[bettie]

Hello All!
Well to say the least!
What a privledge and pleasure to put name to faces, share heart ache and pain, tragedy to triumph. I shed a few tears and laughed until my side hurt. I needed this weekend!
I told Carole that this mini conference had been the glue that had kept me from totaly abandoning recovery after the events from the start of the year. I feel hopeful, and that feeling had eluded me for a long time.
We did a lot of walking this weekend and even though it’s left me tired and a bit sore it proved something to me. All is not lost. I can physicaly handle some excersize, even with the medical issues I am still having.
I’m on the verge of a comback-watch out!
Hi, my name is bettie, ldg March 29th, 2012 
 

[bettie]

My Dear Larry,
Well the conference is over already. It took so long to get here and now suddenly I am back home, refreshed and armed with the knowledge gained over the past 3 days. It was wonderful to meet you and get to hear your unique take on recovery.
I am honored and privileged to call you "friend".
With love,
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Nice to see everyone here at the conference today. Renewed some of my spirit and reminded me that "i can" is a state of mind~and something I need to embrace. I should be hosting one of these sessions and may have if I had continued to work my program as opposed to choosing to self destruct. Life is about choises and we do get to choose. If I choose self pity and anger why should I expect anything to be different than it is?
Thinking out loud today, and enjoying wonderful people whom I am proud to show off and call "friend".
bettie

[bettie]

Ya eh there!
Oops! Hi guys~lol~
Just home from deep dish pizza with the gals-Carole and Reds. They are both just the sweetest people, even more so than I expected.
I took them on a mini tour of where I grew up, hope I didn’t bore them to death but they were both ready for sleep when we were done. Hmmmm……
Tomorrow should be good. A quick tour of down town and off to the conference.
I can’t wait!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi guys,
Excited about tomorrow! I am feeling better in some ways but feel like I am getting a cold now too! Can you catch one through cyber space? lol!
Glad to be off work 5 days, I am ready for a break.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hope you all had a nice Easter. I ate then fell asleep in my sisters recliner. I can’t wait for my new one, I really miss having one.
Funny cat story. My Tiger always begs for my dish when I am eating. He never eats table scraps but always wants a sniff then he pretends to "bury" my bowl by pawing at the carpet. Last week I made a steak and left a bite, thinking he might eat it. I put the bowl down, walked in another room them came right back to pick the bowl up. He must have thought my cooking was extreamly bad that day as I found not one but TWO socks stuffed into the bowl-swiming in meat juice! lol~ What a joker that one!
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hey K,
Long time no see!
My Easter is just starting. I am bringing a pumpkin pie and chicken and dumplings to my sisters. I was going to have family here but not feeling up to it.
I reposted a short video on FB, my great niece’s 2nd birthday, she’s so sweet.
Glad you had a nice Easter and enjoy yout trip.
Looking foward to seeing the "gang" at the GA mini conference this weekend. I will enjoy a couple days off too!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Off to bed soon. Had a nice chat on SH-no open chat here tonight.
Dr took me off another med and I am off for bloodwork first thing in the AM.
Time for bed.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Lizbeth,
I’m not posting much these days. I’m still as a board! My head feels like it weighs 20 pounds and the back of my neck hurts too! Dr apoligised 2x about not getting me off the 2nd pill sooner, He says I should be feeling better – in about a week! Oh well this too shall pass.
Glad to see you posting and your grandson sounds cute as a button!
Glad u are back!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi guys,
I wish I could give you all a big hug. This is like the GA thing- where the group loves you until u can love yourself!
I love you all too~
Laura sorry I missed your call but it was sweet of you to ring me. I did stay home-boss was none to happy but he will get over it. I dragged myself in all last week because my co worker was on vacation and believe me, he took full advantage-which left me even more exausted. I truely was sick today. I went back to bed after a sleepless night and slept till 12:45pm. I called my dr office for advice because my arms were compleatly numb and throbbing last night. They asked if I had shortness of breath ( only on exerction ) or any other symptoms. Nurse said Dr couldn’t get me in till Wednesday. I told her that Dr had taken me off 1 pill but that I was still on another-sinvistatin-that I know causes this type of reaction. Nurse said it wasn’t in the chart! How can that be? I’ve taken it for years. Nurse put me on hold and told Dr who said stop taking that too! You would have thought when he had me stop the 1st one he would have had me stop the 2nd! Man, I could be dead by now! Oh, and just to add insult to injury I’ve been having hot flashes too!
Reds I’ll send you some healing vibes only if you will send some back! lol!
Kathryn my mom is the hair police "Well, I see you chopped that childs hair off!!" Mind you she has me cut hers with a clipper in the back but any other woman who has short hair is wrong! ( except my cousin-for some reason she insists her husband dictates her hair length-going to far as going into the salon! )
Velvet you are a godsend! I know the F&F people are so much better of having your wise words to help them.
Well I hope to sleep good tonight. Nothing seems so awful after a good nights sleep! ( Gosh I must be getting old! )
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thank you for all your well spoken and thoughtful replies. It is funny how a mean spirited comment can make some old forgotten memories pop to the surface and hurt u all over again. I also know the CG mind is a trouble maker. Feeling bad about yourself helps to create the perfect storm, and provides you with the perfect excuse to return to gambling." No one likes me, I am worthless, I deserve a day out" and the list goes on and on. I know when I am feeling this way I tend to isolate myself. I hate to run into people who knew me when I was thinner, then hear "oh, I see you are picking your weight back up". And YES that very comment was made to me, by someone who DOES like me. But again, never mind that it might have been made as a concern for me, I automaticly take is as a slight.
I stopped procrastnating and ordered 2 new recliners today. They will take 6-8 weeks-which I think is outragious-but the price was fair and they are good quality. Funny how that tight wad CG thinking comes out when we spend money. The cost of the recliners is equal to two visits to the casino. I could have easily gambled that away over the weekend, so at least I will have come comfort for my money instead of heart break and worry. NOT having a gambling hangover is a wonderful thing.
Larry I really think you should be writing self help books. Your insite is spot on.
Jen ran into someone who owns a store that she frequents. The man asked her if she had her baby already, as she looked thinner. She told him about loosing it and the poor guy fell all over himself telling her how sorry he was for her. My poor baby.
Talked to my sister today. She is starting the same insulin that I am on. After listening to what has been going on in her life I have decited that mine is not so bad after all, and I should be ashamed for complaining.
Speaking of complaining I want to take a sickie tomorrow. I did something to my foot yesterday  and have been limping and having sharp pain today. I hate to call off but I will make that call in the morning.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Up early today-because I only wake up early and can’t fall back to sleep on my off days!
D*mn arms are uncomfortable today. I’ve had about 6 hours sleep and I guess that will be it.I must go buy a new recliner because that would help alot. It’s the only way I can sleep on my back.
Cats freaking out with a thunderstorm this morning. My scaredy cats! Oh well they are cute.
Went out with my GF last night. I really wanted to gamble-but my rational brain won out. I have payments set up to eat the cash out of my account so again, no money=no gamble. Barriers are essential at this point. I am not to be trusted alone.
I caught a look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom at the movie theater yesterday. I can’t believe how big I am again! I was refered to as a "fatty" this past week, which brings up horrable childhood memories, and now I can see why. I just can’t believe I am here again. So depressing. Someone at GA had talked about being "thin skinned". She mentioned how if you were refered to as a grape you would laugh it off, but if you were called a *itch you might be offended, if in fact, you felt like people could percieve you as a *itch. I am fat-there is no amount of self deception that can hide fact. I can keep moaning about it or I can do something about it. It’s so much easier to just moan about it. I remember wishing, when I was a bullied little girl, I wished I could hurry up and grow up because people didn’t call adults mean names. Funny how that never worked out.
In typical CG fashion I want to be fixed – yesterday! Patience is not a strong point.
I said I would cook for Easter so I need to call my sister and see what the plan is. I have a lot to do today. I need to get on with it.
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
They play a bit of a game here in the US. Any long term medicaton has to be bought through a mail order pharmacy. When u take a new med you can get two months locally. The insulin is from a local pharmacy-who should have known what I have been taking however, my medical plan just made us change local pharmacys. Long story short the med i stopped is from the mail order. They will not take it back-I could have tampered with it. American medical is broken, with no end in sight.
I am feeling a bit better-still sore but nothing like before.
I need a nap!
Take care,
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks Lizbeth,
I didn’t have to call Dr back-as he rang me personally at 8:45 am. He believes I am having a drug interraction with another medicine I take. I have been instructed to stop taking that pill ( I just paid $112 for a refill! ) and call him in a week and let him know if it’s better. I looked up the insulin on Web MD and under warnnings " If you are having muscle pain contact your Dr immediately " . Nice. Had my insurance company not forced me to change pharmacys my regular druggest may have caught that!
Well at least I have a vaild excuse to sit here like a slug! Just took two pain pills and hope they kick in soon!
bettie

