[bettie]

Hi Larry,
Happy New Year!
I did want the chance to add to the "banning" debate. There is a member in my weekly group that is dancing around if she should ban or not. It is my opinion, and only my opinion, that she has yet to "surrender". Some how some way she thinks that one day she will be able to gamble like a "normal" person some day and doesn’t want to loose her "comps"-even though she struggeles when the coupons come in the mail. This is just food for thought. As you well know the final choise to ban or not to ban is up to you. Banning did not stop me last year on this date when I lost hope and returned to a casino that I was banned from. Truth be told I visited a few times last year-and took a great chance of being discovered. That being said banning was and still is a great help. It does detour the thought of "trying my luck". I do not receive ads from the casinos for overnight stays and concerts. That also helps me.
As for revealing what was lost, I find that counterproductive. Even when I see peoples bank statements at work with ATM withdrawls from the casino it triggers something inside my head. I guess it still bothers me that other people can gamble and I can’t. I guess it is what it is. $1000 loss to me is like a $100 loss to someone else, it’s all relative.
Sorry if I hijacked your thread Larry!
peace
bettie

[bettie]

Hi guys,
Well I went out last night and have paid for it all day .I did have fun but too much Beer.
Found out the cat snores, lol.
Back to work tomorrow. Typing on the phone is hard! 😉
Happy New Year
Bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Roomates can be a real pain in the b-hind! I had one for a while. When I found het sneeking guys in after I went to sleep well that was enough.
Thanks for your support CC.
I took down the tree today and boxed the decorations. I will need help putting them in the basement as my neck still hurts. Haven’t heard about the MRI yet. No news is good news.
Happy New Year everyone.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well I guess the holidays are almost over. I dread the thought of packing up the Christmas tree etc so maybe New Years Day for that stuff. My brother called- he is bored. I was cleaning and he said well you are always cleaning. Thats true. I never get done!
I had quite a scare at work yesterday. I was finishing off some candy I had no reason to be eating and I choked. I must have breathed in just as I was swolling the last bit. Talk about panic. I braced myself on the counter and 2 of the tellers ran out of the lunch room. "Bettie-are you ok?" All I could mutted was "NO!" The one was coaching me to stay calm as I struggeled to get the smallest breath. The other was asking if she should call 911. Another teller came from the front of the bank to see what was going on. Slowly I struggeled for air, making just the worst sounds. Finally I caught my breath! Talk about scarry! That has happened to me 2 times before in my life but never like that. I thought I was going to die. So once I got past embarrased I went back to my desk and shook for a bit. Heck,it’s a day later and I am still a bit shook up about it.
I went to my meeting last night and was asked why I was there. I said because I wanted to be. People should think before they speak.
I have no plans for New years-I work until 5pm News Year Eve.
Back to cleaning for me.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just home from the big part of my Christmas- Christmas Eve with my family at my brothers house. My niece called-and I think my brothers mood fell after that. I know things are not the same for him-she is his only child. My mother went on and on about how nice it was having the two little ones for Christmas. Poor Jenny-her baby would have been 5 months now and my  nieces baby is 6 months. She cried after my mother left, saying how insensitive my mom is. I asked her if she thought that was new? My mom loves to rub salt in your wounds.
It wasn’t all bad-good food, a couple games, and of course presents. The 2 & 1/2 year old got one of the first ones and barely ripped the paper off and screamed " I DON"T WANT THAT!!!!!!" We all roared! My brother got her an anamated dog-very life like-and she was scared of it!. My brother said he had a gift receipt but my niece said she would come around.
Tomorrow Jen comes early and gets her gifts from me then we pick up my mom and go to my Ex husbands for the afternoon.
I am tired but all in all it went as well as it could.
bettie

[bettie]

