[bettie]

hI gUYS,
So nice to see my "old" friends checking in! I’m still here-plugging away day by day and I am so glad to see u guys here too.
Trying to get my mind set back to where it was just a few months back. I find my "addictive voice" telling me defeating messages-I am worthless-I am ugly-I can’t. I got a bit of a wake up call. My gf was talking to one of her friends from my job. She had quite a bit to say about me and how negative I am all the time. Somehow I thought I was past that-and that I was projecting a more postive attitute. I had to replace my anger with logic-and try to see her point of view. She has some valid points. When I get frustrated at work, having no one there anymore that I am close to vent with, I have turned to this person, thinking she was my friend. I had to take a new stand – her opinion of me is none of my business-and she is intitled to her opinion. She also mentioned some gossip about me and the FWB to my gf too. I think the reason that that makes me mad is because it’s true. While "they" don’t know the details-like the fact that he is seperated-I don’t feel the need to explain my personal business. ( I just post that for the world to see instead! LOL!)
I am finding myself slipping behind on my goals this quarter-and I am finding it difficult to let it go and let God have it. I think that has a lot to with my weight gain and not smoking and work gearing up for more micro managing at work. I feel panic, and I don’t like it.
My Doctor called me to discuss my CT. This was my primary dr. He seemed a bit tiffed that I knew what he was going to tell me. I told him about the change of blood pressure pills from the lung dr and I told him i needed a RX. He got a bit snotty, asked me "who’s supost to mannage that? " I answered well that would be you. He told me I needed to come to his office so he could check my blood pressure. More money for him. He also wants me to get a scan that insurance won’t pay for. He tells me it’s too cheap-just $140. Gee, wonder if he knows I have to work more than a day to take home $140? ( Funny that that wasn’t too much to spend in the casino but I don’t want to spend it on myself? )
Got my massage today-painful but good.
Bought Halloween candy today-It won’t make it to the 31st. Peanut butter cups, Mmmmmmmm!
peace
bettie
 
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well the wedding reception was interesting to say the least. The grooms uncle brought a "date". He must be in his 60’s. The girl was quite something. I think I’ll leave it at that. I had a couple drinks and it’s funny how the urge to smoke and gamble popped their ugly heads. No major "I got to go do this" urge but it was there. I was around a lot of smokers Friday so that was a test for sure. bettie 1 addiction 0.
Took yesterday off and stayed in and did nothing but eat and sleep. My back is really acting up. Can’t wait to see the chiropractor. Couldn’t get in till Tuesday pm.
peace
bettie
p.s. Hope, the movie was ok-if u liked the origional u should like this one too.

[bettie]

Hey Hope,
I have not had the Mamo yet-need to schedule that. I get another CT but not until April.
Glad to report that I am not smoking, although I miss it, esp after I eat, but it’s not bad at all. I surived Gambling urges-shurely a little cigrette urge won’t kill me- I only smoked about 25 years of my life! How stupid was I?
Oh well-need to let that go as I can’t take it back. Much like my gambling losses it was free will and my choise-driven by addiction-but my choise none the less.
Glad to see you out there fighting the good fight.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Dentist says I have a cavity-really?
Who would have thought that??
lol!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Off to the dentist tomorrow. I have an afternoon outing to see "Footloose" . Wedding reception Friday night.
Funny  to have so much to do. The Florida trip is in 3 weeks-wow-that came up really fast.
Need to pace myself. I find just going to work is still exausting. This place needs a good clean up but I am way too tired (lazy) to do it.
City sure is windy tonight. Fall had arrived with a bang!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Everyone and thanks!
So upset today. One of my regular customers came in today-with 2 black eyes and a brused cheek. She got mugged and car jacked yesterday. All of 5 ft tall, 110 pounds and some animal punched her 3 times and slapped her. One guy ripped her pockets in her slacks looking for money. This woman is just the sweetest grandmother. How can anyone punch a grandma in the face-and throw her to the ground and take her car? This happened off a busy street at 7am, just 2 blocks from my work.
Well she is greatful that she survived-and said she was not moving from her home, because thats when "they" win.
Time to count my blessings
peace
bettie

[bettie]

