[bettie]

Hi Cat,
I talked to my boss today and he wants me to push off my surgery to months end if possible because we have training. I wanted to get it over with so I can feel 1/2 way decient for my 50th birthday in March. We will see.
I can see how I could become fast friends with the girl down stairs. She said when she first saw me in the parking lot she thought i was just a few years older than her. She is 27! Ya gotta love someone like that!! lol!!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
it’s official-I am a menopause moron! I decited to cook the frozen pizza I had in the freezer for my supper. I usually just throw it on the oven rack but since it was 1/2 a pizza and I thought it might bubble over I baked it on a pizza pan. About 10 minutes in I hear it dripping to the bottom of the hot oven. D*mn! So I go in the kitchen and take some wet paper towel and long tongs and wipe the burnt cheese from the bottom of the oven. I grab a cookie sheet, look at the pizza, thought it look weird but shut the oventhen  I thought wow that piza looked like it was upsidedown, na, I couldn’t have done that. 10 more minuites and the smoke alarm rings "FIRE FIRE~BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ" ok now what? I fan the smoke detector and decide it’s dinner time! I look in the oven and sure enough, THE PIZZA WAS CHEESE SIDE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OVEN! The crust was cooked into the pan and the smoking cheese was all over the cookie sheet below!
I microwaved some frozen pasta and used the crust as breadsticks! I had to laugh at myself!
bettie 

[bettie]

Miss Debbie,
Do NOT And I mean NOT let the "bingo" take away from your "clean" time. Since we aren’t ***** "days" anymore you made progress not perfection. I know I have a delicate ego and a statement like that could have made me say "well I screwed up so might as well go for it!"
I think you just did a step-" when we were wrong promptly admited it"
bettie

[bettie]

