[bettie]

Hi Guys!
Well I have been up for 1 & 1/2 hours now. Posting and reading is working recovery right?
My niece spent the night and is still sleeping on the sleeper sofa. I am in my room. I feel like a little kid on punshiment-lol!
Wish I could have worked out but just moving around is a chore. It will get better, I just have to be more careful.
Just realized how close my next ( last)  vacation week is! I am excited and nervous all at the same time.
I have been thinking about gambling alot these days. I know I can’t "win" but for what ever reason I feel like I want to go. This addiction cr*p is annoying! I don not have any money at all this week which is a good thing! No money=no gamble! Now I just have to think about why I am having these thoughts.
Well I have spit out my best advice to everyone, guess I will have to take my own advice.
I’m not gambling today.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi V,
1. My legs are rebelling on me-thats what I get for being heavy all my life.
2. I had to give up heels about 9 months ago-diabetic neropathy I believe it’s called-I have cronic pain in the ball of my foot. I am wearing ugly flat shoes these days!
3. My friend lives in Indiana-he could not have gotten me to the meeting on time and I still had to take my car home.
As for the dresses-I am still watching those shows-3 hours now! lol!
This is the pits-my leg hurts worse now than it did when I first injured my knee!

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just here posting because I am an idiot! Went willy-nilly down the stairs this morning and Bam! My knee almost buckles under me! Ouch Ouch Ouch! It is pure torture to get in and out of the car, walking-well really limping-not so bad. My calf is throbbing and the back of my knee hurts! I have been eating pain killers but still very sore. I missed my meeting. I called my ga buddy to let him know I would not be there. He offered to come and get me. I told him that was asking too much-aside from the fact I really just wanted to get home and rest.
On the bright side I get to indulge in my guilty pleasure – I’m watching "Say Yes to the Dress". It is just silly-I never had a church wedding, don’t plan of having one, I know Jen (the tatoo queen) will never want one so why do I love seeing these ladies in these beautiful dresses? Maybe planning my next life? Who knows but I do love them!
I also closed a good loan today and got a credit card approved. Not a bad day all in all.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hey Laura-waiting for that email!
Went to the nursing home to see my lady friend. Helps to put things into perspective. I made the nursing staff lift her out of bed-no easy task-so I could cut her hair. Her room mates were impressed. saying only a true friend would do what I did. I feel like a jerk-I haven’t been to see her in months. I need to get there more often.
Running late for work-have a great day!!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I got a call from my brother. Seems he called the treatment center where his daughter is and she changed the password so he can not get a call or any info until she calls him. I understand privacy laws however it is outragiuos that he can’t talk to her attending dr. I told him to tell them since he was the financially responsible party maybe he was thinking of checking her out and/or send a certified letter saying he was renouncing his financial responsibility. I am sure he would get an answer or two.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Carole lets hope the weather breaks for you soon. CC my cats "beg" for what ever I am eating-they hever eat anything but sniff then attempt to "Cover" it up by pawing the floor! Once Tiger dragged a pair of sox over and tucked it in the bowl!
Busy day. My car still in the shop. I had phone calls to make, work out to do and shower and dinner!
My brother took my niece to be admitted to a treatment program. That child has been troubled for a long time so I am praying she gets the help she needs. My brother is beside himself.
10 years ago tomorrow I lost my best friend to cancer.My brother died July 11th, 2002. We were 3 years apart but we were very close. I don’t know how many times over the years I saw something and thought-"Gee, Frankie would really like that" and then the reality set in. I miss him more than words can say. He took a piece of my heart with him, I loved him so much! In fact, I still do! His oldest daughter is the one I brought back with me. I wonder if she will remember? She posted something on Fathers Day on FB about missing him. The little one has no memory of him at all.
My GA friend called me tonight, just checking in. It’s nice.
bettie 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Tired tired tired!
Good news at work-my loan will close Friday so I will have that credit for this quarter. The assistant demanded to know why it wasn’t scheduled when I was off-I told her the customer chose to wait for ME. I guess she wanted the credit for my work-oh too bad. I ended the 2nd quarter ok and will get a little payout in 6 weeks. I’ll take it!
Carole thats so wonderful! I would love to meet Cat and Lizbeth. Those would be GT members # 6 & 7 for me! Who would have thought in a million years not only would I make friends around the world-but would get to meet some of them too!
One of the couples from the party last month came into the bank. They has some photos on their cell phone-me pushing the fwb off the boat into the water-me dancing with the ladies and guys. They thought I was so much fun to be with. Funny how I was made to feel so stupid and I bought it hook, line and sinker!
Other peoples opinions of me are none of my business! Good advice to repeat over and over until I get it.
Need to pick up and eat dinner.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Home again safely. Caught quite a bit of traffic in Indianna and had to detour. I know all the side roads from my gambling days. I did see the casinos I used to frequent-in my rear view mirror. That was close enough for me!
Larry I did my shopping at a designer outlet mall, a very reliable source. The money I spent would not have lasted very long spent u know where-the purse will last for years. My ex gambling buddy and I would sometimes walk out of the casino and say "Man, we could have bought x numbers of Coach purses for what we just spent! We should have went shopping instead". (between the two of us the number would sometimes be 4-5, at FULL price!) Relearning the value of money is also a gift of recovery. I have spent so much more than this long weekend trip cost with nothing to show for it.
Jules YES, get a passport! You would love Debbie as much as I do!
I am pooped and ready for a bit of rest before I have to get ready for work tomorrow. Heat has broken-still very warm-90F but so much better.
Deb I loved meeting your friends and the rib fest and swimming were great! Come visit me and we’ll have a slab-not a rack-lol! You’ll get some great pizza too!  (Larry has a different opinion on that but he’s in St Louis so what could he possibly know??)
Laura I would love that trip too!
Sherry Canadians are so nice! If you get the chance go!
Chubbycat my dream trip is Oz. One day-who knows! I would have never dreamed I would ever do any of the things I have done in the past year.
Geordie "Coach purses" were once made of baseball glove leather ( in the 1940’s I believe ). It’s a chick thing so it’s ok to be confused~!
peace
bettie– 7/8/2012 9:45:51 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Oh the time has flown!
I got a new Coach purse AND a matching wallet! Anyday you get a great Coach purse for 75% off is a wonderful day!
Debbie is as sweet as she can be!
Can’t believe I have to go home in the morning!
This is a gift of recovery-I am truely greatful!
bettie

