[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well one less thing to struggle with. I did my taxes and have a bit of a refund from the federal but like Jen I have to pay the state. Another benefit of not gambling-not taking all your retirement money out to gamble then owe the goverment even more money! I plan to do something frivioulous with the refund- I’m buying a new TV and maybe a new recliner. Much better than throwing it into a machine thats for sure.
More good news is that I am doing really well with my goals at work. I am at 100% on two of five (only 4 weeks in) and there is real pontential for -dare I say- a substantial bonus, one you could really see! God is GOOD!
I’m going to watch the super game ( can’t say b*wl, copyright infringement, lol!) at my brothers tomorrow. Let him cook clean and entertain. I will put my feet up and try to do as little as possible. Feeling a bit better, blood sugar much lower today.
I found Todays Word posted by Ken to describe how I have been feeling. Time to stop the pity party and just get on with life. It’s not so bad really.
Pulling out of slump!
bettie
 
Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

If I live just one day at a time, I won’t so quickly entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow. As long as I’m concentrating on today’s activities, there won’t be room in my mind for worrying. I’ll try to fill every minute of this day with something good – seen, heard, accomplished. Then, when the day is ended, I’ll be able to look back on it with satisfaction, serenity and gratitude. Do I sometimes cherish bad feelings so that I can feel sorry for myself?

Today I Pray

That I will get out of the self-pity act and live for today. May I notice the good things from dawn to nightfall, learn to talk about them and thank God for them. May I catch myself if I seem to be relishing my moans and complaints more often than appreciating the goodness of my life.

Today I Will Remember

Today is good.
You are reading from the book:
A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

 
 

[bettie]

Good Morning Guys,
Thanks for the shove Vera. I could not sign on to the site last night , even using the /uk at the end.
Gee Laura looks like I missed you this morning too.
My timing is a lot like me, just a bit off!
Going to help my GF with her taxes after work. The state is just outragious. I did Jen’s and they tax unemployment payments and she ows the state $500.
I feel like I could sleep for a week.
Thanks for thinking of me,
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Man, I am just so out of sorts.
I feel defeated, worthless, and I don’t know how to shake it. I know I have many friends here to support me. Seems the simplest of things are a struggle.
Do we go through fazes, even as adults?
I just want a normal, happy life. It seems to come so easily to most people or are they all just faking it too?
I am finding it diffucult to just get out of bed in the morning. My energy level is nill. I just don’t feel well and I don’t know where to start.
Doctors appointment next week. Maybe he will have some answers.
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Tx sunny,
Laura i am just frustrated.
Have to remind myself gambling will only make things worse.
bettie

[bettie]

Cool Carole!
So glad I went to my meeting tonight.
Yesterday I really contemplated gambling, looking at the pro’s (0) and con’s (1000), even ran it past my Gf to see if she would take the bait-she didn’t. We had a new person come in the meeting. She was a great reminder of the reasons I walked into a meeting in the first place.
Jen fighting with the bf today, very distressing. I told her it was time for a new plan. She can’t pay the rent on her own so it’s time to get serious about finding a new place. When she moves she can break it to him that he’s not coming with her. I’m told not to get caught up in her drama. She is my only child. The chances of that not happening- well – I wouldn’t put a wager on it, and not just because I don’t gamble any more.
Got a head ache. Time for bed.
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi GUys,
Carole that pawn broker is in Detroit, Michigan I believe-just a couple hundred miles away-lol!
I am a tourist in my own town. Email me with the details of what you guys might like to do. Best to keep some things private for safetys sake.
I am off on the 12th.
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Larry,
I see you are having trouble with the discount. I will bring that up at my meeting Friday. I assuming you are calling the venue and using the code.
Gotta run!
bettie

[bettie]