Hi BA,
Yes, online games, wether for money or not are concidered gambling. If you have abstained from your usual gambling then give yourself credit for the 8 days because God knows the financial and emotional dammage you were able to avoid!
Good on you for going to the spirtual recovery group. Most of us CG’s have a load of spirtiual defects so not a bad place to start.
Don’t be afraid of going to a GA meeting-you can’t get too much support for this lousy afliction.
nice to meet you here!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Had the nicest talk with the sweet girl that moved in down stairs. Her baby is about 2 months old and he is just the cutest little boy. She came up to talk to me, seems her ex boyfriend, the baby’s dad, had threatned her and she got him arrested. She wanted to know if we have security cameras, which we don’t. I went down to her unit and we talked for about an hour. I told her to call me day or night if she was scared or just needed someone to look out the window and see if he was messing around outside. ( He has been leaving notes on her car which is parked next to mine.) She is also my ally aganist the ignorant neighbors in the next building. Her bed room is under mine and they wake her too. Seems after I left for work on Friday the drunk that had woke me up earlier was vomiting off the balcony! What kind of trashy behaviour is that?? She will be calling the management company herself on Monday. I had called Friday and was told that the owner said he would kick the renters out if they continued doing what they were doing. Maybe I am making progress with that situtation.
I found out today that I am already at 100% on 3 of my 4 goals for work. That is unusual this early on but when I go on my medical leave my goals will be prorated-which is even better. I could make some money this quarter-that would be nice.
Went to a meeting on Friday. I feel out of place there these days. The "clique" still seems alive and well there. Some times I just feel like a sore thumb. Must be my "thin skin".
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Ican, I love the slip, slip slip note~ reminds me of the crazy circles we run when in action. Just like a hampster on a wheel, spinning in place and getting nowhere!
Tx for the calling card Velvet!
Oh I made a blubbering fool out of my self at work. I aproached my boss about my review. I got a "meets expetations"-the same rating I got last year, and the year before. How is it that you are the top sales person in the branch get the same review? I could not talk to him without being upset. He was cool about it, he said "Gee, you seem really upset. Just calm down and we will talk about it". So I guess they rate us against all the bankers in the regon and thats how they come up with the numbers, Really? I do so many things that are beyond my responsibility and get zero credit for that-even though "customer service" is a priority. What a joke! We have bankers with half the goals we have so how can that be the "peer" group? It’s all cr*p, but it is what it is. I told him I was discouraged and dissapointed. He told me he did apreceate all I did-at least thats something. I did see the asst and my co-banker got the same rating. That burns me-as the asst didn’t even make 50% of her goals. I have decited not to stress or kill myself trying to get the goals from now on. I will just keep doing the next right thing-and God will do the rest. I surrender! 
I have 2 Dr appointments today and go see the orthopedic next Wednesday. Fun, fun, fun!
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks Cat, point well taken.
I know sometimes people’s remarks trigger us to gamble- a fight flight reaction. Just like gambling my weight problems can only be worked on by me- I hold the fork! No one feeds me, and no one can make me gamble-unless I choose to.
Off to work.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I think I figured out what was wrong with the car~it was the moron behind the wheel! lol~~
I have never had antilock brakes and did not know that they are suppost to sound like a jack hammer when they try to stop on ice! had a nice driving lession in the freeing rain we had yesterday, I was with my brother when everything iced over and we had a drivers education class. Live and learn. It’s still in the 40’s  here today and 50’s tomorrow then we will freeze again on Wednesday.
Pain-yep got that today. It’s not too bad but I had to resort to sleeping in the recliner last night because I could not get my neck and arm comfortable. Hope to sleep in the bed tonight but we will see.
One of the "friends with out benifits" was in today-he told me I would gain a lot of weight when I was off for my surgery. Nice don’t you think? What an *ss! People can be so d*mn rude! You know maybe I will top 300 pounds just for the heck of it! I mean really, wtf??
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I guess they figure if you are well enough to travel you are well enough to work!
Had my car towed to the dealer today. I lost control 3 different times and even had to use the emergency break! They checked and tested and bla bla bla and as I supected they found nothing wrong. Next snow I will have my brother drive the car and get his opinion. They can deal with him-he is not as nice as I am!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the thoughts P. Carole they are up on that-during my last leave 7 years ago they called me every week on my home phone to "check in". I believe it’s to make sure you don’t go anywhere. They also hound you about when you are coming back to work.
Cold and I am making some turkey soup.
The massage was nice.
My brain is working overtime trying to figure out the arrangements I need to make-and I don’t even have a surgery date yet!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Just home from my GP. He was concerned. Arthritis, bursitis, tendonitis, spinal stenosis, my body is a wreck. So so depressing to hear all this in one sentence. I told him I guess it’s not a good time to take up boxing, he just half smiled and your right, are you sure you don’t have any questions? I told him no.
I guess I am fortunate that I don’t feel as bad as that sounds. The fun is coming-pt after surgery-but I will worry about that when the time comes.
I booked a massage for this afternoon. I think I deserve one.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for your replys, they mean a lot.
Just home from the orthopedic. I need surgery-no big suprise there. I just wish they would stop telling me "Wow, you have a lot of arthritis in _______ ( fill in the blank! ) I told him not to x ray my hair – as I didn’t want to hear I had it there too. I will see him in about 2-3 weeks and he will schedule the surgery then. I just want it over with.
I am a bit bummed out here. He said I would be off 6-8 weeks of work but I needed extensive physical therapy for a few months. Oh well, it is what it is and I will mannage. I do have short term disability so at least I won’t miss pay.
The last surgery I had was 7 years ago. I was off work about 12 weeks then. Even though I couldn’t work I sure made it to the casino!
Not this time!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Larry,
Must have been something in the air yesterday. I had even thought of giving a ring over the last couple of days. Maybe great CG minds think alike.
I am glad for the choice you made and the one I made too.
We can choose to gamble and risk it all, or we can choose a better way of thinking and living.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
I have very strong urges to gamble today. I was driving toward "the scene of the crime", the Indiana casinos, as I was going to see my ex-gambling buddy to hang out for a few hours and shop. I had it in my head that if she suggested we gamble I would. ( I have told her to never ask me that-as I can not control it ). We had lunch, she talked about her plan for tomorrow. She was planning an outing for tomorrow-she had a comp-and she planned on using it then leaving. As much as I wanted to say "lets go" I knew I would not. I would not "shame" myself into asking her to go with me.
It will be 3 years on Febuary 20th, that I lost the most that I have ever lost at the casino. I had written some "hot" checks-spent the mortgage, the car payment, any money I could get my hands on. I cried on the phone to my daughter-she had to bail me out. I feared for my job if those checks hit the bank. I tried to sleep but "Woke up wishing I was dead" that day. I had to face the reality and admit to myself, not only did I have a gambling problem, I was a Compulsive Gambler-and I wanted to die. I had the method picked out, the supplies at the ready, I was more willing to kill myself than face the truth. "Could there possibly be anyone in the world that felt how I was feeling?"
I googled "Gambling Help" and found Harry on the hotline. There was a group session going on and he asked me to join it. I remember crying and typing and and the whole group of strangers reassuring me that YES, people like me DO feel like I felt! That I was not alone. That people do recover from this madness-that there was hope for me.
It’s not been a perfect 2 years, 11 months-I have had my trials and trimuphs. I have cried more tears than I can count. I have experenced friendship and love from people around the world. So many of you have been a big part of my recovery-the trips, the chats, phone calls, cards sent. Paitience and Wisdom shared. Tough Love when I needed a kick in the butt, a non judgemental ear when I just needed to vent.
I just want to thank each and every one of you.
I didn’t gamble today-Gambling is not an option!
with love
bettie– 1/21/2013 4:32:51 AM: post edited by bettie.

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well Carole I can’t really say I have no history of VLT’s-as my first Illegal gambling was done on poker machines at the bars when I was 21. That was a LONG time ago so it isn’t a recient history, but history none the less.
Just home from work 20 minutes ago. I had my call night-ugh!-but it is done. Of course I got lost in the worst neighborhood! My asst Manager just happened to call when I was leaving that branch and was able to talk to me until I got straightened out. She is familiar with the area and told me NOT to stop and ask ANYONE for directions. I guess she knew I stood out like a sore thumb ( she is black, I am white ). Even thought I haven’t lived in the city for a long time even I know when there are police watch camaras on every street corner, chances are there is gang actitivity.
Doing well with my online auction. Picked up some collectables that cost me about $12 dollars and the bids are over $100 now! I decited that I will donate some of my sales to the Blind Cat help group and the Anti Crulity society. It I do the site rebates my sale cost so it is a win-win!
I am pooped!
bettie

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