[bettie]

I had to take the cat to the vet then had dinner with a gf. Came home and looked online. Pictures of the victims, omg, one guy in a wheel chair, both legs missing, bones exposed.
This feels too much like Sept 11th. I’m not going to look at anymore unsensored photos. I feel shell shocked.
I need to get my mind somewhere else.
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Lizbeth,
If property values are down like they are around here and you have little to no equity it could work in your favior. In my situtation she would be lucky to get $15k. On the other hand if she forced a sale I would stop paying the mortgage and let her have it.
I am sure it will all workout.
bettie

[bettie]

Just watching the breaking news feed from the Boston Marathon bombing. I am so so upset! What is wrong with people?

[bettie]

No one in a "gamblers support group" can afford to gamble- no matter how much money they have! If they come to the group to complain of losses then look for gambling partners they do not belong there.
Report them to a "trusted servent" or whoever in in charge.
There is enough stress stopping gambling-and that is not support.
You may save someone – even yourself!
bettie
 

[bettie]

Thanks Vera for the vote of confidence.
As for my boss he has no say in my  leave-it’s done through leaved administration. I have emailed them and can’t do much except wait. I did ask my boss what my ranking was – and it seems I have been wiped out of the system! I told him to please contact someone and find out what’s going on. ( i am still entilted to my bonus even if I am on a leave). I will have to call him Monday morning and see if he has done anything to resolve the situtation. I will have to go over his head if he has not.
I had a comment made to me today in a group about how this person thought I would not make it ( recovery). As always, not to insult my host, I tried to lol it off. I’ve had all day to think about  it and you know that really upset me.
It’s like the "old timers" in a group meeting telling someone they are not ready, or the remarks made to a newbee-in my case-"If you know the 20 questions then what are you doing here?"
These types of comments are really demeaning to someone in recovery-Esp for a first timer. If you ever wonder why someone says "meeting aren’t for me"-well these mean spirited comments can make or break someone.
People with 5-10-15 years relaspe too, just in case you think you are someone "it could never happen to".  Sorry for the reality check.
I am going to spend some time at a conference tomorrow. Someone from my group has offered to drive. This time last year I was looking foward to spending time with Carole, Reds and Larry. It won’t be the same without you.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well it seems as I will be off longer than I thought. Dr wants 6 more weeks! I asked why and he said that the surgery is a serious one and this is the unsafe time as the shoulder doesn’t feel too bad and a reinjury would be a disaster. I tried to call my boss 3 different times-he has caller ID-and he didn’t pick up. I will be in limbo again about pay because my leave was approved only until yesterday so the process starts again. Talked to my cobanker and I am no longer in the top 10-oh well-it is what it is.
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Kin!
Welcome back!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Lizbeth,
I saw something reciently about people letting us down. I was a bit offended when they said we are to blame! Really? But it went on to say we set ourselves up for the dissapointment knowing that these people, for what ever reason, are unreliable but much like Charlie Brown letting Lucy hold the football, we repeat the same actions over and over with these people and expect a different result. Some people have good intentions but when push comes to shove they never seem to come through.
I think this is a part of my cg "love of drama".
I hope you are not offended by this post. When I started thinking about it, and people it applyed to, is really made perfect sense to me.
I am learning to "protect" my feelings-and not trust others with them so much.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
No, mom doesn’t drive. I think that is half her problem, always demanding people drop everything to accomadate what ever she wanted to do. She has been a co dependent ( I now know ) all her life, tring to control the uncontrolable, and becomes distraught when she doesn’t get her way. ( she mumbles and talks to herself ).
I will know in about 6 weeks how much the payout will be. Thats the bad thing about being off work-I can’t dispute what ever they try to disqualify but I trust God and know He’s got me covered. I will get what ever it is that I qualifyed for-my coworker came up with that number-so we will see what it is whan the time comes.
Paid my taxes today and I am offically broke. I see the Dr on Tuesday night and expect him to extend my leave until the 22th. I will have another break in pay but all my monthly bills have been paid. I only have my overdraft line of credit to back me up now so lets pray it doesn’t take HR another month to straighten out my pay. I did finally get caught up on pay today.
Off to PT soon.
bettie

[bettie]

Wow, It’s been a very long time since Collin has posted. I hope he is off enjoying life.
 

[bettie]

Oh Lizbeth!
I hope you were not home when the break in happened!
"What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger"-ha! You must be Superwoman by now!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Kiddo,
Sorry I missed you. The meeting was good. Don’t get lost in the boxes!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Yes I did have a nice Easter and I hope you did too.
I cooked-first time in years. Nothing too fancy, I was able to prep everything on saturday so yesterday was not too hard. My brother brought a dish and took the ham from the oven for me. He also did the majority of the clean up-a big help as at that point I was wiped out. Later I went with Jen to her bf’s familys home. No more eating for me except for some type of rasberry lemon pie. OMG, so good!
I think my mom is really loosing it. She keeps talking about having her rotary cuff surgery, saying she had it then my ( deceased ) dad had it then my ( deceased ) Aunt. The problem is my mom had her surgery AFTER my dad died. I remember my brother helping to bathe her before I was able to go help her. She was living alone and was still down state. She has always been the authorty on all things imagined but this is scary. She created some story about all 3 of them being in arm slings and my dad asking for assistance getting his shots-he was a severe uncontroled Diabetic. Is it all just "her being her" or is it something more? I’ve asked my sister about this before and she kind of blew it off. She lives with my mom and I don’t see her often so maybe it’s a bit more startling to me.
I find myself having gambling thoughts more often now with my brain telling me "no one will know". Problem is I would know.
bettie

[bettie]

 
 
MARCH 31 Reflection for the Day
My illness is unlike most other illnesses in that denial that I am sick is a primary symptom of my sickness. Like many other incurable illnesses, however, my illness is characterized by relapses. In the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we call such relapses “slips.” The one thing I know for certain is that I alone can cause myself to slip.

Will I remember at all times that the thought precedes the action? Will I try to avoid “stinking thinking”?

Today I Pray
May God give me the power to resist temptations. May the responsibility for giving in, for having a “slip,” be on my shoulders and mine only. May I see beforehand if I am setting myself up for a slip by blame-shifting, shirking my responsibility to myself, becoming the world’s poor puppet once again. My return to those old attitudes can be as much of a slip as the act of placing a bet.

Today I Will Remember
Nobody’s slip-proof.

[bettie]

All I need to know

I learned from the Easter Bunny!

 Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

 Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There’s no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

Keep your paws off of other people’s jelly beans.

Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.

The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket.
To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.
May the joy of the season fill your heart.
AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU! 
Happy Easter!

 

 

 

[Author]

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