[bettie]

Hey Larry,
How are u these days? I see all the flooding associated with the Mississippi and can’t help but think of you.
I saw photo’s of my cousin’s farm in southern Illinois and saw the silo flattened. That had stood for 50 years but the storms got it. Just amazing the power of nature.
Take care!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Oh Miss P, I know I can always count on you! Thanks for the reminder-I do have quite a few friends here and I am grateful for you all.
So no movie tonight. I have been exausted all week and chalked it up to work however I believe I have come down with an UTI. Of course no doctor available on the weekend so if it gets worse tomorrow I will be headed to the emergency room. With diabetes you can’t be too carefully and this can spread to my kidneys, time will tell. I got some over the counter meeds for the pain and I have antibiotic I started taking which should do it but I will be cautious.
I’ll look at the chat again.
peace
bettie– 5/8/2011 2:00:30 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

— 5/26/2011 6:02:53 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

So Funny about kids and shoes!
Jen used to take every shoe in the house and line them up across the front room floor ( she was just walking ).
God help u if u needed to take a pair!
hope to catch u soon!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
So I went to the Dr today. She has 2 pills that she wants me to try before a surgical intervention. UGGGGG!!!!!
I will give it one try-if no results then I will be back!
Went to curves today and boy was it TOUGH! I am SO out of shape! The funny part is even though I haven’t been there since Nov 2009 the computer still had my info and it scores how you did on the machines. I was low on most but scored HIGHER on 3 of them! That was upper body and Ab stuff I did with the physical therapist so at least that was not a total waste and I did real well with the stretching-which I don’t like doing!
Lazy, lazy, lazy!
Well I am looking forward to fitting into last years wardrobe so I will work my program and and get back to taking care of me!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I swiped this from Charles in the overcoming problems section. it originates from ga and I think iy is very good advice!
Just for Today

 
 
 
 
 
Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that: "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take each day as it comes and fit myself to it.
Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; I will do at least two things I don’t want to do – just for exercise; I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt – they may be hurt but today I will not show it.
Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests – hurry and indecision.
Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. During this half-hour, sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that, as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
Just for today I will not gamble.
No one could do all of those all of the time, recovery isn’t about being a saint its about trying to do better and addressing some of the traits that addiction can give us.  So, just pick one, maybe two, and do your best to follow the principle throughout a day.  It also helps to improve self esteem etc as we achieve something positive.
Hope this helps someone as much as it’s helped me
Thanks Charles!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Guys,
Boy am I wiped out! My stupid boss had been giving my co worker off on Mondays and now that the Assistant has retired I was the only banker today. I ran all day long. My boss even had to finally put his new paper down and take a few customers! Well I did get the last laugh as he said in a passing remark that next Monday my co worker will be back!
If only someone would listen to me once in a while!
1. I am always right.
2. If I am wrong, refer to statement #1.
So do we ever stop thinking about gambling? I know I am going through a fight/flight reaction to my friends retirement. I have tried my best to live up to something I read called "Just for today". I was feeling very slighted when I started work. I laid down my ground rules, when I was busy to find the manager and transfer calls to him and let him know people were waiting. That worked OK. I did my work to the best of my ability. I did not complain. I tried not to let my mind wander to gambling, and when I caught myself doing it i flipped the script. All part of growing and learning I guess. I am not getting the results (sales dollars) that I want but I am doing all that has been asked of me.
I feel satisfied about that.
Need to get some sleep!
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