[bettie]

Originally posted by female g

Hey Bettie I did just the same as you and wasn’t going to post about it either but we both did, so good on us. WE at least still have integrity and honesty despite ourselves.  So I’ll kick you in the as…  and you can kick me in the as.. too. Lets get it together and do what needs to be done. We are better than what we were and have more knowlege., So lets put our knowledge into action and steel ourselves up to win the battle once again. G

         Let the butt kicking begin! lol!
         No worries Hope, You can’t get rid of me that easily.
         I am so sore! I have been having pain in my arms, shoulders and I have numbness in my hands. Sometimes they just fall asleep-pins and needles-and I have to shake them to get the blood flowing. I have some mild swelling in my ankles and hands too. I called my Dr’s office today. They must not be too concerned as they didn’t even call me back! These symptoms started when I started the new insulin. Right now my elbows hurt. Chiro thinks I am having a reaction to it. All I know is my body feels torn up, like someone smacked me around a bit. I will call my dr again tomorrow.
I have started re reading my thread, looking at how things were two years ago. I so wish I was there again-but with the knowledge that I have now. I wish i was still working out. I wish i was 45 pounds smaller like i was then. I could just keep wishing all day but nothing changes if nothing changes. I think part of my last gambling "slip" is my brain wanting a last hurrah. I know that was part of the new purchases. The TV, the funiture, the car. I am scared because I can usually figure things out and right now I feel confused. I can’t make myself feel better and I just don’t know why.
Well time to haunt Web MD and try to get my own answers. If I didn’t already know that the high blood sugar would kill me I would just stop taking the insulin all together.
No gambling thoughts today. I am greatful.
bettie

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