[bettie]

hey Lizbeth, Pp,
Page two has my weight loss story. I do feel a bit like a hypocrite because I have gained this year, up 15, down 10, back up 7 but I must give myself a break. Recovery is hard enough but the weight is a matter of life and death for me. I will get back on track. I know how to eat, most of us do too. Daily excessive is necessary, it doesn’t have to be a beating just move.
Thanks for the chat, always good to see you all!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well i did take off today. I did a little cleaning and a little shopping. I made a long over due visit to an elderly lady friend who’s now in a nursing home. She’s been there almost a year and I have been neglectful in seeing her. It is hard, that place is so dreary and depressing. Shame on me, not visiting more. Poor thing, she has to live there. She needed a hair cut, she is the last of my customers from my hair dressing days, so I did that for her. We talked, well she talked and I listened. She said something so devastating to me. " I can’t believe I have to die here.’     It broke my heart. So the next time i am whining about my cr*ppy life I must remember that phrase. There are a lot of people that have it much worse than me.
Counting my blessings
bettieIt’s one thing to know where you want to go-it’s another thing entirely to have the Wisdom to get there….Looking for the Wisdom

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for all the chats this weekend. I got a few things done. got a mani-pedi, felt bad alout spending the money, should have bought a Christmas gift for someone. I did a little shopping with my brother, well eye buying I guess. Saw this great deal on flat screen tv’s, 300 to 500 bucks. Sad, i didn’t have the cash or credit to spair to buy one. I thought how many times, and not so long ago, I ransomed my future, found more money than that, and gave it to the casino.
For what?
I feel so bad about it. Kwb asked when we get over the guilt. I am afraid guilt is like fear, it freezes us in out tracts. I have to blow past this, work it out, because I feel sad and I don’t want to. I hate this, i was feeling so good and now this!I know it is normal to have grumpy days, my daughter told me i was a real crab today. I think the eating has alot to do with it. I think being alone has something to do with it too.
Growing up is not for the weak.
peace
bettie
note to Running Girl, so sorry to see your thread closed! You know where to find me. Don’t stay away too long!– 11/29/2010 4:13:38 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just taking a break from cleaning. Trying to fight off the blues,not real bad but you know they come and go. Hey KWB hope thats a connect issue and not me, lol!
The holidays, overrated a bit, reminds you of the simple things that never happened for you. I’ve never had a date for a party or an escort to a wedding reception. I can’t remember the last time I got a gift from a man. Funny, it’s not important, I know that, but around the holidays you kind of get that shoved in your face with every commercial, at every gathering, when you see couples walk down the street. I mourn for something I’ve never really had, and try not to think about it, but hard when it’s right there. Jealous, yes, bad, yes. I know behind closed doors things are seldom as they seem.  I have been involved in the "dark side" of a couple of those lovely couples, always #2. Never good enough for the #1 spot.
Stupid huh? I know. I am being thankless today. Well it’s out. And now i can move on.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Oh I an so pooped out! TOO MUCH FOOD! I will need to stay off the scale for a few days as that could cause a major crying session or a big hole in the wall, when I throw the scale against it! lol!
To bed soon. i would just be lying there now except i gave up smoking in bed years ago.
see u soon!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi G, K, V and S, and of course all my gt buddies!
Well busy day at work. My brother called to go to dinner and a little Christmas shopping. Didn’t feel like it but I did. I had a fews bucks, i got a Christmas gift from one of my customers, she was quite generous! I bought 2 new pairs of strappy pumps and my feet are screaming ( But d*mn, they are cute! lol!). Finished paying for the Thanksgiving feast and bought 3 additional gifts at the book store we went to. Decided to try to sneak off to the recovery book section, I haven’t been in a bookstore in forever. I saw a couple that looked interesting, One Called " Why men love B*tch*s" or something to that effect. See, I am way too nice and thats whats wrong! lol! Oh well, I was looking for recovery books and my brother was right behind me so I had to move on. I looked to the cart on my left with books to restock and guess what I saw? A poker book on "How to win, and what they don’t want u to know!" LOL! Should have read that one YEARS ago and maybe I wouldn’t NEED the recovery book!! ( kidding!)
Have a nice Thanksgiving, I need to get to bed!!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi K, Thanks for your sweet post! Need to get ready for work but I have a question. Did you know that your thread appears in the GT instructions on how to post to a thread? It’s dated July 2009. I always meant to ask but I always forget.
You are a superstar!!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi P, Lizbeth, Hi all!!
Well the new pies are better, i ate 1/4 of one already! I will not have any clothes to ware by the time the holidays are over!
I have been taking inventory of my life this year. Wow, what doesn’t kill u does make u stronger! No joke!
I see those rough spots, and the pain assocated with them , and realize that with the pain comes wisdom, the tears bring cleansing, and the fog is lifting. I feel manic sometimes and don’t know if thats "normal" because I don’t know what "normal"is. I have a peaceful feeling and don’t quite feel so bad or lonely when I am alone. Am I growing up or just kidding myself? Last week I felt like I was a fraud, and if i had the means I would gamble as that was the only thing keeping me from it. Was that depression or hormones or what? Well I guess thats what they mean by odaat. Each day is its own, with it’s own unique set of problems or pleasures, fears or joy.
I can’t control what happens for the most part but it’s my choice what I choose to do about it.
wishing you peace
bettieIt’s one thing to know where you want to go-it’s another thing entirely to have the Wisdom to get there….Looking for the Wisdom