[bettie]

Can u believe it jules? Give me a passport and I drive right out of the country! lol~~
Debbie is snugg as a bug laying in front of the air conditioner here at the hotel.
I’m about to hit the hay myself.
nite~~
bettie

[bettie]

I have arrived!
Deb is in route!
I feel like a dare devil! lol~
Passed like 10 casinos to get here. No desire to stop.
Catch up later!!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Caught a wild hair and I am off to see Debbie.
Taking my PC so I will check in later!!
bettie

[bettie]

 Hi Guys,
Hope you can get this. It’s on the new Joe Walsh cd "Analog Man" ( in a digital world ) Larry give it a listen, i think it will be right up your alley. This song seems to be about Joe’s recovery "One day at a time"
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/5DEjHHhvR7Y?rel=0&quot; frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Well you know,
I was always the first to arrive at the party, ooh!
And the last to leave the scene of the crime
Well it started with a couple of beers,
And it went I don’t know how many years,
Like a runaway train headed for the end of the line.

Well I finally got around to admit that I might have a problem.
But I thought it was just too damn big of a mountain to climb.
Well I got down on my knees and said ‘Hey!’ (la la la)
I just cant go on livin’ this way! (la la la)
Guess I have to learn to live my life one day at a time.

Oh ya! One day at a time!
Oh ya! One day at a time!

Oh ya! One day at a time!
Oh ya! One day at a time!

Well I finally got around to admit that I was a problem.
When I used to put the blame on everybody’s shoulders but mine.
All the friends I used to run with are gone, (la la la)
Lord, I hadn’t planned on livin this long. (la la la)

I have to learn to live my life one day at a time!

It was something it was too blind to see,
I got help from something greater than me..
And I have to learn to live my life one day at a time!
 — 7/5/2012 6:07:01 PM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Sometimes I just want to scream "I GET IT! I GET IT!"
The cosmic joke is I just don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to be this way yet I find myself repeating the same actions-reactions-over and over. Some days I feel ok-some days I want to run. I guess thats "normal", whatever "normal" is suposted to be.
Carole you are right about the mother thing. I have to stop trying to gain her approvial and stop resenting her favoritism toward my brother. I have consoled myself with the fact he needed her support more than I ever did. In reality she has enabeled him to the point he is disabled-mentally at the least. That could have been me-and since it is not, well, for that I am gratful.
Larry try as I may I sometimes still reflect on those "random hours" as the only happiness I have known for quite some time. It’s just like the time I spent gambling, it was pleasurable at the time, I thought I really enjoyed it, but the reality is I was not happy. Another reflection on those "random hours" now is that many times it was discusting and degrading. Doesn’t sound quite like happiness really, does it?
My friend from GA called last night and invited me to go with him to a meeting tonight, if his family obligations don’t take too long today. He even offered to pick me up-as he will be making the treck to Illinois as opposed to me going to Indianna. He also gave me a mini lecture about calling-day or night-if I felt a need to talk. Pretty nice guy if u ask me.
I have the blinds shut and the bedrooms closed off so the air conditioner only has to cool off the front room and kitchen. I slept on the sleeper sofa last night as the bedroom was way too warm.
Did my workout despite the heat-it is supost to be good for you right? I think I do it to punish myself on some level. Thats some sick thinking isn’t it? I know it is good for me, my blood work proves that. Why do I feel the need to punish myself?
Time to put on the big girl pants and get on with my day.
bettie

[bettie]

Ken L: co.de.pen.dence (co.di.pen´.dens) n. [root ME. dependaunce < OFr. dependance or ML. dependentia < L. dependens]. Also written co-dependence. The condition or fact of being codependent; specifically, a) tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one’s own, b) continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others, c) anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation, d) difficulty expressing feelings, e) excessive worry how others may respond to one’s feelings, f) undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others, g) self-esteem dependent on approval by others, h) tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others.
I just swiped this from the chat-more later~
bettie

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