[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well I’m finally home. Went to physical therapy and it was OK, I haven;t been since before the snow storm. Picked up my daughter and went to dinner. What ever calories I burned I’m sure I made up for them. My friend called and I went to see him. Mistake. I feel empty, used, sad, upset. I’m like a kid playing with matches. This almost feels a bit like  gambling hangover. Not good.
I will be dog sitting until Monday. Jen is driving to Georgia, much to my dismay, to go to her friends funeral. I hate that she will be driving this time of the year, you just never know about the weather.
I won’t be around much to chat as she has no Internet connection so please don’t think I’ve gone missing if you don’t see me. 6 months clean on the 18th, I have no plan to loose that.
ODAAT
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Decided to work on my tax return last night, it is a nightmare! The distributions I took to save my home, car, etc. are coming back to bite me in the behind. I had taxes withheld , I even paid extra, but still not enough. I know I can get a payment plan but how would I be able to pay that? There is no extra, I am barely scraping by. I just don’t understand how someone who takes home so little can owe so much. The only solution is to take even more money from my retirement plan, causing even more tax penalties. But I have no choice. At least I have an option.
The cycle of gambling damage continues. When does it stop?
Death and taxes-the only two things guaranteed in this life!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Kathryn,
So So good to see you! Sorry I was so cranky but bettie+pain+4am = crabby girl! lol!
Take care!
bettie

[bettie]

— 2/6/2011 5:41:26 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Miss P , Ej, always good to see u both!
Well it came out today. My asst manager, who I’ve known for 20 years, asked me what I was doing on Friday nights that I had to run out the door all the time. We went to lunch after work and I told her, I was attending Ga, and I was a compulsive gambler. She was shocked to say the least. She said she knew I liked to gamble and that she thought I was having money problems because I spent too much. Well she got that part right. I told her just a little, that it wasn’t about the money, it was about me, my self esteem issues, self loathing. Of course I cried like a baby.
This it the first person that I really openly said those words to, "I am a compulsive gambler", who was not in a GA meeting with me. I felt so ashamed. She is quite the pillar of the community. Responsible, respectable. the kind of person you look up to. My sponsor had told me not to tell her as I work in a bank and could open myself up to suspection. I could not help myself, I had to tell her. We are as sick as our lies. I’m tired of lying! I had to explain that to her and assure her that I had never stolen from anyone to gamble. She said she had no doubt about that. I told her I was not trying to be some kind of a snob about that, as a lot do and I could have too. I was fortunate and i never say never.
 She said she was proud of me, for seeing I had a problem and doing something about it. Her son went to rehab but only after an intervention. He is in the service now, trying to get his life together. and is doing very well.
I’m still a bit shook up about telling her. I know I did the right thing.
too late to second guess myself now.
peace
bettie– 2/6/2011 5:39:59 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Just checking in on the chat, home from my meeting. Wiva, Thedarling, Cm-wish I had gotten home sooner!
Darling? OMG! Would love to chat with you again!
I just heard my chat session go into a lag. Oh well, hope to see u all soon!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Kathryn,
Thought I would say hello as it seems that we never seem to run into each other any more!!
I’ve had a bit of the wonder of nature this week. Thunder snow! I really can’t recall having heard that term before. We had lightening too, the wind so strong it blew tiny flakes of snow through my wall air conditioner and onto my shoulders as I sat at my computer.
Oh well, off to work!
Maybe this weekend?
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Cm thanks for the good thoughts. I am much better-the soup became chicken and dumplings. Way fattening and yummy! Brought most of it to my brothers as a surprise. He is divorced and cooks for himself. Nice to come home to a hot homemade dinner once in a while. Neighbor just stopped me in the lot to thank me for the cookies.
I went out today, my off day, and was pleasantly surprised that the roads were so clear and dry. The villages and towns around here are to be commended-they handled it all quite well.
Had not planned to go back out today but my daughter called me sobbing. A young man she had taken into her home when she lived in Georgia committed sucide yesterday. He was a homosexual and was kicked out of his home as a teenager due to religious intolerance. I guess having your own mom tell you she wished you were never born doesn’t do much for the self esteem. My girl said when he lived with her she gave him his first birthday party ever. Jen remembered that she had some pictures of him on a memory stick so I drove her to the store to have them printed. That little punk asked me if I would stop at the gas station so she could get a lottery scratch ticket. I told her not a good way to deal with grief so have a beer instead. "Good mom, great parenting!" OK she made a connection I didn’t. She is a smart girl sometimes.
I heard a song on the radio and some of the lyrics popped out at me. I think it may be a Tom Petty song but I don’t remember ever hearing before. "I’m a looser at the top of my game."  I liked that line. Kind of like a nice way to say I’ve hit bottom.
Lizbeth, Tdik, always nice to hear from you! Hope to catch u all on the weekend chat!
back to work tomorrow
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Well it ‘s been an interesting day. Our plow service stinks but nothing new there. Went to dig out my car and clear my own parking spot and some of the men who live in the complex were out clearing some of the mess. They helped me dig out and have been jockeying cars around, trying to get the spots cleared. The parking is tight and I don’t dare move my car as I am in a "free" spot and my spot is too crowded to get into! Well, tomorrow maybe, I’m not going anywhere tonight. Wind chill expected to go -30 to -40f tonight! I baked chocolate chip cookies for my neighbor who helped me shovel-his 3 girls were so excited when I brought them over. His wife laughed, said he really didn’t need cookies as the exercise did him good.
I slept till noon,washed clothes, made chicken salad and have some chicken soup cooking as I type.
P I did find Cathie on the last community chat today. I hope to catch it again tomorrow. I have my regular day off so I might be around but really, I have cabin fever already, lol!
Should workout but SO tired and sore from shoveling. Maybe tomorrow.
TDIK, I was smoking as I read about Lizbeth! Yes, I too need to quit. I am well aware of the danger, esp being diabetic. Rest assured I have all the blood tests done every 3-6 months. I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, u name it however, all well controlled with my medicine and exercises. Maybe when I love myself enough I will find the courage to try to quit.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