[bettie]

Hey Laura,
Just a quick note. Thanksgiving is Thursday, I have to work today and tomorrow. I’m cooking at jennies but try to do a little ahead of time if possible.
Thanks for the well wishes!
bettie

[bettie]

Goodmorning Guys,
Burrrrrrrrrrr! Below freezing here today! must decide what to out on and get ready for work.
Celal42, welcome! Start a thread and tell us about you!
Well I’m out of here, catch u later!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Well Kids,
hope you really didn’t want the real pumpkin pie! I baked them , so beautiful, went shopping, dropped off the bird at Jennies, sat down to love on the granddogs and it dawned on me, I DIDN"T PUT ANY SUGAR IN THE PIE! What was i thinking! I looked at the ingredent list over and over. I knew I was missing something! Oh well, got to rebake the pies tonight with the canned pumpkin i bought!
Murphy’s law, No good deed ever goes unpunished! lol!!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys, hi Vera,
After the call, right at my bed time, I was wide awake. I came in the chat to find the lovely Ms G here. We chatted about this and that. I told her if I dared intertain the thought of company you would have my head! I shut my phone off and went to bed.
You of course are right about him. But he’s not back. Three nice things, he has to show me three nice thinks that he’s done for me over 3 long years. He won’t be able to come up with any. Because he never has. The door is shut, just need to add a dead bolt lock to it. I will never be whole until I can stand up for myself.
What in the world does this have to do with gambling? Everything.
Lack of worth, discust, pain, sorrow, defeat, hurt feelings. The list goes on. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It’s starting to get old.
So that’s off my chest, I need to start my day. Got on the scale, ug! Baking today, perfect combo! Well that will keep me from tasting the pies. A little workout will bring my spirits up. Maybe chat in an hour or so. I’m off today. I refuse to be down. Attitude is everything. Fake it till u make it.
catch u soon
bettie

[bettie]

Oh d*mn, he called, i picked up! I am so weak, I just wanted to hear what he had to say.
He’s leaving to go out of town, needed some banking info. So typical of him. I got down to business.( I’ve had over a week to think about what I would say) I let him know how cruel he was. He didn’t mean it that way. Well, explain what u ment then. He didn’t mean to make me feel bad. I told him he was making judgements on my life which he had no right to do, that he returned my kindness with cruelty, and that friends were supost to support each other, not tear each other down. Besides, as bad as it has been I STill own my home, car, have some retirement funds, social security ( well maybe ) insurance and credit, things of which he has none. I also told him that I was happy with my little condo, and I will own it outright one day. I would always be happier than him because I am grateful for what I have and don’t lust after what I don’t. Yes, nice things are nice to have, and if I want those things I would have to worker harder for to get them.
He told me I made him feel bad. Oh well, I didn’t mean to make him feel bad!
Hard to take your own medicine!
getting stronger
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Ok, not fair! I drempt about "him" last night and woke up with a Bee Gee’s song "Don’t throw it all away" ( our love )
What love?
Let me dream of something else!
And I can’t get that d*mned song out of my head!
Gonna turn the radio on, start the wash, and get my day started.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Larry,
My condolences on losing your niece. Always hurts to loose someone.
Take care of yourself.
peace
bettie

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