worked so far so I have to give it a go. It has done wonders in the past.
Oh well, it kills the urge too so thats helps!
bettie

[bettie]

Help your self to my thread Vera! I just stood up to get the rest of the ice cream ( I’m never buying it again!!) and i could barely walk i am so stiff! I may never leave this chair so I need something to keep me entertained!
love u!
bettie– 6/17/2010 1:36:17 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THAT VERA!! Hummm, my guess? Starts with a F, ends with a b!
u are a scream girl! love ya!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey K!
Congrats! I have been pretty well wrapped up in the h*ll of my own making so I have been neglectful about posting to others.
You have done a wonderful thing for yourself, your family, and your life! Enjoy your success!!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

No Sweet Vera,
As always I got to pay for the pleasure of being torchured! Like gambling, men. etc!
I wonder about me sometimes! LOL!
Kwb good u are out there posting!
Chat soon!
bettie

[bettie]

Went to the chiro today. OUCH! The terrorist, oops! I mean therapist took her elbow and pressed on my sore hip until I almost punched her! She is partly deaf and I was face down and at her mercy. Unfortunately she had no mercy but told me to ice it or I would bruse and cuss her out in the morning. I got news for her, I was cussing her out already but she just couldn’t hear me!
Thanks for the check in guys. I’m sitting on a lunch ice pack stuffed in an oven mitt. If I can raise an arm tomorrow I’ll check in! lol!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the chat, I do feel a little better. Cully, I forgot u were on my first chat, it seems so long ago. Thats the day I mastered crying and typing at the same time!
Please keep up the prayers, they are working. I’ve had good production at work and may have knocked down that goal to about $400. 8 days to go! i take the car to a new dealership to see if they can figure whats wrong Thursday. I would love to see my Nieces in a couple of weeks! Haven’t seen them in 2 years.
Laura, thanks for checking in!
Back is not 100% but it’s better, still should see Chiro. Thats a treat really, I love the massage! I always feel that judgement Kathryn, even if it’s only in my head. When u grow up "fat" u are told that that is the reason for everything that is wrong with you so instead of getting help we suffer in silence. Stupid i know but again, my insecurities hit the surface. And the funny part is the 5 minuits in my life that i was thin my life was falling apart! Go figure!
Jules, I didn’t call u saturday to stop me because I didn’t want u to talk me out of it or tempt u to go! But I promise, next big urge and u are getting the call!
peace
bettie– 6/16/2010 3:34:07 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Good morning all,
Wow, I sign in and say to myself, OMG they know! As a CG I’ve lied and covered up so much it’s strainge see my friends popping in and advising, not running away and turning their backs, I think thats one of my biggest fears, abandonment. This is not a judgement of you all, it is one of my deep seated problems comming to the surface. I am afraid to be truthful about being a CG, afraid I will loose what little family and friends I have. Face the fear, confront it, move on!
Oh Vera, in another life my company would give me a pass, not any more! Make the goals or find another job. They feel they are on top with so many out of work they can find someone else to take my place. Our teller manager came back from 6 weeks off sick and was written up for not making her goal! ( And they tout that they are the best place in the world to work! I choke whenever I here that!) The fact that everyone else has made it doesn’t help. If I had the credit for the accounts that were "stolen" from me I would be there too. My manager has a chip on his shoulder when it comes to me so there is no recourse that won’t cost me my job. Fair? H*LL no but that is life. I can make myself crazy or I can suck it up and move on. The chance of finding another job is slim as in banking they pull your credit and since I screwed that up I’m stuck. For now.
Larry and Cully make a good point. I was afraid to post my slip because I thought I lost my clean time. That is still mine, just as the $1000-$3000 I DIDN"T loose is still mine. I lost my clean date, and thats bad enough.
Cully, I kept telling myself that the casino was too far away but in truth it’s about 1hour 15 minutes away. It seemed like about a 3 hour drive home! As for the back, I strain it about 2-3 times a year. I bulged a disk about 25 years ago so this happens fairly regularly. I should ring up the ciropractor as I got really good relief the last time I went. Guess what is holding me back? I weigh about 10 lbs more then the last time I saw him and I am embarassed! Is that stupid or what????
Gotta run! Time for work!
thanks again!
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the wonderful advice and words of wisdom.p, larry, laura, I’m so glad I came home and read my thread. I am so P*SSED at myself I could just scream! Thanks to my barriers it wasn’t a major blow out putting my financial recovery in jeporardy, It’s my mental health I am concerned about most. I could have called someone, I just didn’t want to. The light in my head turned green and I was off and running.
I drove up to the Valet and almost pulled out. I said to myself What are you doing here? My hand shook as I opened the door and I must have walked around for about 30 minutes before settling into the old pattern of getting a beer and sitting down. I listened to the other players talking about getting comped for a gas grill. I wondered how much she lost before being "given" that prize.
I’ll give my cg mind a little credit.I looked and looked for info about excluding. Nothing. Not a poster, not a hand out nothing. I called the number on the players card that got me nowhere.
I’m gonna relax. What is done is done. I’ll try the ice pack as the heat patch all day hasn’t done anything but it is improving.
Thanks to you all for caring about me.
bettie

