[bettie]

Bali? Wow Kathryn!
You deserve all the best!
I hope to make some kind of trip this year. Doing it 20 pounds lighter would be a nice treat too!
TC
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Happy Mom’s Day!
I have had a very active day already. Up @ 6am ( thanks to Mr Jingles-my cat ) and have two loads of wash to get from the laundry room. I have made chicken and brown rice for later, worked out 35 minutes ( did 1 hour yesterday and my knee says ENOUGH!lol~). Quick breakfast and shower and off to my brothers for a BBQ.
Something else came up at my Friday meetings. One of the newer gals who was considering a divorce decited to give her marrage another try, stating how her husband had become so supportative in her recovery. Others chimed in stating how importaint it was having support from close friends, partners and family. I started feeling sorry for myself, I don’t have that and in retrospect I have been on my own for a very long time. When I got over the pity party I had to do some more reflecting. I have all of u guys for support, hundreds of people just like me in my corner! My secrecy and fear of telling family keeps them at a distance and that my fault.
Being on my own had not always been such a bad thing. During my recient health crisis a friend pointed out that I was such a strong person, much stronger than I gave myself credit for. You know he was right. It’s an old saying but it’s true, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
love,
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just procrastanating, I need to workout but I think I need a nap first. I didn’t sleep well and I am just exausted.
I went to my meeting last night and mentioned that I was not working my recovery. I got a reply that taking care of myself is working my recovery. I had not ever thought of it that way.
Maybe I’ll post more later.
Time to sweat!
bettie

[bettie]

Originally posted by bettie

Hi DD, Hi Everyone,
Didn’t plan to confess but I blew it yesterday. What’s the saying, The road to hell is paived with good intentions? The plan to gamble has been in my mind since Wednesday, since $$ went to my account. I talked, I posted, I placed (some) barriers, but I failed counting on other people to call me to keep me home. I did leave casino when my daughter called. She was over but left with her boyfriend. I resent him. When she moved back to the area I thought we would spend more time together but I’m out ranked!
I must not blame my "support system". I have been somewhat of a loaner, not by choice, but everyone thinks I have this great soical life. My social life is basicly being with a man who is "seperated"and has 8 kids by 4 woman. He doesn’t want a "relationship". Even he doesn’t think I’m good enough for him! The rest of my "social life" consists of going to the casino. If I stop, what am I going to do?? Sit around here and eat??
Can you say pitty party?? Crying now, feeling useless!
Got a wake up call from CC Company. I went over limit on my card at the boat 3 weeks ago so now they wake my stupid *ss out of bed on Sunday mornings to make sure that they will get at least a minimal payment.
Should go on open chat, too ashamed to do that too. See, even I knew I was being smug and my head kept telling me don’t brag, you will fail and how are you ever going to tell anyone?
I do this when I try to quit smoking. I won’t tell anyone because I expect to fail and just don’t want to see their dissapointment in their faces or hear the "I told you so" . I don’t want any accountabality! Immature reaction? You’re right!
If I could find the courage to ban I know I would keep my money where it should be. I have a large amount from a retirement plan coming in May. My retirement money is almost gone. I know I will have to work until I die and won’t ever retire. My fault!
I could keep whinning but even I’m sick of hearing it!
Got to stop crying, check my blood sugar, sky high I’m sure because I went on an eating binge after the casino binge!
I may not have to wish myself dead if I eat like that because it just might kill me! Funny, how can you not want to die but wish you were dead???????????????????
wishing you peace, hoping i can find some
bettie

          Hi Guys,
          Hey Deb I dug this up for you. It’s the gambling deamon that is fighting your banning right now. You "right" brain wants to but your "cg" brain is fighting you good and strong! It’s good to remember that when we know what we need to do but can’t seem to do it it’s usually the addicting talking.
         Somewhere along the line I was told that it is a trate of a cg to be immature. I didn’t see that in myself at first but when I look back ( and sometimes even now) I see it clearly. I still want everything fixed- yesterday!
         Do what you feel you need to do in your own time Deb, we didn’t become CG in a day thats for sure.
         As for me I am doing good right now. I have managed my workouts every day this week and even with less medication my sugars are very good-in fact the best that they have been in a long time. I am trying to motovate myself with that thought-if I move for 30 munites it’s one less shot. A pretty good trade off in my book!
peace
bettie
 
 

[bettie]

