[bettie]

I’ve not had the best day today and what do I get in the mail? Your beautiful card!
Thanks for your thoughtfulness.
You helped brighten an otherwise awful day!
Merry Christmas Kathryn!
love ya,
bettie

[bettie]

He called me tonight. He wanted to know why I didn’t pick up  his late night phone call yesterday. I told him he disrespected my time like he disrespected me. He said really? I disrespect your time? Well you won’t have to worry about that anymore. With that I hung up on him.
Maybe this is it. Why do I feel so bad??
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks IC,
He text messaged me yesterday, "Good morning mean lady", so I already know his game plan, stay away till she’s over it. Little does he know I figured out a very simple truth. I figured out a way to make him stop hurting me.
All I have to do is STOP LETTING HIM!
He owe’s me money and if I have to write that off then so be it. If It means I don’t let him bring me down anymore then it is money well spent.
Took off work-need to finish up my Christmas wrapping and maybe bake cookies, I make a mean walnut chocolate chip cookie!
peace
bettie
ps I didn’t answer his text either-a 1st for me!

[bettie]

Tx for the well wishes guys,
Had a bad night last night. Jen fighting with the bf-so I spent the night. I didn’t get a peep of sleep. Had the bf’s mother advise him if he showed last night  I would have him arrested. This is going to be a LONG 7 months!
The "fwb" called tonight-I was out at my GA holiday party. He had a party to go to also-I thought he was inviting me to go-but in reality he was inviting me for the pre game party for lack of a better discription-as he couldn’t invite me to be with him and his "real friends", his estranged wife might find out. It was like a bulb went off and told him he had a lot of nerve calling me if that was his only intention, a quickie before he left. Long story short I told him what I thought of his plan-and that it was good to know who your "real friends" were.
Maybe this is it. Maybe I have finally hit my emotional bottom with this idiot. Maybe I’ll stop letting this b*stard treat me like cr*p.
Maybe i’m finally learning to love me,
Maybe.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well not too many details yet. Jen went to a clinic for a test today. It also came back +.
I went to a Christmas program at the aquarimum today. I got a bit choked up realizing I get to do all that fun stuff again, through the eyes of my own grandchild. 
My niece is expecting, due in late June/early July. Just found out my only nephew is expecting around the same time. Jen may be due mid July, won’t know until she sees a Doctor. She’s holding off telling the family until then.
How can you be so scared and excited and nervous at the same time?
bettie

[bettie]

