[bettie]

Got a call at work today from my "CG" buddy-he calls to try to get us to pay his mortgage because he’s overdrawn-big time. I consult my boss and he agrees as long as he gets the deposit in before 10am. We returned his car payment. The life of an active cg is not an easy one.
He’s calls me back later to make sure we paid then asks what i’ve been up to-and asks if I’VE BEEN TO THE NEW CASINO YET! I told him no, and I would NEVER see the inside. He say’s "Oh yea-you don’t gamble anymore".
Maybe he’s finally getting it.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Yes Lizbeth, one of the lead stories today-the traffic jam getting into the new casino. Lines inside and lines outside. There has been an advertizing blitz for all the other local casinos. Funny, because all I think about when I bother to look at one of those comercials is how much money I would have wasted in the past. $700 worth of pain-at least. I work very hard and have to put up with a lot of nonsense to make $700-So NOT worth it.
Vera my brother was over and we walked past my neighbors condo. He mentioned how lonely the place looked and how weird it must be for me because it’s hard for him. It is strange that we leave but our "stuff" is still around. It will be very very strange when his truck is gone-his assigned parking space is next to mine. I’ll have to google that song. The words sounded familar but I was busy weeping and couldn’t hear much. It was beautiful, that I remember.
Laura you are such a sweetie! You are right-I do deserve a day off-lol! I do think I will request the weekend off when I have my pinning next month. It is funny how the time has passed. I have had a lot of adversity this last year, but I think it’s no more than usual. My life has always been a bit off-and you know what? Thats ok. As John Lennon sang, "Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans".
Thanks for the well wishes. ODAAT, may we all feel the rewards that recovery brings. It works if you work it and your worth it so work it!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well big new story-a new casino is opening in the area, It is amazing to me that it’s all over the news. All opening a new casino will do around here is take players from other local casinos ( they are hoping those that go to Indiana ) and of course create more crime and heartbreak for those of us "with the problem." I guess they just don’t want to talk about that stuff, not glamorous or attractive at all!
I did finally get to see the movie "Going for Broke". It’s from 1993 and stars Delta Burke. I have been looking for it for a while but it was never released on dvd in the States. I watched it on youtube – in 7 parts -the picture was not great and the acting is a bit cheesey but the message is quite real. I would recommend it . I found the actions of the people truthful as it was based on a true story.
gotta run.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hey tambo glad you enjoyed the post, hope you are well into your day 5 and moving foward.
The services for my neighbor was today. His brother had a friend, a blind Irish ballad singer peform at the Mass and the lunchion. They started with "Morning has broken" by Cat Stevens, they sang the "Song of St Francis" "Amazing Grace" and – the one that got me- some Irish balad at the end. I haven’t been to Mass since my brothers funeral and I was a row ahead of my sister and nieces. I lost it on the last song and my niece came to me and rubbed my back and let me cry on her shoulder. His brothers spoke of some nice memories with him and his sister read a beautiful poem.I must say it was a moving and wonderful service befitting the man who loved nature and was a friend to everyone who ever met him. At a Catholic funeral they hand out rememberance cards. I have one with an Galic Cross on it with the following verse:
Grieve not…nor speak of me with tears…but laugh and talk of me…as though i were beside you.
I loved you so…’twas Heven here with you.
lovely, don’t you think?
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Am I getting lazy or what? I used to post everyday and now I seem to be down to just a couple of days. Is that good or bad? I’ve no idea.
I have my meeting tonight and will start planning my 1 year pinning. Still seems sureal to me. In 3 days I’ll have 11 months clean. I remember this time last year, fighting with myself on a daily basis, in denial of the fact the I could never gamble again. Well I will restate that, I can gamble however it would be an absolute disaster . Gambling is not an option, complancy will eventually cause a relasp. I read every day even if I don’t post. I have a long way to go and I’ll get there, odaat.
Well, time to get ready for work. Got a cool email today-enjoy!
Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest:  Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your  private account for your use.
 However,this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules. The first set of rules would be:
 
     
     Everything that you didn’t spend during each day would be taken away from you. 
 
 
     
    You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
 
 
 
       You may only spend it. 
 
 
 
 
  
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for that day.  
  
The  second set of rules:
 

   
    The bank can end the game without warning; at any time  it can say, Its over,the game is over!  It can  close the account  and you will not receive a new one.
 

         What would you personally do?
 
 
 
   
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right?  Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right?  Even for people you don’t know, because you couldn’t  possibly spend it all on yourself, right?  You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?
 
        ACTUALLY This  GAME is  REALITY!
 
  Each of us is in possession of such a magical  bank. We just can’t seem to see it.
 
                The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
 
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is  NOT credited to us. 
 
   
What we haven’t lived up that day is forever  lost.
 
Yesterday is forever gone.
 

Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank  can dissolve your account at any time….WITHOUT  WARNING.
 
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400  seconds?
 
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.. 
 
    
Think about that, and always think of this:
 
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you  think.
 
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy life!
 
