[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well guess what? My ga friend called and he can’t make the dinner/GA meeting for tomorrow. Family stuff-but so so funny. If you have ever read any of my thread then you know almost anything resembling me and a "date" never work out!
Leg is swolen and throbbing tonight.
Time to pack it in and go to bed.
bettie

[bettie]

I love Melody Beattie!
This is from one of her books, one i’m going to buy. "52 weeks of Conscious Contact"
I have been contemplating the events of the last few days. I know how this person deals with business and life in general. He does so many things that are not in tune with my own moral values. Why would I only want to see the best in him and expect to find it? He is in denial of his own life and and has a need to keep up a certain front with people. I don’t know why I am just now seeing it! Maybe this will be the time and I will stop "Dancing with the Devil".
MELODY BEATTIE
 
Dancing with the devil is seductive—in work and in
love. It’s an enticing challenge;we want to make somebody
change, treat us right, and give us what we know we
deserve.Not living up to our own values can be seductive
too.“This situation is an exception,”we think.“This time,
the values I believe in don’t really apply.”

It’s easy to look around at the world and think that the
only ones who really make it are the people who lie, cheat,
and steal. Or we see something we really want, and we
believe we can’t get it honestly, so we set our values aside
for a time.

Acknowledging other people’s lack of integrity usually
hurts.At least it stings.By the time we see it,we may be in
over our head.“I’ll just keep dealing with this person,”we
think.“Try and recoup my losses so I don’t lose any more.”
I’m as prone to dancing with the devil as anyone else.
We pay a price each time we do.

Challenge: The hardest part about living with values
can be simple pride. It’s hard to admit that we got conned.
It can be humiliating to admit that we can’t have what
we want, or that we’ve not lived up to our values, or that
we have a lesson to learn because we made a mistake.

Here’s a hint: Learn to take your losses and run.
Do you value integrity in others?

Inventory Focus: Are the people you’re involved with
in business, play, and love living by values that are
harmonious with yours?Are you dancing with the devil
somewhere in your life, either by associating with people
who don’t have integrity, or by not living up to your
personal values?

Guess I got a really big step 4 lession this weekend! Personal inventory!
On another note my MRI is Saturday. My new GA friend called me again today-"Can i do anything for you? How are u feeling? If you need anything just ask-i’m only a phone call away" What A NICE person-shows some intregrity too!
bettie
 

[bettie]

Tx for the hug-I needed one.
Called my Dr and he sent me to an orthopedic. He was able to see me right away. He took an x-ray and no broken bones but based on the pain I may have a tear. I have to call for a MRI. He gave me a shot of cortorzone-OUCH!-and I had to buy a knee brace-insurance will not pay for it!
Work was ok as I had a 2 hour lunch.
Well i need to try to pick up a bit and try to make this appointment. I am afraid this weekend will have a really big pricetag before it’s all said and done.
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Sorry I missed you laura-the garden sounds lovely! Good to see u posting lizbeth-I think of you often.
I got invited out for the weekend by the fwb-a first for him. Little did I know that these "friends" didn’t know about his seperation-and even though he came with me he didn’t want it appear that we were a couple. He made a point of being "friendly" with every woman there-and having more than a few drinks I guess I said more than a few things to him about it. Long story short I thought I had a good time but seems a made a big idiot out of myself. The best part is I was dancing early on and twisted my knee. Now I have to figure out what to ware to work as I think pantyhose are out of the question because you have to be able to bend to put them on.
I have to end this self destructive behaviour. I am finding myself very codependent on this jerk yet again. What the heck is wrong with me?
bettie

[bettie]

Go ahead and laugh at me Jules- I LIKE my drivers license photo-lol! I do believe they take the photo u send-otherwise the glare would not matter.
Laura i wish you the best for the rest of your time off. I know I will be upset with myself if I don’t get rid of this mood and enjoy the rest of my time!
bettie

[bettie]

I have decited that todays picture was worse than yesterdays. I have also decided that my friend is a lousy photographer. I told him so when he called me tonight. He laughed and so did I , and he said I could blame him if that made me feel better. He also said I need to learn to love myself, Gee, where have I heard that before??

[bettie]