Well guys, interesting day.
Looks like I’m gonna be a Grandma.
Kind of freaking out as the circumstance is not the best.
I know it will be ok-just need a DEEP BREATH!
Think I’ll be a Nana, that suites me better.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well the trip was lovely. The Mississippi river is quite beautiful and the weather was cooperative.
One of the professors sang at the performance. He was amazing to say the least.
Very tired and tomorrow is a long day.
2 weeks to Christmas-hardly seems possible. Two years ago I was scrambling to buy crappy $5 gifts because I was gambling. Funny, I had no money for the Holiday but I did have gambling money.
That is not me today, and I am greatful!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Kathryn.
Just back from seeing my niece peform in her college chorus-omg! The girl can sing!
Did I miss your 2 year gf date? Is it possible? Well congratulations! Every gamble free day is reason enough to celebrate!
Hope we catch up soon, I miss u bunches!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
OK RG-you have a BIG job there, you are up aganist 48 years of negative thoughts and actions. I agreed with the first comment because it is true, a fact is a fact. The 2nd was a kindness-something I need to learn to do for myself! I have a smart mouth-and I need to check myself. I was always the first to make a joke about myself-so it didn’t hurt so much when others made me the butt of their jokes. Old habits die hard.
Hope so nice to see your post and Lizbeth-wow-glad to see you back too!
back on Sunday!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well I do have a car today-$400 for a starter! Oh well what can you do?
Off to see my niece peform in the choir at her college. Will leave early Saturday and come back Sunday. Brother is driving.
Had our first snow today, really quite late for us.
Caron and Vera, your advice doesn’t go unnoticed. Saw an old friend yesterday and talked about my quiting smoking. "You have gained weight-gee I hadn’t noticed!" "I’m sure you must be feeling better without smoking." Well that was a nice thing to say-even if I think her eyes must be failing-poor thing-lol!
Have a great gamblefree weekend.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well guess it hs been a couple days since I posted.
My car is sitting in the shop. I went to get my nails done and it wouldn’t start when I got out. First time I ever push started a car, it was kind of cool! Hopefully they will have the part and not charge too much.
Didn’t sleep much at all last night. Talked to the "Fwb" yesterday. He wanted to know why I was gaining so much weight. Nice, totally discount that I am not smoking and not gambling and tell me how unattractive I am. Well no worries-I feel so bad about it you can’t make me feel much worse! It’s like telling a cg to "just stop gambling!". As Laura said on the chat it’s not quite that easy-we don’t have to smoke or gamble-but we do have to eat. Just doesn’t seem fair but as they say life isn’t fair. Others have it worse-all in all I have it pretty good.
Well need to call the shop and see about the car.
Maybe catch u all later!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Oh RG, what a wonderful thought! Thanks my friend!
Well, it has been a trying couple of days. I was on my lunch Friday when I got a call from Jen. She was to meet me at work to do her banking. I could tell something was wrong. She started saying how it didn’t matter, nothing mattered, she didn’t matter, I said "Woa-whats going on?" Seems her and the BF were in the middle of a row. I got there asap, made him leave, as she would not call the police. He told me he wanted me to know his side. Sorry buddy, even if  he had a bloody nose his "side" was no concern of mine. Seems he shoved her to the floor, hit her in the face, in general knocked her around quite a bit. The poor cats were huddled together, dogs barking, a free for all for sure! Ok, so why didn’t I call the police, because I know he has drugs in the house aside from the fact that she didn’t want me to. These are NOT children we’re talking about here. He’s 31, she’s 30. I had to go back to work a total wreck, calling her every 30 minutes or so to make sure he stayed away.
I went to my GA meeting last night and talked about the ornament. I remembered why the thing ment so much to me. My Mom ruled the roost at my house. She would give my dad $2 a day for spending money-besides his cigrettes and lunch. He held on to that money like a miser. There were a couple of times where my dad bought car parts out of "his" money for me, (Don’t tell your mother!) He took me to lunch once too.
There was a Christmas about 28 years ago. I was seperated from my husband, Jen was a baby and I had a room mate with two little boys. We had no money to speak of. It was a week before Christmas and we still had not put up a tree, because we couldn’t afford it. My dad took me to the florist shop, bought us a tree. " Don’t tell your mother."
Even the men in my meeting were a bit choked up. Needless to say I bawled my eyes out. But at least I know why now. I had forgotten about that tree until last night. Maybe thats why the orniment got broken-so I would remember that beautiful memory of my dad.
So back to Jen’s last night and after work today. I am so tired. She has really painted herself into a corner with these animals. No one will rent to you with 1 pets, not to mention 4. She needs to get back to work so she can afford to live on her own and not have to rely on someone else to help pay rent.
I really want to smoke! Trying to stay indoors so I am not tempted to go buy some.
Life, who knew?
peace
bettie
It’s one thing to know where you want to go-it’s another thing entirely to have the Wisdom to get there….
Looking for the Wisdom– 12/4/2011 5:02:26 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hey Kathryn,
Me, advice on men, marrage, forget about it! Not my strong point for sure.
I feel your frustration, thats for sure! No fun waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Just sending my love.
bettie
 

[bettie]

 
Well I thought I was feeling better….
My daughter came over to help put up the tree. Bad start. I couldn’t find the key to the storage, had to take the door off the door hinge to get in. Jen brought a girlfriend with. She was more interested in socializing than really helping me.
I got the tree put together and opened the box of ornaments, delicate glass ones on top. One in particular was a gift from my Dad. The very one she picks up, says this one really needs to be on the tree, and she slams it back into the box on top of another glass ornament. I heard a "pop"- and felt my face drop. She smashed it, then proceeded to tell me it was not broken, and that she did nothing wrong.
I know it’s just a glass bulb but it can’t be replaced. I’m crying sitting here thinking about it.
So stupid

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just a quick check in. Feeling so much better. Funny how the mind can go an a wild rollercoaster ride and take your sanity right along with it.
Staying off the scale-it is making me a wreck right now.
Reading "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie-also reading "Codependant No More"-recomended reading for all recovering people and the people who love them.
Trying to watch what i am eating-no diet but a move in the right direction.
Asked my daughter to help me decorate for Christmas-she agreed.
Asking for help, now there’s a new one. I am so much like my mom-I expect people to know that I am lonely, hurting, depressed and that i need to connect. Easier to feel sorry for myself than ask-talk about setting yourself up to fail! At least this is not one of those "I wish I had …….before I slipped". I have the knowledge that I have gained in recovery to know this is the addiction working and working hard to get me back. Call me parinoid-thats ok. Better to be safe than sorry. I will have to vent and get those ugly feelings out-so I can move foward. ODAAT
peace
bettie

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