You know the storm is bad. The casino closed!

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
The weather is awful and it is just starting! The wind is blowing so hard sounds like I might loose a window ( I only have 3! ) That would be bad! Also, I am just below the roof on the 3rd floor of a flat roofed building.
I hear snowmobiles in the baseball field right  behind my complex, very rare sound here. Nothing but sirens for the last hour. Had a message from the village saying that a shelter was opened if needed. I am 6 mile out of the city and it will be mostly shut down. Had to laugh at my regional manager, said we couldn’t close as we were Government regulated! What A JOKE! The bank across the street and the one down the street both closed early and will be closed tomorrow. My girl friend said her bank was closed too. I have no plan to go tomorrow, closed or not!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Hey K! When did we chat last? Seems like ages!
OK survived work but I need to start the prayer chain now! I talked to the boss, preemptive strike, as I am so far behind! The business is just not there. Of course my co partner is doing OK. He does some unethical things I just refuse to do to make the goals. Bottom line I just need to "get lucky" with some loans. Thats what happened last quarter and thats why he’s up right now. Gosh this job is like gambling you know? Deep breath! It’s hard when your best isn’t good enough and you feel burnt out.
This too shall pass.
Well I need to pick up, baking a chicken as we speak. Getting ready for the snow. They are making such a big deal about it so we will get twice as much as predicted or none. We will see. Funny but I just don’t mind it all that much. It’s also ironic that we are on the anniversary of the ’67 blizzard in Chicago. I was almost 4. I only remember them shoveling snow into box cars because they had no place to put it. We lived across the street from the Rock Island Line, to the best of my memory.
Speaking of memory, mine is frightening! I am forgetting names, words mid sentence, or if I go to another room to get something I forget what I went for. Scary! I’ve heard this happens to women "of a certain age". I hope thats all it is!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Sorry Gipixie and V!
Lost my connection and stuck in a major lag!
Good on you for banning, it will help u so much!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hockey? Wow! We have a saying, "just like old home week". Kind of means when you see a bunch of folks you haven’t heard from in a while. First Ej and now you! What a nice surprise on a lonely, not feeling good weekend! Keep up the work on your recovery too! I am happy for you!
Hey Lizbeth! Feel like we just keep missing each other! My daughter did bring me the soup i wanted. Mexican beef soup. Something about it always makes me feel better. Lots of broth with mild peppers, onions and a small chunk of beef. They give you a diced onion, cilantro, a lime, rice and a warm pack of tortillas, on the side. You add what extras you want to your serving then dip the tortillas and/or scoop the broth mixture in a tortilla then eat it with the broth running down your arm! OK, I’m not a delicate eater or of Mexican decent so I don’t have it down but it sure tastes good!
Hey, people on the chat ! Yea!!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Yes I stayed home, glad I did. Weak, physically for a change, lol. Whatever this is and whoever gave it to me can have it back!
Larry, Larry, Larry!
I ramble and sound like a person rambling. You ramble and sound like a tenured professor! Maybe why we love you so!
Thank you my friend, the port in the storm!
I talked to my sponsor about the worksheets. She could see my frustration with it, agreed that I had worked a back up plan and that we would readdress the worksheet at a future date. She actually gave me worksheets that say STEP 1!
Wow, it’s official! I’m step one!
The stomach thing comes and goes, i feel like working then feel like laying down. Maybe call my daughter and make her bring me some soup.
peace
bettie
 

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