God is good-let me tell you!
My ob/gyn saw me today and read the CT scan. She says given the size and the likely type of nodule the chances of this being cancer is very small. I have to get a digital Mamogram and if warrented a biospy. That is quite a relief, believe me! Not out of the woods but a heck of alot closer to the clearing.
Funny in a way, I had to bottom out to quit gambling and looks like I had to have a major scare to  make me quit smoking.
Thanks guys-I know I can always count on you all.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

I think I regret the title of my post.
I saw the lung Dr today-he had good news/ bad new for me. I have a nodule in my right lung that is new in comparison to the last CT scan in 2007. I have a history of this and he said it has to be followed-most likely caused by the lung infection. The CT scan did find some stuff that I am not too happy about. I have some calcium build up in my arterys-smoking and being over weight doesn’t help that but the scarest news is that I have a nodule on the left side-in my breast.
He said that this would not have been found on my up coming mamogram-kind of a blessing in disguise. He is fowarding this result to my OB/GYN and I already have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Just kind of freaked out right now.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Kathryn,
Hope things are looking up for you and yours.
Take care!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Larry-always a breath of fresh air and clear thinking! Thanks for your input.
Dr appointment tomorrow afternoon. Will see what happens with that.
Been sleepy all week-hope to get some rest tonight.
Saw a new story-Priest stole $650 grand from his chuch in Las Vegas. Don’t have to be too smart to figure out where that money went. Being a CG can happen to anyone.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Laura-you are such a good friend. Thanks for the reminders of what we all tend to forget, that no matter where we are in recovery we have all made progress. We need to work on building ourselves up instead of tearing ourselves down.
I had to make a few calls but was able to get my test done. I called a faciallity that I have used in the past and they were able to fit me in. My Dr didn’t want me to use that one for what ever reason but beggars ( like me, who pay thousands in insurance premiums ) can’t be chosers. Don’t know when I will get the results but I am assuming it will be soon.
Feeling a bit queasy so I think I will stick close to home.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hey Karly, welcome to the forum.
Yea Laura I did mannage to miss you this weekend! 🙁
So much frustration. Ticked off that my test was cancled-I will call them first thing tomorrow and see whats going on. Still no smoking but afraid to get on the scale. I’ve made some discoverys about myself yet again. Frustration really still is a trigger for me. I have been mindlessly eating of late, a knee jerk reaction to all that is going on around me. My sister says my oldest brother is really depressed and she thinks he is thinking of sucide. She doesn’t know what to do-his common law wife threw him out and he is staying with her. Besides calling a hotline and letting him know there is help unless he is an emmitnent danger to himself there is not much you can do.
I have been having gambling dreams-but in these dreams I gamble. My sponser said it is my addiction acting out. The thought of going to the casino did cross my mind ( my sister lives near 2 of them ). I told myself they would not know me-I am banned from all casinos in the state-and then I had to remind myself that I really did NOT want to gamble-as I am no longer a gambler. Scary-I haven’t had a thought like that in a very long time.
Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends, Columbus day here so I will be off tomorrow too. Maybe I’ll catch some chats.
peace
bettie– 10/10/2011 9:08:06 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Oh Carole-Yuck!
I went to my Gf’s today then to my meeting. Got home and found out that the medical center has to cancel my ct-something about someone who checks credentials-whatever! This test has to be done after fasting and I have to have it done in the AM. Don’t people realize some of us hold down jobs and scheduling is a pain, not to mention that they are delaying possible treatment?
I have an ear ache, first on the left side yesterday and now on the right.
I’m falling apart!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well the weather is down right beautiful! Sunny, warm, trees are changing-the best weather of the year in my opinion.
Trying to decide what to do today-time on my hands-not always the best thing.
Cat left a present in the hallway-stepped right in it first thing today! Oh well-some days you step in it , some days you don’t!
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Yes I am still coughing. It is awful when it hits but it passes quickly. Got an OK for the CT scan-Dr’s office left a message to call them tomorrow-so hopefully I’ll have some answers.
Went to a wake tonight for my old neighbor who lived across the street from my house when I grew up. She was my Mom’s one friend on the block. Saw so many of the old neighbors- my best gf”s parents were there. She died when we were 25, annorexea. My mom said she didn’t remember anyone. I don’t see how that would be possible. I need to talk to my sister about that. Not sure if she was putting on an act or if she really didn’t remember.
Looking foward to a long weekend. One more day then off till Tuesday. yea!!
peace
bettie

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