[bettie]

Hi Guy,
Yes Hope, it is quite confusing.
Last monday-tuesday morning the ER doctor told Jen, based on ultra sound, that she had an embryonic sack but they could not find an embryo, and that he way very sorry, etc. She contacted the obgyn that was supost to be taking care of her and she had her come in for blood work last Wednesday. She will finally see the obgyn on Tuesday and actually get an exam and another ultrasound at that point. I did some rescearch and there have been cases in early pregnancy that they could not see the embryo because it was too soon. I doubt thats the case here, as they would really open themselves up to a malpratice suit telling her there was no baby and it turns out that  there is. I am just praying that she gets some answers so she can move on.
It’s 5pm and I am still in pj’s. Why? Gambling urges, I can’t believe it. Well, maybe i can believe it. My stress level is through the roof and zoning out in front of a machine seems like it could be relaxing……but we know better don’t we?
I keep "playing the tape" and remembering that panic pain at 5am. Thats not relaxing at all!
Making soup. Seems shameful to stay in all day but still don’t feel well.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks so much for sharing your stories. So So many tragic things happen and you are never aware until it happend in your family.
Just found out my nephew’s girlfriend had a miscarrage two days ago. I am dumbfounded! If someone told me all this stuff was happening I would think they were making it up.
I could sleep for days. I have come down with a cold-gee maybe stress is bad? Who knew.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks hope-good to see you up and posting.
Jen is just living day by day-living in limbo. Still wearing maturnity clothes, having a swolen belly, body still prepaired for a baby that, most likely, is not to be. She posted on facebook "If I have to go through this so my baby didn’t have to suffer then it’s worth it". My sister posted to her that she is the most unselfish person she knows. That’s my girl, bringing water donations to 9/11 workers when she lived near New York. Bringing food, water, blankets and sandwiches to the homeless kids who hung around downtown Ga when she lived there. She reuses, recycles, and strives not to waste anything.
She is my contributation to the world, I love her so much!
bettie– 1/16/2012 12:10:43 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I feel wiped out. Went to work today. Jen went to the Dr. They did blood work on her. The obgyn is not totally convinced that there is no baby. The ER doctor that did the ultrasound found a "sack" but no baby in it. It is possible that she may not be as far along as she thought she was. That being said there is a very remote possibility that the embro is not missing-just too small to see yet. The blood work will give hormone levels and that will give more info. I refuse to get my hopes up but if that ER Doctor put her through all this grief for no reason…..well we would address that later.
Pray for a miracle!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey everyone,
Thank you for your kind support.
When my life turns to cr*p it really turns!
I have always had a life I could write a book about. Maybe someday I will.
As cg’s they say we crave drama. Well this cg has had enough for a while.
Jen wants to attend a family dinner tonight, of all things. Funny how she can accept love and support when I would prefer to just stay home. She was to go back to the obgyn today but she will do it tomorrow.
just sad and tired
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks for the observation Larry. I am a very trusting and naive person when it comes to people. I know I am honest and just expect others to be the same. Seems relationships are all about game playing from what I’ve been told. I really don’t like the game so I’ll sit on the bench and watch for a while till I figure out the rules.
I’m posting at 4:3o am because Jen just called me. She lost her baby.
Guess things were just not ment to be. I get a lot of that in my life.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Long long day. Sat in the ER with jennie until 9pm. She is having a little issue and obgyn said to go. She was there 6 hours and had not yet been seen. She insisted I leave, as I had not eaten Dinner, so she is still there. She will call as soon as she gets to her car.
As for the "friend"-he called me saturday night. I told him what I should have told him the week before. He really let me down easy-I know don’t defend him-but he said he understood he couldn’t be what I need him to be. He told me not to feel bad, and he knew that things that I did for him came from being the kind sweet person than I am. I was empressed-maybe he has a heart after all.
Pumkin forget that dating site. Been there done that. In a survey of users like 95% of the men just look at the photos and never read the bio’s.
Thanks for the story Amy. I know I am my own worse enemy.
Maybe when I stop disrepecting myself I will be respected.
Just a thought!
nite all!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I’m at my gf’s house. Just needed to get out  and do something.
thanks Sunny it’s 184 pages now-lol!
Laura i’ll be home but may be too late for you.
Bruce I LOVE the title of your thread-I say that every day! lol!
Kathryn I’m ok. It’s going to be allright. At least thats what I keep telling myself.
check in later!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Sleepy, early here. Didn’t sleep well at all.
My "friend" called me last night. I told him what I should have told him last week in person.
He told me he understood and told me not to feel bad.
I wish it was that easy.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Everyone,
Called off work, slept in the chair for a while. I am physically and emotionally exausted.
I think when we are in recovery we recover as a community. When one hurts we all hurt. My "slip" hurt more than just me, I see that now.
I know I have had "recovery". There is no way I would be here typing right now if I had not.
I can’t find the words to say what I want to say-me speachless-mark that down!
Just tired. Think I might just nap some more.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Had another wonderful  (emotional) meeting but didn’t sleep well at all.I am very very tired.
Pumkin you have grown and become so knowledgeable! Congratulations on your recovery.
I am not having urges-thank God-but I didn’t have any before I went. Scary. I think my head exploded.
I did get told I had 16 months of abstinence but not recovery. I resent that but I guess thats true. It hurts to admit that.
To work or not to work?
need to get on with it
bettie

[bettie]

Hi my lovelys,
Had a wonderful GA meeting last night. I was asked to read and comment on a "thought for the day" piece. I got half way through and had to ask the chair to take over-as I was too over come with emotion. Everyone was wondeful.
I need to go to "my" meeting tonight, face the music, and move on.
Not feeling well-hate to call off 1st week of the year but truely I’m not feeling well. I will make my desision soon.
tc
bettie
ps did I mention how wonderful YOU all are?
 

[bettie]

nice!

[bettie]

nice!

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well I bit the bullet and called my sponser. She told me just like it was-that I was not being honest. Thats true-I am guilty of the lie of ommission. My "addictive voice" tells me that she shut me out-and thats why I didn’t get into those deep conversations with her. The truth is I didn’t want her to know-because she would tell me to stop. The truth that you don’t want to hear is the truth you need to hear.
She says we need to start the steps over-this is a strictly 1 through 12 group, someone explained that steps 1-3 are about something or another-then 4-6 are something else-I’ll have to get that explanation again and get back to you about it.
I feel like I have been reviewing step 4 forever even though I have never gotten past step 3. I do need to work these steps and even thought I have not "offically" worked 4 or 7 or whatever I know I have touched on them somewhere along the line.
As for this d*mn slip-In retrospect I feel like a child throwing a trantrum-a scream for attention. Not unlike a child who knows they will be beat for misbehaviour but do it anyway. Such immature actions. How is one immature at 48?
Vera the "healer lady" I find to be sincere and sweet. I am sure she means me no harm so no worries.
Larry I always learn something from your valued opinion and I am always pleased when you share your sage wisdom. Thank you.
You guys have lifted me. 
bettie 

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