Here’s wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. 
 
 
 
    Start spending. 

peace
bettie 
 
 

 

 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just recovering from a long weekend. Had a really nice time with Jules (thanks Jules!) the left Sunday morning to go camping with my 2 brothers and 3 nieces. Too bad they were camping this week instead of last but we crammed in a lot of sillyness in 24 hours.
Getting ready for work-yuck!-but better than not having a job for sure.
Have a great gf day!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks everyone! Lots of hopeful and helpful chats today.
Yes Vera-I talked to Jules and by this time tomorrow we will be smoking cigrettes and chatting away!
Got quite a bit of cleaning done and a couple bags to goodwill. If I gave away everything that doesn’t fit my closet would be empty! Two day junk food binge not good!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks so much for your support,it means a lot.
So 3 people said they would call me yesterday. All 3 failed to do so! Excuses to feel sorry for myself just keep presenting themselves but it is my job not to fall for the bait.
Awareness part 2
bettie 3 cg 0
Yes I am keeping score when ever I have a major breakthrough! I know I have little ones everyday so really it’s like bettie 1000’s – cg 0 lol!
Well gonna clean-whoo hoo!
Got an email from the owner of the place I was supost to go to and she said if I can find more time I am welcome to reschedule. Very kind on her part really.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys-
i feel like I owe an apology here to you all. It was rude to close out of the chat so abruptly and for that I am very sorry .
Some days I feel like I’ve got it all together and things are going well. Some days just suck!
I am so dissapointed that my little trip didn’t work out. My CG brain tells me just the uglist things, frendless, hopeless,helpless-all a bunch of BS but it’s there. I’m not having urges and I think my mind is just trying to work up to some! Dissapointment used to make me go to the casino a lot. A cold drink and a warm seat were just waiting to console me, a slot machine to embrace me with a hyptontic trance-make me forget my cares. The "real" me knows the escape of the past no longer works. There is nothing waiting for me behind the casino door but death and distruction, a path I was able to avert from, with the help of all my cyber friends here.
Sometimes a pity party is best celebrated alone!
I’ll get over it-I always do.
bettie

[bettie]

Tx Kathryn!
Hi Guys!
Has a slip last night, not a gambling one but a self defeating one just the same.
I can talk the talk but fail walking the walk!
Well every mistake is a learning experance. I learn all lessions the hard way but then I learn them well!
The FWB has to go. I think I am waiting for step 4 to get rid of him! I guess I need a 12 step program just for finding a healthy relationship because in the light of day i can see what a destructive habit I have been feeding!
It’s a new day and I will stop beating myself up.
Going to go greet the day!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Kathryn,
So good to see u today and thanks for thinking of me.
Seems like when ever I think I am making real progress I sabatoge myself and let in some unhealthy things. I can see what I am doing, thats progress,but i need to name it, claim it and dump it!
Hope the move goes smoothly. The best thing about moving is all the getting rid of the unnessary things that accumulate. Maybe my mind needs to move-and do the same!
Hope u are getting some well deserved sleep! U just missed Jules. We have plans for next weekend-I am so excited!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi guys,
Sherry, Lizbeth-someday we may chat again! I can’t believe I never catch u two any more!
Miss P, always believe your story is worth telling. Even when we can’t see it we help others and you help so many.
Vera, waiting for my email!
Time for this rcg to get to bed!
Wild wild saturday night! Whoo Whoo!
bettie

[bettie]

yes Vera- a friend!
Seems like when I tell my negative cg brain to shut up and listen i find I am not quite as alone as I thought I was.
My sponsor said thats the best thing about group support-they love you until U can learn to love yourself.
Quite a revelation for me. I think (know) I am the reason I don’t have a bigger socal life. I don’t pursue one. Why? Because I am so afraid of being hurt.
Time to "flip the script".
Sorry to cut u off the chat, working step 2 with my sponsor and reaping the rewards. So hard to give control of things to my "Higher Power" – God – but it has been amazing! When we relinquish control we somwhow regain it. I can’t explain it but i get it.
Power is out and I am running on back up battery. Hard to type by camp light as I can barely see the keyboard!
Take care!
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hey Guys,
Ugh! Just remembered my City Sticker is due for the car-today is the last day. Called my neighbors brother-his truck needs one too. (this is a tax paid to the village I live in for owing a car, gotta love city living!).
A million things on my mind, hard to get organized but need to make a list and work one at at time.
I sure am looking foward to next week. I am going away to Michigan for a few days. A friend from GA has offered the use of her summer home-compleate with pool and hot tub! Family stuff this weekend, todays my sisters Birthday. Need to call her too.
Maybe catch a chat or two.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hey Runninggirl I went looking for your thread and you ran away! I’m am sorry things are so tough right now. Gambling would just make it worse-but u know that already.
Insanity – doing the same thing and expecting different results. I am a pro at that for sure! But I am learning.
God is good! I have had an explosion of new accounts and should end the quarter well over my goal!! Thank You!
peace
bettie

[Author]

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