[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Found this on another site and thought it was well worth sharing.
thought for the day from Rabbi Twerski.
"Powerlessness – Powerlessness is not unique to addiction. I once had a terrifying experience. The shortest route to the hospital was down a steep hill. When the hill was icy, the police would set up barricades. One day, seeing no barricades, I reasoned that the hill must be safe. It was not and, try as I might, I could not stop the car or steer it into the curb. At the foot of the hill was a busy thoroughfare, and I knew I was about to be killed. It was only by the grace of God that I slipped through that busy intersection unharmed. One young man asked me, ‘Why didn’t you just jump out of the car?’ As I thought about his question, the answer became obvious. I did not jump out of the car because I kept on trying to control it. Even though my life was in danger, I stayed in the car trying to control the uncontrollable. Addicts are not the only people who cling to the illusion of control. But when addicts recover, they have an advantage because they now recognize their powerlessness. Though other people may have the same problem, they have not been in a recovery program, be it GA or AA or NA or another, and do not realize that they are trying to control the uncontrollable. This is what is meant by practicing the principles of the Twelve Steps in all our affairs."
Just food for thought!
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Not to speak ill of the deceased but she was still married to the first brother when she had her 2nd child with the other. I have a vague memory of all that- i was young and she must have been in her early 20’s. It did cause quite a riff in the family. I remember taking a family trip that included the cheated on brother and he took off to the woods with a gun! I remember the men folk going out after him. Talk about a family drama!
Carole I don’t know that it is so much that we don’t deserve recovery as much as we feel like we don’t deserve ANY good thing. It’s that d*mned low self esteem. Since I still suffer from it I don’t know how to cure that.
I need a nap!
bettie

[bettie]

Truth be told Carole my Aunt is an in-law. She was married to two of my dad’s brother! Her sister was married to another one-there were 8 boys-so her kids were 1st cousins and half brother/sister to each other! lol! Wrap your head around that one! She was only 59-she always struck me as older-if my unckles were still alive they would be in their 70’s. A true story of not judging a book by the cover. She swore like a truck driver yet was suck a kind and loving person. She was an "in your face person"-love me or to h*ll with you! lol! Such a great sence of self.
I missed my meeting but I did go to one on Monday. Went to dinner first with my guy friend from the group. That was nice and he suggested we do it again soon. He is a very nice guy.
Off to work!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Guess it’s time for a check in.
Got bad news today-my aunt that I visited in July passed away today. I am so greatful that I had made the time to see her and spent the day with her and her family. I have no details yet-she is 6 hours away from here- but Jen had offered to go if I want to make the trip. She was one of the most loving caring and selfless people I have even known. She had a special needs child and that boy had just the best possible life because of her. He passed 2 weeks before my brother and I had told her at the time that God had picked such a special mom for him!
Carole that would be quite a gamble traveling in that motor home! lol!
Thanks for the hugs and good thoughts my friends. I have sung this song before and have always chosen to put it on the back burner.
One of these days I’ll work through it.
bettie

[bettie]

Ok you got me!
I’m hiding out on page 3 because the discussions of late hit home-hard.
It’s said that 1 in 4 woman in any given room have suffered abuse of some sort in their life. I think in a recovery group it is more like 3 in 4.
Some here know I too have had emotional/physical/sexual abuse. There is something in particular that I am in great denial of. Carole has asked me why I don’t trust what flashes back to me as a memory and the answer is I can’t, because if that memory is true it will destroy all the good memories I have of that person.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Guess that I haven’t posted in a bit.
Carole you are most welcome! Just a small token of thanks for all you have given me!
I think I am going to have to break down and schedule another appointment with my Dr. This pinched nerve or what ever the heck is it is driving me crazy. My gf was sitting next to me yesterday and I kept cramping up with shoulder and neck pain as I tried to talk to her. Same thing today when I was taking care of a customer. Same thing now as I try to type. Not comfortable sitting up, not comfortable laying down. Arms up, arms at my side-I think I am going crazy! I am eating over the counter pain killers like candy and I am afraid that I will never be comfortable again!
Well enough about me!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Larry,
Watching the news on "Issac" hitting the Gulf Coast and my thoughts and prayers go out to the folks in the path of the storm. I can’t help but think of you and wish you peaceful calming thoughts today.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Woke up too early today. After having babysat the grand dogs and cats I don’t feel like I even had a day off this weekend.
I didn’t make it to the beach last week-maybe this Thursday.
Wish I had slept longer today.
Thanks for the posts.
bettie

[bettie]

 
 