Dear Kathryn,
My oh my, what a Christmas suprise!
Thank you for my lovely card-Right on time too!
Merry Christmas to you and yours-and many blessings for the New Year!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hey Crystal, nice to see you on my thread.
"That’s how incredibly powerful your life story is…it’s kept me captivated for over 250 pages and two days. "
Wow I am flattered! Thank you, as I have considered pulling my thread as I don’t think I am very relevent. If it helped you even a little then I am glad I didn’t pull it.
Of late I have been bad about posting. I think since my "slip" last January I just feel a bit like a hypocrite. This year has been especially diffucult, but I guess you read that!
I made myself work out today-barely made 30 minutes-but it was something. Then I had a burrito for lunch then icecream. OK-I have a ways to go here.
I read Kathrines post about Christmas past, and I read a few " Christmas Present" posts on Safe Harbour. Sad really, the control the addiction of compulsive gambling has had/has on us.
My sad pitiful Christmas was 3 years ago-2 months before I found GT, about 7months before I walked into my first GA meeting. The casino was sending me 30-40 dollar vouchers that were good for cash. I had about $800-$900 dollars worth. I had to drive about 45 minutes each way with gas about $2.50 a gallon. I even went on my lunch hour trying to just cash out and leave. Sometimes it worked-some times I drove there for nothing but a sick feeling knowing that I wasted more time. I bought CD’s & DVD’s for Christmas presents-I used my daughters credit that she would later write off in her bankrupcy. I told people half truths and white lies-that I was making less money ( true ) and thats the reason I needed to cut back on gift giving was because I made less ( lie ). I had no money for presents because my credit was running out and little did I know I would soon be throwing my mortgage, insurance, grocery, etc money into a slot. I bought my daughter some things from the thrift, and God bless her, she didn’t mind. I felt like a creep because I was a creep.
That was then and now, like Kathryn, the nice gifts are bought, wrapped and waiting to be opened. Nothing to big and lofty but all thoughtfull and given with love.
I have decited to forgive myself for the picture-it is what it is. I only have to be known as the fat cousin if I choose to. If I keep doing the next right thing then the right thing will happen.
I want to wish all my GT family and wonderful and joyful Christmas season. I also want to thank you all for your support, friendship, laughter and tears.
peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
No Reds, I do look that bad. I am very dissapointed in myself that I let myself gain so much weight back. When I started recovery I was working out every day. My weight loss was platued, and I let the frustration get to me and I gave up. Thats what I hate about pictures, I can con myself into thinking I look ok but photos do not lie. It is no wonder I don’t get asked out by men-hell I don’t want to be seen with me so why would anyone else?
I stayed home today, I needed a break. I finished wrapping the gifts and I have an open house to attend with my old boss. If not for her I would just stay home.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hehe Carole- that night it was 50f, tonight a bit nippy-23f windy and fallings.
Got a Christmas card from my Cousins son-the one who’s wedding I went to and was terorized by the photography in Nov 2011. Well sure enough they sent me a 5×7 photo of them with big fat ugly ME in it! OMG! Any self esteem I may have gained about myself has now been flushed down the toilet! I could not even bare to look at the pictures when they were online-I am sure there are some real butes there! It makes me want to vomit all the crap I ate today at the pot luck at work.
I think that maybe that’s one for the fridge door. Really I had no idea I looked so bad.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Larry,
Nice to see your post and your honisty.
Thats the thing about a "relaspe"-our cg mind tells us over and over "you already screwed up so why not just go ahead?"
I think this is where "counting the days"-accounatbility-comes into play.
Every gamble free day is a blessing-stringing them together into 30-60-90 days etc lets us know it can be done. I am at day 97-for those of you counting it means that I last gambled in September. I am not proud of that but I am glad that the days are adding up again-that it can be done.
Progress not perfection~
Take care my friend
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Busy day yesterday-went to lunch with my ex asst manager and a couple of the current and former tellers. Very nice to catch up.
I came home and did my cleaning, wash etc. Didn’t get it all done and my brother had me over at his house today so now I need to wind down and get ready for work tomorrow.
They are running news specials about those killed at the school. Just too sad to watch. They showed pictures of all the victims on the news. Beautiful little kids. I know we will never really know why this sick young man did what he did.
I have been invited to the "social event" of the Christmas season in the town I work in. There is a couple that decks out every nook and cranny of their historic home. I think they have like 8 themed Christmas Trees. Just beautiful beyond belief. And they put out quite a spread of food and drinks too. They have an open house so people come and go. Me and my ex asst manager will go and only stay an hour or so as it gets very busy with people.
I go for PT tomorrow and hope to get the next MRI before the end of the year as I have paid my deductable for this year and hate to have to come up with that chunk of money in January. I think the cortosone shot has kicked in as now the left arm only hurts real bad when i make certain moves.
The renters are still up at all hours and out on that balcony. I was awaken at 6am yesterday and just went out side and asked them if they were having fun. The girl said we are not being loud-i told her well she still woke me and I asked if she knew they also wake up the girl down stairs who is ready to have her baby. The girl repeated we are not being loud-to which I told her well you are loud enough. I proceded to open my lawn chair, sit down and light a cigrette. They went back in quick-then shut their blinds when they figured out I was staying out there. They were out there again this morning at 4am. They are not being loud enough to call the cops-but I do believe they are violating Condo by-laws. I will call the management company again tomorrow and I have to write a letter and document stuff just in case. I know any letter sent is copied and delivered to all board members and my brother in law was on the board when my sister still lived here.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Went to my meeting tonight. My heart is so heavy with grief about the school shooting today. It is very odd-as I was thinking about the Colombine Tragedy just today,when the High school kids were shot and killed. I think the mall shooting had me thinking in those terms. I can not get the image of those terrified children out of my mind. I have cried on and off today.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
i went to the Chamber of Commerse Christmas party tonight. i ran into a friend of my GF who had the niece that died in November. Very sad to say it was a sucide. That beautiful young educated girl took her own life. So So sad-a perminate soloution to a tempory problem. I know we all hit lows but always think it through. That girl had so many people who loved her-and she felt so bad she couldn’t talk to any of them. Such a waste.
Everyone please, if you feel that bad CALL SOMEONE, ANYONE. If you feel you have know one remember everyone here loves you!
bettie

[bettie]

Well I am back, waited an hour before I got called in for my appointment. Dr thinks I may have a torn router cuff. I asked him how, he said we are getting older-he’s 45-(and cute as heck!)  He gave me a cortosone shot ( which will make my blood sugar sky rocket ) and wants me to get ANOTHER MRI.
Oh well, what can you do?
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Late night dr appointment tonight. Wish someone would come clean my condo! lol!
Oh well I can do it just a bit at a time.
Carole my friend with the bypass had had a bought with kidney stones. I saw him at the GA party. His skin is just hanging-overall he has lost about 80 pounds since the surgery-soon he will weigh less than me.
I have eaten like a ton of Praileens that a customer brought us! Loaded with nuts and sugar-so good but not good for me at all. I keep saying tomorrow I’ll do better-kind of like tomorrow I’ll stop gambling-lol-we all know how well THAT works!
Well I will vacumme and shower and get ready for my appointment.
bettie

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