10 pounds? lol!
Try 110 pounds!
I’ll try to send that form to you Carole.
Reds walmart is fine-convention is really a casual jeans type of thing. April weather is hard to predict. Last year is was 32f and raining. I would expect about the same.
Feel free to email me with any more details ok?
Thanks-
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just so tired!
Reds, here is the info Larry posted to Carole. There are instructions for booking the hotel and a seperate form to down load for the registration and mail off.
.: http://www.gachicago.org/conference2012.html and http://www.indianlakesresort.com/map-directions.
I need to start a drastic diet now! lol!
So exciting!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Kids,
Well another green x for me. Brother called, he made lunch, and needed to drop Jens car off. He did a break job on her car for her. What a good brother and uncle. Knowing what she’s been through he wanted to do something nice for her. We are not huggie kissie people, so this was his way to say "I love you".
To answer your question Kathryn I have had a few smokes, a couple at Christmas with  my sister, a half pack at the casino during the "slip", but I am much better with the cravings. I think about it but for whatever reason the thought of smoking is different now. I don’t want to smoke anymore. Almost no one I know smokes so thats helps alot. Also smoking is banned everywhere here and I don’t miss standing out in the cold to smoke. Keep holding on K, the urge will go away for the most part for you soon.
Now for the weight. I was going to go to a "weight watching group" but man, the membership is more than a gym!  I can do an older verson of that diet if I want to, I have saved their workbooks over the year. I could also just go back to what I was doing before. It worked for over 3 years and there is no reason it shouldn’t work again. I am so afraid of being hungry. Kind of stupid if U really think about  it. Did a little workout today, would like to start that good habit again. I need endorfins!!
Sorry I have been lax on posting to others threads. I just haven’t had it in me but trust me, I read alot and do get inspired by all your posts.
Big thunder storm tonight, glad it is not more snow. 
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks Cat and Carole. I did love this story. I had it read at my pinning. (do I need to give my pin back?) I think I first heard it from my old buddy Kin. I haven’t seen him around in a while. If you are out there friend stop and say hi sometime.
Well I fought the good fight today-and "won". I planned to gamble today, had it all figured out. I told myself if I want to go I have to clean first, then it was when the wash was done, then it was after I ran an errand, then my GF called and wanted to go to dinner. I waited it out and pushed it off and the urge has past. Belly full of food and I am in for the night.
I don’t want to live like this but I will do whatever I have to to just get past this crazyness. One day, one hour, one minute if I have to.
I KNEW if I slipped this would be the end result, URGES!
Oh well, this too shall pass!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well it’s all true. Thanks for the pep talk and encouragement. Had a good talk with Harry this morning before I took Jen to the hospital. That helped alot, as always. See I know why GT hired the guy-and he deserves a raise in case his boss reads this-lol!
Jen is home, set up with pain meds and dogs have been walked. Her BF is home to care for her now so here I am, typing away.
Ate some soup, need to make some calls then crash! -11.4c here and the wind is picking up. Good night to stay in and stay CLEAN. I still have my d*mn cold!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi My Friends,
Well I thought about gambling all day today. My daughter asked me at the last minute if I wanted to go to dinner. I contemplated telling her I was busy but I said I would go to dinner. Tragedy averted. Tomorrow I will spend the day with Jen, she is having her procedure tomorrow and Friday is work and GA.
Have to keep my time tied up-just like early recovery-set barriers-stay involved in recovery.
Gambling never solved anything. It won’t make me thin, it won’t give me self esteem, it’s not bringing this baby back. Why do I think it will make me feel better? It’s misery.
Who needs that?
peace
bettie
Thanks Larry, G, Carole, Amyyy. Vera. Hope-just to name a few. I love U 2!– 1/19/2012 4:17:27 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Originally posted by bettie

Franklar,
The same thing that is wrong with you is what is wrong with me. Do you have gambling only friends? Do you want to go when you’re happy? Sad? Upset? lonely? Job stinks? Stress? the list is endless. I hate the feeling,panic attacks that kept me up last night. I stayed online all day today. I didn’t go to work and I am a mess. But I did come to realize some truth today.
1. I am not alone.
2. I am not worthless.
3. Staying home won’t kill me but driving home drunk from the casino might.
4. I will NEVER get back the money I blew, most of which was not even mine. I pray forgiveness for that and need to stop justifing that they should not have given me that credit.
5. I can do anything I truly put my mind to. I was killing myself with food and I have lost over 100lbs, no diet, no gym membership. I spent enough time on "diets" to know how to eat. I can workout with a tape. Likewise, I can take all these "free" tools and put them to work. I had to stop making excuses and kidding myself to loose the weight. I will recover from this doing the same thing. I work my eating daily and will need to work the gambling addiction the same way.
6. Take ownership for your mistakes.
Don’t give up! Someone is thinking about you and is worried about you tonight. Lean on that love. Like me, I have to learn to love myself too.
Wow-Pretty profound thoughts on my day one. Almost two years later how many of these actions have I taken to heart?
Lots of gambling thoughts running through my head. I have to get busy tonight, maybe go to a meeting because my brain wants to gamble-destress-and we all know that doesn’t work. IT WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!
just sick of everything-
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Obgyn confirmed what was already sucpected. If nature doesn’t take it’s course then the Dr will intervene Friday.
I will be glad when this is finally over. Very stressful for all involved.
bettie

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