[bettie]

Hey Sad,
I am afraid of karma. I truly believe i lived some wild past like to have come back and have to live this one! If this one catches up with me i’m doomed!
So nice to see so many on the chat!
Laura, i forgot to mention that the knee is pain free right now. As bad as it was the orthopedic said it was stemming from my back and the leg pain i have had recently has really been strain from the squats and it’s in my thighs but better today anyway.
OK I should be sleeping!
And Sad, the urges do get to be less and less. My sponsor says she has none. 7 years clean for her. odaat.
peace
bettie
 — 1/16/2011 2:01:33 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Boy, did I have to set my co partner straight. He was across the branch hanging out on the teller side talking to a customer. From across the room he’s asks if I am busy, I said no. He proceeds to tell the customer that "My" banker can take care of that for you." The customer declined but said he would check next time. I almost blew a fuse! I stormed across the branch to find my new "boss". I let him have it! "I herd you tell the customer that "your" banker could take care of him". "Oh no, I said a banker". "Bull Sh*t! The last time I checked you didn’t sign my check and until u do don’t you Ever refer to me as YOUR banker!"
The assistant said I was too hard on him but I don’t think so. It was a service issue and believe me had the guy wanted a new account he would have run across the bank to get him.
Oh just a sample of things to come i am afraid. I looked at the job postings today and found one for Teller Supervisor at a branch about 30 minutes away. I think I will bypass the formal request and talk to the hiring manager first, just to get the preemptive strike.
OK, got that off my chest. Had a gambling thought while I was in the shower of all places. Make sense really. Getting cleaned up, ready to go out, Saturday night. Now I’m all dressed up with no place to go! LOL! ( Really, I worked out, and tired and sitting in my pj’s.)
Slow chats lately! Everyone’s got a life or cured!
Wish I was one of them!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Sad,
U posted when I did so i missed your post. The things covered up are of a personal nature. He’s having an affair with one of the tellers. He also doesn’t do a thing all day and comes and go’s as he pleases. He has a "lucky star" I swear! If the regional happens to pop in he gets there 5 minutes before! He knows how to play the games. I am too honest and could never get on the daily calls and lie about the appointments made and what the branch is doing to get business.
I could go on and on. If anyone who knows me in real life would read this thread i would be discovered for sure!
Thanks for the book suggestion, I will look for it.
Lizbeth, always so good to hear from you!
catch u on the weekend!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Oh Larry, kiss and covering are two different things! lol! I am afraid that my lack of turning him in is complacency, fear of the unknown, like will the next boss be worse?
I just talked to my sponsor and she said I need to feel out the market and get my resume’ out there. You’re right, she’s right, and I am just lazy.
The therapy today left me feeling totally sore even though we didn’t work on the legs. Really i have done as little as possible as it hurts to walk. Harry told me this morning while i was crying on the chat that it will feel better. Harry doesn’t lie, he’s a straight shooter so I will take his word for it and keep going even though I don’t want to. I will do my best.
Trying to work the serenity prayer here, change what i can. and get moving. I am creating chaos just like a good cg should! Got lots of balls in the air and not working on anything in particular. Need to settle in one or two areas of concern and prioritize the rest.
living and learning
this too shall pass
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Guys, Thanks for the moral support.
Looks like my co partner will go for the assistants job in May when she retires. As I am stuck with her reports when she is gone I did a bit of training of my own and "assigned" him the report today. He wants the job, He needs to to the thankless work I’m stuck with all the time. The manager is grooming him. He can have it, but it puts me in a really bad place. I could ( should) have that job however I will not ( and have made known) that I won’t cover my bosses *ss like the assistant does now so he really doesn’t want me. I need to get off my butt and decide what the heck I’m going to do. I am doubtful that I can transfer as when a job is posted the hiring manager talks to the current manager and mine knows a hard working slob when he sees one. Even though he doesn’t like me he needs me and he knows it. I have 14 years at this company and do not want to start over and loose all my vacation time. I just don’t know what to do! Guess I need to look outside the company but banking is just awful and I have no education or other job skills.
"Oh, I’ll think about that later, after all, tomorrow, is another day!"
I’ve been watching "Gone with the Wind" again. Can u tell?
off to bed, see the therapist for more torture tomorrow am.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Christinamarie, u underestimate me! I can eat, drink, smoke and post all at the same time! lol!
OMG I am so sore!
Worked out with the terrorist, i mean therapist and she made me do lunges! Has she seen my size? Hello? Little miss "I’m so d*mn tiny and cute", I’m 3 times your size! My skeleton is bigger than you! OUCH!!
Oh well, maybe a wee bit of exaggeration but not much!
Took a nice hot shower, sitting on my heat/massager as my butt hurts!
Well work has been OK. Slow and I got my review. Trying very hard to keep it together at work. I got a meets expectations rating while I know others that don’t lift a finger to do one extra thing are rated higher. I got dinged for missing the goal for one quarter but get this. Everyone missed one but I am the only one held accountable because they only factored the first 3 quarters. I missed q3 and made q4, they missed q4 and got full credit. What is wrong with this picture? But remember, I am not being singled out or picked on. ( It’s all in my head). There is no recourse. His rating is final, unless I want to raise h*ll and risk my job.
Well, it is what it is.
I had a little urge today. It happens sometimes, no reason, no trigger, just look in the mirror and my brain plans a casino visit or remembers one. Weird but I must always be aware. Complacency, #1 reason for relapse.
The FWB came into work today. He was waiting for me in the parking lot when I got to work. He walked up to me, wished me a Happy New year and went to kiss me on the mouth no less. I turned my head. He got my cheek.
I was nice, i did miss him, but after taking care of his bank business he carried on like it was business as usual. I told him we still had things to discuss as I had not forgotten our last meeting. He said he would call. He also told me he as he was leaving, hey, nice boots! lol!
To be continued…..
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Miss K,
My, what a man u got there. Guess that buys him some time for the next time he goofs up! (lol!)
Glad it worked out for you. Hope MIL behaves herself.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Sorry for the confusion Raez, No ball no foul!
Well at least I’m not a raving maniac today. Got out did a bit if shopping and am as ready for work as I can be. My asst manager called to make sure I was coming in. I said Of course, I made no arrangements to be off. She says well X said you were working and we have to stay late tomorrow and (my partner) stayed for the last one and bla bla bla!
Why did she find it necessary to rile me up before I had to face tomorrow?
I have to remind myself I’m not being picked on. I am too thin skinned, etc. Deep Breath!
I am wide awake and have myself stressed pretty good so I will take a pill and hope for the best. I am just dreading walking in tomorrow!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

