[bettie]

 
 
 Hi Guys,
Just working on some readings for my pinning. I found this early in my GT days and it means alot to me. It helped me understand myself a bit better.
   
I copied this from Marilee’s thread. It speaks so much truth ( at least to me ) that I almost cried when I read it.
I would recomend having someone to whom you are trying to explain this illiness to read it.
Thanks Marilee, hope you are ok where ever you are. 
  
It often crosses my mind that being an addict is like trying to communicate with a deaf world.  You are trying and trying to say the words, but no one can hear you.  It is a disease of incredible loneliness, isolation, secrecy, fear and depression.  Since you don’t walk with crutches, have a cast, bandages or bruises, others do not know you are sick. In the beginning, you don’t know you are sick either.  It may be more visible to others who notice your mood, your unhappiness, your withdrawal, than it is to you.  Make no mistake – the denial of a problem is protecting the addict from a pain they are not ready to handle.  With all addictions, moving from denial is a risky process.  It involves putting your relationships, your self-esteem, your sanity on the line.  To get from denial to acknowledgement, those who surround you need to understand this:  gambling is NOT about the money.  Money is only the tool that helps us continue to use a coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions.  The power of the addiction is that, in the beginning, this tool worked amazingly well.  In the beginning, a casino feels like a safe place.  No one asks anything of you, the lights and noise distract your thoughts, for one hour or ten, you have nothing to do but sit and press a button that randomly rewards you.  Go back to any Psychology 101 class and you will find that it is proven that random rewards are far more powerful in sustaining the behavior.  This would be an ideal solution, except that – like an alcoholic who needs more and more alcohol to get drunk – a gambler needs to go more often to shut off the negative emotions and the anxiety, depression and despair that those emotions cause.  Eventually, the financial losses accumulate, and you add yet another layer of problems to the many you already couldn’t cope with.  In many ways, it is easier to see the financial problems as the only ones you really have.  There isn’t a gambler out there who doesn’t say "if only I could win $10,000 my problems would be solved".  Well, they would be solved on one level – relief from the stress of unpaid bills, collection calls, legal action – but the reasons why you gamble have not been addressed and you would begin the cycle all over again.
Gamblers are both alike and different.  We are alike because we have chosen a coping mechanism for psychological pain that, without question, will lead to financial ruin, destruction of relationships and often death.  We are alike because we all play a negative tape in our heads – "I am stupid", "I am worthless", "If anyone really knew me they would not love me"; and on and on it goes.  We are only different in the life situations that cause us to have the negative emotions.
What can those who are close to a gambler do?  Perhaps it is easier to list what I believe they should not do.  Do not judge, belittle or demean us.  That is what we do to ourselves in our head.  Words like "shocked" "disappointed" "angry" will not help us.  They will increase the negative emotions, and increase the drive to release that pressure by gambling more.  Do not place the blame for your emotions on us.  "You hurt me because you lied" "You have taken my trust".  We can’t deal with our own emotions, how in God’s name are we supposed to deal with yours?  Those close to a gambler need to work concurrently with us – find your own outlet and help for your emotions while we are dealing with ours.  We are not indifferent to how those around us are feeling, we are simply not capable of helping them.  Do not expect a gambler to tell you why they gamble.  For some it is a lifelong pursuit to understand it themselves.  At a minimum, it is a lengthy process of uncovering the many things in their past that brought them here.  Do not expect a gambler to just stop once they have acknowledged the gambling.  You are an addict for life.  Recovery often involves relapse.  Think of it this way – if someone tells you that you can never, ever have chocolate again, wouldn’t you run around and binge on it before it was gone?  A gambler is losing the only crutch they have and it is very scary.  Until other, different and healthy coping mechanisms are in place, we are terrified to be without our gambling crutch.
What can you do?  Always, always have compassion.  Someone you love is in terrible pain.  If they had a physical disease, you would unquestionably be there to support them.  But they have an emotional disease – and they need you even more.  Tell them you love them, need them, and want to suppport them to get well.  Don’t threaten them – "If you gamble again I am leaving".  Unless of course that is how you really feel.  If so, say it, mean it, do it.  This is an intensive battle for the gambler’s life.  If you’re not in it for the long haul, then get out of the way.  It is okay to place reasonable conditions on your support  – "I’ll drive you to your meetings but I won’t give you money" – but that doesn’t mean your love can be conditional. 
Respect the gambler.  There is no dignity in this disease.  We have spent a long time and a lot of energy creating a false mask for others in order to hide our disease and our pain.  Admitting you are an addict takes more courage than most people will ever know.  We deserve to be respected for this.
It’s one thing to know where you want to go-it’s another thing entirely to have the Wisdom to get there….
Looking for the Wisdom

