[bettie]

Thats a “friend” that just wants to fool around with no commitment.
“Friend with benefits”

[bettie]

Well V it went as good as it could have. I was fortunate that it was a “ladies” meeting night-a much smaller group with some really great woman. I called my friend after-I got the tongue lashing I expected but at least its out there.
Funny how no one in that meeting “beat me up”- just reassurance that I can do this.
Not sure if I will go to my regular meeting or not. I have located a Monday meeting that I have never been to. I might just try that out.
Gotta run and get ready for work.
Thanks!
bettie

[bettie]

I’m posting from my phone for this tends to get a bit garbled. I’m getting ready to go into a meeting. Just pray have the guts to say what I need to say. I feel like I’m being eaten alive from the inside. And it looks like it’s going to have a lot of people in this meeting.People are starting to go inside so I probably should also. Say a prayer for me I’m scared to death

[bettie]

Can always count on you V .
Reading old posts-it makes me sad.
I remember where I was 5 years ago. It was not easy but i was 50? pounds smaller and surely felt better.
Are you still on V?

[bettie]

Eu acho que descobri. O único problema é que tenho certeza de que poucos ou nenhum sabem que podem fazer isso. Obrigado pela ajuda.

[bettie]

나는 그것을 알아 냈다고 생각합니다. 유일한 문제는 그들이 이것을 할 수 있다는 것을 아는 사람이 거의 없다는 것입니다. 도움을 주셔서 감사합니다.

[bettie]

I think I figured it out. The only problem is I’m sure few if any know that they can do this.
Thanks for the Assist.

[bettie]

Estou na AOL, mas não entendo o que está acontecendo no vídeo.

[bettie]

나는 AOL에 있지만 비디오에서 무슨 일이 일어나고 있는지 이해하지 못합니다.

[bettie]

I’m on AOL-but I don’t understand whats happening in the Video.

[bettie]

Bem, eu olhei o vídeo várias vezes – devo ser mais analfabeto em computadores do que eu pensava. O link que você enviou por e-mail também não me permite conectar. Você tentou – acho que não entendi.

[bettie]

글쎄, 나는 비디오를 계속해서 보았고 나는 내가 생각했던 것보다 더 많은 PC 문맹자일 것이다. 이메일로 보내주신 링크로도 연결이 되지 않습니다. 당신은 시도했다 – 나는 단지 그것을 이해하지 못하는 것 같아요.

[bettie]

Well I looked at the video over and over-I must be more pc illiterate than I thought. The link you emailed doesn’t let me connect either. You tried-I guess I just don’t get it.

[bettie]

Hi Guys, thanks for thinking of me.
I have been off work since last Thursday. I have been sick with a cold or something and it just keeps hanging on. I’m smoking again so that doesn’t help.
I worked on a surprise 80th Birthday party for my mom. She was surprised and we did have a good time. I did an Elvis theme and she loved it. I was exhausted by the time it was all said and done. I haven’t planned a party in years and even though my friend helped me a lot I doubt i’ll do one any time soon.
I had expected my “fwb” to show up to take photos of the family but he didn’t answer my text. Some mutual friends were at the party and told me they had some new but we would talk after the party. I can’t say much but he is in serious trouble and may be deported. He is currently in Federal custody and it doesn’t look good for him. I am grief struck over this. He will loose everything even if he is allowed to stay in the States. I hurt for him, his kids, and his ex who needs him for support and child care. I hurt for myself. While I know in many ways he has held me back from moving on with my life he has always been some one to fall back on, someone I was not ashamed to tell my problems to. The thoughts running through my head run from extreme happiness to extreme hurt. I think maybe this is God’s way of making me face up to things that really are not good things but I refuse to give them up. He should have been out of my life YEARS ago. He’s a liar and a cheater-and so am I. Many might say he’s getting his just desserts-but I think that if i got just what I deserve I would be on the street.
Jen is still not on her feet and I can no longer help her. I know she didn’t make her last 2 car payments and doubt the insurance is paid either. She won’t talk to me about it and I am frustrated.
I am in a very dark place right now. I am still actively gambling. I stop 5-10 days then the urges hit and it’s like I refuse to fight them. I need to call a helpline, go to a meeting, make a confession, I need to do something. I am in financial straights to the point that the credit is almost all gone now too.
I have not slept well sense the news of my friends troubles. I have doubled my Xanax intake to try to sleep through the night. I feel so lonely. I’m off work until Friday which is a blessing and a curse.
I need to do the next right thing but I don’t even know what that is.
Having a bit of a crying jag-all that does is make my noise stuffed up.
My weight is up, my eating uncontrolled and my sugars are not good.
I wish I could lock myself up somewhere and get my stuff together but that’s not even a remote possibly.
I wish I could post on other peoples threads but I feel quite unqualified.
I think I’m going crazy. Wish I had a box of cookies and I’m glad I don’t own a gun.
God grant me the serenity….
bettie

[bettie]

So glad to see an update from you! How I wish the “chat” was visible and you were there waiting for someone to chat with!
I miss you a lot-and could use some sage advice right now.
Take care!
Betty

[Author]

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