Hi guys,
Seems I missed everyone this weekend. I havd managed to work out almost every day this past week. I need to keep going and get back into the habit of daily exersize.
One of the GA ladies called and asked me to read at her pinning. I am honored to be asked but can’t make that meeting as it is a Saturday and I have to work. In honesty I think I would have felt a bit of a hipocrate if I had done the reading, as I am not the GA poster girl I once was. I am not activate in my recovery right now but I am not gambling either. I need to make the time and restart working the steps.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hey my PC’s back! Darn FB- i think i got a virus as it was dogging my pc and my brother had to wipe it out.
Larry glad u enjoyed the Margaritas, maybe I’ll go make one. I have a brand new blender I could break in.
Carole thanks for the check up.
I did spend my couple days off working on me-the cleaning was theraputic and really make’s me want to get things in order across the board. I have managed a workout/sweat producing activaty every day this week. I made the desision to stop using the short acting insulin and go back on my pill. I have little or no swelling in my ankle now and find I have less hunger and more energy. I am also testing my blood very frequently so I will use the short acting stuff if I need to. I do have muscle pain but I believe the drug interraction did that. I am doing very lite strength training hoping to build back what I have lost.
Both of my brothers came to take away my air conditioner in hopes of saving it. They will clean it as it has never been cleaned since it was installed in 1995! I guess it’s time! 
Just found out there is a condo listed for sale for $24,900. in my complex! At one time my unit appraised for 126,000. How sad! Almost makes me want to walk away because I owe so much. Oh well, I have a decient roof over my head and thats more than some can say.
Sorry I have missed you Laura, lovs2garden, lizbeth and Cat! I may be on the chat early tomorrow but hope to do an early workout first. 
I am feeling better and I am greatful!
bettie — 5/6/2012 1:08:10 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

  Hi guys,
I have been fighting the deamon all weekend. I have stayed busy with family and have enyoyed my new chairs. Going to spend some time today working on the "horde" in my spair bedroom. I have also been doing a bit of research and ran across the following tips. I have heard many of them before but always a good remimder to see them in print. Maybe I’ll pull out my journal and write some of these out today.
Carole I’ll  take one of those rich oil guys!!
bettie
Here are ten tips to prevent you from returning to gambling and having a full-blown relapse of your gambling addiction. It is hoped that these ten tips will help prevent you from returning to gambling.
1. If you are feeling like returning to gambling, write down on paper some of the feelings that you are currently feeling. Are you feeling sad, depressed, lonely, stressed out? What are you currently feeling? Many times loneliness or just a desire to nurture oneself is feelings associated with wanting to return to gambling.
2. If you know what some of these feelings are, write down some solutions that can help alleviate these feelings. For example, if you are lonely, call a couple of trusted friends or a family member to get reconnected. If you need to nurture yourself, write down some of the things that you believe can help nurture you.
3. Take action immediately with some of these things. If you have worked hard all week, and are just looking to give something back to yourself, make an appointment and get a full body massage. If you want to treat yourself to a new outfit, or a new haircut, go and do it! Many times we return to a gambling addiction because we have lost the ability to nurture ourselves.
4. Go out and get some exercise. Go to the gym, or take a 30 minute walk. When you exercise, not only do you acknowledge that you are doing something good for yourself, but you also produce natural endorphins and "feel-good" chemicals in your brain by doing this. In addition, it is hard to go out and gamble and do something harmful to yourself, and also do something good for yourself like exercise at the same time. Self-care and self-harm are polar opposites, so if you put on your exercise gear and go to the gym, it will be harder to get in the car and drive to a gambling casino and throw out all of your hard-earned money.
5. Write down on paper what you feel like on your way home from a gambling casino. What are the feelings? How does your stomach feel after you lost hundreds or thousands of dollars? How do you feel about yourself after spending twelve hours in the casino? What is that drive home like? How do you feel about your life, yourself, and your future? Be specific, and do not leave anything out.
6. When your urge to return to your gambling addiction becomes acute, please take out the paper that you just wrote and read it thoroughly, meditating on the feelings associated with your own personal experience after a gambling binge. Spend about ten minutes feeling the feelings and using your imagination. What will happen is that you will start to physiologically feel the feelings associated with the aftermath of gambling. This is a very powerful technique that I highly recommend you using.
7. Attend a local Gamblers Anonymous meeting if the urge to gamble hits hard. Even though you may not be a regular attendee, or may never want to be, it will definitely help you get through this bumpy period. If you do not have a Gamblers Anonymous meeting close by, attend an open A.A meeting just to get support from other people who suffer with an addiction just like you.
8. If you are depressed or highly anxious and have a lot of stress in your life, seek out a professional counselor who can help you with these issues. This can prevent a gambling addiction relapse before it occurs.
9. Make a schedule of your daily life including all tasks. Try to have a schedule every day, and fill in your times with things to do. Include creative and fun things to do as well. Having too much free time is very dangerous for someone with a gambling addiction, especially if you are in danger of a relapse.
10. Make sure that you reward yourself for preventing a relapse. Be good to yourself, and treat yourself well. Reward yourself for taking care of yourself and not partaking in destructive behaviors. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, a new book, or a massage. You deserve it.
 