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Busy busy day. My sister in law came over last night and i took her, my niece and my sister in laws boyfriend to dinner. We had a really nice time. My niece looks so much like my deceased brother! It is almost frightening. She acts like him too!
Sponsor came over to my place today for the very first time. My neighbors brother was cleaning out some stuff and and I got 2 really cute tables and a lamp. I also got a "Thingmaker" from the 1960’s. So cool! My cousin had one and I loved to play with it. You make molded plastic figures. Look it up on Ebay for a big laugh-this version is a "Creeple Peeple" version. I feel like a little kid looking at it. We were headed to the thrift when we ran into him. Funny because she took a bunch of stuff and filled up her car!
All in all a very big week for me. I have had visitors every night-and got so many complements on how cute my little condo is. Makes me want to get that guest room cleared out.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Busy week this week, my sister, nieces and great niece were over for a swim two nights in a row. The baby is 16 months old now-time truely flies! She’s as cute as a button!
My daughter was over last night. Her BF was given 1 ticket from a friend for a concert at the casino. She says to me "I wish you were not in ga so u could go to the casino with me." The girl is almost 30,and still she doesn’t get it. I told her ga or not I am excluded and not legaly allowed to set foot on the property. Why doesn’t she get it? I have been on the fence about her coming to my pinning. I am afraid she will just think it is so stupid or I’m not like "those" people.
My sister is bent out of shape because my sister in law and two nieces are staying with her for a couple of days. I did not know they were coming yesterday and I thought they would stay till Sunday and I would get a chance to see her Saturday. Seems that they are leaving Saturday am. If I skip my meeting tonight I will drive 45 minutes to see them for maybe 1 hour.
Oh well, it is what it is.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys, Hi GTQ,
Funny how we are all so similar isn’t it? I "know" you even though I don’t "know" you.
Well cough is a bit better and I am back to work. Weather has taken a break-more normal temps for this time of the year. Swam with the baby great niece and my niece yesterday. So So cute that baby-she loved the water.
Well got to get to work-rather go back to bed.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Larry,
I see you posting and I wanted to say hello!
I know your 2 year is right around the corner. They have offically set the date for my pinning-Aug 19th. Seams sureal to me-that almost a year has past and here we are, clean and living life.
I wish things were perfect but as you know life is life, and "we ( learn to ) accect the things we can not change". The past is the first thing that comes to mind, been there, done that. Moving foward is not easy, but necessary if we are to "lead normal happy lives".
My gf in AA had a sililar experance. She knew she had medical issues but thought when she stopped drinking they would be better. She suffered 2 small strokes about 1 year into her recovery, quite the wakeup call, but she is well and doing fine, working her program and living her "normal, happy, life", whatever that turns out to be.
Hope to catch you on a chat soon!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