[bettie]

Oh Boy,
Where to start. I blew it. Over two months "clean", feeling good for the most part, and I still blew it.
No excuses. Job stress, weight gain, feeling "cheated" at work, lonely. All the same story. What makes for a different ending?
I called the phome number on the back of the players card that i held on to. It’s for the national gambling hotline. Compleatly useless! I asked how to ban from a tribal casino and the girl on the other end says, I wouldn’t know what to tell you except to call the casino. Why would they have that number on the card if they didn’t know how to help?
I am discusted. My back hurts, I need a shower and I need to get ready for work.
I really don’t like me at all.
bettie

[bettie]

HI Guys,
Suffering with a back strain, still going to work. Can’t afford to miss a day. Weeks vacation in two weeks. If i can get the car fixed i might take a little trip downstate to see family. I don’t want to be sitting around wishing I was at a casino because I’m home and bored.
Glad to see u all on the chat, looks like Salina must have checked in. Vera, always glad to see u!
Just checking in!
peace
bettie
Almost forgot, my ex gambling buddy had a friend who was shot and murdered over a poker game. It was a group of folks who had played together for years. I guess she was up about $800 and wouldn’t rejoin the game to give the others a chance to "get even". She walked to the refrigerator to get a glass of ice and the other woman walked up behind her and shot her in the head.
How sad!– 6/12/2010 11:36:50 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Wow, What a game!
Black Hawks win!!  Still sleepy from the excitement!
Bonus, I got a rate reduction on my mortgage for the next 5 years. It will reduce my payment about $90 which will help.
God is Good! I keep feeling like I never get a break but I got one for a change! And I am truely thankful.
Now to work on that sales goal. I need good sales for about 5 days, ($100 in production) to meet my quartly goal and get some pressure off of me at the job. Everyone else has made their goal so I look like a real slob. It’s not for lack of effort but "luck". If you get the customer that walks in the door with a big deposit then you get the big credit. ( my boss got a walkin that got her a credit of almost $250 on Monday, and she is already at her goal! think she could have givin me that credit?? Ha Ha!)
Trying to stay positive and keep that positive energy flowing. Glad not to be adding gambling debt to the mix!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Good Morning Guys,
Still feeling "ugly" from my procedure Friday. I should get results today. I am ticked off at my so called "friends" who were to check up on me and haven’t even bothered to call. It’s Tuesday. I have been having casino dreams again, strange how they pop up. This time I was bring everyone to the casino with me. Thats all I remember.
Urges alway kick in when I feel let down. Oh well, I can’t control that just what I do about them.
I’ve decited I really don’t like the life I have been living. I want a new life. I am the only one who controls that so I need to get off my butt and make some changes. Where to start, great question. Maybe I’ll stop at the book store today.
I can never take my own advice so I’ll look for some experts advice. Who knows right? 
No action = No change!
peace
bettie

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