It is hoped that these ten tips to help prevent a gambling addiction relapse were helpful to you. Remember, that you are a work in progress, and recovery from gambling problems takes time.
Whatever you do, try your hardest, and I mean you’re very hardest not to return to gambling and place a bet. A gambling addiction relapse can set you back very far emotionally and financially. Do not give into the urges. Place yourself first.
If you recently had a relapse and are looking to stop gambling again, there is help out there for you. Never stop trying to give up gambling. If it takes 5 times, 20 times, or a hundred times, never give up. Gambling addiction is a destroyer of lives. Do not let gambling destroy you.

 

Gambling Addiction Prevent Relapse

 

 

— 4/30/2012 1:02:40 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

What a lovely day-not!
I tried to get next week off of work but the boss said he has a meeting and no one to cover Wednesday. I said I would work Wednseday and take the rest of the week off but he said no. I compromised and said give me Monday and Tuesday. I need some time to work on me!
A customer walked right up to me and said "girl u need to get back on your program". I just said yes I know. I mean really-if someone had  a stroke would u walk right up and say Man, your face is droopy! How outragious but I guess it’s to be expected. When I lost weight people were generious with complements so what should I expect?
I skipped out of my meeting tonight, just not up to it. Feeling like a cow.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Yea Deb i get that-the asst manager drives us all crazy and when she is off it’s like a day off work. If you look at youtube under "morning huddle" you will get a big laugh-because it is so true. Some smart person did a whole series of what bank sales warm ups and cool downs are really like.
Here’s the trick. Attitude is everything. Just smile and say yes to every piece of BS that comes out of the bosses mouth. I feel like a liar when I do it but it’s what they pay me for. It does make the day go easier.
Carole the chairs are a wine color. I had such a restless night I wish I had one last night.
Funny about the combo book. When it was pointed out to me about an "unwillingness to accept reality" Thats me! I read it every week and the words go over my head. So maybe a little home study would help me understand the words I read in a hurry, trying to get on with my meeting.
Saw the diabetic nurse again yesterday. She kept hinting at things she wanted to tell me but couldn’t because she’s not my Dr. That was not the help I was looking for. Basicly I eat too much. I guess I couldn’t figure that out on my own!
Work then my meeting tonight. Very sleepy today.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
One day and I pray it won’t be long I hope not to be posting my tale of illiness and one more based on recovery. I called off work – again – ear ache and sinus infection. I got up today and just couldn’t get ready to go. I ate and chatted a bit then back in bed. I slept for 3 hours. I had hoped a workout today too but too whiped to move.
I did get a phone call I had hoped for. They are delivering my new recliners Saturday! Yea! I wish I was in one right now but soon I will have to wish no more.
Having gambling thoughts again today, just thoughts and no action. I have to "replay the tape". When u leave the casino in tears did u really have any fun? I don’t think so.
I saw where larry posted tomething to the effect the reward for gambling was the financial disaster the person had to contend with. Good one larry-us cg’s don’t often think of that.
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Very valid point Larry-I remember needing surgery in the throws of my addiction. Sitting down was nearly impossible but it certaintly didn’t stop me from sitting one cheeked on the seat in front slot machine!
Urges in themselves are truely harmless-it’s when we act on them they become a disaster!
I managed to work out both yesterday and today. One problem though, even with a snack before I worked out tonight I threw myself into insulin reaction then ate 2x what I had planned to eat! Oh well, I will gain control and manage this medical cr*p. just like recovery, baby steps, odaat. I am not helpless or hopeless!
Getting back to basics.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Trying to get motovated to work out. I had gambling thoughts yesterday but didn’t feel well enough to go. There’s an advantage to being tired-it will keep u out of the casinos-! But seriously if you go over the relaspe prevention steps posted by Carole times like this are "danger danger" so best to get busy. Going to see a friend who have been very ill and try to cheer her up. Most likely I will cheer myself up too.
So thats the plan. Workout a bit, pick up a bit then go see my friend.
Always good to have a plan.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the posts.
Went to the Dr and got no answers-I am so frustrated. He asked if I was stressed out. I asked him if he would be stressed in my position. More blood tests, x-ray and maybe a cat scan. $$$$$$$$$$$$
The guy called today-I didn’t pick up. I need to call him back but just don’t feel like talking.
Waiting impatiently to get better!
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Carole no one would be dissapointed!
Debbie I just re read my stuff from Jan 1st and I cried like a baby. I am glad to see you posting. It helps Deb, it really does.
Well here’s a change of pace for me. I had a lunch date today. This gentleman had asked me out last year but things didn’t work out then. He came in yesterday asking whet went wrong. I told him he came on too strong. "Sweetie, honey" etc-I don"t know him like that. So I accepted a lunch date and met him at a restruant. He was very nice, took my coat, asked me a lot of questions and backed off a bit. I can tell he has a school boy crush and I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I just don’t think he’s for me. Too nice? Maybe, I don’t know. He’s going to call later so I need to figure out what to say.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks again Larry and Carole! Miss u guys!
G if you ever get the chance to meet Carole do it! You would not regret it!
OK now I really need to leave for work!!
bettie

[Author]

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