OMG!
Anyone who has ever read this thread knows my chances of getting through a date is almost as good as hitting the lottery! LOL!
Well I can’t say this one is all his fault, as he says he got called into work-after I had left a message saying I had forgotten a family obligation, which I had.
And so it goes.
Up early today and have been up early all week it seems. I may wind up at the doctors with this cough, it’s really bad and I am waking up because of it.
I had a couple beers with my brother yesterday and it’s funny how that made me think about gambling. I have been cautious about drinking because of that very reason. The rituals that we establish during our gambling careers die hard, as toward the end I almost could not gamble unless I was drinking.
Sleep or coffee? That is the question.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Hey G2q, I know that place! Stinks doesn’t it? I so hate sitting in the messes I make.
Got my semi annual review today. All in all-not bad! See, since my sales are up I am wonder woman and I get credit for all I do. Funny how the things the new asstistant has been on me about I was rated all "a’s" on. Well I did have a long talk with two people wiser than myself and they both independently said the they see the problem as her being imtimitated by me. I never think of myself as being intimidating as I feel like such a push over. I have taken a second look at my reactions to her and I need to take a further step back and give her more space. It seems her "mananging me" is just feeding into her need to establish her authority, I get that. I know I have a rough demeanor when you don’t know me. That a defense that is in line with my need to stay safe by pushing people back. Another flaw on my part and something to work on.
I’m getting so smart I can’t stand myself! lol!
Oh, got asked out on a date by a customer and I said yes. He is very nice and quite the gentleman. Sorry to say if he wants more than true friendship he will be dissapointed. I am begining to consider what I would want in a real relationship and right now I know I am not ready for anything more than friendship.
Not settling for less than my hearts desire anymore. Need to wait for Mr Right and run from Mr Right Now!
peace
bettie– 7/28/2011 10:01:32 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Very strange day at work. An SUV came crashing through the side of the bank. I had just left my desk to call the next customer, heard the boom then saw the front end of the vehicle knock over the file cabinet and glass crashing everywhere! Just like one of those videos of the worlds worse drivers. They didn’t even close the branch, just boarded it up. Everyone OK.
The new assistant-she has a real way of rubbing me the wrong way. She is trying to micro manage me and she is on a power trip. I was going to say something to her but I was too upset. She is treating me like it’s my first week on the job. So tired of keeping my mouth shut. My boss is no real support but I fear she is telling him her side and I want to get my side in! Paronoid is not good-not good at all!
Off to bed!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Well Said Larry!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Oh Carole,
 Very sad about Amy – what a waste.
"FWB" Friends with benifits-there is a new movie out with that title too. Looks funny-wish my "fwb" looked like Justin Timberlake! lol! As Vera would say just a fancy name for a looser/user. It’s to the point that there is no benifit to me and my recovery and friendship? Now thats a joke. I’ve been reduced to "dirty little secret" and yet I still wish he had called today. What is wrong with this picture?
As for life getting better-well I wish that was the case however as my sponsor would say"welcome to your feelings"
because they run fast and thick and frankly hurt like h*ll at times, but it is not all bad.
There is a difference though Carole. I am facing, addressing, confronting and letting things go. Thats what recovery has given me. For that I am thankful. The Serenity Prayer is becoming a way of life.
Oprah said on her last show that all addicts had one thing in common. Our addiction stems from our feelings of unworthyness. Some where along the way something happened to us, physical, mental, abuse, that made us feel less than we were ment to be. Gambling itself is not the illiness-it’s how we, as compulsive addicts-escape our feeling or try to fill our brains with those feel good endorfins. No different than drugging, drinking, sexing or the million other ways people with these awful feeling try to escape.
Just call me Houdini-master of escape!
But really Carole even with all the crap the goes on it’s just life happening. My road is different than yours, but we have a common thread. When I am feeling down I try to remember the following:
The 12 GA Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benefit others.
The feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook towards life will change.
Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that G-D is doing for us that we could not do for ourselves.    
 