hI gUYS!
Oh my, an interesting few days.
My GA meeting was a bit heated but interesting to say the least. I was told I handled it well, I was the chair, but I am glad that my month is up. It’s always easier to sit back and say I would do this or that but much harder when you are the one having to do it. I called one of the members that I thought was given a bit of a hard time and it looks like I am the over sensitive one, she was just fine. Am I am glad because she is such a sweet and kind person.
Well seems like the worst of this cycle is over and I am relatively pain free. I see doctor Thursday so will see what happens there.
The asst managers last day was yesterday. I am going over to do her hair in a little bit. Tomorrow should be interesting with me being the only banker on Mondays now that my co banker was given Mondays off and my manager reads the news paper all day. I plan to tell the tellers that all customer calls are to be directed to him, not me and when the lobby has folks waiting go find him. This will be interesting.
Gotta run. Hope to catch some chat later.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well I was up in time to watch the wedding. Not by choice. Woke up in awful pain. I was fortunate to fall back to sleep for a couple of hours but now have to rush and get to work. I would call off (again) except that it is my asst. managers last Friday and I have put together the surprise luncheon and have to be there. Well next Thursday I see my doctor and hope to find the solution to this problem. I just have to muddle through today.
Big test coming with a distribution from my retirement plan arriving in the next few weeks. The plan was to reinvest every penny. That won’t happen but I am working on a plan so that the cash is not readily available. I have worried that it will be a real test of my recovery, having money. It was one of the factors that brought me to GT in the first place. I was not totally successful last year-I gambled some of it-but the majority was spent wisely. I make my pledge here and now that  this money will NOT go to a casino! There, I said it. I will not type what I don’t intend to stick to.
Enjoy the wedding day everyone. Just saw the kiss and everyone looks beautiful from my front row seat-in front of my "telly".
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Nice Carole! I would have never put that spin on things. So good to have friends like you to do it. I have been told before I come off mean, which always cracks me up! I am such a marshmallow!
Well 2 days left with my friend at work. I made sure we will have a nice little send off on Friday and there is a plan to go to lunch on Saturday. I bought her a gift card for the movies and picked out things for a gift basket for her. Robe, gown,slippers, bath bubbles, candle’s, bath pillow, back scrubber, lotion . I think she will like it. All about relaxing. She has worked hard, divorced mom of 3. I am already feeling the void. She was off today and I am missing her already.
Need to work even harder on recovery. These are one of the "be aware" situations that can send you back to gambling. Self pity, happiness for others, a tinge of jealousy, stress. Anything can be a trigger. No room for complacency in recovery, odaat.
If any of my Safe Harbor friends find my thread you will know more about me than you ever wanted to know! LOL!
But this is the reason I don’t post there, I am too busy here. Use all the tools you can get your hands on! I understand the GA UK has on line GA meetings. Haven’t done one yet but I am willing to try almost anything to stay clean. The funny part is expecting your life to become wonderful. Sorry to say I still have the same problems but I deal with them in a healthier way ( i think!). Lots of work to be done in that department! 48 years of living has put more that a few skeletons in my closet! lol!
need to sleep, meant to earlier but I got busy watching a DVD i rented.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Larry!
I saw that you are posting on the daily pledge so I am glad to see you are OK after that tornado last week. I hope you are well and not too close to the Mississippi river, as it seems to be acting up too. I remember driving with my family to southern Missouri in the 1970’s when there was severe flooding and seeing sand bags along the highway. I’ve always been glad when spring passes, I hate storms but I guess we must take the bitter with the sweet. I am looking forward to planting the few little flowers that I can put on my patio.
Take care,
bettie

[bettie]