Today had been yet another trial. Carole I must really love you to have put myself through yet ANOTHER photo session!lol!
I went to the post office, birth certificate and photo in hand. The clerk told me 1. the photo has glare and needs to be redone. 2. my birth certificate is not valid for a passport! Back in 2001 when I got mine they just listed name, date of birth and place of birth. They now require a copy of the origional with your parents name. OK deep breath. I had to go to the court house and get a new birth certficate (and pay a new fee!) Now I see my mom, as per her usual self, didn’t list her legal name so now I have to redo the application I had already filled out. I called my friend and told him his picture was no good-he says I told you to take your glasses off- I said yea but you didn’t tell me why! So back to get ANOTHER picture. I told him just take it, I don’t even want to look at it. He told me to stop being silly and he took the picture. Now the post office stops doing passport applications at 3 so I have to go to my local city hall before 4:30 pm so I just made it. The application is in the mail ( and so is the check-lol~)! They say 4-6 weeks but the clerk said she got hers in 2 weeks so we will see.
I took the 2 extra 2×2 photos and taped them to my fridge with a note," Stay out of the fridge!" Maybe I will get inspired to stay away from snacking if I have to look at those when I open the door or at a mininum get used to seeing myself in photos.
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks guys,
I am better emotionally today. Thanks for the kind words. I feel foolish being upset by a picture but it goes much deeper than that. I think I have some morffed self image. Most people would see that in the mirror, I see it in pictures. I feel like I look like Peter Griffin-the bloated dad on the adult cartoon "Family Guy". The key here is not to let this negatativity detour me from my goals. The "it’s a lost cause" feeling is destructive. I am glad I am off work because I would have called off today. I woke to insulin reaction – again-today at 6am. I am having other girlie stuff going on and I will spare you the detail.
Time to have some coffee and start the day over.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
They told me it takes like 4-6 weeks to get the passport. I haven’t sent it off yet-I have to find my birth certficate. Unreal all the questions they ask.
This picture thing is just so stupid. My head hurts from crying and I am glad it’s time for bed. It’s crazy. My friend called and I asked him if he had deleated the pictures as I found them upsetting. He said if it bothers you so much why don’t you do something about it. Not the support I was looking for! I told him is was doing the best that I can.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Good meeting last night. One guy remarked he spent all his money on fast women and slow horses, except that as a CG he would never spend money on woman! I thought that was funny-as I had not heard that one before.
Today has been a bit of a trial. I did get my passport application and had to address the dreaded photo. I took Jen to lunch and called my friend the photographer. He said no problem , pop in and I’ll get it done for you. It took all my strength to have that picture taken. He snapped quite a few. I tend to cock my head to one side when I take a picture, I don’t know why. He showed me the various shots and I picked the least worst one. I looked over his shoulder as he loaded them on his pc. I stood there wanting to cry-and it took every ounce of my strength not to. He asked me what was wrong-the picture was fine. I told him if he only knew how looking at pictures of myself made feel , well, it makes me feel like I should not been seen in public, that I should run and hide. I know he thought I was joking, until he looked at me and saw the tears in my eyes. He said are you ok? I said yea I’m fine. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough and I remimded him to please deleate those from his pc. He said now THAT would cost me. That made me laugh and cheered me up a bit.
I just talked to my gf and told her what happened. She said girl if you could only see how beautful you are! I look at my picture and relive all the mean comments that were ever made about me. I tell myself this is why I don’t have a boyfriend or husband, I’m hidious! So fat, so ugly! She told me to stop believing those lies.
Ok, thats out. Pity party over.
Hormones working overtime today!
I had a dream last night. I dreamed I was in insulin reaction. I woke up, went beck to sleep, woke again sweaty and uncomfortable and went and checked my sugar. Sure enough, is was at 60-which is low. It was 3am and I was up drinking juice and eating toast. The good news is that my diet and excersize is working. I adjusted my insulin dose today and will make sure I have a snack before bed tonight.
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Larry,
Amazing how out of the blue those thoughts come to us.
"Caught off guard and under the right set of circumstances"-those words were never truer! I am so glad you did not have to experance the pain of regret that I have had first hand this year. When I woke the next day I thought maybe just maybe it was a dream and regretfully it turned out to be a living nightmare.
The storm has past but it will rain again. Wise is the man who keeps his umbrella near by.
"Keep coming back, it works if you work it so work it!"
Stay strong!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well I did sleep until 7:30am-thats sleeping in according to my cats.
My Dad would have been 81 today. Of the 8 boys and 6 girls only two of them survive-my Dads twin sister and his baby sister. Funny because both of the survivors were twins-I am named for the baby sister’s twin who died when she was 3.
The party sounds like fun. I going to pick up a passport application today, add some stuff to my bucket list.
Life is too short to waste at a casino.
bettie

[bettie]

Home again!
Time flys when you have good company thats for sure! Thanks Jules!
Sherrie I will be working on that info you gave me-thanks again.
Plan for tomorrow is cleaning and GA meeting.
Will have to plan something for Tuesday.
Cats are glad I’m home!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Kathryn,
I see you snuck back to page 3. We can’t have that!
I am looking foward to a few days off myself. All work and no play is no fun!
Have I told you lately how special you are? I am full of love today so I thought I would spread some around.
How are the workouts going? I missed mine last night but I need to get moving today. My cousin is coming over in an hour or so. I haven’t seen her since the Florida trip and I am really looking foward to going "junking" today. ( Thats thrift store shopping! )
Have a lovely day my lovely girl!
bettie 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Vera I don’t have a passport-not much of a need when you have never had the chance to leave the country. The US is so big and it’s only been just a very few years that you needed a passport to go to Mexico or Cananada. Carole has invited me and I plan to take her up on the offer. I have to stop procrastnating and get the application done.
I went to a new meeting tonight and a couple of guys that go to the Friday meeting are regulars there. I was welcomed with open arms-physicaly-and was asked "What ya doing here? So glad to see you!" That was refreshing. I got some solid advice on my next step-not one regular member there has a sponser-but I still hope to have another one day. One of the guys chatted with me in private after the meeting and we had a just between me & u conversation. No big details mentioned here but he mentioned the particular "clique" atmosphere at the Friday meeting and assured me they were not all like that and that in deed I do need to spread my wings and try different meetings. I requested some step work material and I am moving foward.
bettie

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