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialise if we work for them.
 
peace
bettie– 7/24/2011 6:00:52 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just finished a workout-45 minuits alone with my thoughts. That alone can be frightening and add some jumping around to make you sweat and it is quite a combo. Yes it has cooled off a bit Lizbeth, air conditioner working better, thank you God!
Time alone to ponder life-what I’m doing, where I’m going. Tired of the reply-nothing. That is something I can change.
I did get the inspiration to work out from the ladies at the plus size shop I frequent. I walked in with one of their dresses on and 3 of the clerks and one customer commented on how nice I looked in the dress. One went so far as to admire my legs! I told her not to be fooled-as I had pantyhose on ( I call them leg girdles )! So I thought to myself yes I do have shapely legs and then I remembered the 3 years I spent working out almost daily, and the improvement that I made in that time and the improvement I could still make, just by taking care of me. ( Which I should be doing anyway ). I decited that I will just have to force myself to get up and get to curves before work. I did feel better and look better when I did better, so there you go. Random thoughs from an endorfin flooded brain! LOL!
Well I need to pick up and maybe plan to go out later.
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Should be sleeping but waiting for my bed room to cool down. I have 1 sleeve air conditioner and it’s in the front room. It is usually enough but it is old and i have a big fan blowing cool air in my room so i can sleep in there tonight. If this keeps up I will have to go to the basement and get the air mattress. Way too old to sleep on the floor. Tried that last night-not a real restful night. I even took an evening swim-water was way too warm, felt like I was swiming in other peoples sweat! YUCK! Larry is right-be careful what you wish for, It’s like hot dogs breath outside. (not hotdog breath-lol!)
So many new folks around these days. Sorry to see you have "the problem" but glad you are seeking the soloution.
I am moving along my step 2 and closing in on 3. I am looking foward to my step 4. It’s time to totally rid myself of a couple really bad habits I have, and a self defeating "relationship" I am still accepting from the "fwb". He called yesterday, he was all alone. I was out and had to call him back. By that time he was no longer alone-and I was just an afterthought after all. ( seemed odd that he would call me and it was still daylight outside) I still accept this treatment from him but it is different than it was a year ago-when he told me that any man would have a hard time accepting that I was a cg, it would be a real turn off. I was crushed when he said that to me. True as that might be wouldn’t that be an indicator that I had met the wrong person? I guess my point is his lack of calling me back last night really didn’t bother me. I am to the point I can take him or leave him. Now I just have to leave him. I am hoping step 4 will help me find the strength to do what has to be done. This "friend" is no "friend" at all.
Ok time to hit the sack!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

LOL Laura!
Looks like you posted to me when i posted and posted to Jules the same time i was typing! lol!
Great CG minds think alike!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Lizbeth u made me laugh. "Maybe it’s all in my head" Better there than in your behind! lol! Exercise releases endorfins so yes-it will help with urges. Just another plus. I won’t make it to my curves yet again, another "cycle" from h*ll and I do believe I am headed for a surgical intervention. Very close to an ER trip tuesday, need to call my girlie DR today.
Sorry I missed you on SH Jazzy-got your messege but you were gone by the time I got there. Maybe soon? Lets hope so.
Much better P but weak-this heat doesn’t help. It should start changing tomorrow-cooling off. This weather is typical July weather however we don’t usually string so many 90f plus days in a row. I only have one air conditioner so i am closing off two rooms so it doesn’t work so hard. Mr Jingles will be mad-he loves the guest room-but he will be ok .
Well today is quite the annivisary. Jen was hit my a car while we were on vacation this day in 1994. 17 years have past, hardly seems right. When we went through that tragedy the grief was so overwhelming. I kept telling myself "a year will be gone before you know it, and life will get back to "normal". I had to call my supervisor at that time-I was devestated-and she told me,"bettie-you are a very strong person, stronger than you know-and you will get through this."
I have had to use those same thoughts and words in my recovery-almost a year has passed-and I am stronger than I know. Sometimes the greiving for my "gambling life" was so strong-trying to draw me back in. Things are pretty cool right now and I am greatful for that. I am also aware that those feeling will most likely come back but now I have the tools to work those thoughts and feelings.
Keep working recovery and things will fall into place. I have to remind myself of that too.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

The heat is just lovely! NOT!
I would stay home today but I have some work that can’t wait. Having some issues-physical-and really should stay home but I have too much to do.
Packing a lunch-don’t plan to leave the building unless I just have to.
bettie

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