[bettie]

Hi Guys,
EJ? OMG! Thought the snowmen got you! Thanks for dropping a line! TDIK Chippendale’s? Don’t know if you ever watch Saturday Night Live but it always congers up a picture on my head of Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze doing the try outs. Funnest skit i have ever seen in my life!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai9IEkYrZQk
Oh did I mention TDIK it could happen. I worked with a woman who’s son is a former Chippendale Dancer. He’s much older now and I am sure he looks more like Chris than Patrick, LOL!
Lizbeth, please come paint my kitchen! lol!
Debating going to work. I still have this stomach bug, had it since Wednesday. Is that a cg thing? Feeling guilty about calling off work when you really don’t feel good?
Oh well just dreading making that call!
stupid right?
peace
bettie– 1/29/2011 6:23:38 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Compulsive gambling is not the addicts problem, but rather his solution for some serious underlying problem.
Interesting thought, don’t u think?
Just doing a little research, not working on my "homework" from my sponsor. I did some but really a lot of psycho babble. Relapse warning signs, come on! Lonelyness, defensiveness, bla bla bla! Now list 10 plans of action. Frankly, really, if i was bent on doing it I would look at the list, laugh and go.
Hopefully I would call someone. The other work sheets are more of the same.
Now you feel happy, excited, glad-signs of danger! relapse! What will u do?
Oh Come on!
So what are we suppose to do for the rest of our lives? No feeling. Period. Every waking moment we live in fear of relapse. Waiting for that one moment that wipes out days, weeks, years of recovery?
So I did my physical therapy. Had a nice talk with the therapist about my frustration. She took it easy on my thigh exercises. I am spending a lot of money I don’t really have for this therapy. I need to get what I am paying for but frankly I’m ready to give up. I could be spending this money for mental health co payments but I decided to work on this back first. Second guessing now but it’s too late. I don’t know, if I regain all my weight again I really don’t care if I gamble or not. I won’t have much life left if I do.
Condo is almost passable as clean, cats were of no assistance in cleaning the box!
Got massive stomach ache this afternoon. I have to work tomorrow, no matter what.
Church down the hill from my place has a sign "Addiction Recovery" starting 2/7, 7pm. Maybe I should check that out. Couldn’t hurt.
Can I ramble or what?
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Laura good to get up and see your post. I’m sitting here debating if a am going to therapy today. I don’t want to, would rather just sit here and rest. I want results d*mn it! I don’t want to work, hurt, be tired, make any effort what so ever. I want my condo clean. I want food in the fridge that is delicious and calorie free, that I don’t even have to cook.
I want the cats to clean their own box.
I want my work goals at work to disappear. I want the problem my customer is having, where to put all my money so it is all insured.
I want the sun to shine.
I want a "normal" body and mind.
I don’t think I want all that much, most of it could happen ( except the cat box thing)! I just don’t want to have to work at it!
Sad to say ain’t nothing free in this life!
Oh well I say if you’re gonna dream  dream BIG, it doesn’t cost any more than dreaming small.
Gonna shower and drag my b-hind to therapy.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. If I want it I have to work for it.
Wake up bettie-get moving!
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Sore achy me. I getting old I guess. I need a hug from that lady again, oh my aching thighs!
Looking forward to getting up in the morning and going back to therapy. (not!)
Trying to be patient, hahahahaha! Not a strong point on any level in my life!
Cold outside and this place needs a pickup. Maybe I’m just avoiding doing my work from my sponsor. Maybe she will just give up on me but really, I need to make the time. Add it to the list.
So disappointed I’m not loosing weight. I need to work harder, go a bit hungry, don’t know at this point. Frustrated.
I am being really hard on myself. Need to nip that in the bud.
I am my own worst enemy.
peace
bettie– 1/27/2011 2:52:08 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Hey Lynn, I spent all day looking at glasses on line during the pitiful bears game. I did look at a few sites and ordered a pair for about $70 bucks. Thanks for the tip!
Oh guys thanks again for the hugs, it really means a lot to me. Trying to exorcise those demons of the past. Not easy but necessary.
My I ate like a pig today! I need to move that scale! I get on it every morning and it determines how I feel that day, sounds a bit compulsive to me!
Need to go to bed. Long day again tomorrow!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Sex. religion. politics….. lol! Oh well, I try to be discreet! lol!
Very lazy day. Went out again to look for glasses. The prices! OMG! Almost $500 for one pair! I will check Walmart optical tomorrow.
Thanks for the hugs, I can never get too many. Got a really nice hug from a really nice guy at my GA meeting last night. He said he didn’t want to see me cry and that I was doing great. Quite unexpected I must say but very sincere and refreshing-no strings attached.
Well will do my moms. sisters and nieces hair in the morning for family pictures with the grandniece. 9 months already! So sweet that baby. She’s getting so big. She should be calling me Auntie B in no time. When her aunt ( my 14 year old niece) was a toddler living on the floor below me, she couldn’t say my name so I became Auntie B. She would come up to see me by herself as soon as she learned to walk up the stairs. I kept coloring books here and she would do tasks for me-like picking up so i could vacuum, dusting, little things. She used to like to rub my feet too!. Ocean auntie b, ocean! ( She couldn’t say lotion!). Sure she wouldn’t go near my feet now! lol!
Nite all!
GO BEARS!!!!!!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Chat looks slow however I think it’s connection errors as I don’t seem to be the only one not making any connections.
Went to my meeting last night, very emotional at the end. I’ve read where 1 in 4 women have/will suffer sexual abuse in their lifetimes. I think in the rooms it’s closer to 3 of 4. I tried to respond to the speaker and i choked on the words, I had stayed composed through out the therapy but lost it in the end. Her words were so real and emotions so raw. I felt the pain as if I was living through it myself, again.
I told her about the wounded little girl I carried with me for so long. I told her somehow, someway,  we did protect that innocent little soul, and she was OK. She survived. I told her I was tired of carrying the ghosts of the past with me, that I had to put them to rest because I did what I could do, and it’s time to move forward.
 Took today off, need more sleep!
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just a quick check in.
Went to physical therapy today. I have never done a gymnastic thing in my life and this little nymph of a girl can flip and swirl and be across the room in 2 seconds flat! She shows me a new move today. Stand straight,then chin to chest, bend over, palms of your hands on the floor, "walk" on your hands until you are in a plank position, ( like a push up ) hold it five seconds, walk hands backward to your feet and stand back up! OMG! Well, I thought I’ll try. It wasn’t pretty, i had to bend my knees a bit, but I did it!  Not once, not twice but  5 times! Now remember this is the same person who, as a child, tried to do a hand stand and skinned her nose!
That was fun really, not that I’m ready for an Olympic trial or anything, but I did empress myself. I did it!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Tennis from Friday to Sunday? Wow, what a match! lol!
Have a nice weekend Kathryn!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys and Thanks for the well wishes!
So So wonderful to "feel the love’!
Even the therapist session was good! Did squats and lunges and my thighs and knees are still intact!
Darn harry, always right!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Woke up early today, will regret this tonight as I have a therapist appointment.
I also woke up with something else.
5 months clean. Miracles do happen.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Lizbeth,
i so enjoyed our chat yesterday! Thanks as alway, u make me !
Oh Larry! You always have such confidence in my skills and faith in my abilities. Wish you were my boss!
No, I would not have been offended had the remark come from my lazy boss, I am "his" banker, but this was my co worker pushing work on me he didn’t want to do.  He is trying for the assistants position and being a general pain in the butt.
Oh, I bought more boots, wine colored, just like the brown suede ones. It’s official, I am now a boot junkie but I promised myself this is it, no more. ( The season will be over soon anyways! )
As for the words of wisdom to Marla, someone here told me that and they were right. Wouldn’t surprise me if that person was you!
The girls day out was nice, went for Chinese food. Not the best choice for me but i did the best i could.
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Oh, woke up with a headache. Didn’t sleep too well. Seems to be happening a bit more lately for no real reason. I get in bed and forget how to fall asleep! Stupid isn’t it? I’m stressing over something not sure what.
Off today, Martin Luther King Holiday today. We are meeting up at my sisters house to go to the nail place for mani-pedi’s today. Mom gave all us "girls" (my sister, nieces, daughter and me) gift certificates for Christmas and this seems to be the one day we are all off school/work and can go. We will go to lunch after. Should be a good day and I have been looking forward to it.
Wish I had gotten up early enough for a workout but with the poor sleeping I can’t motivate myself to get up early. Well maybe later. Still frustrated as heck over the weight. Down a couple pounds but I won’t give myself credit because I believe that was just swelling thats gone down. I do feel smaller, so maybe some muscle gain after all. The belly does seem smaller so that I will take.
I struggle with this as I’m sure you can tell and I am terrified that this is it for me, that I will repeat the past and just start gaining it all back. I can’t let that happen, not this time. It will be the end of me. Recovery will not mean a thing to me if I wind up disabled due to obesity and diabetes.
odaat
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Kathryn,
Did I tell u my MIL story?
Once  upon a time, 1981 to be exact, I got married . Me and my ex didn’t have a pot to p in. My in laws moved far away, abandoning their home and offered it to us to stay in. Cool, we needed a place to go, having a new born baby and no money. Long story short, the mil left the utilities unpaid and we needed almost $1000 to pay HER heating bill from the prior winter. Being the wonderful MIL that she was she collect "wedding gifts" from my ex’s brother and sister, various family members and PAID HER BILL! My sister in law was upset that I didn’t send her mom a thank you note for the gift. I told her since the "gift" was given to my MIL maybe SHE should sent the note!
Well, we may have just used that gift money to turn on the gas but shouldn’t that have been OUR choice?
I guess i am an ingrate but I still remember that. Guess I will forgive her. 30 years is long enough to carry that grudge around. Funny part is it didn’t bother her a bit!
Gosh I should have been a cg much sooned than i was! LOL!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Originally posted by jilly
 I heard somebody yesterday be extremely cruel about a very overweight person. Well yes, her problem was apparent fr all to see.
 