 "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding."
Step 3
Hi Guys,
I had really forgotten I was working this step this time last year. I got a reminder this week. I may have mentioned that I got a certificate awarded to me at the company picknic that I didn’t attend last Saturday. I went back and researched the numbers-the certificate was for Top 10 in sales for the reigon. I did make it 2 of the last 3 quarters-in fact I was the top sales person in my branch for all 3! I tried to think of what had changed, what did I do differently? I gave my sales goal to God. Really, I did, so I thought yesterday on my way to work that I am struggeling and I need to just "give it up-turn today over to God" and he will give me what I need. When I was asked at the morning warm up what I had planned for sales I even said it would be a suprise-as God was sending me a customer yesterday.
I had a customer walk in, ask for me, and opened an account for $70 grand.
I don’t think this step means we don’t have to do the work-I have courted this customer for a long time-but I think it means not to worry, do the right things, and let your "higher power" work out the detail. If I reflect I can clearly see that it did and it will make a difference in my life. There is no denial in the numbers.
I was going to go to the beach today. I didn’t sleep well and went back to bed and just got up. This place needs a pick up so maybe I’ll go a bit later. Not sure where the day will take me.
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I guess it’s just old age. Pain seems to be subsiding only to be replaced by other pains! Oh well, this too shall pass but I am tired of feeling wiped out every day. Summer is slipping away and I feel like I haven’t been outside since before my trip. Carole the time did fly and I feel like you do too!
I have to get to the beach, even if it is only for a walk and I have to do it alone!
I am dog sitting and staying at Jen’s this weekend. She has no internet or cable so it will be quite for me.
I don’t know about Mowgi, kennel training? I am no dog pro-as a matter of fact my cats walk all over me-literaly!
Gambling thoughts are few right now. I don’t mind that at all.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well Carole I find that when I am at work I think, gee, if I were home I would do this, that and the other thing. When I am off I do a little as possible! Lazy butt that I am!
I did finally shower then went out to dinner by myself. I went to a restruant that my sisters ex sister in law owns. I had a salad and suger free ice cream. It’s had to eat junk at home, its more like overindulging because I don’t keep junk here. I ate Mac and cheese for lunch-the whole package! Oh well, I really wanted it but not the best thing-all fat and carbs. I stopped off at Walmart and bought a few things, Oh, and i dumped the trash so not a compleate waste. I wish I had gone for a walk or sonething but I was just too wiped out. Guess I did need the rest and should not feel too bad about it.
Had a good chat this morning with my step buddy. Still back to step one but it is bring up some interesting conversations and is shaking out some of the cobwebs.
Early day tomorrow so time to hit the sack.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I am just off today. I have been laying around napping and eating what ever junk I can find. I have a headache and just feel sluggish. 4:30 pm and I never even got dressed. It’s a beautiful day-wasted.
I feel like I am just watching life pass me by. I hate this feeling.
Just put on a pot of coffee, maybe I’ll salavage part of this day.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Larry u always give me a lesson and a chuckle! Thanks for your perspective. Always welcome here.
"Sane eyes", I get that deb. Those can often be liberating and painful at the same time/
CC always good to see u a round.
I am just beat! I have had a reoccourance of the muscle pain issue, in fact, it is not too easy to even type. My shoulders and neck hurt. I just took a pain pill but they seem to do very little to ease the aches. I called my Dr yesterday and asked for a switch back to the insulin that I used to be on. I went to pick it up today at the little pharmacy up the street and they said since they had 1 full package and samples and not the full package i should have gotten that I could have the RX and NO CHARGE! Wow-ever heard of that before? Sometimes it pays to go to the little local guy-I am sure this would have never happened at he major drug chain here. That saved me $50-which I went and spent at the grocery store.
Went to dinner with both of my big brothers. Went to a local bbq place and had the best pork chop ever! My brothers brought all 4 loads of my wash up for me. God Bless them as I don’t think I have the strength to have gotten it all up here tonight.
Enjoying the Bears game and drinking a diet root beer.
Off to bed soon.
bettie

[bettie]

What a difference a year makes.
This time last year I was busy planning my 1 year "gamble free". I had a sponser, I was 20 pounds lighter and I was excited about recovery.
My how things change. I wonder if I will ever make another year "gamble free", I can’t find a f 2 f sponser but am reworking the "steps" with an online buddy. My knee injury and drug interactions have set back my weigh progress ( and poor eating doesn’t help! ). I am more complacent about recovery-and not excited about it any more- at least not like I was. I keep buying recovery books-guess I have to open them and start reading!
I read in a local paper about 6 more arrests at the new casino here. 4 fake id/under age people and 2 EXCLUDED persons, charged with trepass and they published their name and addresses! Glad to see the enforcement quite frankly. Makes you think twice about violating your banning.
bettie
They caught a coyote in Chicago proper-for the 2nd time! Have to let that one out further into the woods!

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Back to work, day 2. My lovely boss scheduled me to close yesterday so I had a nice long first day back. Asst Manager is on vacation this week so I will be the only banker today. I also came back to rumors that our bank is being sold to a Canadan bank. God loves irony!
Been thinking about gambling relaspe. It’s funny that I think in terms of how much I could "afford" to loose. As a CG I know there is no win. That being the case why even entertain the thought of doing it?
Time to go to work.
bettie

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