Happy Easter!
So, I was up at 5am and didn’t try to go back to sleep. I want to try to stop taking the xanax to sleep so I can get up earlier so maybe I can get back on my work out schedule. I can not believe how much weight I have been putting on. I took my scale out of the kitchen because so many have advised me to so I thought I would try. Now I am afraid to get on it-clothes are getting beyond snug to unwearable! I’ve stopped checking my blood sugar in the am too. When I get in the denial stage of anything in my life it is dangerous! I will be off to my sisters house-all diabetics out of control over there-and will eat all kinds of junk I don’t keep in the house. No moderation when I get like this, scary!
Laura I think the "laugh" about the GA conference is my "fwb’s" denial that I have a problem, see I haven’t gambled so now I am "cured" and don’t really need that kind of thing-you know- I’m not "one of those people", lol! Well i know better-guess thats all that matters! I know part of my questioning the program is to find fault. See, built in excuses because if I was told that because I am entered in a "raffle" I have no clean time at all I could easily stop going to GA, feel bad, then gamble! I am entered in a giveaway for a national game show, I enrolled in their program YEARS ago so if that is the standard I’m still actively gambling!I am just looking for a justifiable excuse in my CG brain to give myself an out. My I should have been a psychiatrist! There is a church that is giving away stuff for attending church! If I went there would I be gambling?? I could nit pick this question for ever so I need to let it go and move on.
Well I should be doing something productive instead of sitting here but I will check the chat.
have a lovely day!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey My Easter Bunnies!
Nice to come home to such nice notes! I am just home from GA and I am wiped out! I mentioned the a for mentioned raffle/giveaway at Ga during my therapy. My sponsor went right for the yellow book so I closed my therapy having said I have a copy of that at home and am not open to comment. The room was in a uproar, laughing, as they know my sponsor is hard core. I heard shouts of "good move!" "Not fair-you should be open" all good natured. Since I was the chair I passed the can and started the closing prayer. I will no doubt talk to her about it, and is will be a good dissussion, as it should be. I would have talked there and then but it was late and I was more than ready to leave.
More "good" news-not! my oldest brothers wife left him! Why are both of my brothers in crisis mode in the same week?
When it rains it pours!
Will post more tomorrow!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for posting. I have been a bit busy and have been lax about posting. Maybe I can move beyond the "pity party" and just get on with it.
Carole, I am so proud of you and your break through!
I am drinking my coffee and feeling the love from this site, I need it today.
I had a talk with my brother. He has been through h*ll with his divorce (14? years ago) There are no words to describe how his ex manipulated him. His daughter is 18 now and her mother has been feeding her a load of cr*p about going away to school. She discusses nothing with my brother. Long story short she has this kid set up to go to a school way out of financial reach and tells my brother 1. She hasn’t paid the kids tuition and owes $3000 that had to be paid or she would not be allowed to graduate from high school. 2. That after all financial aid that my niece needs $14 thousand a year for school, and that my brother needs to take a 2nd mortgage on his house. He told her she got his retirement money and she wasn’t getting his house. He did pay her the three grand because she had him over a barrel. My poor brother is so upset! She is making him out to be a bad guy with his daughter and he is sick over it. I told him he needed to have a sit down with my niece and just tell her what is going on. He doesn’t deserve this! What is the personality quirk in my family that lets people walk all over us? I am totally stressed about this and need to let it go. All i can do is be there for my brother, this situation I can not control. They say we can control how we feel or react. I feel awful and I sure can’t control that!
I did go to a session at that GA conference on relapse prevention. I found that speaker to be very good. She had over a year of no gambling however she did not work on recovery. She said it started with skipping meetings. Then she played card games with penny stakes because it was "just pennies". She would have her husband buy lottery tickets when the jackpots got big – after all "he" was gambling  "she" wasn’t. Before she knew it she was back to "go", sucked right back in to where she started, just like she never stopped. The misconception that she could now handle it "once in a while" nearly destroyed her.
Well off to the shower and another day of work. I have to remember I am fortunate to have a job, even one I hate so much.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the posts. My point about the raffle ticket was that it was a giveaway from the restaurant-the guy made no wager-and thats the part that really bothers me.
So typical of me to nit pick things but thats part of me too.
I went out with my GF this afternoon. She got a call and an invite to the casino while i was there. It was funny when she told me, she called it "the place we used to go", lol! Now thats respect for me and my recovery. She sees the changes in me, even if no one else does, even when I don’t, or can’t.
It’s a strange moodiness that I have had the last few days. I so don’t want to go to work tomorrow.
I was listening to the "I believe in Love" song in my car on the way home tonight. When the lyric "love is out there waiting somewhere, all you have to do is go and find it", the tears were just rolling down my face. I had to find a napkin, as my neck and chest were getting soaked.
I do believe in love but it has always been elusive to me. All the simple things in life that people take for granted, just someone to hold them, someone to share a meal or a movie,someone to walk with who holds your hand, just simple little things. You are rich beyond your wildest dreams. These are things you will never find in a casino. I know this as fact. I looked.
peace
bettie
 — 4/18/2011 3:05:11 AM: post edited by bettie.

[Author]

Posts