OK Saturday Part 2
I’ve been terrorizing the chat all nite, sorry guys! The FWB called again. So nice, so sweet, talking like we’ll pick up right where we left off. I went right along with it. I’ve missed him, yet we were not on good terms when he left. Long story short, he went out of his way to hurt my feelings, and I called him on it.
I have to stand up for myself, I just have to! He was always a distraction from gambling for me, he even went with me a few times, my treat of course!
I know what to do here. I can not let things go back to what they were between us. I am so tired of being someones dirty little secret. We are supposed to be friends. Really? His friends are around him at all hours, I can only come by after everyone is cleared out. We used to go to lunch, now he can’t be seen in public with me. Why? Because his estranged wife is the same age as my daughter and I don’t measure up. Not to mention that he’s still "with" her, when she’s willing to put up with his bull xxxx!
As sick as I am of my CG life I am even more sick of this one. This theme has followed me my whole life, even though I did NOT act on it. Girlfriends husbands have always been an issue for me. I must have the word "desperate" stamped on my head! The bloodsuckers can see an easy mark.
I am terrified that I will let him go and eat instead. If I just transition back to compulsive eating what have I accomplished here? Same sick way of dealing with a compulsive life. Sex, gambling, eating, drinking. Where does it stop? All escapism, all ways of checking out of this life that has become so worthless and un-fullfilling. Wasted space.
Why do I have to go through this at least once a month? I feel like the rug had been pulled yet once again. I almost feel like closing this thread, as you must be reading this and saying OMG, not this cr*p yet again? Does she ever stop whining??– 5/26/2011 3:13:59 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Vera tried 4 or 5 time to get back to the chat! It’s really a mess tonight. I will get my head on straight, someday.
The FWB called this morning. I was oh so glad to hear from him. What is wrong with me? This is the one who has no affection for me, so he says. Stupidy 1, self esteem 0.
Did well, worked out and added more pain to my legs today. I’ve sat in this chair and not moved since. I’m pms to boot! Ate some of the chocolate chips that i didn’t use to bake cookies with! Watch out world, Monday here I come!
The thought was to start the painting, never even got started. This has been a wasted week.
MOODS! YUCK!!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi ALL!
Well, home all day today. Checked in on a few chats and did some cleaning. The dust bunny army has called a full blown retreat and is hiding in the spare bedroom and closets now!
If i do nothing again tomorrow I may tackle in there. I want to paint the kitchen and it needs major ceiling repairs so the room needs to be empty so I can move everything in there. I also want to start my ebay account and rid myself of some "casino" related decors. Why throw it out? Some of it is antique and would make a nice decoration for someone else who has a game room or something.
I worked out with the therapist yesterday. I have never been this sore before! I have a pain in my neck and thighs. (She made me do squats ! OMG!!) I did my own workout today and believe me that didn’t help! To top it off i got on the scale and am up a few pounds too! Insult to injury! Well, lots of other reasons for that and I expect to see some change in a week or two. Hard to feel like you are suffering and getting no result. Wonder what I can relate that to? Hummm…..
Catch u on the chat!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

