[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks Carole. Yesterday would have been my deceased brothers 51st birthday. Hard to believe the children he left behind are almost grown, his oldest started college last month. I miss him all the time but that hard hurt, the part where you get chest pains, has stopped. I still cry sometimes, even 9 years can’t take away all the grief. I have faith we will meet again, and what a reunion that will be!
Just wanted to mention that Lee, our Tuesday night chat host, celebrated his 5 year’s soberity from gambling yesterday! He has been a great friend to me, giving me sound advice and support. Congrats ((Lee))!!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks Gunner-good to see you back! Lizbeth after an hour of tv i watched "The Sopranos" all day. I could not watch anymore. Just way too close to home for me.
I got the nicest complement at work today. A customer that I did research work for came in and wanted to see my manager. I got him and he proceeded to tell him how wonderful I am and what an asset i was to the branch and the company. He is sending me a gift and is writing corprorate a letter. He also told my boss that he is bring us some new business too. How nice to have my Monday start that way! Just $300 from my goal and about 18 days to get it. God is good! I might just make some money to boot!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
So nice to see yours posts. I’ve been looking at Sept 11th stuff all day, very heart wrenching. Don’t remember what I may have posted last year but my daughter was working just outside NY that day-and I had been there to see her the week before. I had gone to my first Broadway show-"The Rocky Horror Show". front row seats, and had been to see the Statue Of Liberty. I had taken photos of the New York skyline-and had mentioned to my daughters boyfriend how vulnerable those buildings looked and it seemed like it would be easy to bomb them. What a horrable thought-and what a nightmare when the planes hit. I had pictures I had developed from that trip in my purse and I had pictures of the Twin Towers. In one picture they almost appear ghostly due to the sun. I didn’t even know what those buildings were. 
I had an interesting GA meeting Friday. A new member and a returning member who had slipped. I also found out that a 7 plus year member is back out there-very frightening. Complacency-yuck! 
My sponser has told me that I should talk about the good things happening in my recovery. She says it encourages others to see what recovery can do. I hope I don’t come off like a braggard. Thats not my intention at all. I have my down time too-thats for sure. Accepting life on life’s terms. Thats a big lession in recovery.
Well need to get back to cleaning, hoping to go out for a bit but nice to come home to a clean smelling place.  Fresh linnens on the bed-my favorite! Can’t wait to crawl into bed, lol! Just one of the lifes little pleasures we take for granted.
peace
bettie
  — 9/11/2011 10:03:12 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hey Girl!
Guess I should have posted yesterday since my 11th is your 12? LOL!
Happy Happy Birthday Kathryn!!
Love you bunches!!!
bettie

[bettie]

 
Happy Birthday Larry!!!!!!!
love ya!
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Talk about insanity! Work has been crazy busy this week. My co banker is on vacation and for the most part I have been working solo-as my manager is a lazy —-! LOL!
It’s all good. I’ve been getting new accounts and loans and I am on pace to make my goal which is my main concern. Got a nice little bonus last payday-the fruits of my efforts last quarter-and I am greatful to my higher power-God-because I have turned that task over to Him. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have to work it-it means I am keeping an open mind and have Faith that a "power greater than myself" is in control.
Off today-slept till 11am! I was up late and never sleep in but today was an exception for sure.
I am looking at forclosure propertys. I believe I may have a way to get one. This would be a big thing for me. It could mean that I may be able to retire one day. A second income. If you had told me this time last year that I had even the most remote chance of doing something like this I would have said no way. It is amazing what is happening.
I whole heartedly believe that even the chance at something better has been brought to me through recovery. It reminds me of the statement at the end of the 12 GA promises.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialise if we work for them.
 
peace
bettie– 9/8/2011 4:43:02 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thought it was about time to post-lazy girl that i am!
Busy weekend-bbq Saturday-Craft fair (walked at least 7 miles and have the sun burnt chest and face to prove it!)then another get together Sunday. Feeling better but still coughing and looking foward to my dr appt next week. Not sleeping well, cough much worse at night. Still smoking like a chiminy.
Had an interesting chat on another site Saturday night. I became quite frustrated with the person who stated they didn’t want to go to ga because of the degenerate lowlifes they saw there and that they got nothing out of the meeting. Really? I mean really? I had to reply. If they got nothing else out of the meeting maybe a little " thank God I haven’t gone there" – yet. In early recovery I think as humans, that have been taught to be judgemental, we may think "I would never _________." Well let me tell you. Insanity, prison or death. That’s not made up and it’s not overly dramatic. Yes there are folks facing jail time, yes some people are more irratic than others and yes I have heard of another group loosing a young member to sucide. This is some serious stuff. If you are chatting on a cg forum you are no better no no worse than anyone in the room. Two ears one mouth-there’s a reason for that.
Well I got that off my chest.
Back to doing wash and picking up. Maybe I’ll get to enjoy rest of the day and relax before going back to work tomorrow. Today is a holiday in the US, Labor Day.
peace
bettie– 9/6/2011 1:36:43 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hey!!
6:45 am central time. I have no idea what time that is for you!
It’s 10 pm here now and that is 8 hours and 45 minutes from now, lol~

