[bettie]

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Christmas. Of course I’m sick I think it might be the flu. assistant manager is done at work sick for about the last week and a half. I have no sick time left so I’ll have no choice but to go to work tomorrow fever no fever. So enough about my lovely day I hope every one has a wonderful Christmas and that I’m feeling better soon.

[bettie]

There is no “win” once a cg crosses the invisable line into compulsive gambling.
If I “won” a million dollars I would gamble away one million and one.
I would caution that you have woke the voice and it will scream for more. Don’t feed it Kpat~there’s only pain on that path.
Been there-done that.
bettie

[bettie]

LOL KPat! I was out with my mom yesterday and found one. I bought it an this whole condo smells of it! Very nice-I have been thinking of you since yesterday!
bettie

[bettie]

“Don’t go in or near Gambling establishments” -ga yellow book.
This is becoming harder every day. Gambling is popping up everywhere here in Illinois since vlt’s came to town. Restruants, bowling alleys, cafe’s-heck even the Church runs Bingo games. The grocery has self serve lottery games.
I guess we will forever have to wear blinders where gambling is concerned.
Is hubby wanting you to “rejoin” him in his gambling so he can blame you when he looses?
I wonder if there is an alternative motive there-we know how the CG mind works.
bettie

[bettie]

I had my appointment with the pulmonologist today.nothing has changed on my catscan. its a no news is good news situation. He did finally say that he would be watching these for the next two years to make sure that they did not become cancerous. I need to quit smoking.I’ll get a repeat CAT scan in 6 months
. I took my mother out to lunch today. All she did was gripe and complained the entire time we were out. I finally told her she was being a pain in the ass I couldn’t help myself. Well I tried. I am exhausted. I’m looking forward to just sitting in my chair all night tonight and not moving. I wrenched my neck on Tuesday morning and I’ve been to the chiropractor twice since then. I think it’s starting to finally feel a little better. It seems like all my muscles are stiff and sore right now.this too shall pass.
Bettie

[bettie]

Kpat the financal recover can be a very long process.
I stopped gambling ( with a few blips) almost 5 years ago. My finances as almost as bad as ever.
My new year plan is to get a hold of myself financally.
Don’t be discouraged. This is a odaat thing.
Maybe coming “clean” with your pastor will help you.
Getting rid of the expecation that you can do more than you really can might take that stress off your plate.
The truth can set us all free.
bettie

[bettie]

I get the gambling urges. Dissapointment frustrations and loneliness are major triggers for most Cg’s. It OK to have the feelings as long as we choose not to act on them.
The holidays are stressful anyways-compound that with someone who knows how to make you crazy and you have the perfect combination to create the perfect storm.
Keep in mind the millions of reasons why gambling will make things worse vs the reason we feel like gambling.
Who needs that grief? I know I don’t.
bettie

[bettie]

I went to my meeting-i needed that.
Jen’s ex bf is now back in Chicago and of course she is upset and sad. She doesn’t like being alone in the house by herself.
I bought plane tickets-on credit of course-and got a good fair so she can be home for Christmas. That is a gift to me too-I couldn’t stand the thought of being with out her here.
Maybe I’ll put up the big tree. There won’t be any gifts for either one of us so maybe I’ll give her 10 bucks and we can go to the thrift and get some silly stuff to wrap.
bettie

[bettie]

Well today has been a bit of a lazy day. I didn’t sleep well and got up early for my test. The tech insisted I had to drink some barium even though my Dr ordered a plain CT. I was going to get my follow up blood work after but couldn’t so that will wait until next week.
I went to the Chamber of Commerse Christmas Party with my old boss. It was nice but I would have just as soon stayed home.
Jen’s bf left reluctently for home today. He has called her already and asked to come back. She asked him if he loved her and he couldn’t answer. She told me how he beat her more than once and she believes he caused her miscarrage 3 years ago. I told her if a man hits you once he will do it again. I told her how he dad hit me once when we were dating ( i broke his arm with the car door the second time he swung at me) I promised him if he ever hit me again that I would leave him-and I did.
Maybe she will grow from this.
I really need to get to a meeting this week.
bettie

[bettie]

The trip went quickly as I knew it would. I am almost greatful that it did. I came back late Sunday and have worked the last 3 days. I am exausted. I have to be up early tomorrow. I have a cat scan schedued for 8am. Its a followup for the nodule in my lung. Of course I haven’t quit smoking. I am a stressed out mess. I’ve gained 5 pounds since thanksgiving
I spent a small fortune at Jens, Her animals were very thin in my opinion although the min-pin dog seems in better health. One cat had open sores on his neck and I took him in to the vet. They ruled out feline aids and lukemia. He got shots, steroids, wipes and food Cost over $200 but I could not have him suffering. I bought food for Jen and the animals. She has not found a new job and her boyfriend is suppost to leave tomorrow. Nice tense situtation to place myself in. Jen wants to come home for Christmas now if she is not working. She is acting like she’s 20 years old-party every night. I could go on and on but I think I have vented enough.
I bought a 2ft tree for the table today. I am just not up for dragging the decorations from the storage. I will miss my tree but exaustion has won out over extra work.
bettie

[bettie]

The addictive voice is really something isn’t it? I still get it. It’s almost five years for me and the voice still wispers to me.
Believe me when I tell you at about the 6 month mark it tends to calm down.
The addiction can’t believe that you are not listening to it.
Stay busy. It’s hard to do anything else when everything seems to pale in comparison to that rush and thrill. In time the everyday things do become interesting-sometimes I want nothing more than to be home alone in my condo by myself.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours Kpat. If I eat one more thing I will explode! lol!
bettie

[bettie]

I just read my post. I was posting with my tablet. I should edit but i think its more fun with the typos~lol!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Carole,
I have a customer who’s daughter was murdered about 10 years ago. She was working at a storage facility. They had a suspect about 5 years ago and knew he was already in jail. They waited for his release a month or so ago and arrested him on the spot. While not happy I am sure that was the best gift she could hope for this year.
bettie

[bettie]

Up early but not by choise. Up for a bathroom call at 6am and Mr Jingles decited I should be up. I tried to ignore him but he started retching on my clean kitchen floor! lol!
I have baking to do and my sister asked me to make chicken and dumplings for Thanksgiving. I cleaned yesterday so I could get on it today.
Looking foward to my trip to see Jen. My sister called yesterday and she has tickets to give me to go see The Nutcracker at a historcial theater in Joliet. Being a lifelong Chicagoian and that being a tradition here you would think I might have seen it but I haven’t so this will be a real treat.
It’s been cold kpat but has warmed up the last couple days. The cold is coming but hey-it’s all good.
P so glad to see you posting and fighting the good fight.
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Ms Cat it has been awhile!
I understand the work stress! The company I left 18 years ago was sold and they are laying off staff. If I had stayed I might be retiring this year. When I left I had $15k in stock. When I cashed it out due to gambling it was $80k and now it’s just a blank piece of paper.I can’t imagine how much I could have had by now. My guess is over $500k. I could beat myself up but instead I choose to believe that that wasn’t my intended path. Funny how we see the “good” that could have been but the “bad” also comes too. Maybe the blessings that I have in my life wouldn’t have happened if I had stayed. I doubt that I would have ever been able to buy my condo because my wages were very small. I could run the “what if’s” all day. It just wasn’t meant for me.
I am glad that you are still seeing the consuler. I hope for your husbands sake he seeks his own recovery. I understand the “dry drunk” issue. Like all addictions we have to face what the issues are that make us “escape” or at least try to escape because those of us who denigh history are bound to repeat it.
bettie

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