OK I’m sure you are ready for some gossip!
The News Year Date, lol!
Strike one, drunk before I got there.
Strike two, bad breath
ball one, said he would call next day but waited two
ball two, suggested he come to my place for some candle light and movie
Strike three, left me a message using another female name then called and left the same message but used my name that time!
I can remember a time not so long ago I would have still gone out with this Clown. I would have been so glad for the attention.
Not anymore.
Now the FWB is scheduled to be back tomorrow. I wonder if he will call. I will not be calling him. He’s had 6 weeks to think about the apology that he should have given me before he left and yet he never called me with it!
I’m sure HE wasn’t lonely over the Holidays.
I have to be strong and just like banning casinos i need to ban myself from him.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
So yesterday, what a pain! I went into work, got a little "oh so sorry this happened" from the assistant manager. In reality the biggest issue was 1. She didn’t want to work alone. 2. He didn’t want to come in.
Typical of his poor management skills there are only 4 of us and he gives himself and the other banker Tuesdays off so  when the assistant or I am off it interferes with HIS social life ( his "girlfriend" is also off Tuesdays ). While I do feel singled out ( which is MY issue ) this is really about HIM. If the same situation had happened with the other banker the result would be the same. I have to deal with him better. This is part of my growth. It’s NOT ABOUT ME! It is not personal. " change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
So yes, I am off the rest of the week! Yeah!! I’m am a bit sidetracked but hope to get some cleaning done, kill the dust bunny army that patrols my place too. They are relentless you know!
Yes Vera, I do have a cat that will bite the hand that feeds it! Typical of the male’s I attract I say, lol! But I love him anyways, he is not vicious, but will give a nip when he’s overexcited. That little b*st*rd ran out that door two more times and yesterday I left him in the hall for a bit. I just walked in the door and I refused to chase him. ( thats what he wants ) So i walked in the hall. called his name and brought a can of food with me. He can move pretty fast when food is involved and ran right back up the stairs.
Oh so something really creepy happened last night. I was chatting on safe harbor and I heard this noise. It went on and on, like a motor running. I look up and it’s my VCR, which I rarely use, rewinding and chewing up a video tape, then spitting it out! How did that happen?? I was no where near the thing, haven’t used it in months. Weird! I turned it off, maybe i need to unplug it too and banish it to the basement or trash. I think it’s possessed! Yikes!!
To "A", if you are reading this, I was very glad to chat with you last night. I know you are dealing with a lot of emotions right now. Anything is possible, you CAN change things. YOU have a choice. Look at the stories here, the success, the trials, the failure and the triumphs! Take the info that you can use, leave the rest. I look forward to you starting your own thread and getting the advice you deserve. We tried to do it our way and we mucked it up pretty good. Time to surrender! Time to try something new! YOU are WORTH IT!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

He makes the rules as he goes. Yes, he is supposed to sign off on a form however I asked him if he wanted one and he said no. This is MY mistake and I will credit myself for that.
He is just not a good manager. He doesn’t know how to schedule ( we had 3 tellers all day New Years Eve, a VERY busy day ).  In Fact, the time he took he wasn’t entitled to. His manager doesn’t monitor his time and called looking for him last week as he was not aware that he was off.
Breath Breath Breath………..
My Tiger Kitty escaped as I came in the door. Ungrateful thing! Got to make an extra trip to the basement and had to chase him back up as he is too big to carry and will bite at you if you pick him up!
Ate my salad. Time to tackle the tree.
Next year this place will look like Scrooge lives here!
bettie
 

[bettie]

I am ticked off!
My STUPID ( and I am being VERY kind with that description! ) boss calls at 5pm to tell me he never "approved" my time off and I have to work tomorrow. This is the same as the "landlord" telling me he never told me $600 for the rent.
Am I loosing my mind here?
Early December I approached him about taking my remaining days off as he would not let me take them sooner. Asst Manager was off first week. I asked for the 2nd. No, he couldn’t give me that as he was taking that week. Fine, I’ll take the third and 4 th week. No, I could have the third but HE was taking the 4th. OK then, that pushes me into January. Can I take the 1st week off? Yea that should be OK. ( We are not allowed to carry over time)
So before he leaves for his first week I tell him you know We will not see each other for a month, as we had each taken every other week. His response, just make sure you make the goal. Period. End of discussion.
What did I miss? Am I nuts?
Good thing I am in town but that does put a monkey wrench in my plan to workout tomorrow. I told him I was sorry that he misunderstood how the time would work.
I hate starting the year this way. Deep breath. I hate the stress and have a hard time letting it go. The assistant tells me I take things the wrong way. I feel picked on and singled out for this kind of treatment. Thin skin I guess. Don’t know how to get past it.
Hauling Christmas stuff down to the basement. Took down the tree, hadn’t planned to but I had to do something to rid myself of this angry energy. It’s late and I didn’t eat. Maybe I’ll take off and get a salad.
peace
bettie

[Author]

Posts