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Carole you are so right. My dr appt is the 15th, I will get the low down on my bloodwork and have some desisions to make. Very easy to forget about being "sick" when you have a chronic illiness. I think they call that "denial". I am a pro at that.
I hear you loud and clear about taking the baby steps. The problem is that "nagging little negative voice". "At your weight 5 minutes will make no difference, why bother, it’s too late," the list go’s on. My sponser tells me that that is my addiction, manifesting itself in various evil ways. I’ve never thought of it in those terms but it does make sence. I think the more I work the steps and the more issues I resolve the healthier i will be, both physicaly and emotionaly.
Thank you for your input, I love good advice! Never lie yourself Carole, on your worst day you always have something valuable to say!
off to work
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Guess I am getting lazy about posting daily. The problem? " Gardens of Time" on FB!
I try to get a star or two to start my day! lol!
Oh well, I’ve done worse things I guess.
Still eating out of control and have blood work coming up soon. Oh the letcure is coming but a well deserved one.
"Tomorrow, is another day!"
peace
bettie

[bettie]

I’m back!
No Sunday chatters!
Well I reconnected with an old friend on FB. Was shocked to see her picture. She has breast cancer. 2 days younger than me. Stage 4.
Makes me think. We were children together, we did the same things, we ran the bars when we turned 21. She stole one of the few real boyfriends I had, married him, divorced him, and married him again.  She invited me for a visit and regailed me with a casino story-she lives 4 mile from the casino. I won’t tell her about my cg, and I invited her here when she gets done with chemo. Better safe than sorry.
I was talking with my cousin about the Flordia trip in November. Just found out her sister has a place in Palm Beach. Looks like we will be traveling the state when we go. Something to look foward to however, I will need to tell her about my "problem"
as she and I have gambled in the past and I am sure she will suggest it as an activity.
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thank you for your heart felt responses.
Seems like a lot of people are at a crossroads lately.
All this self examanation is tough.
Fear is an amazingly powerful thing.
Frozen in fear-keeps us stuck and keeps us from moving foward.
I keep telling myself I have to get this together. Got on the scale-up another 2 pounds. I feel defeated before I even begin.
Guess I need a plan.
Just thinking out loud,
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Kathryn,
So glad you had a good time! I am going to Florida in November for a wedding. Just found out my cousin has a place in Palm Springs-so I will go there too. I haven’t had a vacation in years and I am so looking forward to it.
Glad your house was clean!
take care
bettie

[bettie]

Believe me Carole you didn’t miss a thing!
Some days I feel like I have it all together some days , well, I question my whole existance.
I am still involving myself in a relationship that is unhealthy and has no purpose. I have to ask myself why? I wonder if on some level I am still "punishing" myself, much like I did with my gambling. I find myself in tears after I am with him. Why do I do this?
With so many positive things going on it’s like I am still seeking out "drama" to be involved with. I am doing things that I know are wrong. I am not taking any action to correct those things.
I am dreading moving onto step 4. I have been taking a financial inventory for a long time, it’s the moral inventory that I fear.
"If you knew the real me you could not love me".
I’ve changed a lot during my "cg" years, mostly not for the better. My "Rcg" years are starting and I am full of mixed emotions. I have a lot of sins that I can’t possibly make amends for. I have been wrapped up for weeks in the "one year" stuff and now that has past and it’s back to working on me.
I am afraid.
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Funny Carole, I had this discussion just last week with a friend of mine. They said you know I’ve know you for 3 years and never knew you had so many health problems, you always seem so healthy. The fact of the matter is if all I did was dwell on my illinesses I would not even get out of bed in the morning. I feel good for the most part now, but I have had a bad spell lately.
I think thats a self preseveration thing for me. When I was first told that I was diabetic I fought the Dr tooth and nail about taking meds. Denial is a powerful emotion. Thats not to say that I did anything to help myself at the time. It took years of adding medication and it wasn’t until my Dr suggest an insulin pump that I was willing to even try. At about the same time my first "friend with benifits" came into my life. With his encouragement and attention I was finally able to address my weight and my lack of exersize. Not for myself mind you-I did that for him-because I wanted him to love me. Well anyone who has read my whole thread knows that that surely didn’t work out-and I added a 2nd "FWB" to spite him!
Unhealthy relationships-unhealthy living-unhealthy ways of coping with my problems. I see more clearly now why being a CG is an illiness.
Of late I have been gaining weight. The "freshman 15 maybe?" I have very little desire to workout and find every excuse not to do it. My eating is off. I need to change that mind set. I used to look foward to working out and now can barely stand the thought of it. It’s like I don’t care anymore. I want to loose weight yet I am doing nothing to make that happen. Insanity? Sounds like it to me!
So I guess that’s my vent for the night! I hope to get inspired to get up and get moving. I am still coughing but I don’t have that weak feeling that I have been fighting for weeks.
peace
bettie

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