Hi Linn, I stole your thread!
Hi Jilly. I saw this in your post and felt a need to address it here. I am a cg and have been morbidly obese since childhood. I have been able to maintain a large weight loss for 2 years however I am still "fat" by most of the worlds standards. I struggle every day to fight my weight just as i am fighting for my recovery. Being a CG is alot easier to deal with in many ways. I don’t have to gamble but I do have to eat. Imagine for a moment, having not only to face your demon but having to control it. If i had to gamble 3 times a day and not over do it I would never be able to recover. I see you were disgusted by the judgment and the cruel remarks made and I am in no way upset with you. These illnesses are very much alike. I either gambled away my feeling or ate them. Or did  both.
Just think, sometimes we even over hear people’s remarks, and have to live with that. Life is really unfair at times. I still don’t understand why I couldn’t at least have had a "normal" body. When I was at my highest weight I stayed home alot, I didn’t want people to see me. Funny how that never stopped me from going to a casino. No judgment there, They liked my money I guess.
So Lynn, funny I was reading your thread while you were posting me!
I’m not mad u stole my line! I am sorry you felt like that! I hope to never feel that way again. I hope u don’t either.
I blew it at 90 days the first time around. This time I did something different. I banned that last close casino. I will have 5 months clean on the 18th, as long as I work odaat.
peace
bettie

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